History of the Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms

Chapter 94 "Master" Lu Yongzhi
[“Master” Lü Yongzhi]

Gao Pian was ecstatic at the news that Zhou Bao had encountered a mutiny. He summoned civil and military officials to hold a banquet and celebrate.

I really don't know what deep hatred the two have. Seeing his former good brother fall into misfortune, Gao Pian would be so gloating and disregard the overall situation.

Zhou Bao was right. Gao Pian's end was far more tragic than Zhou Bao's, and the one who dragged Gao Pian into purgatory was none other than the master named Lu Yongzhi.

Lü Yongzhi, a big liar, a "master", a typical charlatan. He was wanted by the government for "spreading evil words to confuse the people and forming a party to cause chaos". He hid from place to place and went into exile everywhere, and was finally taken in by Gao Pian.

In his later years, Gao Pian was particularly devoted to gods and was deeply poisoned by feudal superstition. Lü Yongzhi's tricks of turning beans into soldiers and calling the wind and rain were very much to Gao Pian's liking. Gao Pian favored Lü Yongzhi, rewarded him generously, and even gave him a military position, treating him like a living god.

Lu Yongzhi was not only good at spreading lies to confuse the public, but also good at forming cliques for personal gain. He had a good grasp of Gao Pian's situation and began to prescribe the right medicine for him. He recommended his clique members Zhang Shouyi and Zhuge Yin to Gao Pian, and the three of them worked together to deceive Gao Pian.

In fact, before this, Zhang Shouyi had met Gao Pian and demonstrated his "magic" to Gao Pian, but his tricks were not good enough and he failed. Lu Yongzhi gave Zhang Shouyi a special training in private and carried out targeted intensive training. Gao Pian really took the bait and worshipped Zhang Shouyi as a living god.

Before recommending Zhuge Yin, Lu Yongzhi first fed Gao Pian some psychological advice, saying, "The Jade Emperor appeared in my dream last night and told me that you have a lot of work to do, so he sent a god to help you handle your official duties. You must treat him well and it would be best if you could give him an important position in the mortal world."

Gao Pian nodded repeatedly.

The next day, Zhuge Yin went to see Gao Pian. He was very responsive, fluent in his answers, and talked and laughed in the hall (of course, this was all rehearsed in advance). Gao Pian fell in love with him at first sight and thought to himself, isn’t this a deity sent by the Jade Emperor? So he gave Zhuge Yin the lucrative position of the Salt and Iron Monopoly.

Gao Pian was a descendant of noble families, a young master, and was naturally tidy and clean, even a mysophobe. He never allowed his nephews, nieces, or other younger generations to sit next to him.

Zhuge Yin suffered from a serious skin disease, with sores, pustules and pustules all over his body. He would scratch himself from time to time, and his nails were often filled with pus and blood, which was disgusting. Gao Pian not only did not mind at all, but also ate at the same table with him, talked with him for a long time, and even shared wine glasses and rice bowls.

The attendant was puzzled, "Marshal, don't you have mysophobia? Look at him like that, we servants can't stand it anymore..."

"What do you know? The gods pretended to be like this to test whether I am pious enough. Haven't you heard of Guo Degang's "The Legend of Ji Gong"? "

"Marshal, Ji Gong was a person from the Southern Song Dynasty..."

"Don't talk nonsense. Guo Degang still has to move on."

Jokes aside, it shows how deeply Gao Pian was poisoned. He was fooled by Lu Yongzhi and others and his brain was crippled.

Gao Pian raised several pet dogs. The dogs were very sensitive to the smell of blood and often surrounded Zhuge Yin, sniffing around and showing great affection.

Gao Pian was puzzled. It was obviously my pet dog, so why was it so close to you?

Zhuge Yin laughed loudly and said, "They are also celestial dogs sent down from heaven. When I was with the Jade Emperor, I played with them and cleaned their poop. It has been hundreds of years since we last met. I didn't expect that they still recognized me."

