The Red Chamber begins with a bastard

Chapter 744 The Most Pathetic Way to Die

As soon as Xu Ergou entered the house, a gleaming blade was pointed at his nose. He was so frightened that he seemed to be frozen in place. Looking closely, he saw a burly man with disheveled hair and a dirty face staring at him with icy eyes. He couldn't help but gasp: "My goodness, could this guy be Zhang Xianzhong, the Yellow-Faced Tiger? I've been looking for him outside all day, and it turns out he's been stealing from my house!"

That's right, the big man in front of him is Zhang Xianzhong. Hehe, Xu Ergou has finally gotten his wish and was hit by a hundred taels of silver, but it's the kind that will kill him!

It turned out that after Zhang Xianzhong escaped that day, he hid all the way. He first stole a set of peasant clothes to change into, intending to get some food to fill his stomach, but he was discovered by the local villagers. Suddenly, gongs were sounded, and he could only flee in panic.

Zhang Xianzhong hid in the wild for a night, starving and unable to bear it any longer. He had no choice but to risk sneaking into Kongjia Village. He found that no one was at Xu Ergou's house, so he hid inside. He was rummaging through boxes and jars looking for food when Xu Ergou went home. It's hard to say whether Zhang Xianzhong or Xu Ergou was unlucky!
Xu Ergou, with the cold blade pointed at him, trembled violently, his teeth chattering, and he nearly wet himself. Zhang Xianzhong, seeing this, showed a contemptuous expression and coldly asked, "What's your name?"

"Xu... Er Gou, if you're looking to get rich, you've come to the wrong place. My home is bare, I'm dirt poor..."

“Shut up, answer whatever I ask, or I’ll cut your tongue out!” Zhang Xianzhong interrupted impatiently.

Xu Ergou nodded repeatedly in fright. In fact, Zhang Xianzhong was already so hungry that he was dizzy and seeing stars. He even had difficulty lifting his knife. He took a deep breath and asked, "Is there any food at home?"

Xu Ergou said with a bitter face, "Good man, you've turned the house upside down, don't you know if there's anything to eat?"

Zhang Xianzhong pressed his waist knife against Xu Ergou's shoulder, his eyes flashing with ferocity, and snarled, "If there's no food, I'll eat you!"

Zhang Xianzhong originally only intended to scare Xu Ergou, but he was so hungry at the moment that as soon as he spoke, an evil thought unconsciously popped into his mind, and he subconsciously stared at Xu Ergou's thigh.

Xu Ergou was so startled that his crotch was soaked. He hurriedly said, "I'm awake. There's still half a bowl of beans in the kitchen. I'll cook you a bowl of bean porridge, okay?"

Zhang Xianzhong smelled a strong stench of urine, which disgusted him greatly. He lost all interest in eating human flesh and shouted, "Go now, and don't try anything funny, or I'll tear you to pieces and boil you!"

Xu Ergou ran nervously to the kitchen to start a fire and cook bean porridge. To prevent him from escaping, Zhang Xianzhong stood by with a knife, watching him intently.

Xu Ergou found a small packet of croton seeds in the pile of firewood, threw it into the pot, and started a fire to cook it, too lazy to even wash them.

Croton is a panacea for constipation, but it should not be consumed in excess. Excessive consumption can have serious consequences, ranging from severe diarrhea to rectal prolapse, dehydration, and even death.

This small packet of croton seeds was leftover stock from Xu Ergou's dealings in medicinal herbs. Because of its poor quality, the pharmacies wouldn't accept it, so it was all left over. He originally planned to burn it as firewood, so he threw it in the pile of firewood.

Zhang Xianzhong probably didn't recognize croton seeds. Even if he did, he was so hungry and dizzy that he didn't have the energy to distinguish them. After cooking for about ten minutes, the croton seeds were still not soft. Zhang Xianzhong was extremely hungry, and ignoring Xu Ergou's advice, he picked up the pot and started gulping down the croton seeds, drinking every last drop of the broth.

When this man is hungry, even "Oli Gei" (a type of spicy noodle dish) would taste delicious. After finishing a pot of piping hot bean soup, Zhang Xianzhong felt extremely comfortable, and his strength seemed to have recovered a bit. He let out a burp and asked, "Xu Ergou, are you all alone at home?"

Xu Ergou nodded with a strange expression and said, "I'm an orphan, and I don't have money to get married. I'm all alone at home."

Zhang Xianzhong's eyes lit up. This kind of bachelor was perfect to recruit as a follower, so he tempted him, "Follow me from now on. Forget about wives, you can change wives every day and be a groom every night."

Xu Ergou's eyes lit up and he said, "Really? Um... I wonder which gang you're from, sir?"

Zhang Xianzhong said arrogantly, "Have you ever heard of Zhang Xianzhong, the Yellow-faced Tiger?"

Xu Ergou nodded vigorously, thinking to himself, "How come I've never heard of a head being worth a hundred taels of silver?"

Zhang Xianzhong patted his chest and said, "I am Zhang Xianzhong. I once commanded tens of thousands of troops, but I have temporarily become separated from my army. You only need to help me cross the Huan River and catch up with my troops. Then you can choose any gold and silver treasures you want, and you can also choose any young woman or wife you want. How about it?"

Xu Ergou was overjoyed. This guy in front of him was indeed Zhang Xianzhong, the Yellow-Faced Tiger! My goodness, his ancestors' graves were emitting auspicious smoke! One hundred taels of silver!
Xu Ergou's eyes lit up as he looked at Zhang Xianzhong as if he were looking at a human-shaped gold ingot. As for the pie in the sky that Zhang Xianzhong was trying to paint, he automatically ignored it. As the saying goes, "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."

