Your majesty, Empress Xianyu doesn't want to leave the cold palace

Chapter 859: Feeling Resentful and Hating 2

Qi Ranran: "Even if you are eloquent, you can't change your inhumane behavior! Since you mentioned fairness, let me ask you, you wantonly hurt so many people's lives, and they have no grudges against you. Is your behavior fair to them? The so-called fairness you speak of is just for your own benefit. If it is beneficial to you, you will take it slowly, and if it is not beneficial to you, you will throw it away like a worn-out shoe. Si Baiyu, you are selfish and cold-hearted in your bones."

Si Baiyu looked at her, his face lifeless. After a long while, he opened his mouth and asked, "Why are you looking at me like this?"

The window was open, and the moist wind from the sea blew in, silently and without a trace.

Si Baiyu poured himself a glass of wine. He held the glass and said slowly, "Didn't you ask my family before?"

Qi Ranran became alert and didn't know why he mentioned this.

He couldn't have told her before when she asked him, but now he brought it up on his own initiative.

The night was as cool as water, but his voice was even cooler.

She heard him say, "I don't know who my biological father is. I only have some impressions of my mother. What I remember most is the image of her back. That happened a long, long time ago. That year, she left me at the door of the orphanage and then left."

"I remember it was winter, it was snowing, and there were snowmen on the roadside. She stuffed a candy in my hand and told me not to go away, she would be back soon. So I waited and waited, until it was dark, but she still didn't come. Later, I was taken in by an orphanage, but she never showed up."

"So, when I was five years old, I understood one thing. Adults always teach children to be honest and not to lie, but in fact, adults are the ones who lie the most."

He paused for a moment, then spoke in confusion, "For a long time afterwards, I was confused. Why didn't she want me? Why didn't she tell the truth when she left? For a long time in the orphanage, I always thought about that day. I couldn't help but wonder, adults, are they always like this? Are they all full of lies? Later, I met my adoptive parents."

When he mentioned his adoptive parents, a very strange smile appeared on his face. He laughed softly and said, "They are very successful people. At first, they were very nice to me, until I saw their children..."

His voice was slightly hoarse, and it seemed that no matter how long it had been, mentioning that past would always be the most obscure pain hidden in his body.

"It turns out that they adopted me just to save their child. Do you know the feeling of despair when lying on the operating table? Even though I was anesthetized, I still couldn't ignore the coldness of the scalpel. There was a blazing operating light above my head and a cold operating bed beneath me. I lay there unable to resist and could only let myself be slaughtered. That feeling, when I closed my eyes, it was all darkness. I will never forget it. Not just once... but many, many times..."

"In the eyes of outsiders, they are always elites, with elegant conversation and dignified behavior. They are always respected. They are moral and good things in themselves. No one would believe that they have a cold side."

"I once wondered if obedience would earn them a moment of kindness. I tried to convince myself to accept, understand, and change...but their child didn't survive in the end, and...I was kicked out of that family on the charge of theft."

Just like treating a piece of useless trash, without any hesitation.

Si Baiyu raised his head and drank the wine in one gulp, then filled himself a new glass of wine. Staring at the water in the glass, he spoke again: "Ranran, do you think this is all my fault? I should bear all this? I still don't understand it all. I was obviously hurt, and I was obviously deceived, so why should I be thrown away like garbage in the end? Why? Ranran, tell me, why? What did I do wrong? Why am I abandoned again and again? Why do I have to bear such a life?"

"People should be honest, kind, moral and virtuous. They are clearly taught this, so why can't they do it?"

Si Baiyu smiled dumbly and exhaled softly. He stroked his face and said quietly, "Later, I understood that kindness needs to be taught, but evil can be done without any reason."

"It's been so long since the incident happened. I had forgotten about it, but fate is so ridiculous. I met my so-called adoptive father again in the hospital ward. My adoptive mother thanked me with him. Yes, you heard me right. He thanked me because I was about to save his life. But it's also ironic, isn't it? He didn't even recognize me, and he didn't feel the slightest bit of guilt for what happened."

"When I used a scalpel to cut open his chest, I saw his beating heart. It turned out that his heart was red. But... How can a person who hurts others wantonly, a person who has no guilt at all, a hypocritical and selfish person be qualified to pray for a peaceful and clear conscience until the end of his life?"

After that, that person's life remained forever on the operating table.

Qi Ranran's eyes became complicated, "You..."

