History of the Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms

Chapter 906: Silly and Stupid

【Cute, silly, and naive】

No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. It is easy for a person to make a mistake once, but it is difficult for him to make mistakes all his life. Dang Jin is one of the rare endangered species who makes mistakes all his life. However, his stupidity is always so cute and adorable, and always just right.

When we bathe, burn incense, sit upright, and open history books with awe, and communicate with the ancients, what comes into view is mostly the rigid, serious and cold writings of the saints. The playful historians sometimes embellish some humorous anecdotes, such as the "tumbler prime minister" Feng Dao, a joke teller who was delayed by his official career. However, compared with Dang Jin, Feng Dao's anecdotes are much inferior, because Dang Jin lived his life like a joke.

At this tense moment when Taizu personally led the expedition to Taiyuan, I can't help but share with you the artistic life of Dang Jin, a happy comedian.

Dang Jin was born in a humble family and was a member of the Xi ethnic group. In the eyes of the Shatuo people, the Xi people belonged to the remote mountainous areas, poor and remote areas, and barbaric and barbaric. Kang Fu, a Shatuo man, once got furious because he misheard "Jin Qiu Lan Xi" as "Lan Xi", emphasizing that he was a pure-blooded Shatuo, not a Xi. This shows that the Xi people were at the bottom of the ethnic contempt chain at that time.

This child from the Xi tribe became a servant of General Du Chongwei at a very young age. He was loved by Du Chongwei for his cleverness and kept by his side to serve him. After Du Chongwei was killed, another special skill of Dang Jin was discovered. He was very strong and could not only serve others but also kill people. Therefore, he was incorporated into the imperial guards and started his military career.

After the establishment of the Later Zhou Dynasty, the brave and valiant Dang Jin was promoted to the rank of Iron Cavalry Du Yu Hou and was affiliated with the Palace Front Department. The two key words, the Later Zhou Dynasty and the Palace Front Department, can lock in his future rapid rise.

As a direct descendant of Zhao Kuangyin, Dang was further promoted. Before the Northern Expedition to Taiyuan, he had taken over the infantry of the imperial guards and became a senior general of the imperial guards, completing a counterattack in his life.

1. Ignorant of books

Dang Jin was a complete illiterate, unable to read or write. After he was promoted to a mid-level general in the imperial army, he found that his colleagues often wrote down the number of their troops, weapons and armor on wooden boards and carried them with them, so he asked them why.

It turned out that Guo Wei, Chai Rong and Zhao Kuangyin all maintained a habit of asking the generals about the basic data of the troops they led at any time in order to test the generals' work attitude and ability.

Dang Jin also followed their example and asked someone to write the basic information of the troops on a wooden board and carry it with him. On this day, Zhao Kuangyin met Dang Jin by chance and asked him about the relevant situation of the troops as usual.

Dang Jin was secretly delighted, thinking that he was smart and had prepared for the inspection. Then he happily took out the wooden board from his arms, looked down, and was embarrassed because he could not read...

Zhao Kuangyin looked at Dang Jin, who was looking at the board, fearing that the atmosphere would suddenly become quiet.

After a brief silence, Dang Jin suddenly handed the wooden board to Zhao Kuangyin and said, "Anyway, everything you want to ask is on it, just take a look for yourself." As long as I am not embarrassed, others will be embarrassed.

Looking at Dang Jin's innocent and sincere face, Zhao Kuangyin laughed out loud. Instead of blaming him, he thought that this was an extremely simple and unpretentious child, and from then on he valued him even more.

2. I don’t know Han Xin

One day, Dang Jin was riding a tall horse through the streets and happened to see a folk art group performing on the street. The onlookers cheered, "Hey - one more piece!"

Dang Jin was curious, so he ordered his men to call over their troupe leader, a little black fat man, and then asked them what they were performing.

The troupe leader replied, "We are talking about Han Xin."

Unexpectedly, Dang Jin became furious when he heard this, "You speak ill of Han Xin in front of me, and you can speak ill of me in front of Han Xin, you are a two-faced villain (You say Han Xin to me, and then you say me when you see Han, you are a two-faced person)!" Then he ordered his men to beat him with a stick.

Chinese is extensive and profound. There are at least two interpretations of "speaking of Han Xin", such as Dang Jin's understanding of "speaking ill of Han Xin". The uneducated Dang Jin made the same mistake as Guan Gong in fighting Qin Qiong.

3. The scene of the car rollover

Dang Jin was once ordered to be the inspector of the capital, similar to the captain of the capital's urban management team. When patrolling the streets, if he found that the people kept birds and animals as pets, he would let them go on the spot and scold them: "You have money to buy meat, but instead of honoring your parents, you feed these animals. This is outrageous!"

On this day, Dang Jin saw someone holding a young eagle. He was immediately furious and went forward to let the eagle go. The person holding the eagle hurriedly shouted, "This is the eagle of Zhao Guangyi, the Prince of Jin!"

Dang Jin's expression suddenly changed 180 degrees, "Oh my, then you guys better take good care of it, don't hurt it!"

