Tokyo Wingman King

"Why pretend to be the head of the Kujo family? For Hachiman, making KKIS disappear from the earth would be a piece of cake, wouldn't it? On a physical level."

Takishima smiled and spread his palms out, turning them over repeatedly as a gesture.

"Yeah~ As long as Teacher Da continues to release his doubly concentrated repression, which is darker than dusk and thicker than blood, and goes on a rampage like Godzilla every day, smashing through several buildings, let alone KKIS, it's not impossible for Tokyo to disappear from the earth."

Komaba picked up the Godzilla model on the table and shook it gently, making a "ga-oo" sound.

Upon hearing this, Takishima feigned a serious expression.
"But the Great Teacher is, after all, just a human Godzilla. If he keeps going like this, his body won't be able to take it. Overwork is a major taboo for monarchs. Emperor Xiaozong of Ming and Emperor Shizong of Qing did not live long. As for monarchs like Eragabalus or Francis I who diligently cultivated their lower bodies, it would be even worse."

Komaba patted Takishima on the shoulder and nodded in approval.

"Don't worry, Teacher Da is probably ten thousand times stronger than the combined strength of the Mugwort Emperor and the Romantic Knight King. If you say he can squeeze germs out of his pores with his muscles, I'll believe you too."

Takishima laughed.

"I think if Teacher Da heats himself up to the same temperature as the sun through furnace resonance, the germs will die off more thoroughly!"

Komaba took a big gulp of iced cola and looked to his side.

"So how can you blame China's solar power generation for Tokyo's rising average temperature this year? It's clearly because Tokyo has finally welcomed its own sunshine! Don't you think so, Mr. Hachiman?"

Asama, who had been silently studying the documents, finally looked up, glanced at the bed in the room filled with a pile of dolls, and said...

"You two, if you're not thinking straight, go to sleep."

"Sleeping? What does the Great Teacher want to do while we're sleeping? Ugh~~~ I'm not mentally prepared~" Komaba exclaimed, clutching his chest.

"Oh dear, things have gotten dangerous. Is this what they mean by 'being with a king is like being with a teddy bear'? Oh no, I mean, 'being with a tiger'?" Takishima squinted and chimed in.

Asama glared at Takishima, then turned on his phone's recording function towards Komaba—[Hey. I haven't done it yet.]
"Komaba, if you don't want your girlfriend to know her boyfriend is a pervert..."

"Hey hey!!! Here we go again??? When will this end? Teacher, do you have a [recording fetish]?!"

Komaba quickly calmed down, took a sip of his cola, and laughed, "What can a recording prove? I'll tell you this recording is fake."

Takishima shook his finger and said,
"Nonsense! In a woman's mind, the weight of admiration is greater than that of love, and this is more evident in younger girls. So, if it really comes down to a choice between the two, Hanzawa-san will absolutely not believe your sophistry."

"Tsk—you're not Yinglihua."

"Being stubborn won't help. You keep getting tricked by the same tactics. Ultimately, it's because you're not honest enough with Hanzawa-san. In my experience, if you had just confessed to Hanzawa-san that you're a pervert, you wouldn't have had to worry about Hachiman's recording fetish."

"I'm not a pervert, what's the point of me copying you?"

Takishima laughed.

"A person should know their own limitations, and sincerity is the ultimate weapon, Little Pony. This is what Teacher Da used to say: 'Know the male, but keep to the female; the way of the weak.' Exposing vulnerability in advance can actually make one more resilient."

Komaba asked in surprise,
"Didn't Teacher Da say that [the weak are all used as toys by males for females to anal sex]?"

"Then you deserve to be targeted by Teacher Da."

Asama, who possessed the [Toyosuke's Ear], wished he were deaf at that moment. He leaned back, ran his hands through his hair three times, calmed himself down, and sent the two of them several documents he had just drafted.

"If you're not sleepy, could you please fill out a few forms on this list?"

"of course can."

Takishima's answer was full of enthusiasm.

Komaba lowered his head and sipped the last drop of cola from his glass, letting out a gulp before placing his hands on the keyboard and remarking with emotion,

"How should I put it, I always have a feeling that I'm destined to become a corporate slave and work for Da Zhangwei for free for the rest of my life."

Takishima patted Komaba on the shoulder and said earnestly,

“Good awareness. You’ve already wasted 6 minutes at your workstation. Get to work, little white horse of Aomori.”

Komaba glared at Takishima.
"You wasted at least 60% of the time just now, didn't you? You rambling, useless son-in-law, the Water Dragon King?"

"Who cares about dragons or horses, they're all just riding on the same horse as Tang Sanzang," Takishima shrugged.

"Who is Tang Sanzang?" Komaba asked curiously.