From her eyes, Si Baiyu understood her thoughts and did not deny it.

Si Baiyu pulled the corner of his lip and said, "From then on, I understood a truth. Kindness can only be torn apart and trampled, while evil can run rampant. Fate is always unfair. Only the strong can define everything. If kindness cannot drive the world to pure beauty, then I don't mind interpreting it in another way."

If one's value is achieved because he is needed, then he will never be inferior to others.

His life no longer needs to be controlled by others.

"Even the former national master..."

Qi Ranran: "..."

"Do you think he's really a good guy?" Si Baiyu smiled, but his heart was cold. "After I came to Beiyu by accident, he was the first person to discover my identity. He was wary and curious about me, but he was full of curiosity about the future and wanted to go to the past. So he claimed to accept me as his apprentice, but in fact he just wanted to imprison me and find a way to go to our world."

"At first I let him try. I thought if he could really find a way to go back to the past, I could leave here. But he was useless and ended up dying because of it..."

After an unknown amount of time, Qi Ranran finally looked at him directly: "So? Why are you saying this?"

She asked, "You told me your story...in order for me to sympathize with you?"

"No," he met her gaze and smiled, "I want you to come into my world."

Qi Ranran smiled suddenly, and then smiled more and more.

There was a rare confusion in Si Baiyu's eyes. He didn't understand her smile.

Qi Ranran laughed so hard that tears flashed out of her eyes. She didn't know whether she was happy or sad at this moment. When she raised her hand to wipe the corners of her eyes, her eyes were clearly black and white: "I admit that the darkness you experienced was indeed the injustice of fate. It was wrong for them to treat you harshly, but what about you? Just because you encountered darkness, do you want to dye everyone's world black? Are those who were hurt by you, who are unwilling to give up, and whose lives you wantonly took away, not innocent?"

Si Baiyu's eyebrows moved and asked, "You are very kind to others. Even Yu Wenjing, you are willing to forgive and understand. You are even willing to raise their children. Why are you so harsh to me? If you can forgive others, can't you understand me?"

"What do you want me to understand about you?" Qi Ranran looked at him as if she had heard something ridiculous, and asked again and again, "What do you want me to understand? Your numbness? Your cold-bloodedness? Or your disregard for human life? Have you ever thought about how many people have died because of you? Don't they have families? Are they all bad people? Do they all do evil? Do you want me to understand you? What do you want me to understand about you? Do you want me to understand your past, understand that you can take devastating revenge on everyone because of the hurt you have done? And then become a person with the same numbness and sneer as you?"

Si Baiyu: "People will die eventually. Looking at the long river of history, which dynasty has not experienced war? When war breaks out, blood will flow for thousands of miles. In the years of chaos, cannibalism is common. Human relations and morality are just a bottom line that can be crossed and tested. Compared with this, what am I doing?"

Qi Ranran shouted: "Wrong logic! Everything you said is wrong logic!"

Si Baiyu looked at her sharp expression, and slowly raised the corners of his lips. His hand fell on his forehead, and his smile faded. He sighed, "As expected..."

Sure enough, it is still not understood.

He looked at her steadily, and said firmly: "Ranran, I have never hurt you."

Qi Ranran said resolutely: "You just didn't hurt me."

He is constantly hurting the people around me.

"It was you who instigated Yuwen Jing to rebel! They were living well and had children, but it was because of you! It was because of you! Yuwen Jing died, Yingxiu died too! They were all dead! Only Jiarou was left... She was so young and she lost her parents!"

"You used Feng Qianshang! You used Jiang Li to alienate me and Yuwen Chen! Even Yanyan got into trouble because of you! How many innocent lives did you harm in order to frame Yuwen Chen? The people of Beiyu...what did they do wrong? They have always worshipped and respected you. But you let them all die..."

Si Baiyu obviously disagreed with her words: "I didn't kill Yuwen Jing."

Qi Ranran: "..."

Si Baiyu: "I just told him what he should have known. He was just a pawn. I didn't kill Su Yingxiu. I have no interest in taking her life. She was too weak. Can I be blamed for her willingness to die for Yuwen Jing? As for the so-called Beiyu people, I don't know them and I never care about them. Whether they admire me or hate me, it has never had anything to do with me."

Qi Ranran was stunned for a while after listening to his words, then sneered in her heart: "After all, this is you!"

Si Baiyu frowned at the tone of her voice, looked at her, and said persistently: "They are not important."