The onlookers laughed secretly, but Dang Jin, who had been humiliated, did not feel ashamed at all.

Again, as long as he is not embarrassed, it is others who are embarrassed.
Once the court appointed Dang to guard the border. According to the convention, before leaving Beijing, the general had to give a speech in the court, express his loyalty to the emperor, and sing praises for the emperor. Zhao Kuangyin knew that he was uneducated, so he specially allowed him not to give a speech in the court to avoid embarrassment.

However, Dang Jin is a real person, and he should be honest. Others have to go through this process, so why did they cancel my broadcast? Don't make me special.

In order to prevent him from making a fool of himself, the person in charge of court etiquette wrote a few words on a tablet for him and asked him to memorize them while waiting to enter the hall.

It was Dang Jin's turn to enter the palace. He walked with a confident step, brimming with youthful joy, knelt at the designated position, calmly picked up the tablet, and then...there was another awkward silence in the Golden Throne Hall.

Zhao Kuangyin glanced at the etiquette officer and thought, don't you know his situation clearly? Aren't you deliberately trying to make a fool of him?
The etiquette officer was both anxious and aggrieved, thinking that I had already taught him to recite the entire text sentence by sentence.

Zhao Kuangyin sighed secretly and thought to himself, don't you know he is stupid? He is a rat and will forget things as soon as he puts down his paw!

But Dang Jin frowned and stared at the tablet for a long time. Suddenly he raised his head and stared at Zhao Kuangyin, which shocked everyone. He looked up at the emperor, intending to kill the king and execute him immediately. Who in the Golden Palace dared to look the emperor in the face like this? No one else except the fool Dang Jin.

Zhao Kuangyin was also startled. What does it mean?
Dang Jin suddenly shook his head and said, "I have heard that in ancient times, people were simple and frugal..."

Zhao Kuangyin and all the civil and military officials in the court were shocked because Dang Jin had become so literary. "I have heard that in ancient times, people were simple and concise" was written by Emperor Xuanzong of Tang, Li Longji. The first sentence of Li Longji's preface to the "Book of Filial Piety" was these eight words.

Just as everyone was waiting to witness the miracle in disbelief and expectation, Dang Jin suddenly got stuck, "Qi Feng Pu Lue... that... uh... Your Majesty, please eat and drink well, take care of your rest, and drink more hot water!"

The whole court burst into laughter. Even the guards standing guard at the door almost got internal injuries (the guards covered their mouths and almost lost their faces). The guards at the door of the Golden Palace had special duties and were professionally trained. No matter how funny something was, they would not laugh unless they couldn't help themselves.

Dang Jin not only did not feel embarrassed, but was very proud of himself and thought his performance was brilliant. He even explained to his subordinates that those poor scholars always loved to "show off their knowledge" (quote from classics and show off their knowledge), so he should show off too so that the emperor would know that he was also a cultured person.

5. Bad weather

In a cold winter, with heavy snow, Dang Jin set up a stove in the military tent, ate hot pot, sang songs, and drank strong liquor. After a full meal, he was still slightly tipsy. He was sweating all over. He stroked his bulging belly and couldn't help sighing, "How can it be so hot on a snowy day? The weather is so abnormal!"

As soon as he finished speaking, the guard standing outside the tent in the snow and wind responded, "The weather here is quite nice."

Dang Jin was speechless.

6. The General in the Belly

After a meal and a few drinks, Dang Jin caressed his tummy and said, "My dear tummy, have I not let you down?"

The attendant next to him added: "But it has failed the general."

"Oh? How do you say this?"

"It never gave the general any wisdom."

His followers ridiculed him for being ignorant, but Dang Jin did not get angry. He just smiled foolishly and let it go.

7. Loyalty and Righteousness

Du Chongwei, Shi Jingtang's brother-in-law, betrayed the Central Plains in the late period of the "Jin-Liao War" and surrendered with an army of 100,000, which directly led to the demise of the Later Jin Dynasty. Later, he became a vassal of Liu Zhiyuan of the Later Han Dynasty. Before his death, Liu Zhiyuan secretly ordered him to be killed. Subsequently, Du Chongwei and his son were killed, and their bodies were exposed in the street. The onlookers dismembered and trampled them. Du Chongwei and his son eventually died tragically without a complete body and a place to be buried.

Du Chongwei still had descendants alive, but everyone avoided them like the plague, either out of contempt or hatred, or more often out of fear of being implicated and liquidated. These descendants had no skills, could not make a living, and were almost dying in poverty. At this time, only Dang Jin, who had been Du Chongwei's servant, stepped forward, took out his salary, and provided monthly assistance to support him.

Most of the loyal people are butchers, and most of the unfaithful people are scholars. When Du Chongwei was in power, those masters and old artists who shouted against vulgarity all day long followed the trend and competed to flatter him. When Du Chongwei lost power, they became passers-by and watched his descendants starve to death. On the contrary, the former slaves ignored the accusations of public opinion and were not afraid of being implicated and liquidated. They gave a part of their already meager salary to help each other. As long as the literati still had a conscience, how could they not feel ashamed?
(End of this chapter)