History of the Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms

Chapter 994 Diplomatic Tricks - Tao Gu

[Diplomatic Funny——Tao Gu]

In November 968, Zhao Kuangyin "had something to do in the southern suburbs", Qian Hongchu sent his son Qian Weijun and general Sun Chengyou to pay tribute and assist in the sacrifice. Zhao Kuangyin granted Qian Hongchu an imperial edict, which included the words "car and book mixed together". Mr. Qian Hongchu, please translate what car and book mixed together means. The Song Dynasty was determined to unify, and it was impossible to allow any form of separatist regimes - could Wuyue Kingdom be an exception?

In 970, Zhao Kuangyin launched a military attack on Southern Han. Coincidentally, Qian Hongchu sent his son Qian Weijun to pay tribute. Zhao Kuangyin gave Qian Hongchu a new task: to lead an army to attack Fuzhou (Southern Han) and cooperate with the royal army in the battle.

Qian Hongchu immediately assembled his troops and prepared to respond, but Zhao Kuangyin soon sent him the latest message: The journey is long, so don't come. I appreciate your kindness.

What's interesting is that the envoy sent by the Song Dynasty was the famous "diplomatic idiot" - Tao Gu. Tao Gu was a person with a strong utilitarianism, who would do anything to get to the top, but was also very good at "pretending". When he was on a diplomatic mission to the Southern Tang Dynasty, he fell into Han Xizai's beauty trap, making himself a laughing stock for all ages... His diplomatic mission to the Wuyue Kingdom this time naturally left a big joke for future generations.

In view of the delicate and intimate relationship between Wuyue Kingdom and Song Dynasty, Qian Hongchu attached great importance to this banquet and treated Comrade Tao Gu as a distinguished guest. He asked him what he wanted to eat in advance. Tao Gu said that since he came to the land of fish and rice, he wanted to eat some seafood. In a word, Qian Hongchu "feasted with hundreds of aquatic animals", and he would be full to death if he ate a bite.

Tao Gu frowned and looked around, saying that Bianzhou also has lakes and rivers, so there is no shortage of fish and shrimp. I heard that the hairy crabs here are quite famous, and I want to eat some crabs.

No problem, arrange it!
There are more than ten species in total, including swimming crabs, hairy crabs, river crabs, sand crabs. It can be said that all species are available except Godzilla and the Dragon King of the East China Sea.

As expected, Tao Gu started to act up again, pretending that he didn't know the types of crabs and asked Qian Hongchu. Qian Hongchu then acted as the narrator himself, "Welcome to the Wuyue Kingdom on the tip of the tongue, this is the hairy crab..." He introduced Tao Gu in detail from rare to common, from expensive to cheap, from big to small.

Tao Gu then said with a double meaning: "Hey, one crab is worse than another!" After saying that, he looked at Qian Hongchu with great pride.

Qian Hongchu was stunned at first, then he understood the answer from Tao Gu's contemptuous eyes. Tao Gu implied that the Qian family rulers were getting worse with each generation.

Qian Hongchu suppressed his anger, pretended not to understand, and continued to drink and laugh. When the banquet was coming to an end, Qian Hongchu said, "Eating too much crab can easily cause internal coldness and physical weakness, so we usually drink a bowl of hot soup after eating crabs to maintain our health. I specially asked the chef to make a bowl of delicious soup. Please enjoy it slowly."

When the waiter handed the bowl of soup to Tao Gu, he also kindly told him the name of the dish: "Gourd Soup."

"Ah?" Tao Gu almost lost his balance and nearly dropped the bowl. As mentioned in the previous article, Tao Gu repeatedly sought to be a prime minister but failed, and was mocked by Zhao Kuangyin for copying others. He angrily wrote a poem saying "copying others year after year". From then on, Tao Gu avoided the word "gourd". Qian Hongchu said that the gourd soup was specially made for him. Was it deliberately targeting him?

Before Tao Gu could react, Qian Hongchu added: "This was a method invented by the royal chef during the time of the previous king (Qian Liu). The chefs nowadays are not very good at it and cannot make the taste as good as it was back then. They are just imitating the appearance."

Tao Gu did not disappoint us after all, and made himself a joke with his own ability.

Another record says that Qian Hongchu and Tao Gu were playing a drinking game, and Qian Hongchu came up with the first couplet:

"White jade stone, welcoming the immortal guests at the Bi Bo Pavilion."

Ceramic hub pair:
"King of Kou Er, the wise emperor wants Qiantang."

The traditional Chinese character for "圣" is "聖". In contrast to the previous couplet, Qian Hongchu flattered him as an "immortal guest", but Tao Gu was a little aggressive. The "capital" of the Wuyue Kingdom was Hangzhou, and the seat of Hangzhou was Qiantang County, so "Qiantang" referred to the Wuyue Kingdom. Tao Gu clearly told Qian Hongchu that the Song Dynasty was going to annex the Wuyue Kingdom.

There are also records that when Tao Gu was sent as an envoy to Liangzhe, he was very flattering at first and presented 20 poems to Qian Hongchu, praising Qian Hongchu's merits and virtues, including the line "My hair has turned white in this life, and there is no way to sweep the king's gate." As the saying goes, the minister of the upper state should be the ruler of the lower state. The Song people also commented that it was inappropriate for Tao Gu to present poems to Qian Hongchu, and the flattery in the poems was "extremely humiliating", which was not only his own face, but the face of the entire Song Dynasty.

Qian Hongchu held a Golden Bell Banquet, and the Golden Bell was a penalty. Tao Gu claimed that he was ill and did not attend the banquet. Qian Hongchu sent someone to visit him. Tao Gu said that he liked the Golden Bell very much and wanted to take it back as a souvenir. Qian Hongchu waved his hand and packed up ten pairs of Golden Bells and took them away. Tao Gu was very moved, so he presented another poem, in which there was a sentence "Begging for the Golden Bell to clear my eyes" - after receiving the Golden Bell rewarded by the king, my waist is no longer sore, my back is no longer painful, my eye disease is cured, and I can go up to the fifth floor in one breath without any effort. It was extremely flattering and disgusting. The Song people commented that "Gou was so shameless", and the blue V of the Song Dynasty sent an emoticon package of Zhuge Liang: I have never seen such a shameless person.

When Tao Gu returned to his country, he regretted that his trip was too frivolous, dirty and shameless, too much like a clown, so he composed another poem before leaving, which included the lines "The frog in the well should not rely on the danger of the deep sea, the horse in the marsh has neighed at the nine-bend bank". He also asked his entourage to "recite the whole poem" to cover up his previous coquettish behavior.

In this regard, the Song people commented that "the cunning of the hub is mostly of this kind." It is both bad and rotten.

I wish all the book lovers a happy new year! I am currently busy with the finishing work and will try to finish the book after the Spring Festival.
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(End of this chapter)