She is the most beautiful rose

Chapter 330 He's Not My Helpless Choice

Shen Ci was making his rounds in the middle of the night when he saw the light on in Shen Manzhi's room. He knocked on the door and went in. "What are you doing not sleeping in the middle of the night?"

The person who was being given the pointer was staring blankly at a point in the void. Upon hearing this, his eyes flickered slightly, and he closed them briefly.

Shen Ci walked over and checked the various instruments connected to her body via electrode pads; the data was normal.

He breathed a sigh of relief, glanced at her, and said, "I don't need to tell you your current situation, do I?"

"Will you die?"

"..."

Shen Ci was slightly taken aback. She had expected her to remain silent, and she had also expected her to be cold and indifferent.

The only thing I didn't expect was that she asked this right away, though her tone was fairly normal.

“It hasn’t come to that,” Shen Ci paused for half a second, “but if this kind of thing happens every now and then, then it’s not necessarily true.”

Shen Manzhi turned her gaze away and listlessly looked down at the window.

Shen Ci stood to the side for a long time, but seeing that she had nothing to say, he took the initiative to speak, "Actually, I'm quite curious to know, how did you... get through it before?"

While tranquilizers can effectively suppress the excitation of the nervous system under extreme violence, the side effects of long-term and excessive use are unavoidable. In addition to dependence, they can also aggravate mental illnesses.

This was actually demonstrated in Shen Manzhi quite early on.

She began to lose interest in everything. Occasionally, she would have some contact or interest in someone or something, but it would quickly turn to ashes like wildfire, leaving only a blank in her mind. As a result, they often felt that she had no desire to live.

This is very scary.

This is why people around Shen Manzhi are still shocked when she frequently overdoses on sedatives.

Although Shen Ci was in charge of her physical treatment in China, the actual mental diagnosis was always being controlled by Wen Lin's side.

Without tranquilizers, how could she suppress her violent behavior when her mind was extremely active and out of control?
Shen Manzhi slightly raised her long eyelashes and slowly looked at him. "Perhaps you should know about psychological exposure therapy."

"Psychological fear and unconscious behavior should not be confused."

She casually replied, "More or less."

Shen Ci was naturally familiar with this treatment method, but after digesting it, he asked, "Using violence to fight violence?"

"That's it."

The mental disorders caused by the disease can lead to the brain being controlled by fear and violence when experiencing certain scenarios, and over time, the individual can become a true mutant.

Fortunately, Shen Manzhi is different from other test subjects and has a strong ability to control his consciousness.

I almost went astray at the very beginning.

It was Si Ming who brought her back.

The illness almost always flared up during bloody missions. Si Ming would treat her like an injured kitten, take her back to recover, and then arrange for a team of people to practice on her.

Si Ming was very strict with her back then, and he was also ruthless. He told her that she couldn't suppress her emotions, so she should let them all out.

The solution to this impasse lies with the one who started it.

So she learned to "fight violence with violence," which of course meant controlling her inner violence.

Later, when his body reached its limit, he began receiving mental health treatment.

It's similar to exposure therapy.

Shen Ci pursed his lips and remained silent for a long time. Just how much self-control would it take to not go crazy under such intense desensitization training?

"Isn't it painful?"

"I'm used to it, it's alright."

Her tone was calm and even, as if she had never experienced any suffering.

Shen Ci looked at her with an ambiguous expression, "But now, you are repeating the same mistakes."

The treatment was proceeding smoothly, but now he's so exhausted that he needs to use double the dose of sedatives just to temporarily stop his mental breakdown.

"Wouldn't it be better to recuperate peacefully abroad?"

Shen Manzhi curled her lips, "Are you kicking me out?"

Shen Ci did not respond, but only said with a calm gaze, "Once a person has something they care about, they become unable to control themselves."

Her smile faded, and she met his gaze, appearing both casual and serious.

"But to survive, you need people, you need something to rely on, right?"

Shen Ci moved his lips, but couldn't think of anything to say, though his eyes inexplicably revealed a hint of emotion.

