The Pacifist Necromancer of Hogwarts

Chapter 332 Afternoon Tea is a Port of Information Exchange

"Dobby?" said Professor McGonagall, without looking up. "Yes, that's what he told me. He wants Mr. Potter expelled because you're a threat, and he wants to murder Mr. Potter because that stupid woman is so dangerous. I probably wouldn't be very surprised if he told me he was going to push Potter off Gryffindor Tower because our onions had sprouted."

"Who's going to push Potter off the tower?" asked Professor Sprout, walking into the greenhouse.

Professor McGonagall looked up and conjured two chairs for her and Snape behind her. The carnivorous plant had bloomed - or rather, had grown teeth - and had been very ill-tempered recently. On the tree stump that had been used as a chair was a pile of parchment, all papers on Transfiguration.

"No one," said Professor McGonagall. "We're talking about the Malfoy house-elf."

Professor Sprout said understandingly, "Oh, the elf is a bit neurotic indeed. Really, I don't think students should bring their own elves into school. That Malfoy elf gave you a lot of trouble, didn't he, Minerva?"

Snape said grimly, "I hope you have not forgotten, Pomona, that Lucius Malfoy was not the only one to have suggested that private house-elves be admitted to Hogwarts. I have heard of another who made a great fuss, complained endlessly, and wrote hundreds of letters about having house-elves sent to the school, simply so that his godson might be in the spotlight—"

"Severus," Professor McGonagall warned.

"I've only seen the Black elf once," said Professor Sprout. "Well, come here, Severus. Here, this is the Aconitum I was telling you about. I think it may be a subspecies of Aconitum chamaejasme. Look at its beautiful leaves, very hairy."

Snape strode over with a sullen face, bent down, and carefully examined the herb that Professor Sprout pointed out, his hooked nose almost touching the leaves. Anthony guessed from this that Aconitum would not bite.

Professor McGonagall asked, "Are you still trying to improve the Wolfsbane Potion?"

"Since I have to brew it every month and I have a werewolf available for live experimentation, I don't see why I shouldn't do it," said Snape.

Professor Sprout said reproachfully, "Don't sound so scary, Severus!"

"I'm telling the truth," Snape said smoothly. "Werewolf - living - experiment."

Anthony put down his teacup and asked, "Are you talking about Mr. Lupin?" This was the only werewolf he knew.

Professor Sprout nodded at him, as Snape said, "No, I'm talking about Greyback."

"Who's that?" Anthony asked.

Snape looked rather annoyed at the need to explain his sarcasm.

"A very famous werewolf, as you might guess." He emphasized "very famous". "The Ministry is looking for him, but no one knows that I have him hidden in my tin of peas and feed him half a spoonful of wolfsbane potion and two toads every day."

"That's very kind of you," said Anthony. "How's Mr. Lupin doing?"

"Not bad," said Professor McGonagall. "I heard he's still working for Florin Fosco. Fosco is happy to have a somewhat famous clerk in his shop, and doesn't mind Remus's frequent absences. At least the reporters who want to find out about the news have to buy an ice cream first - but they have almost forgotten about Remus, and only try to arrange an interview for him when they really can't write a story."

Professor Sprout said happily, "That's great! Fusco is a kind man. I'm sure they will get along well."

"Remus deserves a break." Professor McGonagall shook her head slightly, "Both him and Sirius." She lowered her head, circled an error in the paper, and scribbled a correction in the margin.

Snape snorted. "Leave me two inches of roots, Pomona, and an ounce of dried flowers. I think I can do something with it."

"No problem." Professor Sprout said, "You reminded me, I still have to reply to several letters from potion makers asking for prices and orders today. Oh, and Baraboo's seed list... It's really a lot of things..."

"So, tea?" Anthony asked, holding up the teapot.

Professor Sprout sighed and said, slightly reproachfully, "Of course."

She walked around a clump of fanged plants with yellow flowers, sat on the chair that Professor McGonagall had conjured, took the teapot, and poured herself a cup of tea. Snape insisted that he was very busy and had no time to waste on meaningless chat and enjoyment, so he refused Professor Sprout's invitation and left the greenhouse like a gust of wind. His overgrown black cloak almost caught on a cluster of thorny bushes.

"Severus is always busy." Professor Sprout said in a matter-of-fact manner. "By the way, Minerva, did you receive Miss Bell's Herbology paper? Because I got her Transfiguration paper."

