I'm afraid I'm not interested in love

Chapter 666 Put yourself to death and survive

Chu Qingmian looked up at the moon and suddenly remembered the expressionless little blind man who used to play "Autumn Moon over the Han Palace" on his erhu.

It was only ten years ago, but looking back, it feels like a distant past life.

Time's tears have torn away my disguise.
Bathed in the warm glow of the campfire, Chu Qingmian sighed.

Whether it was for the moon tonight or for the song "A Chu Girl" with its obvious meaning, she put aside her thoughts of escaping.

Having traveled so far, you must have something you want to say to her.

After the lively bonfire dinner ended, everyone got up and left in tacit agreement, except for two people who remained seated.

"Mianmian, if you're tired, go back and rest first. We can talk about it later."

Han Bing went back to her room and brought out a blanket, gently covering Chu Qingmian with it, her voice full of worry.

"Oh dear! You should mind your own business. Sister Mian is a grown woman. Do you need to worry about whether she's tired or not?"

Xu Yang followed behind her, glancing furtively at Su Chengyi across from them.

"Hey Teacher Han, the basketball hoop I donated is supposed to be installed tomorrow. Could I spray paint 'Foreigner was here' on it?"

"You write about your second uncle!"

Han Bing slapped him in annoyance.

Of course, she knew that Xu Yang was deliberately joking around to cover for his good friend and not want her to ruin their plans. But since Chu Qingmian didn't show any resistance or desire to avoid the situation, even if she was still worried, she couldn't say anything more.

Ultimately, this is a matter between the two of them.

Oh, and we might also have to include another big star, so it's a three-person affair.

Thinking of this, Han Bing couldn't help but glare fiercely at someone on the other side.

The man remained calm and composed, like a tree that was meant to grow there silently.

After tucking in the corners of the blanket, Han Bing snorted coldly and stomped away.

Seeing this, Xu Yang followed along eagerly, not forgetting to turn back and give Su Chengyi an "OK" sign.

The gist of it is that he will handle things with Han Bing, and she can do whatever she wants.

Su Chengyi didn't need to look to know what he was trying to express with his exaggerated gestures, so she simply nodded slightly and watched the two leave.

The campfire burned out, leaving only the glowing embers still radiating warmth.

Su Chengyi got up, picked up a wooden stick, and sat down next to Chu Qingmian.

Noticing his approach, Chu Qingmian did not look up, but continued to stare blankly at the fire.

Su Chengyi propped his chin up and poked the campfire with the wooden stick in his hand.

"Cold?"

he asked.

"not cold."

Chu Qingmian shook her head, then lifted a corner of the blanket and tilted her head to look at him.

"I do not need."

Su Chengyi answered subconsciously, then regretted it.

It was originally a great opportunity to get closer, but unfortunately...

Chu Qingmian ignored his words. She moved closer and draped the other half of the blanket over Su Chengyi.

"The temperature difference between day and night is significant here, so please be careful and avoid catching a cold."

A blanket, still warm from her body, fell onto her shoulders, and a familiar fruity scent wafted through the air.

Su Chengyi lowered her head, her heart suddenly racing.

The mountain was quiet at night, with only the chirping of insects and cicadas, and the crackling of the campfire.

Escaping the hustle and bustle of the world and its neon lights can clear one's mind and sharpen one's memories.

Chu Qingmian looked up at the night sky. When the moon was obscured by clouds and became dark, the surrounding stars began to shine faintly.

That summer, Su Chengyi taught her to identify the Leo constellation, and now she can locate it very skillfully.

Time on Earth means nothing to the stars, which still twinkle across tens of thousands of light-years at the other end of the universe.

Su Chengyi turned his head and looked in the direction she was looking. "The Leo Triple System, estimated to be 30 million light-years away, covers an area of ​​about 500,000 light-years. The foreground star with its starlight is close to our Milky Way galaxy."

He spoke slowly.

The vast starry sky was reflected in Chu Qingmian's clear, glass-like pupils, like stars gazing at each other across the entire universe.

