A widower's entertainment

Chapter 300 [His Love] (Please Subscribe)
Beijing, Lu Xun Academy of Literature.

As New Year's Day approaches, a biting wind rages through Beijing, carrying a chill that cuts like a knife.

The room was still warm and cozy, since rooms in the north are heated. This is why authors in the north tend to produce more works than those in the south during the winter.

Xie Shuhua's face was streaked with tears, her eyes were red, and she felt very sad. She reread Lin Youcheng's book "Atonement". The last chapter was so well written and so painful. The more she read, the more helpless and sad she felt.

The novel's ending, in just two short lines, proclaims the deaths of Luo Yang and Lin Yu. Between the lines, one can see how individuals become cannon fodder in the course of historical war. Less than seven days pass between Luo Yang's death and Lin Yu's demise in the hospital. Perhaps dying together is another form of reunion, but such a reunion is truly heartbreaking.

Xie Shuhua's mind was still replaying the sentence Lin Yu had written to Luo Yang:
"You must come back. I will wait for you."

Their love was brave and strong. It began with a seemingly explicit letter, which allowed Lin Yu to see true love. Then, despite accusations from others, she continued to believe him, even at the cost of breaking with her family. In the end, even in death, their love did not wither.

But all the descriptions pale in comparison to these eight words that appear in every letter to Luo Yang.

In war, in death, in the smoke of battle, in despair, these eight words led Luo Yang to the very end.

Lin Yu is his faith, his dream, the sunshine in despair, the hope in darkness. She is abstracted into a symbol, embodying everyone's dream of survival.

Sadly, such a beautiful love was destroyed, and in the end, both Luo Yang and Lin Yu died on the battlefield. Perhaps it's hard to say whether a tragedy caused by the times or a tragedy caused by an individual is more heartbreaking.

But Xie Shuhua felt heartbroken.

"Watching 'Atonement' again?"

Cheng Hong returned with a thermos flask filled with hot water and saw Xie Shuhua reading Lin Youcheng's "Atonement" again. She couldn't help but say, "Stop reading that sad story."

In Cheng Hong's view, Atonement is a painful story, especially the ironic and heartbreaking ending, which is hard to let go of.

"Lin Youcheng is indeed ruthless and experienced. I don't know if it's only tragedies that make people remember him. Most of the love stories in his works are indeed tragedies."

Xie Shuhua wiped away her tears. Hearing Cheng Hong's words, she couldn't help but think of Lin Youcheng's previous novels. Whether it was "Under the Hawthorn Tree" or "The Devotion of Suspect X," they were all complete tragedies. As for "Love Letter," it was also a story of unrequited love with irreparable regret. Other novels like "Strange Tales of the Human World," "The Time Traveler's Wife," "The Lake House," and even "Lurking" mostly featured love stories of separation.

It seems that love stories in Lin Youcheng's works are mostly tragedies!
Xie Shuhua looked at Cheng Hong, her heart heavy, and asked, "Do you think he's still thinking about his deceased wife?"

Clearly, Xie Shuhua's question is one that many people believe, because they all know that the master writer Lin Youcheng is best known for writing love stories. However, Lin Youcheng is a widower whose wife passed away several years ago. Lin Youcheng only embarked on his literary career after his wife's death, and his earlier novels were all about love. Moreover, Lin Youcheng has not remarried to this day, which naturally leads many people to believe that Lin Youcheng is truly a love-struck fool.

Upon hearing Xie Shuhua's words, Cheng Hong naturally understood what Xie Shuhua meant. She knew very well what Xie Shuhua was thinking and had always admired Lin Youcheng.

It must have been when Xie Shuhua was still at Yenching University that I fell in love with her. That admiration may have started as an appreciation for her literature and talent. However, after Xie Shuhua graduated, she returned to work at the editorial department of "Fiction Monthly" in Tianjin. It should be noted that "Fiction Monthly" was the magazine where Lin Youcheng's debut novel was published.

Now that Xie Shuhua has come to the Lu Xun Academy of Literature and become Lin Youcheng's student again, her admiration for him has naturally deepened. Otherwise, Xie Shuhua wouldn't have gone to Xinghua Hutong from time to time and even tutored Lin Youcheng's daughter in English.

"Shuhua, regardless of whether he still thinks about his deceased wife, you should ask yourself what you really think."

