After the whole family was swept away, I lay down flat

Chapter 988 Relief
Jin Jiashu was silent for a long time this time.

Haitang guessed that he needed some time to organize his thoughts, so she didn't disturb him. She just added ginger and jujube tea to his cup and used tongs to stir the silver frost charcoal in the brazier.

Fortunately, Jin Jiashu did not get stuck in the dilemma for too long. After a while, he came back to his senses, wiped his face with his hand, and smiled bitterly: "I was really confused... During the time in the palace, the nobles in the palace were all concerned about me, and the palace people also respected me. I lived like this every day, and I really couldn't see myself clearly. I thought I was really a noble royal relative who could speak in front of the empress dowager and the emperor. In fact, I am still a small scholar, and I haven't even passed the provincial examination. It's just that I have some minor merits and saved the emperor from a disaster, so I was treated so well by the royal family. But I can't be a benefactor of the royal family for my whole life, that would be too ignorant. When I leave the palace and go home, I will still be the original common people. How can I forget my aunt because she cares about me for a while... She is actually the emperor's mother, not mine?"

Jin Jiashu still felt a little scared. He had obviously accepted his mother becoming his "aunt" a long time ago. He even proposed the idea himself and benefited a lot from it. Now he was resentful and thought that his "aunt" didn't care about him as much as she did about the new emperor. It was unreasonable to blame his "aunt" for being partial. Isn't it normal for his "aunt" to be partial? He was a person who lost his mother's love shortly after he was born. For 18 years, he had imagined the image of his "mother" based on the descriptions of others. Now he could actually see his mother and experience a little maternal love and care, which was already a pleasant surprise. Why was he still greedy?

If he harbors resentment for a long time, will he be unable to resist and speak it out one day? What if others hear it? !

As expected, greed is the source of trouble. He should put himself in the right position!
His mother had long since abandoned him. He had also long since taken the initiative to abandon his mother and only recognized her as his "aunt". Now that he had done it, he could no longer regret it. He couldn't just talk about it, he had to recognize this fact in his heart. Forget about "mother"! From now on, he only had "aunt" and "cousin"!

Jin Jiashu took a deep breath, and when he looked up at Haitang again, his expression had returned to calm.

He smiled and apologized to Haitang: "I'm sorry to have embarrassed you, Sister Hai. I was so confused that I didn't realize it, and I even needed Sister Hai to remind me. I don't know if I have made any jokes in the palace these days. I hope the Empress Dowager and the Emperor won't hold it against me."

Haitang smiled and said, "The nobles in the palace are busy with all kinds of things every day. They have so many important things to worry about. How could they bother with such a small matter as yours?"

Jin Jiashu smiled, but in his heart he was thinking that when he went to the palace again some other day, he could ask this question as a joke to test the thoughts of the new emperor and Queen Mother Xu. If they cared, he would apologize and the matter would be over. From now on, the three of them would be well and no one would have any resentment; if they didn't care, he would take the initiative to raise the issue to remind them to be careful in their actions, especially the Queen Mother...

Since the Queen Mother cannot acknowledge him as her son, she should not treat him too harshly in her daily actions. If she loses her sense of propriety, it will easily arouse suspicion from outsiders and make her son more likely to have delusions... He has obviously accepted the reality, so why should she continue to stir up his thoughts?

Jin Jiashu suppressed all his thoughts in his heart, and spoke to Haitang as usual: "There are no disputes in the royal family nowadays, and the palace is harmonious. I have been in it for a long time, and I just feel that the royal family is full of warmth and affection. But no matter how warm and affectionate they are, the royal family is still the royal family, and the rules cannot be abolished. I have to be more cautious and careful. If the Queen Mother has another generous reward, whether it is a reward for people or things, or a house or property, I will try my best to decline it. What I have now is enough for me to live a good life. If the Queen Mother's reward is too generous, it will easily lead to gossip from outsiders, and it will not be good for my reputation." Haitang remembered what Haijiao mentioned, that in the previous life, Queen Mother Xu treated the second branch of the Jin family very well, and thought to herself, this is just the beginning? This indirect relative can be promoted by Queen Mother Xu to become a new upstart in the Beijing circle with the help of Jin Jiashu, not to mention that Jin Jiashu is her own flesh and blood? If Empress Dowager Xu cared about public opinion, she would not have promoted the second branch of the Jin family in her previous life, and then she was stabbed in the back by them.

Thinking of this, Haitang said jokingly, "You have just made contributions and your health is not very good. You don't know whether you will pass the imperial examinations in the future. It is natural for the Queen Mother to worry about your future livelihood and give you more gifts. As long as she doesn't insist on giving you a good marriage and introduces you to three or five famous ladies, other things are actually not important."

Jin Jiashu was no longer as flustered as when he first arrived. Even if Haitang was "jealous" of the Queen Mother's idea, he would not rush to swear to the heavens to express his loyalty. He just smiled and said, "The Queen Mother will no longer talk to me about noble ladies. Originally, she was worried that the Emperor was still young and the candidate for the Queen had already been decided. She could no longer use marriage as a bargaining chip to win over the princes and nobles and consolidate the Emperor's position. Therefore, she wanted to use me to marry a noble lady and win over the family behind the lady to help the Emperor.

"But now I am in poor health. Everyone knows that I was poisoned, and I am afraid that my life span will be shortened. If the Queen Mother still wants to marry a prince or a noblewoman for me, it will not be a marriage, but an enemy. She has already given up the idea. At most, she feels regretful in her heart and sighs a few words from time to time in private."

He said this with a smile, and Haitang couldn't tell for a moment whether he was joking or telling the truth.

If this is true, it is not difficult to understand why Jin Jiashu would feel resentful of Empress Dowager Xu's "partiality".

He had already sacrificed so much for the new king, and thought he had gained some bargaining chips, but even his long-awaited marriage had to be sacrificed by his mother again, just to win over another powerful family for the new king. How could he not feel resentful when he was treated so biased?

Even though he now clearly knew that Queen Mother Xu would not do anything to interfere with his marriage, he was still worried that Haitang would be wronged in the palace in the future. Isn't this because he admired but did not trust Queen Mother Xu?
Jin Jiashu must have suffered a lot during the days he lived in the palace, right?
Haitang did not show any strange expression on her face. She smiled and comforted him, "As long as the Queen Mother does not intend to give you another good marriage, why should you worry about other things? Anyway, we will live separately from her in the palace and outside the palace in the future, and we will not see each other much. If the Queen Mother grants us permission to visit the palace every month, we will go to visit the elders, chat with her, relieve her boredom, and then go home to live our own lives. If the Queen Mother has something important to do and can't take care of us, we will live our own lives at home. You need to recuperate now. Even if you have detoxified, your body is still damaged and needs a long time to recuperate. You also have to prepare for next year's provincial examination. Where do you have time to think about other things? You just need to identify your goal and move forward step by step. The rest of the complicated matters are unimportant and can be put aside for the future."

Jin Jiashu smiled bitterly and said, "I'm afraid that the Queen Mother is too concerned about me and often asks about me. I want to let her go, but I can't." This is what bothered him. The Queen Mother was obviously more partial to the new king and would often choose to sacrifice him for the new king. But I don't know if it was to "make up" for the "grievances" he suffered. The Queen Mother often showed her love for him in other ways, and her attitude was a bit strong. He couldn't refuse even if he wanted to. How could he not be upset?
Haitang looked at him meaningfully: "Who told you to only confront the Queen Mother head-on? Didn't I tell you? Sometimes, communicating with people requires a little skill..."