Why it never ends

Chapter 1024 Torment
Everyone was standing around the big table in the living room. Some people had already sat down and were chatting in groups of two or three. In the noise, Eucalyptus suddenly remembered something and turned to walk towards her room. Hesta watched her back, put Eleven down, and chased after her.

Eucalyptus noticed footsteps behind him and turned around.

"Where are you going?" Hesta said, "It's almost time for dinner."

"I remembered that my medicine box is still in the room," Eucalyptus said, "I'm afraid I'll forget it after dinner, so I'll go get it first..."

"Okay, I'll go with you."

"No need." Eucalyptus looked at Hesta, "It's just a short distance, I can do it myself."

Hesta nodded.

Eucalyptus took a few steps forward and looked back, and saw that Hesta was still standing there and had not left.

She sighed: "Well, then come with me."

Eucalyptus' room was on the first floor, facing south. It was very spacious. A large wooden bed was against the wall, with two wooden bedside tables of the same height on both sides. The cabinet doors on the left and the drawers on the right were carved with very complicated patterns, which looked very old. There was a large table next to the window, which was empty. A matching wooden chair was leaning against the table. At the other end of the room, a large dark brown wardrobe was closed, and a suitcase was open next to it - Eucalyptus had not packed all his luggage yet, but had taken out some daily necessities from the suitcase.

There are too few things and the room is too big, so everything seems empty and lifeless.

Hesta walked to the table and took a look at the medicine that Eucalyptus was taking. This was prescribed by a doctor who visited her the day before yesterday. Hesta picked it up and looked at it. One of the boxes of medicine looked familiar to her. It was a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor. She had probably taken it when Tan Yi was recovering from illness. It seemed that the medications for this kind of mental problems were similar - first try antidepressants, then try anti-anxiety drugs, and if neither worked, try something else.

Hesta turned around and saw Eucalyptus sitting on the bed with his back to her. Hesta called her name softly. Eucalyptus looked up in a daze. Hesta shook the medicine box at her, and she remembered that she came back to get medicine.

When he returned to the table, Eucalyptus saw a note under the lamp. It was a message from Hesta saying that Hazel would visit him in the afternoon.

"You were already asleep when I came at noon," Hesta said softly, "so I left a note."

Eucalyptus held his forehead: "...I didn't see it."

"If you don't want to sleep alone at night, you can come to my or Rico's place."

Eucalyptus shook his head again and avoided Hesta's gaze.

Hesta watched Eucalyptus packing up slowly, and this feeling made her feel as if she had returned to the moment when she first met Eucalyptus. She clearly felt that another curtain had fallen between her and Eucalyptus, and she tried to uncover it several times, but was rejected by Eucalyptus.

Eucalyptus felt Hesta's frustration, and she wanted to thank her, but she didn't have the strength. She felt that Hesta seemed to want to do something for her, such as accompany or listen to her - but these were the last things she needed at the moment.

The night was when Eucalyptus was most conscious. She stayed awake all night long, and her tears made her feel light. She was glad that she had her own room, whether in the apartment or in the plantation, so that she didn't have to expose her embarrassment to anyone.

She could not stop the flashbacks in her mind. The memory of that night was like licking a bleeding wound with the tongue of an animal. The barbs on the tongue kept tearing new flesh and blood, but she did not hate this feeling. She immersed herself in these memories, exhausting all her energy, so that she could forget everything and fall asleep during the day. Suddenly, she lost interest in almost all the changes in her life, except for her appetite. She always felt a sharp hunger at two or three in the morning, as if a drill was running rampant in her stomach. This feeling surprised her because she clearly remembered that she had eaten a lot at dinner - but it was not enough. At that moment, she had to eat something more, rice, noodles, greasy meat, desserts... When she was full, she would briefly worry that if she continued to eat like this, her figure would be out of shape, but by then she was already sleepy. She was even too lazy to brush her teeth again and fell directly on the bed.

The night was easy to get through, but the hardest part was the day. Her biological clock still kept its original rhythm, and even if she went to bed at three or four in the morning, she would still wake up around eight. The more than one hour of waking up was like torture, she had no strength to get out of bed, but she clearly felt nauseous - the doctor said it might be caused by the drugs, but it was probably also related to the binge eating the night before.

She lay motionless in bed, feeling like a corpse, yet she was still alive - the bad breath in her mouth, the oil stains on her hands and mouth, the messy and difficult-to-comb hair... These were all daily trivia that required enormous energy to solve, and none of them was without torment.

She felt like a novice who had just learned to ride a bicycle and, once she stopped, forgot how to keep the vehicle balanced.

This went on for four or five days.

Many people came to care about her, those young girls from the Mercury Needle School, Hazel, Stella, Rico, Jane... They were all very kind, but questions like "Are you okay?" also made Eucalyptus feel tired.

"Eucaly." Hesta said softly, "We've got the medicine. We're going back to the living room."

Eucalyptus suddenly covered her eyes, put the medicine back on the table, and fell on the bed again.

"...You go first." Eucalyptus said, "I want to rest for a while."

"Do you want me to bring you the food?"

"Need not."

Silence returned to the room, and after a while, Eucalyptus removed his arm from his eyes, only to find that Hesta was still standing there.

She sat up helplessly: "I'm sorry... I'm so troublesome, but I... but I..."

"It's already amazing," Hesta said.

Eucalyptus looked up in surprise.

"You can still eat and live on your own now, which is already amazing." Hesta said, "I also had a period of time before..."

Eucalyptus looked at Hesta, but she didn't continue talking.

"…it will end," Hesta said. "Even though it seems endless, it will end."

Eucalyptus smiled.

"You won't even feel it when it ends," Hesta said softly. "Only when you've walked a long way and look back will you suddenly realize that it's really over, at some point."