The Spirit World

Chapter 649 My Feelings
I sincerely don't feel that my parents owe me anything.

My parents were never there to educate me. The education I received came entirely from my adoptive parents.

My father's name is Rajel alias Ralfa, and my mother's name is Aminah alias Alia. My family education comes entirely from their love, their responsibility, their kindness, their wisdom in life, their calmness in dealing with things, and the sincere love between them, which are all what I learn from.

I have seen many weird people who are hard to describe, such as [Sifus] who always sticks to his principles and takes punishment calmly, [Justin] who is extremely suspicious, [Machia] who is very cheerful and optimistic, and [Xianzhong] who is very serious and can hardly smile. It is hard for me to imagine that they have these weird behaviors by themselves, which may be more or less influenced by their parents.

In their eyes, I am an optimistic but calm person. Of course, I know that I have many "real" sides, and so do they. Because everyone is not a flat single individual, but multifaceted, and has countless "possibilities" since they were born into this world.

I should have come from Bailing Mountain, where there is proof of my parents' existence. But they were afraid that I would have no one to take care of me and be involved in power struggles and become a victim of power, so they let me be born in the family that understands love the most in this world.

I think that Rajel and Alia are the parents who understand the word love the most. They are my parents and I love them. I love everything in our small home, including the old lizard dragon. Her name is Ansha, which is the name of my father's magic wand. My father Rajel told me that Ansha is also a member of our family. A member of our small family is everything in that house.

The bowls and knives and forks we used, the clothes we wore, all the cattle and sheep we raised, our ansa, and everything we owned that belonged to that piece of land.

I love this small family so much that no matter which reincarnation I am in, I will always be in this family. I love them so much that everyone who has ever been in this family, every kind-hearted person, has become my family.

I love them, but I don't even know what they are going through, what they are thinking, what sufferings they will have, everything about them is just a passer-by. I probably have no selfishness in comparing them to my family, because I know almost nothing about them.

I thought I would understand what their laughter represented, I thought I would understand what their crying meant, but I still couldn't do it. Sometimes, I only met them once, and sometimes, I only met them, mentioned them, and saw them.

This is not what family is like.

Thinking in this way, everyone I have met has become a long-term passer-by in my life. I think my family should have this many.

My father, Ning Ji.

His wife, my mother, Chang Yinglan.

My father, Ralpha.

His wife, my mother, Emine.

My sister, Erica.

Their importance in my life is immeasurable.

I once thought about whether I would be a child abandoned by others, live a miserable life, and die alone in the rest of my life.

I thought that as a child abandoned by my parents, my life in the orphanage should have come to an end. I could see the end of my life.

It seemed as if my life ended the moment I was born.

I am grateful for everything that I have encountered in my life, and I am also grateful for everything that I have encountered in my life.

I think about my life and my family's lives, and what I should do and how I should work hard for them.

I may be a humble person, but they told me everything I should know, that is, love.

I love them as much as they love me.

I may have experienced a lot in my life, and in the cycle of life and death, I did not always love my family, but I am not ashamed of it, because I have only realized my love until now.

I didn't think so much about seeing them again.

My father, my mother, my sister, and my friends are all in my world, existing forever and always carrying my concern.

I have been happy, I have been sad, I have been desperate, and I can use all the adjectives to describe everything I have encountered in my life.

I may have stopped to think about the meaning of life. Even though I thought I understood it clearly, I still lost in the end. I didn’t figure out what the meaning of my life was.

So I said to myself, don’t think about the meaning or not of things, those things are useless, I should just live the way I should live now.

But I think, this time, I was wrong again. I am no longer the self-righteous fool, nor the young man with my own subjective imagination. I may be more pragmatic.

I told myself that the meaning of my life might be to meet all the people I can meet. I want to tell them that they appear at the right place in my world, and everything about them, together with everything about me, constitutes a part of my life.

Given my personality, even if I won’t thank those who have hurt me, I will still tell them that it is a pity that we cannot become good friends among the countless creatures in this world.

On the road of life, I must move forward. I must look long-term and humble myself so that I can see clearly what kind of things have made me who I am today.

