I'm trapped in a block

Chapter 894 Understanding
"I got a promotion."

"But I'm not really happy, because a higher rank means greater responsibilities. I feel that my current responsibilities are beyond my capabilities. I have even reported this to my superiors, but they told me to adapt well and to calm down and grow. If I'm not capable enough, I should slowly improve my abilities."

"But how can this be so simple? The higher you stand, the more people you need to protect. During this period, I often couldn't sleep, thinking about how to deal with all the complicated things the next day."

"I was not like this when I was at home. I would fall asleep as soon as I touched the pillow at night, and no matter how I called, I could not be woken up. Xiaoling even said that I was a robot and had a command that I would fall into a deep sleep as soon as I touched the pillow. Now that I think about it, the quality of sleep at that time was really good. Unfortunately, I can't go back."

"My relic is powerful and its cost is not fatal. This is a rare case. My superiors are very optimistic about me and have given me many opportunities. Even though I am not very smart, they have been encouraging me. I cannot let them down."

"Not only for myself, but also for my family above the abyss, for my comrades, and for those who believe in me. I can only take on these responsibilities slowly."

"Sometimes I envy Liangliang. Children don't need to worry about so many things. They just need to eat, drink, play and sleep. Calculating the time, Liangliang should be almost old enough to go to elementary school. I have actually been in the abyss for almost six years?"

"Time flies so fast. Liangliang should take on his responsibilities...Haha, I wonder if Xiaoling will get angry and jump up when I help her with her homework. Without me by her side, she must be very distressed."

"Will she blame me for not being around? Will Liangliang miss his dad? When he goes to primary school, will his classmates bully him if his dad is not around? Every time I think about these things, I start to have a headache and can't sleep."

"I really want to go back and see them, but there's no way. I can't get away. I'm needed here and I can't be a deserter."

“I hope they can understand me.”

……

"Liangliang should be going to junior high school soon, right?"

"I wonder if the education in the Abyss is still the same as it was back then? In this era, the pressure on children should be quite high. My subordinates told me that children nowadays have to take many courses every year, and some university courses have even been compressed into elementary school courses."

"Is this really reasonable? Can children accept this? Liangliang must be very tired... It would be great if I could be with him at this time. But even if I were with him, I wouldn't be able to teach him anything. He has forgotten everything he learned in school. Last time, he spent a long time calculating addition and subtraction within 100. I feel like his brain is getting less and less sharp."

"I've discussed this with my old comrades before. The times are developing too fast. The responsibilities and pressures shared by everyone are becoming heavy. Even the children are like this, not to mention those of us on the front lines. Each of us is a 'tentacle' of the human collective consciousness, and is exploring forward with staggering steps. The burden of human development is evenly shared by everyone."

"Liangliang was born in an era full of pressure, but also in an era full of opportunities. They are the seeds of the future of mankind, and we are the leaves that protect them. We should do our best to protect them from wind and rain before the leaves turn yellow and fall."

"Alas, as my position gets higher, I have more things to think about. I remember that I was not like this before. At that time, I just thought about living every day. How come I am now always thinking about these grand narratives?"

"Now I don't dream about Xiaoling and Liangliang anymore. All I dream about are various plans, tasks, and strategies..."

"Would they be disappointed if they saw me like this?"

"I hope they can understand me..."

"I'm going to Yuan Kongxia. I've thought about this for a long time and decided to take it."

"Looking through my old notes, although they were naive, my thoughts have never changed: these things always need someone to do them, if not me, then someone else. Everyone has various identities, but in the face of the future of mankind, these identities have become unimportant."

“We are part of a collective consciousness of humanity. Although each individual has a different identity, when aggregated together, these identities only have one function - to become the bond that connects us to each other.”

"I could see this vaguely when I was young, but now that I am standing taller, I can see it more clearly..."

"Those soldiers at the front are the extended nerve endings. Their superiors are the tangled nerve ganglia, which are played by the higher-level 'sergeants'. Above the sergeants are even higher-level nerve ganglia, where a group of 'commanders' gather together and use their own consciousness to direct the movement of the nerve endings."

"I stand above the commander, commanding those individuals, and at the same time I am surrounded by them, becoming a larger nerve center. Countless individual consciousnesses surround me, making me a small group consciousness. Above me, there is an even larger group consciousness, a more advanced human group. Then, it goes up and up, and finally condenses into a terrifying beast. That beast is called - human."

“We are swept up by the times and group consciousness, extending our synapses of exploration to the future, and using our most sensitive perceptions to feel the tide of the times. Those ups and downs are accompanied by our identities and the bonds between us, fluctuating to higher places, and finally spreading throughout our bodies, allowing the entire human group to empathize.”

"Xiaoling, Liangliang, and I...although we are in different parts of the human group consciousness and surrounded by different nerve clusters, we are all inside this huge human beast. What I feel, they can also feel. The electricity in their bodies will also pass through my body."

"When I think about it, I feel like they are still standing with me."

"I held their hands, stood on the cliff overlooking the abyss, and looked at the unknown and infinite future..."

"Liangliang is still young now, so he probably won't understand why his father left him. When he grows up, he will slowly understand... After all, he is my son, and the connection between us can exist without communication."

"He will feel me in the entire human community, and my thoughts and feelings will eventually pass through his body one day."

"..."

"I sleep much better recently. I often see Xiaoling and Liangliang in my dreams. They are waving at me."

“I knew they would understand me.”

……

(End of this chapter)