Cheng Hong walked to Xie Shuhua's side, looked at Xie Shuhua, and said with a serious expression, "You really need to think this through carefully. Just like the love stories in Lin Youcheng's novels, sometimes you still need to be brave."

"The love between Lin Yu and Luo Yang in 'Atonement' is just that brave."

Xie Shuhua hadn't expected Cheng Hong to be so direct, and her heart pounded.

"Shuhua, you need to think this through. There's an age difference between you, and he has six children. You need to know that."

"I do not mind."

Xie Shuhua shook her head and blurted out, "I don't care at all."

Xie Shuhua was well aware that Lin Youcheng was a widower who had been married before, was fourteen years older than her, and had six children. She had known this for a long time, but she still thought about Lin Youcheng and admired this middle-aged widower.

When Cheng Hong heard Xie Shuhua blurt out that he didn't care, she knew very well what was going on and couldn't help but say, "Then you should talk to him directly."

Say it directly?
Xie Shuhua's heart was pounding. She had thought about telling Lin Youcheng, but she hadn't, perhaps because she was afraid of being rejected by him.

Unrequited love is a silent play; perhaps it will turn into tragedy once it is spoken aloud.

Xie Shuhua was very uncertain. In her eyes, Lin Youcheng was very talented and a good father. Just like the love stories in Lin Youcheng's writing, he seemed to always be thinking about the dead woman. So, was it possible that she was the one?
“We can’t keep dragging this on like this. He receives so many letters from readers, and there are probably quite a few that express love. Maybe he won’t even care. You can be bolder and more courageous.”

Cheng Hong added, "He is still alone after all."

Xie Shuhua was also moved by Cheng Hong's words. No matter what, Lin Youcheng was still single and unmarried. If he waited until Lin Youcheng got married, he might not have another chance.

Perhaps it's this kind of thinking, or perhaps it's because Lin Yu in Lin Youcheng's novel "Atonement" is so brave.

Xie Shuhua felt an increasing urge to tell Lin Youcheng what she was thinking.

Perhaps we should be as brave as Lin Yu in "Atonement," daring to love even in the most difficult circumstances, loving without hesitation, even if we may not get the ending we expect in the end.

……

Xinghua Hutong, Beijing.

Some people are interested in Lin Youcheng's literature of atonement, while others are interested in Lin Youcheng's life.

It can even be said that there are many people who care about Lin Youcheng's life, and even more people who care about his marital life. These include not only countless readers and strangers, but also his elder brother Lin Youcai in Dezhou, and Aunt Zhao, the director of the street office in Xinghua Hutong.

In fact, Lin Youcai, the eldest brother, had been concerned about Lin Youcheng's marriage back in Decheng. Of course, that was a long time after the child's mother had died. He thought it wouldn't be easy for Lin Youcheng to raise the child alone, and the family still needed a woman. Moreover, Lin Youcheng was only in his thirties at the time, and he couldn't stay single forever. He had long wanted to ask Fang Mei to look for a suitable person, but later Lin Youcheng's family went to Beijing, and naturally, the matter was dropped. However, Lin Youcai always kept this in mind and would occasionally write letters to urge Lin Youcheng on the matter.

Especially since Lin Zhaoxi had already been admitted to high school, and the youngest Lin Zhaole was also in school, Lin Youcai was naturally worried about his younger brother and would call to inquire about the matter from time to time.

"Big brother, I know, I know."

Lin Youcheng hung up the phone from Lin Youcai in Decheng with some helplessness.

Clearly, his older brother Lin Youcai was worrying about his marriage again. He knew that Lin Youcai meant well and was genuinely concerned about his future. Even though he was now a father of six, his older brother was still pressuring him to get married.

It should be said that it wasn't just my eldest brother urging me; my second sister also called from Jiangsu Province to inquire about this matter.

Thinking that he was the father of six children, Lin Youcheng felt a sense of disorientation. He seemed to have long been accustomed to his identity, and this accustomedness was the most terrifying thing. He was only twenty-three years old when he became a thirty-two-year-old widower, raising his children and supporting his family at the same time. In the blink of an eye, it seemed that Lin Zhaole's newborn baby was still crying in front of him, and the sound made him feel immense pressure, as if it were a nightmare.

Fortunately, those most painful days are over now, and he no longer has to sweep the streets of Chunfeng Alley while taking care of his child.

