imperial psychologist

Chapter 752 old age
Berlin can't remember much, but the phrase "when the avoidance behavior is weakened, the symptoms will be weakened" sounds like something he would say.

Shen Jichuan's spirit looked better than before.

The look of life quietly followed the corner of his smiling mouth and climbed up to his eyes, with the unique weakness and kindness of the old man.

"The more you want to hide it, the more you can't hide it..." Shen Jichuan lowered his head halfway, with a self-deprecating smile, "Why didn't I understand such a simple truth before..."

Bo Ling understood a little bit. Looking at Shen Jichuan, she suddenly realized that in Shen Jichuan's eyes, the illness he wanted to hide and the past he wanted to escape... In the final analysis, it was because he was afraid to bear the "retribution".

"At first... I couldn't bear the sound of Jin Mingqiu." Shen Jichuan said with a smile, "When it rang in my hand, I couldn't help but want to smash it to the ground... Later, I thought found a way..."

"Ah."

"I tied it on my back, and the ropes on both sides were extended, so that when I pulled the string, I didn't have to worry about dropping my hand and smashing things."

"I heard from Dr. Yuanshan tonight," Bo Ling tilted his head in distress, "he said that he felt tortured just watching."

"Yuanshanke is a doctor after all..." Shen Jichuan said in a low voice, "...doctors are benevolent, it's normal for him to be unbearable."

Bo Ling leaned forward slightly, trying to reach Jin Mingqiu in Shen Jichuan's hand.

Seeing this, Shen Jichuan also pushed the ball to Berlin with difficulty.

The sphere itself already has some rust stains.

"...It's already broken." Shen Jichuan said in a low voice.

"But the general still carries it with him." Bo Ling raised his hand, and the metal ball felt cold to the touch, "...Have you always carried it with you, even after you no longer fear loud noises?"

"Ah."

"why……?"

Shen Jichuan laughed, and said lightly, "Maybe...you can't forget the feeling of ringing it at first."

Bo Ling grabbed the iron rings at both ends of the ball and pulled them apart suddenly. There was a dull ringing sound from the golden ringing ball, like a broken bell.

Repeatedly, the eyes of both of them fell on this little golden ball.

Bo Ling raised his eyes, "What makes the general miss... what is it like?"

However, Shen Jichuan still couldn't help thinking back to the time when he just got the golden ball.

The ear-piercing metal explosions were whipped in his mind like a whip, and every blow ripped him apart. These sounds aroused his most instinctive fear like a monster. This kind of pain was fresh and intense, and he So I made up my mind not to escape.

There is no longer any escape.

This is really the best punishment——Shen Jichuan clearly felt that when one kind of pain is heavier, the other kind of pain becomes lighter, as if the two can repay each other.

Whether it is self-deception or cocooning, when he finally recognized everything in the past, no longer made any excuses for his mistakes, and did not make any assumptions for the original choice, he really felt that much better.

When he didn't even realize it, he changed a burden for himself in his heart.Although this is no better than the previous load, the previous inexplicable fear is gone.

He fully recognized the guilt he should bear, and when he acted again, he felt light.

All these thoughts slipped through Shen Jichuan's mind in an instant along with Bo Ling's question.

He opened his mouth slightly, thinking about where to start, but when the words came to his mouth, he suddenly became alert again——now, what is the need for him to talk about these pasts.

He faintly felt that Bai Ling seemed to be here for the things that had caused him pain these years, or, at this moment, she might be doing what she was best at in the past—to help him get rid of those chaotic and painful thoughts .

For a moment, Shen Jichuan seemed to wake up with a start.

He couldn't keep thinking about Berlin's problem.

He can't let anyone touch these past events.

No one would understand that at this moment he needs self-suffering more than relief, because the heavier the burden on his shoulders, the more debt he can repay in the future.

As for who to repay and what to repay... these issues are not important anymore.

Shen Jichuan blinked, and his dry eye sockets gradually became moist, as if rain had suddenly fallen from a world that hadn't rained for a long time.

Looking at Shen Jichuan in front of him, looking at his subtle and delicate expression, Bai Ling suddenly felt that such an old man was like a snail that had lost its hard shell. Because he had lost all camouflage, he no longer had the strength to fight verbally .

His hesitation and hardship were written bluntly on his face, and slowly turned into a kind of peaceful firmness.

"I know what I'm doing..." Shen Jichuan murmured.

"what are you doing?"

"...I'm old." He said softly.

Shen Jichuan took a breath slowly, he stared at the void, stared at everything that happened to him in the past, and felt that his whole heart gradually calmed down again.

Bai Ling was taken aback.

She suddenly understood what the old man in front of her was resisting—even she herself came to her senses belatedly. She didn't come to see Shen Jichuan originally as a consultant.Presumably she was confused by Shen Jichuan's words "I want to sleep well", thinking it was also a sentence of "Please help me".

It is impossible for her to stay here for a long time at Shen Jichuan, and Old General Shen may not want to reorganize everything - he has already given his own answer.

Everything in the world is giving answers.

Bo Ling laughed, slightly embarrassed, and changed the topic in a low voice.

She had thought of these things a long time ago, but Bai Ling herself couldn't explain why she still had the idea of ​​wanting to meet Old General Shen after hearing the news about Yanzhou...

And Old General Shen was actually willing to see her, and even talked to her so much about this matter.

Afterwards, Shen Jichuan asked about Aguili and Lan Zhijun—this was the most curious thing about him at the moment. Bo Ling did not hide it, and told it with deep eyes. What an irony that the culprit is actually a descendant of Prince Qinyuan.

A few times in the middle, the old servant came into the house carrying the medicine and helped Shen Jichuan to take it.

After Shen Jichuan took the medicine, he became a little sleepy again. When the old servant came in for the last time, he removed the pillow on his waist and helped him to lie down again.

"Where are you going from now on?" He closed his eyes and asked in a low voice.

"Are we a family?"

"Ah."

"...I don't know." Bo Ling replied truthfully.

She wanted to go back to Qian Sang, but now it seemed that Chen Yicong might not let him go.

It's just that this time, she doesn't have to face these things alone - thinking of this, Bo Ling felt like laughing again.

"You shouldn't be living here..."

Shen Jichuan said slowly, his eyes were already closed, the intensive talking and listening consumed his little energy, and after a short conversation, he returned to his initial weak appearance.

"What did the old general say?" Bo Ling didn't hear clearly.

"You shouldn't be living here," Shen Jichuan said in a low voice, "It's like Hui Shi... shouldn't have died in Donglin Temple."

(End of this chapter)