Mysterious Hunting Ground

Chapter 50. The Cage of Love and Home
Boom!

There were bursts of thunder, and several bright silver snakes swam abruptly in the dark sky outside the window.

Alvin rubbed his red and swollen face vigorously,

"When I was 20 years old, I left this house alone. It has been 28 years since then, and I have never come back to see Panon during this period."

"I abandoned him."

Xi Lili——

The rain fell like crystal beads, and the dense rain curtain dyed the sky into a gray one.

A few traces of coldness drifted into the hall and slapped the faces of the three of them.

Biting cold.

28 years!

Holden gathered his collar and sat up straight.

Dean frowned, it took so long.

This is already considered to be no longer in contact with each other. How did a pair of brothers who were originally on good terms come to this point?
"It's really rare to have no relationship with your brother for 28 years." Holden was puzzled, "But why did you use the word 'abandoned' so heavy? If I'm not mistaken, you were all over 20 years old at that time, and you separated for your respective jobs and life. It's not normal to work hard in life, so what kind of abandonment is it?"

"Parnon is not a normal person, not even a healthy person." Alvin lowered his head, an uncontrollable tremor faintly revealed in his voice, his shoulders trembled slightly, "He suffers from autism and mental retardation .”

Boom!

Thunder roars!

The black sky was torn apart by the silver snake, and the white light of the lightning illuminated three faces with different expressions.

Then the air suddenly stood still.

The doubts on Holden's face froze, and then suddenly realized, and there was even a strong interest in his eyes.

And the impression of this disease that he had learned in his previous life flashed in Dean's mind.

Autism, or autism.

Affected people are usually children.

They cannot communicate normally with the outside world, are highly stimulated, and generally exhibit certain stereotyped, repetitive behaviors.

Dean thought of the hundreds of black spirals in the house, and it made sense.

Alvin stared at the tattered TV set and narrated,
"Our mother died after giving birth to us. We lived with our father David. I discovered a strange phenomenon when I was five or six years old...how my brother is different from normal people."

"He doesn't speak fluently, he always speaks word by word, stutters, and he never talks or plays with anyone other than me and David, he prefers to be alone."

"He always has all kinds of weird dreams, can't sleep at night, sits on the head of the bed in the morning, and looks at me stupidly with a pair of dark circles under his eyes."

"Occasionally, he also speaks intermittently to the air, talking to himself, as if there is something invisible hidden there..."

Alvin sighed,
"When David was young, he was busy with work, so he didn't pay much attention to his different performances. He only regarded him as an introvert. But later the teacher discovered his abnormality, and after taking him to the hospital for diagnosis, he was determined to have autism. The best stage of treatment, the doctor said, it will be difficult to improve in the future."

"For several years, David took him to well-known children's hospitals across the United States, and took him to receive diagnosis and treatment from psychologists, but the effect was minimal."

"He has never been able to communicate normally with outsiders, so he can't go to school. Most of the time he stays at home and is taken care of by David. David trains him, guides him in writing and reading, changes his clothes, bathes him, and feeds him."

"David is like a hard-working carer, taking good care of all aspects of Pannon's life and taking care of work."

"I want to be more relaxed. I go to school alone, and when I get home, I can play football and play hide-and-seek with him."

The flashing lightning outside the window revealed a complicated smile on Alvin's face.

"But autism is very troublesome. Panon is stimulated at every turn and howls like crazy, which makes people feel uncomfortable."

"He has a stubborn personality and has a lot of bad habits—for example, he has to use a pencil to draw a black spiral on the table or chair every time before eating, and he must break or bend a wooden fork after eating, so our family A lot of tableware is changed every once in a while."

"Before he goes to bed, he has to grab his red scarf and listen to a bedtime story, even though he is 14 years old. If he doesn't agree, he won't go to bed and sit on the bed all night with his eyes wide open."

Dean patted his forehead as he listened. It was not ordinary uncomfortable or painful to take care of such a person.

"Every time I come home from school, I have to play football with him immediately. Otherwise, he will sulking against the big tree outside the house."

"Because of his insomnia, he often lost his temper, and he always talked to himself in the air to scare people."

"Pannon's unreasonable behavior made my father and me exhausted physically and mentally, and filled with self-blame."

Alvin's expression was contradictory, happy and bitter at the same time.

Dean tried to imagine, too.

Having a brother with autism means losing the happy childhood of ordinary children.

The father will definitely be more concerned and caring for the sick one, and Alvin will be neglected and carry the burden of life prematurely.

A sympathy flashed across Holden's face.

"But Panon also has many advantages. We must wait until David and I go home to have dinner together."

"Every time we go out and come back, he will send a warm hug, let us revel in the short-lived beautiful illusion-Pannon's autism has been cured, and we are relieved!"