Gao Pian was even more convinced that Zhuge Yin was a god from heaven. When Gao Pian fell out with the court and cursed at each other, one day, Lu Yongzhi suddenly told Gao Pian in a serious tone, "It's bad, Marshal! I calculated with my fingers that the Prime Minister (referring to Zheng Ting) has sent an assassin to kill you, Marshal, and he will arrive tonight!"

Gao Pian was terrified, "Master, what should we do?"

Lu Yongzhi remained calm and said with a smile, "Don't worry, don't be afraid. Mr. Zhang Shouyi is proficient in this kind of magic. Ask him to do something, and he will surely help you get out of this danger."

Gao Pian asked Zhang Shouyi to save his life, and Zhang Shouyi readily agreed, "How difficult is that? Please do this and that, and we will surely be able to turn danger into safety."

Under Zhang Shouyi's instructions, Gao Pian transformed himself into a cross-dresser, put on women's clothes, and secretly moved to other rooms, while Zhang Shouyi wore Gao Pian's pajamas and slept on Gao Pian's bed.

At midnight, Zhang Shouyi threw a large copper basin that he had prepared in advance onto the steps outside the house, making a loud "bang", and then splashed the pig blood that he had prepared in advance all over the yard, making it look like a crime scene.

The next morning, Zhang Shouyi, exhausted, reported to Gao Pian, "Oh, that assassin is indeed the best martial arts master in the world. I almost died in his hands. Fortunately, thanks to the Marshal's blessing, we won a narrow victory."

Gao Pian was so moved that he burst into tears, "Mr. Zhang, you are my reborn parents!" He then rewarded Zhang Shouyi with a large amount of gold, silver and jewelry.

In fact, the tricks used by Lü Yongzhi's followers were not very clever, and were even full of loopholes. However, what is puzzling is that such a mediocre trick could actually convince Gao Pian. It is really incredible. Let's share a few typical examples:
Lu Yongzhi carved a few strange characters on a piece of bluestone and secretly placed them on the incense table where Gao Pian was practicing Taoism and ascending to heaven. Gao Pian was puzzled and invited various calligraphers and text experts to study them. After deciphering them, they found out that they were "The Jade Emperor granted Baiyun Master Gao Pian".

But Gao Pian was so pleased with himself that he thought his piety had moved God.

Lu Yongzhi struck while the iron was hot and said, "The Marshal has been burning incense and practicing, and his merits are remarkable. He has moved the heavens, the earth, and the Jade Emperor in heaven. He is going to arrange an immortal position for the Marshal in the Heavenly Palace. It is estimated that soon, a crane will descend here to welcome the Marshal to ascend to heaven. For us gods who have been demoted to the mortal world for making mistakes, our sentences have been served, and we will return to the Heavenly Palace with the Marshal at that time."

I really think of myself as Zhu Bajie or Sha Monk.

Gao Pian believed it so much that he immediately ordered a huge wooden crane to be carved in the courtyard. He often wore a fairy robe woven with feathers and rode on the back of the wooden crane, hoping that he would soon become a fairy. He did not think that he looked like a birdman.

In his spare time, Gao Pian constantly set up altars for prayer and worship, refined elixirs of immortality, and smelted gold from stones (turning stones into gold). The expenses alone amounted to hundreds of millions.

Lu Yongzhi told Gao Pian that the gods like to live in high buildings, preferably in a towering building where one can reach the stars with one’s hands. As Li Bai said, “I dare not speak loudly for fear of disturbing the gods in heaven.” So we must build a tower to the sky, a skyscraper.

So Gao Pian built a "Yingxian Tower" at a cost of 150,000 strings of cash; he also spent a huge amount of money to build an eight-foot-high "Yanhe Pavilion".

In front of Gao Pian, Lü Yongzhi was never normal, always like a schizophrenic, sometimes he looked at the sky with a frown, sometimes he bowed to the sky. He said that it was a fairy passing by, and you, the general, were not experienced enough to see it.

Gao Pian followed him and bowed to the sky like Lu Yongzhi. He must have never heard of "The Emperor's New Clothes".

(End of this chapter)