Damn it, I'm in the garbage book I wrote

Chapter 902 A Living Ancestor Arrives in Chang'an
"Uncle! You can't hit me anymore! I'm doing this on behalf of Heaven!"

Third Sister's head was throbbing from his nagging. She rubbed her temples weakly and said, "What kind of heaven are you acting on behalf of? What kind of principles are you following?"

"My father!" Tuoba Shang declared righteously, "He's indulging in debauchery in Jinling, while I'm stuck in the palace reviewing memorials—all utterly boring stuff. How old am I? My hair's practically turning white from all that! Let whoever wants the crown prince position have it!"

Xia Lin threw the ruler on the table and angrily rebuked, "So you ran away with the Imperial Seal of the State?"

"That's the betrothal gift!" Tuoba Shang chuckled and tugged at his sleeve. "I'm mentioning the betrothal gift you gave to my aunt! From now on, I'll be living in Chang'an, and my aunt can just provide me with food!"

Third Sister was so angry at his twisted logic that she trembled, pointing at Xia Lin: "You! The good person you raised!"

Xia Lin spread his hands, looking completely innocent: "Can't you see that? It's obvious he inherited it from his father."

Just as the commotion inside the hall was reaching its peak, Li Zhi rushed back from Hedong, travel-worn. He had barely stepped into the Ganlu Hall when Tuoba Shang rushed forward and embraced him tightly.

"Brother Zhi! You're finally back! I've missed you so much!"

Li Zhi, struggling to breathe from the choking, looked with difficulty at his third mother: "Mother, what is this?"

Third Sister waved her hand wearily: "You've come at the right time. Take this ancestor away. He wants to stay in Chang'an as a hostage, and I grant it."

Tuoba Shang cheered and grabbed Li Zhi, running outside: "Come on, come on, your brother will take you to a great place!"

Before Li Zhi could speak, he was dragged out of the palace.

Watching the two leave, Xia Lin leaned against a pillar in the main hall and said, "Don't worry, what explanation do we need? There are seven or eight spare sets of the imperial seal. Even his father might not know that the imperial seal is missing. Leave the things with me for now. If any envoys from Wei come to ask, I'll cover for you."

Soon after, in the busiest tavern in Chang'an's West Market, Tuoba Shang quickly used his extensive experience to secure the best spot, slamming his fist on the table and shouting, "Boss! Bring me your strongest liquor and your finest meat!"

He turned to Li Zhi and winked, "Brother, you've been in Chang'an for so many years, you probably haven't even figured out how to navigate the West Market, have you?"

Li Zhi helplessly straightened his rumpled clothes: "Shang-ge'er, I am the Crown Prince."

"So what if I'm the Crown Prince? I'm not!" Tuoba Shang nonchalantly took a swig of wine. "My father always said that an emperor who can't play games isn't a good emperor."

He leaned closer and lowered his voice: "Let me tell you a secret. My father kept forty talking mynah birds in the palace and taught them to curse the censors every day. Every time the censors came, those birds would start cursing, and eventually the censors got impatient with them."

Li Zhi couldn't help but laugh out loud, but quickly straightened his face and said, "Don't talk nonsense."

"Who's talking nonsense!" Tuoba Shang slapped his thigh: "Those mynahs now call anyone wearing a purple robe an old fogey or an old ass, which makes those old men so angry they want to bang their heads against a pillar."

After a few rounds of drinks, Tuoba Shang dragged Li Zhi through the bustling West Market. When he saw street performers about to put on a show, he insisted on showing off his skills; when he encountered merchants from the Hu region setting up stalls, he bargained with them in fluent Hu language; and when he smelled the aroma of roasted mutton, he simply pulled Li Zhi to squat down at a roadside stall and feasted on it.

"Try this!" He shoved a juicy skewer of meat into Li Zhi's hand. "It smells much better than the imperial dishes in the palace!"

Li Zhi hesitated, looking at the meat skewers in his hand, before reluctantly starting to eat. This guy was truly a handful; apart from his elder brother Chengqian, no one else could control him. But now, Li Chengqian, who could keep him in check, was far away in Sichuan, and this guy had become completely lawless.

Tuoba Shang said smugly, "How about that? I didn't lie to you, did I?"

At this moment, several richly dressed young men approached. They were visibly startled upon seeing Li Zhi and immediately prepared to bow. Tuoba Shang swiftly stepped forward to stop them.
"No need for formalities! Can't you see we're on an incognito visit?"