Seeing Xu Ergou's greedy expression, practically drooling, Zhang Xianzhong assumed the man was interested and was about to strike while the iron was hot when he suddenly felt a churning in his stomach. His expression changed instantly, and he clutched his stomach, urgently asking, "Where is the latrine?"

Xu Ergou pointed to the back of the house, and Zhang Xianzhong hurriedly ran to the back of the house. Sure enough, he saw a thatched toilet, rushed in, put his waist knife aside, and hurriedly unbuckled his belt.

The diarrhea came on so fast, like a tornado. As soon as his belt was unbuckled, it rushed into his pants and poured out like a raging torrent, stinking to the heavens! Zhang Xianzhong felt a warm sensation on both sides of his thighs, and the stench almost made him vomit. But his stomach was still in pain, so he had to squat down quickly. Another torrent of diarrhea followed, truly a turbulent torrent that shook the surrounding area!
Upon hearing this, Xu Ergou stuck out his tongue. As a medicine dealer, he knew all too well the effects of this pot of croton soup; it could make even a cow vomit.

"Hero, Zhang the Boss, what's wrong?" Xu Ergou picked up a pitchfork and cautiously approached the outhouse.

Zhang Xianzhong was so devastated by diarrhea that he almost ripped out his intestines, so he had no time to pay attention to Xu Ergou.

Xu Ergou listened intently for a long time, finally mustering the courage to pry open the latrine door with a pitchfork. Zhang Xianzhong was squatting there relieving himself when he was startled to see the latrine door suddenly opened. He hurriedly reached for his knife and shouted, "What are you doing?"

When Xu Ergou saw that the other party had a knife, he hurriedly stabbed Zhang Xianzhong with a pitchfork. The latter was tall and had a high level of martial arts skills. Normally, ten Xu Ergous would not be enough for him to kill. But at this moment, he was so weak that he fell into the latrine by the pitchfork.

—Thump!
Instantly, excrement and urine splashed everywhere, and the scene was too indescribable to describe, so I will not go into details. I will only say that Zhang Xianzhong tried to get up, but Xu Ergou dared not give him the chance. He thrust a pitchfork into Zhang's neck and used all his strength to push him into the excrement.

Zhang Xianzhong was already too weak from hunger, and now he was exhausted from diarrhea. He had no energy left to resist. After struggling for a while, he stopped moving and lay half-submerged in the latrine like a dead dog!
The poor, infamous Zhang Xianzhong, the once-renowned Yellow-faced Tiger, was killed before he could establish the Great Western regime. Moreover, he died in a cesspool, at the hands of a rogue gambler. It was truly a pathetic end.

Worried that Zhang Xianzhong wasn't quite dead, Xu Ergou pressed him down for another quarter of an hour before collapsing to the ground, panting heavily. Then, he excitedly laughed loudly, "Haha, one hundred taels, one hundred taels! I'm rich! I'm rich!"

Xu Ergou was laughing loudly when he heard someone calling his name outside. He quickly ran out of the house and saw the village chief and several soldiers. He laughed and said, "Good day, sirs! Good day!"

The village chief, who was also the clan head of Kongjia Village, yelled, "Er Gouzi, what's gotten into you again? Don't take in strangers for a while!"

Xu Ergou laughed loudly, "We didn't take in any living people, but we did take in a dead one!"

The village chief was taken aback for a moment, then smiled obsequiously at the soldiers and officers, saying, "Xu Ergou is a bit mentally unstable. He's thirty years old and still hasn't found a wife. He's usually a bit crazy, so please bear with him, officers!"

Xu Ergou puffed out his chest and said, "Don't look down on me. I, Ergouzi, will find you a wife right away." He then added, "Sir, come quick! The Yellow-faced Tiger Zhang Xianzhong has been beaten to death by this commoner."

The soldiers exchanged glances, then asked with skepticism, "Really? With your build, you can kill that bandit leader Zhang Xianzhong?"

Xu Ergou said proudly, "Seeing is believing. You'll know once you come with me, sir."

Several soldiers and the village chief hurriedly followed Xu Ergou to the latrine. Upon seeing the messy scene, they couldn't help but cover their noses and ask, "Where is Zhang Xianzhong?"

Xu Ergou pointed into the cesspool, and only then did everyone notice that there was a person in the cesspool. Only a tuft of hair was sticking out from between the excrement and urine, and it was not noticeable unless you looked closely.

"Is this Zhang Xianzhong?" the officers and soldiers asked in confusion.

Xu Ergou nodded and said, "He admitted it himself." He then recounted what had happened.

The soldiers dared not delay and immediately reported to their superiors. Upon hearing the news, the villagers rushed over and surrounded Xu Ergou's house.

Soon, a centurion arrived and, in full view of everyone, pulled the body out of the latrine, washed it clean, and carefully examined it, confirming that it was indeed Zhang Xianzhong, the Yellow-Faced Tiger.

The scene was immediately in an uproar. Not to mention the villagers, even a group of soldiers looked at Xu Ergou with envy. Tsk tsk, this kid really hit the jackpot.

Xu Ergou was overjoyed and reached out to ask for the reward money. The centurion laughed and said, "Don't worry, you won't be shortchanged by a single penny, but you have to report to our commander first before you can receive it."

When Man Gui received the news of Zhang Xianzhong's execution, he immediately rode to Kongjia Village to personally verify his identity. Only then did he breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that with the bandit leader's head, the responsibility for the death of the supervising officer Duan Yong could probably be evaded.

"Xu Ergou, right? Not bad!" Man Gui casually tossed Xu Ergou a silver ingot, probably weighing five taels, and laughed, "This is an extra reward from this general. The other one hundred taels of reward will have to wait for the commander-in-chief's approval before it can be issued."

Xu Ergou was overjoyed and thanked him repeatedly.

(End of this chapter)