I'm already thirty-eight years old, and I'll be thirty-nine after the New Year.

Lin Youcheng thought about how he was originally twenty-three years old, and how these years of raising children had passed in the blink of an eye, and he was already twenty-nine. In the future, he would have long been at the age where he would be urged to get married.

Now that living conditions are better and he doesn't have to worry about his kids much, shouldn't he be able to eat and sleep comfortably?
Lin Youcheng shook his head and smiled, realizing that he seemed to have some ideas of his own.

After Lin Youcheng finished his call, he turned his gaze to the side and was about to say something when he saw Song Ma leading Aunt Zhao from the neighborhood office into the room.

Aunt Zhao walked in with a smile on her face. When she saw Lin Youcheng, she said, "Youcheng, I've come here to talk to you about something."

“Youcheng, I know you’ve always been thinking about your child’s mother, but so much time has passed, it’s time for you to find someone else.”

Song Ma, who seemed to have known about Zhao Da Ma's purpose for coming, also looked at Lin Youcheng, as if she wanted to say a few words of advice. She also felt that Lin Youcheng was alone...

"There's a female colleague in our neighborhood office. Would you like to get to know her?"

Aunt Zhao said earnestly, "She's a really nice person, and she's good-looking too. She's a few years younger than you, but her husband died early, and she was married once, though she has no children."

"Would you like to meet the other person and get to know them?"

Hearing Aunt Zhao's words, Lin Youcheng knew that this woman he hadn't met must be quite nice, otherwise Aunt Zhao wouldn't have come to introduce her to him.

However, Lin Youcheng really had no intention of finding a divorced widow, even though he was now a widower nearing forty.

If it were really possible, this widower would still want to date younger women, since he's actually not even thirty yet.

Such a thought flashed through my mind.

Lin Youcheng smiled and declined, saying, "Thank you, Aunt Zhao, but I'll pass on that. I have no intention of doing so."

"Youcheng, I really have to tell you, you have a long life ahead of you, you should find someone to settle down with! Your children will all get married in the future, and you'll have someone to keep you company when you're old!"

Will I have a companion when I get old?

Hmm, why does this sound a bit melancholic? It feels like he's really getting old.

Lin Youcheng felt a chill for some reason. After thinking for a moment, he said, "Aunt Zhao, I know. I will find one."

"Youcheng, don't just talk the talk, you really need to get on with it!"

Aunt Zhao, without any hesitation, said, "If you hurry up, you can get married and have children at this age."

"Really, don't just say things like that, or the auntie will come back to play matchmaker for you again."

Lin Youcheng listened to Aunt Zhao's words, smiled and nodded, and said, "Don't worry, I will."

Aunt Zhao had come over to introduce Lin Youcheng to some female colleagues from the neighborhood office, but since Lin Youcheng had refused, she didn't linger. After all, Aunt Zhao knew that when it came to matters of the heart, she could only act as a go-between; she couldn't expect things to work out exactly as she envisioned.

"Youcheng, if you have any ideas, I'll keep an eye out for you."

Before leaving, Aunt Zhao couldn't help but mutter one more thing, thinking that if Lin Youcheng had any type of female comrade he liked, she could help keep an eye out for her.

When Lin Youcheng heard Aunt Zhao's words, he thought to himself that he didn't want a second marriage or a widow. Forgive him, a widower with a child, for he still had some thoughts and wanted a young and beautiful woman. But he said aloud, "Auntie, no need, thank you."

Lin Youcheng felt it was best not to expect Aunt Zhao to introduce him to any women; perhaps next time it would be a widow with a child, since his widower would be a year older after the New Year.

Lin Youcheng shook his head, stopped thinking about it, saw Aunt Zhao out, and turned to go back inside.

Just as Lin Youcheng entered the house, he heard a noise outside, turned around and saw someone coming.

The young and beautiful Xie Shuhua wore a red scarf, had two long braids, and held a book in her hand. Her eyebrows were curved, and she seemed to be very surprised to see Lin Youcheng. Her eyes lit up and were full of smiles.

At this moment, in the deep winter of 1989, the last snow of the 1980s began to fall silently, landing on the eaves, on the courtyard walls, and on the pomegranate trees.

But winter has come, so how far away can spring in the 1990s be?

(End of this chapter)