“Since Teacher Da doesn’t want to be Sun Wukong, then he can only be Tang Sanzang~” Takishima replied with a smile.

"Tsk~ Jin Chanzi has already wrapped the golden cudgel around his waist, so what will Sun Wukong use to fight the monsters?"

"I'm not Sun Wukong, how would I know?"

"If you're not Sun Wukong, then who is? Among us, besides Master Da, you're the best at climbing trees!"

Takishima denied it, saying, "I'm not suitable to be Sun Wukong. If Hachiman is willing to be Erlang Shen, I can be the Celestial Hound."

Komaba didn't want to talk much about Takishima's fondness for being a dog.
"By the way, you and I are both mounts, so what is Da Hui?"

"Da Hui is Sha Wujing."

"His status is actually higher than ours?! Well, it makes sense that Da Hui is Sha Wujing. Who's Zhu Bajie?"

"You can be Pigsy if you want to."

"Bullshit, you're the one who's like Pigsy from Journey to the West."

“I have never commanded 80,000 trolls, but you have a wealth of experience.”

Upon hearing the words "[internet trolls]", Komaba thought of the botnets and virtual accounts he had controlled, which, rounded up, amounted to about 80,000. He nodded and said...

"That's true. So, under Master Da's command, the position of Marshal Tianpeng is indispensable to me?"

"It's about being Pigsy (Zhu Bajie)."

"How long are you going to keep chatting like this?"

"They're already starting to cause trouble!" x2
The two sat up straight as if electrocuted, opened the list file sent by Asama, and entered a silent form-filling state.

Asama rubbed his temples, thankful that he hadn't encountered these two clowns in his previous life when leading a team, otherwise, with his arrhythmia, he certainly wouldn't have lived past 30.

Of course, his own lousy company couldn't recruit talents like Komaba and Takishima either.

With a few crisp clinking sounds, ice cubes began to hit the sides of the glasses in the three people's cups. Two robotic arms on the wall in front of Komaba's computer desk refilled their drinks with grape-flavored Fanta, cola, and plain water, respectively. It was 3 a.m. in the blink of an eye.

By the time Komaba's cup was emptied and refilled, Takishima had already sent the documents back to Asama, even attaching an extra list of attendees—the invitation list for the Zhou family's dinner party next week.

Correspondingly, a guy soon appeared behind Komaba, pointing fingers at his work.

"You could enlarge the notes section and the text inside these two combined tables. The text is too small to read easily when printed out. Just a heads-up, I noticed that here."

Komaba handed the keyboard to Takishima's face and said,
"If you're so good, then you do it! I'd rather not allow you to climb over my head and act as my supervisor than have my leisure time squeezed by Teacher Da!"

Takishima shrugged and said, "I was just offering some advice out of kindness."

Komaba laughed and said, "I know your tricks very well. Today you can give me advice, tomorrow you can supervise me, and the day after tomorrow you can order me around."

"We're all just working for Teacher Da for free, is it really necessary to make such a distinction?"

"Let me do your bidding for a few days, then you can say that again~"

"Komaba, I think it's a waste of your talent that you're not going to Nagatacho to make a living."

"What would I do at the Diet? Wasn't the prime ministership already reserved for Arima?"

"Arimako is not suitable for Nagata-cho now. These people all have a significant thing in common—they would rather sabotage than lend a hand; they are better at doing bad things than getting things done. They defeat their opponents by smearing them, and they don't care if the house behind them gets smeared as well. Even if the house burns down or collapses, it has nothing to do with them, because the house is just a company to them, not a home. What's even more ridiculous is that this burning house has become like a hot potato, constantly being passed around by many politicians, who only say 'If you can do it, then do it,' without ever making any effort."

Komaba, looking helpless at Takishima's babbling, picked up his keyboard, typed code, and chuckled.
"Here we go again with this long, awkward speech. Takishima, if you want to ask Hachiman for help, you don't need to beat around the bush and criticize me. Less verbal criticism, more weapon-based criticism. Uh, I don't mean you should use weapons to criticize me, but criticize your future father-in-law more. Aren't those partisan, sycophantic, slow-witted, and intellectually deficient politicians all products of the Five Regents?"

A puppet prime minister with no popular support is suddenly elected, then fails to accomplish anything and is ousted by elite bureaucrats, while secretly reaping huge profits. Isn't this exactly the kind of tactic your father-in-law's family adopted from England?

"If the upper beam is crooked, the lower beam will be crooked too. If you want to completely solve political problems, you need shock therapy, provided you can find enough clean and resolute political elites to revitalize the country."

Having heard Komaba expose his intentions, Takishima shrugged and continued,

“You’re right, but it doesn’t have to be that complicated. The Great Teacher only stayed in Eiwa in Japan for a few months, and he’s already connected the Konoe, Nijo, Ichijo, and Takatsukasa families. The Kujo family also sent their heir to Eiwa this semester. As far as I know, more direct descendants of the Five Regent Families will be coming to Eiwa next year. This kind of gradual purification is much simpler than your grand-scale generational change.”