It's hard to say whether to be happy or sad.

"Shen Ci".

Shen Manzhi called out to him as he walked to the door, her expression unusually serious.

It seems like everyone around me thinks that way.

Wen Lin felt that she insisted on returning to China for Qin Yanfeng, and asked her if she felt it was worth it even if it meant risking her life.
Jingmo worries that she will be bound by her emotions and will disregard her own safety once she has a weakness.

Even Shen Ci now thinks so.

A free spirit will eventually be trapped in a cage in the name of love, becoming full of worries, resentment, compromise, and wounds.

Shen Ci's hand was already on the door. Hearing this, he turned around and met a pair of soft eyes under the cold incandescent light.

"He was never someone I had no control over."

He was her hope for survival, whether it was his love or him as a person.

A year ago, Shen Manzhi would never have believed that she would say such a thing.

Even now, saying it out loud still feels a bit blunt.

She would tirelessly express her love for someone to those around her time and time again.

The ward was rather deserted late at night, so Shen Ci went out and then came back to change the bedside lamp to a warm yellow one, and told her to go to sleep.

Shen Manzhi paused for a moment, then glanced at the phone on the bedside table.

The moment I looked away, a vibration struck.

It's news from Qin Yanfeng.

The checkup is scheduled for next week, isn't it?

Are you feeling unwell?

I'll come tomorrow.

The words were filled with worry and urgency.

Shen Manzhi pursed her lips, not intending to reply, assuming it was too late.

But then I suddenly remembered that she said she went back to the Dominican Republic at 3 a.m., which is exactly 3 p.m. there. There's no reason why she wouldn't have seen the message.

So she typed slowly, "No need."

Her eyes flickered slightly, and she continued, "It's just simple..."

Before I could finish typing the next sentence, a video call invitation popped up.

Shen Manzhi's eyes widened in panic for a moment, and she moved her finger away from the answer button and clicked reject.

【? 】

She immediately replied, "It's inconvenient." There was no reply from the other end for a long time. Shen Manzhi, holding her phone, turned over, but the movement aggravated her wound, so she frowned and lay back down.

Qin Yanfeng, who had been rejected for the video call, was standing at the hotel entrance, the cold wind whistling into his chest.

I want to see you.

Shen Manzhi continued to frown. What was so interesting? "I'll be back soon."

I'll come pick you up.

She lowered her eyes, recalling what Baihu had said: that he saw Qin Yanfeng at the police station that night.

[Wasn't this a business trip?]

It's almost over.

Shen Manzhi's fingertip lingered on the chat box for a long time.

Qin Yanfeng, who had been watching her type, looked increasingly worried. [I'm very worried about you.]

Shen Manzhi was somewhat speechless, as if she could see his gentle eyes through the screen, so she sighed softly and made a voice call.

She tried to sound casual, teasingly asking, "It really is a business trip, you're not still angry with me, are you?"

"You'll be quite angry if you refuse my video call invitation."

"..."

Shen Manzhi chuckled, glanced at the monitoring equipment surrounding her hospital bed and the electrode pads on her body, and sighed, "Hey, this is all Wen Lin's fault. He said Delson sent a batch of cure agents, and the clinical trials showed significant results. He wanted me to come back to try them out and have a follow-up check-up. He was worried I'd run away halfway, so the surveillance cameras are watching..."

Qin Yanfeng remained silent.

She lowered her voice, as if whispering in his ear, "If he sees me video chatting with you, he'll start nagging again."

At that moment, Wen Lin, who was sleeping in the hotel with Shi Li in his arms, had a nightmare.

She paused slightly, then asked, "Hello?"

"Listening."

Shen Manzhi's voice was soft and gentle as she coaxed him, "Why are you so cold, Mr. Qin?"

"I'm looking at flights to the Dominican Republic."

Shen Manzhi sighed helplessly, "...Don't come."

Qin Yanfeng glanced sideways as Zuo Yi drove out of the hotel's underground parking lot with his hazard lights flashing.