The young master of the Cui family, who was leading the group, recognized Tuoba Shang back in Jinling and knew that this troublemaker, the number one scoundrel in the world, had come to Chang'an. So he smiled obsequiously and said, "Your Highness Tuoba, what brings you here..."

"I'm taking my younger brother to experience the hardships of ordinary people." Tuoba Shang asked seriously, "Where are you going?"

"Let's go, let's go to Nanqu to listen to music..."

"Let's go together!" Tuoba Shang pulled Li Zhi, trying to follow.

Li Zhi hurriedly grabbed him: "Shang-ge'er, you can't go to places like that!"

"What's there to be afraid of!" Tuoba Shang said nonchalantly. "We're just listening to a song, we're not staying overnight."

Afterwards, another seventeen or eighteen young men followed. It's no joke that no group of playboys in the entire capital had ever gathered together like this before. These guys had very sharp eyes, and they followed behind the two princes looking very respectable and powerful.

Upon arriving at the place, the owner of the music hall personally came to greet him. His first reaction upon seeing this group of people was that his legs went weak, and when he saw Li Zhi in the crowd, he almost knelt on the ground. But before he could speak, Tuoba Shang interrupted him, saying, "Call all the most popular girls here!"

Li Zhi hurriedly covered his mouth, saying, "Don't ruin my reputation!"

“What does singing have to do with reputation?” After saying that, Tuoba Shang deliberately said to the people around him, “You don’t know, my father not only listens to songs every day, but he also uses the excuse of personally selecting beautiful actresses to grope them.”

Hearing this, the person who was good at taking notes quickly took out a piece of paper and wrote down: "Emperor Jingtai, fond of romance, enjoys playing...theaters, behaves improperly, and is...frivolous."

"I'll add one more thing," Tuoba Shang said, pointing at him as if to vent his anger. "Just say that Emperor Jingtai has not attended court for forty-seven months, and the Great Wei Dynasty is now just a name. Soon the emperor will be deposed and the cabinet will be summoned to discuss matters."

He dared to say these words, but no one else dared to listen. Even the most dissolute among the spoiled brats dared not jeer upon hearing them, and even Li Zhi, standing beside him, turned pale. These words were terrifying; they were hardly the words of a crown prince.

Seeing that he was about to spout nonsense again, Li Zhi lost all interest in listening to the music and turned to run away. Tuoba Shang quickly got up and chased after him, laughing loudly, "Brother Zhi, why are you running away! We haven't done anything wrong!"

The two laughed and joked their way to the industrial park by Kunming Lake. Looking at the brightly lit construction site and the workers bustling about, Li Zhi gradually stopped. Tuoba Shang leaned closer: "What's wrong?"

Li Zhi looked at the bustling construction site and said softly, "Shang-ge'er, don't say those things again. No matter how lax His Majesty is, Great Wei is always thriving and its national strength far surpasses that of Great Tang. Saying those things will only make people laugh at Great Tang."

Tuoba Shang, unusually serious, patted his shoulder and said, "Brother, let me tell you, I have no intention of being the crown prince. When I was young, my uncle slaughtered the powerful families of Jinling. Hearing the cries outside the walls, I was filled with fear of the palace. What's the point of being a crown prince or an emperor? In the end, we're all just dust. I think my father's time is coming soon. He has no manners of an emperor. When he abdicates and I take the throne, I'll give it to you. You can be the crown prince of the Li Tang dynasty and the emperor of the Great Wei dynasty. What do you think?"

"Stop messing around!!!" Li Zhi screamed again, "There's no such thing as a joke!"

"It's related to the ball. You can just change the name like this, replacing Li Zhi with Xia Zhi. Wouldn't that make it perfectly legitimate? After all, the Great Wei was also surnamed Xia."

If someone else had said those words, Xia Lin would have slapped them, but no one could do anything about what he said. His ancestral sharp tongue was truly a headache, and even Xia Lin didn't have a good solution.

Well, many years ago, when Emperor Hongbao and the others sat together, they said that their Great Wei was getting worse with each generation. Whether it was the son of the God of War Li Jing, or his own son, or even Guo's sons, they were all the same, each one more incompetent than the last. The best one was Tuoba Jing, who was barely able to maintain the status quo.

Even without Xia Lin, the Great Wei would practically be dead by now, a fact that even Emperor Jingtai couldn't deny.