Professor McGonagall raised her eyebrows slightly, "No, Gryffindor's third year Transfiguration class is tomorrow. I'm looking forward to what she will give me."

"Don't be so harsh, Minerva," said Anthony. "At least it proves that Miss Bell finished her paper ahead of schedule." "Or forgot to write the Herbal Medicine paper," said Professor McGonagall. "Speaking of which, Henry, I received Miss Davis's paper this afternoon. I told her I hoped she was feeling better, and she looked a little surprised. What happened to the girl?"

"Not enough sleep," said Anthony, "but Professor Lockhart and I were talking about tonsillitis."

"what?"

"Tonsillitis," Anthony repeated. "I've always liked the sound of that word. Like a spell, doesn't it?"

Professor Sprout asked, "It's not a spell?"

"As far as I know, probably not. I think it means that the stuff in your throat swells up, like a sandbag, and every time you swallow something it's punching and kicking it. But I'm not sure there's such a spell, after all, Professor Lockhart told me that I should have asked him for help last night because he happened to know the counter-curse for tonsillitis. Logically, if there is a counter-curse, then there must be a spell."

"Yes, Gilderoy always knows the counter-curse to everything," said Professor Sprout, "especially when he knows it's too late."

Anthony rarely heard her speak so unkindly of a colleague, so he pushed the cookie box in her direction with amusement.

Professor Sprout said unhappily, "Last weekend, he wanted to teach me how to give the Venomous Geranium the Moon-crazy Beast feces. If he were still in school, I would at least make him get bit."

She stood up slightly, took a biscuit, and stuffed the teacup into the center of the lavender flower of the carnivorous plant, which was originally hanging above Professor McGonagall's head. The flower ball immediately tightened, making a creaking sound, like porcelain breaking and rubbing. Tea dripped from the petals.

Professor McGonagall adjusted her hat, calmly changed her seat, used her wand to absorb the ink stains on the parchment, and continued marking papers.

"I'm sorry," said Professor Sprout, "but I'm used to giving them something to chew on."

Anthony was startled and quickly turned around to see what the carnivorous plants around him were doing. They were fighting fiercely and silently for the chair that Professor McGonagall had conjured up and originally belonged to Snape.

"You should have seen Dolores's expression when she received Gilderoy's 'friendly advice,'" Professor McGonagall said calmly, finishing another paper. "I was in a very good mood all morning."

Professor Sprout smiled. "Okay. What happened this afternoon?"

"Mr. Thomas was found selling Roger Snake and the Wolf Fang Flying Saucer privately, and Miss Bell was caught throwing dung bombs at the door of the administrator's office." Professor McGonagall said, "Also, Colin Creevey took photos outside the High Inquisitor's office and was given a detention for prying into the Ministry of Magic's privacy. In addition, the High Inquisitor submitted an application for Rita to enter the school."

"Again?" asked Professor Sprout sympathetically.

"Yes," said Professor McGonagall, "but I heard that Gilderoy did not agree to her interview appointment."

"Whether he agrees or not, that won't stop the quill," said Professor Sprout. "You remember that story she wrote about the eccentric sisters as being banal and decadent? I don't believe they agreed to her interview."

A hint of a smile crossed Professor McGonagall's face. "That report that made you angry for a week? Yes, I remember it."

Professor Sprout said, "What is she doing here at school again? What on earth does Dolores want?"

"I think she just can't stand having her authority challenged," said Professor McGonagall. "If Albus hadn't promised me that she would stay here for a year at most, I would have doubted whether she would stay here forever." She drew a "P" on a paper that was scribbled like a stormy sea and put it aside. "Hogwarts is simply her playground of power - she can give detentions, deduct points at will, and even give grades to professors!"

"To be honest, I've stopped reading the research reports she sends me," said Professor Sprout. "And, really, I just don't like the thought of Rita sniffing around Hogwarts, especially when we've got a nearly finished menagerie and five chimeras - six, if you count Sylvanus."

"Hogwarts students are in danger. Be careful, people in the wizarding world!" Anthony said, "It sounds like an honest report."

Professor McGonagall put down her quill and thought, "Do you think it would help if we persuade Gilderoy to be interviewed?"

"Maybe," said Anthony. "On the bright side, maybe we'll be labeled an irresponsible school that employs a boastful, bombastic Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. A more honest report."

Professor Sprout lamented, "What a terrible school of magic we are."

(End of this chapter)