He went on a last-minute business trip without any luggage, and naturally left empty-handed. "Have you had your check-up done?"

“Not yet,” Shen Manzhi paused for half a second before readily agreeing, “The follow-up examination is next week. Wen Lin said to use the medication for a few days first to see the effect. However, these treatments are used in conjunction with mental treatment. As you know, each factor has a significant impact, so he doesn’t allow me to contact the outside world… If you come, I will be distracted.”

"Will you obediently undergo treatment?"

"Of course, if the treatment is effective," Shen Manzhi smiled, her voice soft and gentle, like a gentle breeze at night, "I'll have more time to spend with you in the future."

He can even blurt out this.

Qin Yanfeng slightly raised his eyes, his expression softening slightly.

She seemed to be responding to what he had overheard outside the door that night.

"Shen Manzhi."

"Ok?"

As the vehicle drove along the road near Victoria Harbour, the dazzling street scenes flashed past on both sides of the window, but Qin Yanfeng only lowered his head slightly, and the brilliant lights still seemed dim in his eyes.

"Don't lie to me."

Shen Manzhi tightened her grip on the phone and laughed, "Why would I lie to you?"

Qin Yanfeng gestured for Zuo Yi to stop the car. He leaned against the back of the car. The wind in the harbor was relatively gentle, but his heart was terribly cold.

“In the past, if I pressed you about things and insisted on coming to see you, you would have hung up and ignored me long ago.”

Shen Manzhi was speechless. "...Am I really that heartless?"

Qin Yanfeng lowered his eyes and continued, "I won't say much to explain why you won't let me come to you. You've never liked me interfering in your affairs."

These words left Shen Manzhi completely speechless. "Couldn't it just be my true feelings?"

He asked in a calm tone, "Do you even believe it yourself?"

"..."

Qin Yanfeng had already figured it out from the moment she brought up Boss Wen to explain.

She only reveals her true feelings openly when she is drunk or has had too much to drink, saying that she likes him and misses him.

He sighed almost inaudibly, "Would you be willing to tell me what happened?"

Shen Manzhi was a little annoyed that he could guess so clearly, and said, "I'm not really willing."

Silence fell between them.

"Did you get hurt in the fight and don't want me to know?" Qin Yanfeng's voice lowered, his seemingly casual tone tinged with a hint of hoarseness. "Is the injury serious?"

Shen Manzhi's breath hitched, and her eyes stung slightly. "Will you be angry?"

"I'll only be angry at myself for not taking good care of you."

“This is none of your business,” Shen Manzhi blurted out instinctively, then quickly added, “No, what I meant was…”

“I know,” Qin Yanfeng gently picked up on her words and analyzed her, “You’re used to handling everything on your own and don’t want to involve others. You’re worried about me getting involved, so it’s okay if you don’t tell me.”

So when he overheard her conversation with Jingmo that night, he wasn't entirely angry; he felt more heartache.

Shen Manzhi fell silent.

"But I don't want to pretend I don't know anything, and I don't want you to keep it from me."

Perhaps because it was in an open area, the sound seemed somewhat diffuse, and the electrical hum seemed to pass through my eardrums at a very low pitch.

“Shen Manzhi, I am not just anyone. I don’t want you to exclude me because of the uncertainty of the future. I have always been behind you and am someone who can stand shoulder to shoulder with you.”

Without a trace of blame or anger, he simply offered her support with calm and gentle words.

In the empty ward, apart from the rhythmic beeping of the medical equipment, Shen Manzhi could hear the pounding of a heartbeat.

Her eyes welled up with tears, and she sighed silently. He always understood her, yet he always made her feel guilty.

"Then wait for me to come back, okay?"

"If I could, I would prefer to take care of you."

Shen Manzhi paused for a moment, then said, "Give me some time."

"……it is good."

She hung up the phone, ignoring the pain from her wound, turned over and lay on her side, burying her head between her arms.

Over the years, countless times, it has been proven that this curled-up posture can relieve extremely unbearable feelings of depression.

She misses this person so much.

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