Why it never ends

Chapter 882 In vain

The two people walked near the school in silence.

Kseniya was so angry that her heart was clogged, but she was unwilling to let the night end in such an atmosphere. The two of them stopped next to the ice rink closest to the dormitory.

In spring and summer, this is a neglected pasture. But in the winter, the school would send a truck to water it and freeze it layer by layer to become a place for students to skate and play.

Normally, the ice rink will close at nine o'clock, but today for some reason there are still more than a dozen people playing inside. Ksenia looked at the students skating around the rink and suddenly turned her head, "It's very Something important?"

"……what?"

"The call you just made."

"Not really." Hesta replied, "The little girl I used to live with has her birthday tomorrow, and she—"

"Have you done anything recently that is so important that you have to be by your phone at all times? If you miss it, the consequences will be irreversible?"

"……No."

"Okay," Ksenia lowered her eyes, "You were supposed to turn your phone to silent today and follow me into the cinema - it's not vibrating, it's silent, understand? If anyone calls you at this time , you shouldn’t run out right away...you can wait until the movie is over to come back.”

Hesta nodded quickly.

"And if you have something that is so urgent that you have to stay by your phone all the time," Kseniya raised her head, "you shouldn't come out to play with me."

Before Hesta apologized again, Ksenia pushed her shoulder hard, "Stop saying sorry, I'm tired of hearing it, don't you have anything else to say?"

"...Do you still have time the day after tomorrow?"

"What?"

"Shall we go see that movie again," Hesta said softly, "I won't take any more calls this time."

Ksenia breathed out softly, "You can squeeze in time, but you have to know that I am always very busy, and there is always something I can't finish-"

Hesta had already run over and took Ksenia's hand, shaking it hard, "I know."

Ksenia couldn't help but laugh, but quickly pulled her hand back.

"Okay." She lowered her head, "You go back, I'm going back too."

"I'll take you downstairs."

"No," Ksenia said, "that's it for today."

The two whispered for a while under the shadow of the tree, and Hesta finally turned and left. During this period, she looked back several times and saw Kseniya standing there. She waved to Kseniya, and Kseniya also raised her hand and shook her.

The night got deeper, and Kseniya did not return to the dormitory. She walked slowly around the dormitory building alone, digesting everything that had happened these days.

This wasn't their first quarrel.

The first quarrel was a misunderstanding. The two were walking at that time, and she wanted to talk to Hesta about the moment when they first realized that they were different from others, so she asked, "When did you realize that you liked girls?"

Hesta obviously didn't understand the question and instead explained that she had never liked other girls.

Ksenia had no choice but to interrupt, "I'm not asking you if you've liked anyone else in the past, but when did you realize that you liked girls, not boys."

Hesta suddenly laughed. At that time Ksenia was already slightly unhappy, "Is this question funny?"

"Because this question is presupposed," Hestad looked even more confused. "It seems that you tacitly agreed that I was born with the feeling that I like men, and then one day something suddenly happened, and I suddenly realized that I like women—— Isn’t this a strange statement?”

Speaking of this, Hesta suddenly noticed that Ksenia's expression froze, and her smile faded and turned into uneasiness.

"...Did I say something wrong again?" Hesta asked.

Ksenia couldn't finish a word, her mood changed rapidly at that moment. She stared hard at Hesta's face, trying to discern whether she really thought that or was using a deeper defense to refuse to answer the question.

However, Ksenia could not see anything. Hesta's jewel-like blue eyes looked at her innocently, as if they did not understand her shame or her silence.

"Are you angry?" Hesta asked again. "Why?"

Ksenia spoke restrainedly, "...What do you mean by 'I' tacitly agree that you like men."

"The question you just asked..."

"Forget it." Ksenia swallowed down the unknown fire, "Just pretend I didn't mention it."

A few days later, Ksenia finally figured out her emotions at the time, and she immediately ran to talk to Hesta about the issue again——

When you were a child, did no one ever tell you fairy tales about princes and princesses, and keep repeating to you how a woman falls in love with a man? Haven't you ever attended a wedding of a relative or friend and witnessed firsthand how two genders play the role of wife and husband in daily life? Haven't your elders and sisters imagined your future family life with you, describing a certain visible future over and over again under that only, default framework?

When you realize that your actual feelings are different from the models that adults have always conveyed to you, haven't you experienced that moment of self-doubt and even struggle for confirmation?

This time, Hesta finally understood. She recalled the past seriously, and it seemed that no one had ever told her that there was a unique and default framework in the world. Although there were indeed some families around her that were composed of women and men, and she had seen many stories between the sexes from books and newspapers... However, few people took these to tell her as norms, and she never I feel that I must do the same - this feeling is like sometimes seeing animals courting in the zoo. Few people will immediately think that one day I must be one of them.

As for imagining family life... that's really rare. Many of her seniors and friends have stayed away from family life throughout their lives.

Hesta's answer shocked Ksenia. She thought that there might be some cultural differences between herself and Hesta, but she didn't expect that the differences would be so big. So she asked a lot about Hestad's past, and listened to her talk about her friends, her teachers, the place where she lived... She finally understood Hestad's reaction at that time.

But how could things be like this? Don’t we live in the same world?

Ksenia wondered in vain: Am I going to provide a context for each of my questions from now on, and after describing a painful little incident, go on to explain why it is painful?