He stood up, stubbornly and indifferently: "What does their life and death have to do with me? Just like my life and death has nothing to do with them. Their so-called admiration is nothing but selfishness. They try to gain peace of mind through faith, but in fact, they live in this world no different from ants, and even less different from grass. Only the strong live in this world. Survival of the fittest, is this a truth that you and I are familiar with?"

He took another step closer: "I know you are full of hostility towards me now, and I also know that you always have a place for Yu Wenchen in your heart, but so what?"

"The most important bond between people is memory, and all of that no longer exists. Even if you still have thoughts about him now, what does it matter? He doesn't remember you, nor does he remember every little detail of your lives. To him, you are just a stranger who pretends to be his wife. He treats you well only out of his responsibility as a husband. How much genuine affection does he have for you now? If there is, he won't hesitate when faced with a choice. If it were me, I would choose you first without hesitation."

  What does the life and death of others have to do with him!

She! Only she! Only she was relevant to him!

Qi Ranran pushed him away fiercely: "It's you! It's obviously you who did all this, how can you say this so openly!"

Si Baiyu grabbed her shoulders: "That's because I want you to see clearly! I don't want you to deceive yourself anymore! If you are willing to start over with him, if everything can start over again, why do you have to stay with him? Ranran, don't forget that this era, this world, and all the people here have nothing to do with us. We are from the same world, and we should be together.

As for Yuwen Chen, he was just lucky enough to be born in the royal family and become the one with the most power. In this backward era, what virtue and ability does he have? He is just mediocre. "

Qi Ranran scolded: "But they are all real! My family, my friends, all the people I care about, the people who appear around me, they are all real! Their concern for me is real, everything is real, and you are the one who ruined it all! It's you! It's you who ruined everything!"

Si Baiyu saw the deep anger in her eyes, and stopped his outstretched hand in the air. He asked, "Why? Why do you hate me because of them? Why?"

Qi Ranran: "Now that things have come to this, you are asking me 'why'?"

Si Baiyu saw the disappointment in her eyes and his face was visibly flustered: "Ranran, if you like, I can also be the emperor. I can make those people stay by your side. Believe me, I can definitely do better than him."

Qi Ranran shook her head and closed her eyes: "You don't understand at all!"

"..."

"You don't understand what love is. Love is not about loving a type of people, it's about loving only one person. I love him, no matter if he loves me or not, I love him. I remember every day with him, every morning and evening we spent together. You are right, he is not the best, but in my eyes and heart, he is the best! Although he doesn't put love on his lips every day, I just know that he loves me."

"After coming to Beiyu, everyone I met was lively and bright, and everyone was real. This made me feel that this was a gift from God, and an opportunity to live again. Life is not always smooth sailing, but I am different from you. I never look back, no matter what I go through, I will never look back."

Si Baiyu cruelly stated the reality: "But so what! He doesn't remember you now! The kindness he showed you was only out of responsibility. In fact, you know very well that he treats you no differently. If someone else was his queen or his wife, his behavior would not be any different. Feelings are accumulated, accumulated, and are bits and pieces of life. He has lost all his memories, and the feelings between you have also disappeared, right?"

"Ranran, you have always been kind, you are kind to everyone, but why are you still unwilling to come to my world to save me?"

He had nothing left but her, only her.

He originally thought that he would spend the rest of his life in Beiyu in a daze, but he happened to meet her again.

The moment he saw her, the only color appeared in his originally gray world.

All he did was to keep it all.

“Salvation is redemption, but your salvation is imprisonment, cruelty, and indifference.”

"..."

Qi Ranran looked at him coldly: "You destroyed my life which should have been happy and stable, but told me that all this was for me. I don't understand why you can say these words so openly! If this is your feeling, then I tell you, you are too extreme and too heavy. I can't bear it and can't afford it."

“…Is that so…”

Qi Ranran no longer wanted to look at him.

Si Baiyu looked at the sea calmly.

In fact, his initial expectation was just that the people around him would be nicer to him.

But until this moment, he knew that even she would not be nice to him.

The more beautiful the memories are, the harder it is to let go.

During those torturous years, it was only the little things related to her that kept him going.

But now she hated him.

Every time she looked at him, there was obvious hatred in her eyes.

This was a situation he never wanted to see.

He lowered his head and curled his fingers.

If the answer is no, if she is dissatisfied with him because of this...if...if all the memories left to her are bad, then let's start all over again.