"How can you tell these people have been purified? Besides developing a brother complex, has Konoe Chiyo changed in any other way?"

"You have to look at it from a holistic perspective. The Five Regents started to diverge in the Kamakura period, became increasingly conflicted in the Meiji period, and were at odds with each other after the Plaza Accord. When have they ever been united as one?"

"How come I don't see them being united? Isn't Hidekazu Toyo still in the second generation's free-for-all?"

"Next week, at least 60 young men from the five regent families will be attending the Nijo family banquet—including their respective heirs—which is almost no different from nobles sending their heirs to the Sun King's Palace of Versailles. This is the first time in more than 160 years since the Meiji era. I don't believe you haven't realized what this means."

"Done~"

Komaba pressed Enter and took his hands off the keyboard.

Seeing that the code ran smoothly and the spreadsheet on the computer was automatically filled with various contents, the handsome young man with dark circles under his eyes stretched and smiled at Takishima.
"Does this mean that with just one terrorist attack or accident, all of Japan's future masters will be brought down, while all of Japan's illegitimate children will rise up?"

Takishima attempted a hand strike, but it was barely stopped by Komaba's robotic arm.

The robotic arm's joints creaked and groaned. After observing for a moment and failing to find the power switch, Takishima continued...

"You should know that Daigo Bookstore has only received investment from four companies, and its current stock price has surpassed Tsutaya, and its market value has exceeded that of all the unicorns this year. Before Mr. Da took a liking to Daigo Bookstore, the bookstore had been losing money for many years."

Komaba, who knew more about stocks than even the poor nobleman, retracted his robotic arm and grinned.

"Is this just another capitalist game where the Five Elements Society impulsively fleeces investors and launders their money? I didn't even fall for Metaverse and NFT, and now you're still believing in Teacher Da's [new aristocratic social space]?"

"But all financial games are betting on a certainty, and isn't Teacher Da that certainty?"

"That's true. Anyway, I really don't understand what's so special about having a gathering and a meal. Even if the Five Regents form an alliance on the spot, it doesn't mean they won't stab each other in the back in the future."

"I'm not entirely sure of Lord Kenjiro's thoughts, but I can be certain of one thing—although this banquet was hosted by the Nijo family, the appeal of inviting the new generation of the Five Regents from all over the world does not belong to the Nijo family."

Komaba understood; these young people were definitely there on orders to entertain them, and there was only one possibility that could lead the heads of the five regent families to make a joint decision—

"So, they all came to see Teacher Da?"

"I only found out today that the first guest of honor is Hachiman, followed by the Ichijo siblings, the Takatsukasa siblings, Kujo Alice, Konoe Chiyo, and Konoe Isamu."

Takishima nodded, and together with Komaba, turned their gaze toward Asama.

"Don't believe or spread rumors. Instead, you should think more about why your good friend didn't send you an invitation."

"Oh right! Takishima, you can watch Hachiman's antics live and you didn't invite me! Where's my invitation?"

"No invitation is needed; you can bring your robotic arm to help in the kitchen."

Upon hearing this, Komaba took control of two robotic arms made of titanium alloy and biomimetic nanomaterials, and began to struggle against Takishima's two fleshy hands.

"You're making dog meat hot pot, right?"

"With your cooking skills, you should probably think more about the code for washing dishes."

During the stalemate, the robot vacuum cleaner in the corner was also brought into the fray by Komaba. After its top cover opened, it extended a duster and poked at Takishima's waist.

Takishima remained motionless, looked at Asama, and asked...
"The invitation will be ready tomorrow, Mr. Hachiman. Should Rena and I deliver it directly to your apartment, or should we meet you somewhere else?"

"Leave the outside to me."

Komaba discovered that the surface of the robotic arm had developed ripple-like distortions, and had no choice but to stop fighting and beg for mercy.

At this moment, Asama also saw the Kujo family group on the list given by Takishima. There were seven people with the surname Kujo, most of them middle school age. He wondered which ones Kujo Minari had asked him to take care of.

“Although Pochi-nee, Futami-san, and Majima-san don’t have invitations, Hachiman can bring them along,” Takishima said with a smile.

"Let me ask," Asama nodded.

Takishima said in surprise, "I thought the teacher would refuse because they don't like this kind of occasion."

"I'll be taking care of the Kujo family kids then. If Tsukimi and the others want to go, I'll leave them to you and Nijo-san."

The room suddenly fell silent; even the robotic arm stopped pouring water.

"Hachiman, when did you become a member of the Kujo family again???" (End of Chapter)