She blinked gently and said:

"In middle school, you always chose the last row by the window, even though it was close to the trash can. You were more likely to be caught by the supervisor patrolling the building if you were daydreaming."

"I couldn't help but wonder why, so I would always secretly look back at you during evening self-study to see what you were doing. Sometimes you were working on the competition problems the teacher gave you, sometimes you were taking a nap, and the rest of the time you would stare blankly at the sky outside the window."

“Only at times like this do you look happy. You don’t know, you rarely smile before, so to me, you’re happy whenever you’re not wearing a long face.”

Chu Qingmian pursed her lips, her fingers twirling the tassels of the blanket, and continued speaking to herself:

"Later, one evening after self-study, I quietly walked to your seat and looked up like you did, only to find that the night sky was full of stars from this angle."

"That night, I drew a picture on a blank page of the book. I thought, you're not surprised at all, it's just that other people don't know."

"I don't know how to describe this feeling, but I was happy for a very long time because of this discovery, as if I had found a treasure that no one else knew about."

You shine only in my eyes; you are a treasure known only to me.

At this point, Chu Qingmian couldn't help but smile slightly, as if recalling her feelings at the time, but her smile quickly disappeared.

“Su Chengyi, you’ve changed a lot. The whole world knows how great you are, and I’m happy for you. But you’re also becoming less and less like the person you used to be.”

"."

Su Chengyi lowered his eyes, unsure of what to say for a moment.

He has indeed changed, because he has been reborn.

"You have no idea how much I miss you. I've tried every antidepressant I could find. After taking Prozac, I felt drowsy and slept for days. I secretly went to get an MECT scan without telling my family. After the surgery, I felt like I had forgotten my own name, but when I woke up, the first thing I thought of was you. If this were an illness, I think I would have been terminally ill by now."

Chu Qingmian spoke slowly.

Su Chengyi listened quietly, but her knuckles turned white from clenching her fists.

MECT, or Modified Electroconvulsive Therapy, intentionally induces brief seizures by passing small electrical currents through the brain. This treatment appears to cause changes in brain chemicals, potentially rapidly reversing certain psychiatric symptoms.

The reason he knows so much is because he received a complete healing treatment in his previous life.

The side effects of this kind of treatment are very serious; he was in a state of memory confusion for almost several months, which resulted in a numb calm.

Whether in his past life or now, he finds it hard to imagine that someone like Chu Qingmian would be lying on the same operating table as him.

"I've tried everything, but I still can't forget you."

Chu Qingmian wrapped herself in the blanket, as if trying to hide herself.

"So I couldn't help but think, forget it, as long as I can be with you, as long as I can end this painful life, I'll give up all my principles and bottom lines."

Her words suddenly stopped there. For the first time during the conversation that evening, she turned her head and stared intently into Su Chengyi's eyes.

"But whenever I think like this, the you from before suddenly appears before me. He looks at me and says, 'Don't forgive him.'"

Her voice was very soft, and in an instant it drifted away with the night wind into the depths of the valley.

Su Chengyi watched the curve of her hair as the night wind tousled it, and suddenly remembered that last night, Chen Jinzhi, lying in the hospital bed, had looked at him in the same way:

"Sometimes I want to ask you if you can come and save me, but I know I will never be saved."

Her tone was as pale and fragile as Chu Qingmian's at this moment, probably because their hearts had long been shattered into the same pieces of glass.

Therefore, Su Chengyi's thoughts suddenly became less chaotic.

Everything that has happened during this period has proven one thing.

Separation won't make either of them any better off.

Life is only a hundred years long, and how many hundred years will it take to heal such pain?

Are they destined to be trapped in this kind of suffering for the rest of their lives? If not, then what can he do now?
The night breeze was so refreshing that Su Chengyi had never felt so clear-headed before.

Life is short, fleeting like a white horse galloping past a crack in the wall, but this feeling is long, like towering mountains and mighty rivers, endless and continuous.

Entering this perilous situation, he should have known better than to face certain death and survive.

(End of this chapter)