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Chapter 358: Crystal Ring Tenth Layer [1]

But the story in the book still goes against this.

Zhang Wufeng subconsciously imagined this scene, and suddenly he felt that this reader 'Yun Xing Feng Li' seemed to have almost the same name as that psychopath with super powers. Could these two people be related?

Zhang Wufeng gave up on this idea after just thinking about it for a moment.

Right now, it doesn’t really matter whether it exists or not.

Letting out a sigh, Zhang Wufeng closed the webpage and opened YO, a communication software he hadn't used for a long time.

After YO was opened, many messages came in, including from editors, reader friends, author friends, and some former friends.

Among these, there are some that were active friend requests from some friends who I had deleted in a fit of anger.

After Zhang Wufeng replied to these messages one by one, he saw the space icon on his avatar. Thinking of Fang Weiming's words, Zhang Wufeng pondered and opened his YO space.

There are not many diaries written in the space, only less than thirty.

These thirty diaries were written from 05 to 10, covering the ups and downs of the past six years. That is to say, an average of five entries were left every year.

Zhang Wufeng read from the first article to the last one, and the initial happiness, hardships, and struggles were all vivid in his mind.

Scenes from the past flashed through Zhang Wufeng's mind, and then gradually faded away.

The last diary was written before he divorced Yang Xiaolan and when his father had not yet left. It was a diary named "Hetu" by Zhang Wufeng.

“There are some things I don’t understand, I really don’t understand.

My parents are very good to me, but I... I feel ashamed. I always want to be nicer to them, but what am I doing now?
It seems that I should be more strict with my parents. What have I become? Letting her blame them? Is this the selfish me?

I don’t know why it turned out like this. Maybe I have always been like this, never caring about my parents’ lives. I am nothing.

I feel ashamed, I confess, why do I always choose to give in because I can't bear to hurt her, give in again and again, I have really done the extreme, I have done so much, I care about her and am considerate of her, but in return, she doesn't understand me? And then she attacks me for no reason, squeezes me? It's even against the will of heaven?
I can tolerate all these, I can tolerate some or any grievances. This is how I am in front of her.

So, what about me in front of my parents? I ignored them, even when they were wronged and blamed by her, I didn't stand up and say anything. Who is more important, my parents or her? Is it so obvious now?

I am so amazing that I even despise and look down on myself.

But why can't I make up my mind? Why? Why?
Is this what is called love? Is this what is called cowardice and incompetence?
But if I don't care about her, why would I tolerate it so much?
But, is she really that important to me? In the past, the answer would have been yes, without a doubt.

But now, what is the answer? The answer is no.

What is left now of the former simplicity, or virtue, gentleness and thoughtfulness?
I have discovered that women cannot be spoiled. The more they are spoiled, the less of a woman they will become.

What does that mean? I can’t have sex for days. For the sake of my child, I can only beg for it. I beg and beg, but it still doesn’t work.

It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t work. If I really can’t get pregnant, and if this continues, then... maybe it’s time to find a replacement.

No wonder they say that the worse a man is, the more he is loved by women. To put it simply, it’s just one word: cheap!

The more you coax, care for, and fear that the baby will melt in your hands, the more uncomfortable, heartbreaking, and heartbreaking it becomes.

Am I not a human being? I have basically lost my dignity in front of her, what's the point? Do you still want to go to the next level after this?

I don't want to hurt her, that's because I care about her, so I hurt myself.

It's not that I don't know how to defend my dignity. Everyone can fight back. Why am I afraid of her getting angry? Is it worth it? What's the point of taking her down by force?
I always think that I have nothing to do, make little money, and don’t know how to improve myself.

What does it mean to make progress? Some things have already been in our hearts. There is no need to deliberately talk about them. What's the point?
I have my own standards for self-evaluation, and I also have my own territory and secrets.

In those days, I was so hurt and terrified that I no longer want to act so vicissitudes and decadent. Such a life would be meaningless.

Why put love first!
There are still many things worth doing.

