The Best Actor in the Vase of Meiyu

Chapter 2016 Dangerous Edge
Stand-up comedy has a delicate line between offense and jokes, and now, Chris Rock is dancing right on that line.

But does Chris care?

Of course not, because that's his comedic style; he's not going to apologize for offending anyone.

Chris could sense the slightly awkward laughter from the audience, but he remained calm and smiled as he admired the faces before him.

"In short, no one performs at the Oscars."

"I mean, a real performance, like a 'to be or not to be' scene? Or something like Morgan Freeman doing a shampoo commercial?"

Finally, the atmosphere heated up, and everyone burst into laughter, including Morgan Freeman himself.

"The only performance at the Oscars is the nominees who missed out on an award pretending nothing happened."

“I remember three years ago, when Halle Berry won the award, Nicole Kidman was so happy. She should have won an Emmy for it.”

Roar!
Hooray! Applause and whistles erupted, because Nicole Kidman wasn't there tonight, and the guests could finally cheer freely.

Chris was very pleased with the commotion before him and started to gloat again.

"I want to say, if you had performed that well in your nominated film, you would have been the undisputed Best Actress that year, girl!"

After saying that, Chris was extremely happy and laughed heartily, as if he were shouting to Nicole Kidman sitting at home through the camera, "Haha."

"That being said, I like movies, good movies and bad movies, I like them all. But some movies are so bad that they make one worry about the actors' financial situation?"

“Nicolas Cage, I wasn’t talking about you.”

It was hilarious, it exploded with laughter instantly.

Please do not take this personally.

“I mean, one day I watched ‘The Journey of Love’ in the movie theater and I immediately sent the male lead, Cooper Gooding Jr., an eighty-dollar check.”

Laughter erupted, and although many understood Chris's meaning, their eyes were filled with confusion: which movie was "The Journey of Love" referring to?

99% of the guests present probably hadn't seen this film; it's even less likely they'd have seen Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez's disastrously poorly received "The Kidnappers."

"In my opinion, the underlying reason is that the film companies were too anxious and rushed to release the film."

"But if we don't see a big star, then we'll just have to wait. We'll wait patiently!"

"I know some people will say, with hundreds of big stars tonight, how could that not be enough?"

"No, I didn't!"

"There are only four real stars here tonight; the rest are just popular ordinary people."

Instantly, the atmosphere became lively.

Ansen could immediately feel the scorching gazes rushing towards him, their eyes bared and claws raised, and the back of his neck felt burning hot.

But Anson remained calm.

He knew that Chris wouldn't follow the usual script. Even if Chris was really going to criticize Anson, who should the other three name?

No matter who you criticize, you'll offend the rest of the group.

Therefore, Chris's mention of four real stars here must be a deliberate reference.

"Four people"?
Anson had a thought: there were four Black nominees at tonight's Oscars, and if Chris went down that route, the comedic effect would be off the charts.

However, Anson's prediction was wrong—

"For example, Clint Eastwood. There's no doubt that Eastwood is a superstar."

The entire audience erupted in applause, giving a standing ovation to the highly respected Clint Eastwood. This actor, who rose to fame during the Western film era and has continued his success as a director, has consistently delivered numerous classic works, truly deserving of the title of superstar.

The problem is that no matter who he talks about next, Chris is likely to offend someone.

Then, without warning, Chris made a surprise return.

“Eastwood, this is what we call a superstar. Anson Wood? He’s just a kid in a tights.”

One second, two seconds—

Hahaha!
The laughter erupted, a frenzied burst of laughter. After a brief moment of stunned silence, the entire Kodak Theatre descended into madness, with even Kate and Leonardo laughing uproariously.

So, what about Anson?

The live broadcast camera immediately focused on Anson. Everyone knew that Anson would be appearing frequently tonight, but no one expected that the first time would be in such an occasion.

Anson lowered his head, not out of shyness or embarrassment, but to look at his pants, then crossed his legs, carefully covering his private parts, before raising his head again and smiling at the camera.

Boom boom boom!
More than just bursts of laughter, applause and whistles surged throughout the venue, as Anson's glance and gesture brought the Oscars to their first climax tonight.

Anson must admit that he did not anticipate Chris's approach and was caught off guard, but he never loses his self-deprecating humor.

Not to mention the audience, even Chris was caught off guard, paused for a moment, and burst out laughing.

puff.

Chris laughed out loud, barely managing to regain his composure, and continued, "Can't find a superstar? Wait!"

"You want Tom Cruise, but you only found Anson Wood? Wait!"

The jokes finally arrived, and they came one after another. Although they were different from what was expected, the focus was not on the superstars but on the non-superstars, but the focus was on Anson, who took a different approach to ignite all the laughs, turning the Kodak Theatre into a sea of ​​laughter.

Even in front of the television, people were all leaning back and making a great fuss.

“It’s different, it’s different.”

"Who is Anson Wood? Why is he in every movie I've watched in the last four years? He's almost as annoying as Jude Law."

Hahaha!
This is killing two birds with one stone: it smeared Anson and Jude Law at the same time.

“He’s practically everywhere. He’s in movies even if he’s not in them. If you look closely at the credits, he might be there serving tea and water or cleaning.”

"He's a man, he's a woman, he's British, he's American, and next time he might play Jabba in Star Wars."

The laughter and applause just wouldn't stop.

Leonardo turned to look at Anson, and then saw Anson mimic Jabba from the movie by making a hookah-smoking motion, which made him burst out laughing.

Literally—

Leonardo burst out laughing and flew out of his skin, kneeling down and hiding outside the camera's view, clapping and laughing.

Viewers sitting in front of their TVs saw Leonardo DiCaprio make a "pfft" sound in the live broadcast, and then he disappeared without a trace.

In the footage, Anson remained calm, even tapping his pipe in the air. His smug expression ignited laughter, and everyone laughed until they were speechless.

Chris, standing on the stage, spread his hands, looking utterly helpless. He should have been the center of attention; he was the one dancing on the edge of danger, risking his life in acrobatic performances. Instead, Anson effortlessly stole all the spotlight from below. He exclaimed—

This is unfair! So, is good looks really the only thing that matters?
Chris shook his head, trying to draw attention back. "You want Russell Crowe? But you only found Anson Wood? Wait!"

“This is different; Spider-Man is definitely not a gladiator.”

As a result, the live stream camera switched, and Anson spread his hands, looking at Chris with an innocent expression, clearly saying:
Again?

If you manage to fleece someone, you're about to fleece them bald. Is that really okay?
(End of this chapter)