"There was another time, I still remember it vividly. I walked on the road with him and chatted. I said it all, and he listened. A speeding car came across. I didn't pay attention at first. When I heard the horn sound By the time the car was about to hit us."

"And do you know what Parnon did?"

Alvin looked at the two excitedly,

"He didn't make a sound to remind me, nor dragged me to escape. He faced the car, opened his hands, and stood in front of me to protect me."

"How can my brother be so stupid, the car wiped his clothes and made a turn, and almost crippled him."

Alvin smiled redly.

Dean nodded.

Looking at it this way, although the autistic brother has many things that make people crazy, at least he knows how to protect his brother.

"Looking back now, the period from elementary school to junior high school should be the most memorable and happiest time in my life."

Alvin summed it up like this.

"But once a person grows up, his troubles and desires also increase day by day."

Whoa!
The rain as thick as oil washed the sky outside the house, but it couldn't wash away the haze in Alvin's heart.

"When I entered high school, I suddenly found that there were not only David and Panon in my life, but also classmates, teachers, women, and hobbies."

Alvin stared at the thunder and lightning outside the window, smiled bitterly,
"I can't remember how many times a friend asked me to go out for a drive after school. I was so eager but had to decline because Panon was waiting for me at home and Dad needed me to share his work."

"It's a rare day off, and I can finally go to the streets and shopping malls to relax, but I have to bring the oil bottle of Panon. Yes, after more than ten years of our company, his autism has finally improved a bit. He You can barely maintain a normal state and go shopping on the street. But you must be accompanied by someone."

"Every time, he followed me every step of the way, holding on to my clothes tightly."

Alvin's expression froze, and his tone imitated bitterly,
"Hey, Alvin, who's the fool, freak, wretch following you?"

"My classmates and new friends always ask me this question over and over again."

"Some will sympathize with me, some will make fun of Panon, and even laugh at me. For this matter, we have fought with many people, but that can't change the reality. I always have a ghost-like brother by my side. "

"Many friends say they understand me and sympathize with me, but they start to alienate me in action."

Alvin smiled self-deprecatingly.

"A middle school student, who would accept a man with a fool and a freak brother? When I walk on the street, people often point at me."

……

"I am a normal person, good-looking, lively, cheerful, articulate, and mentally healthy. So when I was seventeen or eighteen, I was full of desire for the opposite sex. I longed to date a girl. But people didn't even bother to look at her." Take a look at me."

"Because she can't accept Panon."

Alvin gritted his teeth word by word,

"I'm the laughing stock of the whole school!"

……

puff puff.

There was a violent heartbeat in the hall.

A pair of brothers who were discriminated against and looked down upon by their peers seemed to appear in front of Dean.

Alvin was silent for a long time, then continued,
"I see Parnon as family, I love him, I always thought I would put up with this."

"But I found out later that there was a thorn in my heart all the time, not only because David was endlessly accommodating Panon, caring for his elder brother, but treating my youngest son as a servant, completely ignoring my feelings .”

"It's even more because, Panon is just a lock, firmly shutting me in an iron cage called 'Love and Home'!"

"As long as one day I continue to take care of this silly brother, I will never be able to escape the cage and contact the outside world!"

Boom!

There were bursts of thunder, and Dean's heart trembled.

Love and home.

What a beautiful vocabulary.

How could it be a cage?
……

"It wasn't until that year that the thorn finally pierced through the flesh and came out, which made me miserable!"

"David fell into a hospital bed from years of overwork."

"But before he died, he still held my hand tightly and begged me to take care of this brother forever and never abandon him."

"What hurts me the most is that David left all the savings he had saved in his bank account to Parnon, and he repeatedly told me that I am a normal person and that I can earn my own money."

Alvin's voice trembled, and strong sorrow and disappointment appeared on his face,

"David never considered my feelings until his death, and never said a word to accommodate me."

"At that time, I suddenly woke up."

"I'm a total slave."

"A tool to keep that idiot brother Panon alive!"

……

"Alvin..." Holden's lips moved, but he still swallowed the words of advice.

At this time, it is useless to say anything.

Let him vent to his heart's content.

"I gave in and I chose to drop out."

Alvin sighed, as if he had suddenly aged a teenager.

"From to 20 years old."

"For more than two years, I was in this house, taking care of Panon alone."

"I tried, paid someone to take care of him."

"But it's useless, Parnon doesn't accept anyone other than his family living in this house. Otherwise, he'll be yelling like a TV that never turns off."

"I sent him to a nursing home, but when I went to see him, his face was bruised and his eyes were gone. Patients and nurses were bullying him. I couldn't accept it. I had to take him back. "

"Then he pestered me day after day asking me where David was!"

"David!"

"David!"

Alvin's eyelids twitched, and he said nervously repeating a series of names.