Be kind to your parents, be a filial son, and then suffer a little, persist in practicing, make money, and hope that everything will get better.

in case……

Oh, forget it. It doesn't matter, just let it be.

..."After reading this diary and thinking about his feelings back then, Zhang Wufeng couldn't calm down for a long time.

Perhaps, I should have given up at the beginning. At this time, the contradiction has already formed.

After reading this diary, Zhang Wufeng subconsciously thought, if he was still so distressed and sad, and if Yang Xiaolan had not been sick at the beginning, if she was living well in the Huang family, what would the result be now?
This idea came to me after reading the last diary entry.

After thinking about it, Zhang Wufeng opened Yang Xiaolan's space and looked at her space diary.

She doesn't have many diaries on her space. Some of the messy ones in the past have been deleted, and the rest are some relatively plain emotions and some reposted things that make sense.

The most recent article was a short diary she wrote after she had a phone call with Yang Xiaolan.

"It's been a long time since I felt a real sense of heaviness. I thought I could forget my slightly profound understanding of the world by not caring about the game of life, but I failed. That heavy and empty heart once again filled my empty body, filled my blood, and then roamed around my body, making me feel extremely desolate and terrified.

I just talked for a long time with a man who left me with deep memories in my life. After hanging up the phone, an inexplicable sadness swept over my body and mind. My lost and confused mentality once again awakened from the depths of my soul.

Whether it is the longing for him or the persistence in love, it makes me feel sad when I am alone.

There are some things I really can't forget.
There are some things I really can't forget.

When facing everything in life, I really haven't thought about very deep questions for a long time. A simple life can make me smile a lot and have a very straightforward state of mind. There is no so-called intrigue and deception, which makes me feel that life is actually very colorful.

However, as the evolution of my thoughts began to deepen, my face began to look serious and my heart began to feel tired. Once I think too deeply about life, a lot of pain will follow.

I don’t want to avoid many problems, I just want to grasp what I can grasp in life.

Although the distant future often arrives quickly and mercilessly, I still feel that it is so far away and ethereal. It is not up to me whether I want to or not.

I don’t want to be sad, but the sadness still keeps tormenting me, making me feel trapped and sad.

Facing and forgetting, the mood will be fettered every time.

The heart is really tired, but the memory is always clear.

Bloody setting sun, fiery red sky.

It looks like it will rain again tomorrow.

......"

Seeing this, Zhang Wufeng suddenly became a little discouraged.

His hypothesis did not hold true.

The fact of the matter is that she is now obviously different from her past.

The spiritual touch made Zhang Wufeng feel that he was truly flesh and blood, instead of everything being covered up by strong and excessive self-confidence as his strength grew, and he lost his passion for life.

These things shouldn't exist.

Subconsciously, Zhang Wufeng opened Su Ru's YO space.

Although she has no shortage of money now, her YO space is still light blue, plain and simple.

Zhang Wufeng took a look at her space diary. Her diary was also very short, with only a handful of entries.

The nature of these words has completely changed from the sadness and resentment in the beginning to the openness, evolution and sublimation now.

Her most recent diary entry is titled 'Dream Dust'.

“I remember once leaving my childhood and realizing the existence of ‘I’, I would think very obsessively about some issues, and always self-righteously believed that they were ‘profound’.

The process of reading books starts from fairy tales, to story meetings, then to short stories, essays, and then to poetry.

During adolescence, we are always full of yearning for love and become sentimental. Perhaps it is a kind of feeling of "forcing sorrow to write new words" when the soul is throbbing, or it may be that we are a little self-righteous and self-righteous, always thinking that we are ahead of others and that we are actually great.

In fact, at that time, how could we understand that a truly plain and simple life is the most beautiful?
When I was in high school, I read essays and philosophical books in depth, and I always liked to struggle with a very silly and naive question, "Life will not be different without me.", "What is the meaning of life?", "Life is like a dream, a drop in the ocean, like the dust of the universe, just a few decades, no matter how brilliant it is, what does it matter?"

(End of this chapter)