Now it's Tuoba Shang's turn, and his genetic degeneration is becoming more and more obvious. Ever since he experienced the catastrophe of the aristocratic families in Jinling, he trembles when he looks at the high-ranking families. He even repeatedly emphasizes in front of everyone that he wants to give the throne to Li Zhi.

Then he suddenly grinned and said, "But we still have to have fun! Come on, I'll take you to a great place, I guarantee you've never been before!"

"Where again?" Li Zhi looked at him warily, feeling that even going out to quell a rebellion was not as exciting as strolling around Chang'an with him.

"The night market in the East Market!" Tuoba Shang's eyes lit up. "I've heard that there's a fire-breathing show tonight! Call Xiao Wu and Xiao Jianzhi, and tell them that your second brother is treating them to a good meal tonight!"

That night, Li Zhi and his companions were dragged by Tuoba Shang to wander through every corner of Chang'an. They watched acrobatics at the night market, listened to blind storytellers on the bridge, and even mingled in the crowd to perform a shadow puppet show themselves.

It wasn't until the moon was high in the sky that the group dragged their weary bodies back. Tuoba Shang, still wanting more, said, "I'll take you guys to something fun tomorrow!"

Li Zhi said helplessly, "Shang-ge'er, I have to attend court tomorrow..."

"Please take sick leave!"

When they returned to the Eastern Palace, Li Zhi and the others were exhausted, but Tuoba Shang stood there full of energy like a gorilla.

Xia Lin asked curiously, "Did you...run a full marathon?"

Li Zhi smiled, a rare occurrence for him: "I accompanied Brother Shang for a walk."

Tuoba Shang leaned closer to Xia Lin with a grin and said, "Uncle, can I borrow your son tomorrow?"

Xiao Wu took a deep breath, rolled his eyes, and glanced at him: "Your Highness Tuoba would be better off behaving yourself."

"I'm perfectly well-behaved!" Tuoba Shang protested. "I just took Zhi-di to observe the people's conditions. Sister Wu, you don't know, Zhi-di has never even been to a brothel!"

Li Zhi blushed and glared at him.

Xia Lin coughed twice: "Tomorrow won't work, he still has to report on military affairs. You take Xiao Wu and Jian Zhi out to play by yourself, and he'll meet up with you when he's done with his work."

Xiao Wu took a step back in alarm. She wasn't like Xiao Hei Pi; she didn't have that kind of terrifying energy. Today's ordeal had left her feeling like her body was falling apart, and she could barely lift her legs. Then she thought about how there was still another day until tomorrow, and this stubborn and strong-willed child almost burst into tears, tears welling up in her eyes.

Zhang Jianzhi wasn't much better off. He was a picky eater... He was already thin and weak, a typical frail scholar. When he heard that he would be taken for a walk again tomorrow, he almost had a mental breakdown.

"You useless lot!" Tuoba Shang patted his chest and said, "Your sister is coming tomorrow, and you're not even going to pick her up?"

Zhang Jianzhi straightened up: "I still have to go... but... I'm so tired."

That night, Li Zhi slept exceptionally well. In his dream, there were no memorials or court affairs, only the dream of competing in a triathlon with others in the military camp.

Inside the Ganlu Palace late at night, Third Sister listened to the guards' report on the two princes' whereabouts that day, and she was both amused and exasperated.

"Let them be." She finally sighed. "Zhi'er deserves a few happy days too."

Xia Lin, who was eating sunflower seeds, laughed when she heard this, "Oh my, you didn't see how exhausted they were, they were practically dying... Let me tell you, tomorrow the entire aristocratic circle in Chang'an is going to explode. From now on, Chang'an can really be called Chang'an. When it comes to dealing with people, Xiao Shang is the best in the world."

"Doesn't he have a nemesis?"

“Yes, Chengqian. He’s afraid of Chengqian.” Xia Lin said with a smile, “Only Chengqian can control him.”

"Go, summon the Prince of Shu back to the capital." Third Sister gritted her teeth and ordered the female official to deliver the order, then continued, "I don't have your heart to laugh while watching my son so exhausted."

Xia Lin stood silently to the side with his arms crossed, but his eyes were full of cunning.

"What do you mean?"

"No, what could I possibly mean?" Xia Lin spread his hands: "When Chengqian comes back, all his fellow disciples will be together, and then you'll know what a lively scene it is. Let me tell you, Li Chengqian is no pushover either, and the most honest one here is actually our son."

(End of this chapter)