"Enough is enough! I'm exhausted and I'm going to find a selfish alternative."

Alvin lowered his head, clasped his hands tightly to his knees, his knuckles turned white,
"I pulled Panon compulsively, took him to the bank to withdraw money, write checks...to buy necessities for life, repeated dozens, hundreds, and thousand times, and trained him painfully for a year, until he finally learn."

"And then, September 1952, 9, I'll never forget that day."

"After preparing food for Panon for a week, I left the house alone with a change of clothes and five hundred dollars withdrawn from my bank account."

"I bought a ticket and went to Los Angeles."

There was a complex expression of joy and self-blame on Alvin's face,

"I abandoned my autistic brother, the dreaming Panon."

"Leave him alone in this cruel world."

……

After a long talk.

Alvin took a deep breath.

The whole person slumped backwards on the sofa, softening into a puddle of mud.

There was a relaxed expression on his sweaty face.

He exposed his heart and said what he had kept in his heart for so many years.

He removed a heavy shackle.

And Holden and Dean exchanged a look.

No one spoke first.

Dean wanted to question Alvin, why was he so ruthless to abandon such a brother who couldn't take care of himself?
But when he put himself into Alvin's situation.

He suddenly found that maybe he would get rid of the "burden" at a faster speed, and it would take less than two years.

He has never experienced the pain of taking care of patients, and he is not qualified to kidnap Alvin morally.

"Listen, Alvin, I don't think you need to blame yourself too much."

"Your only mistake is that you haven't visited Panon for too long. You should keep in touch with him."

Alvin lay wearily, not responding.

"Dude, I don't understand." Holden turned to ask, "What has Pannon lived on for the past twenty years?"

"In the account I left for him, there is most of my father's life savings. If I save some money, it will be enough for him to use until he is five or sixty years old."

"Then you have considered it very carefully. You have already fulfilled the responsibility of a brother. Pannon has indeed lived with this savings for so many years, until five years ago."

Holden nodded and asked again,

"You have been afraid to come back, is it because you are afraid? You dare not face the brother you abandoned?"

Alvin nodded emphatically.

"For a long time, the matter of abandoning Panon was my inner demon, and it was a forbidden area that I tried hard to avoid even thinking about it."

"Then why come back to see him all of a sudden now."

"People change."

Alvin repeated what Dean had said,

"When I was in my 20s, I was like a bird out of a cage, free, happy and full of energy..."

"With my good eloquence, I found a good job in Los Angeles. I no longer have to cook for my autistic brother every day, wash clothes, play football games with him tirelessly, correct his mistakes, and endure his stubbornness and bad habits."

"I feel lighter than ever, I feel hopeful every day, and I completely forget about Parnon."

"But when I got married and after 30 years old, I formed a happy and happy family, but I couldn't help but think of the little things of living with Panon. The pain, grievances, and fatigue have all become beautiful memories. .”

"I started to feel guilty for my selfishness at the beginning, but I didn't dare to face him, as if there was an invisible wall between us, and I couldn't get over it..."

"After turning 40, my career took a turn for the worse, I was bankrupt, my house was confiscated, my wife left, I took to the streets, and suddenly I had more free time to reflect on this ridiculous life."

"I began to miss my only relative in the world. I spent countless days and nights repenting for my behavior of abandoning him in the past. I regretted so much that I couldn't sleep."

Alvin rubbed his upper right abdomen with a distorted expression.

"I repeatedly asked myself, if I hadn't abandoned Parnon and walked away, would my brother and I have a better and brighter life?"

"The older you get, the more you can appreciate the preciousness of family affection." Dean suddenly interjected,
Alvin nodded desperately,

"Unfortunately, I realized it too late. I became a destitute vagrant. How could I have the nerve to see my brother again and disturb his life. Do I want to beg a poor man like him for help?"

"It wasn't until a hospital in Los Angeles did a free physical examination for homeless people, and I got the test report, that I made up my mind—"

Alvin paused, and there was a moment of suffocating silence in the room,

"I'm out of time, both of you."

Dean looked into his face and asked,
"I just guessed that it's not an old problem of yours, what exactly is it?"

"The cancer is in an advanced stage, and the cancer cells have spread throughout the body. I still have half a year at most."

"I couldn't accept this terrible result at first. I tried everything I could and went to three hospitals for physical examination, but they all sentenced me to 'death sentence'."

The lightning outside the window illuminated Alvin's red eyes, and every word in his mouth seemed to contain the determination to risk everything,

"I have one last wish, to meet my brother, Panon, before the illness completely overwhelms me."

"I want to confess and apologize to him. It doesn't matter if he refuses to forgive me, hates me as much as in the dream, and wants to kill me."

"Just to see him again."

"I promise anything."

(End of this chapter)