Maybe it’s because of my parents, or myself, or anyone I meet, or anything I’ve experienced.

Ultimately, I thought of this person.

His name is Chen Lin. I call him Lin'er. In the past, I didn't understand how important the name "Lin'er" was to me. It was the same as the name "Chen Lin" and perhaps it should represent the same person.

Only later did I understand.

Everyone can call Lin'er Chen Lin, but I am the only one who is not qualified to call Lin'er by her name.

Lin'er, perhaps, is the most important person I have ever met in my life. Her name is like engraved in my heart. As long as I think of myself, I will definitely be able to remember her. She is not omnipresent, but she is the most important person in my life, and the one I am willing to give everything for.

She is the white moonlight in my life, and the only woman in my life whom I want to follow in her footsteps.

I couldn’t understand why this woman was so important in my life. Maybe it was because of her personal charm, or her innocent kindness, that led me and smoothed out the evil in my nature with kindness.

I am no longer the loneliest person in the world, nor am I the loneliest soul in the world.

When I came to this world, I was like the loneliest life, and her arrival was like a ray of light to my life.

Even if I need to sacrifice my entire life in exchange for her lifelong peace and security.

Perhaps I understood this truth in the past years. I always wanted to protect her, not because I was kind, but because I had an inexplicable sense of familiarity with her. I thought I was the closest person to her in the world, because the spiritual world is not the world we have been in since we were born. We live and eat together in the real world, and her life should have been bright and promising.

It's not just because I think she's beautiful, but because she does possess qualities that people in this world don't have.

I dare not say that I love her, because I always feel that I owe her. Even if I am with her, I only dare to tell her, look, you are my best friend. Maybe that's all.

I have always had enough reason, enough cowardice, or self-knowledge.

When I think I can't beat someone, I will just run away. When I think I shouldn't cause trouble, I will naturally avoid it. I am more worldly-wise and I know what I can't do and I don't do it. I also have a sense of self-satisfaction.

The spiritual world is not an ordinary world. It is a world that relies on what is collectively called spiritual power, and can use power beyond human beings to fight. The laws of this world are not enough to truly punish them. In other words, this power is so strong that it is difficult for people who possess it to be truly powerless, thus achieving the long-term expansion of desires in life.

The uncontrollable nature of power and the level of power make them fight like animals. Duel or killing with knives is commonplace, showing the law of the jungle more vividly. It is really difficult for the law to truly protect powerless humans.

As for you, although I have the sixth sense of elemental talent, I really can't learn any kind of magic. It might be more appropriate to compare me to the powerless "Muggle" in this world.

So, my escape, even though I looked cowardly, must have been correct. I didn't want them to kill me, and I didn't want to die so early. This was my truest thought.

I didn't want my parents to be the one who put an end to my life, so, unarmed and a No-Maj, I always ran away.

You have to run away quickly, and you have to run away smartly to survive.

I cannot become an apprentice of magic. It is innate. Due to the limitation of my bloodline, I really have no way to gain the power of magic. So in the eyes of others, I am just an ordinary person. I am still an ordinary person and I don’t have any extravagant hopes. I live an ordinary life, ordinary interactions, and as I live my ordinary life, I become more and more confused.

As an ordinary person, how much can you gain in this world?

At this time, I was thinking about another person I had to mention. He might not be a human being, but a wolf who likes to disguise himself as a sheep.

His name is Xun Huangying, a terrible lone wolf. He calls himself the supreme king of heaven and earth. He calls me sheep. Sheep are the prey of wolves, which means that I am his prey.

He wanted me to accept his power. He lied to me before and said that he could take over my body, just like taking over another's.

Now, the more I experience, the more I feel that he can't do it. The only thing he can do is to seal my memory.

My memory is a very special existence. Because I have truly experienced the cycle of life and death, the memory of the cycle of life and death should always be with me.

However, many times, the separation of life and death in the cycle of reincarnation, or the terrible and terrifying experiences will wear away my mind, destroy my spirit, and even break my strength.

I should have a clean memory in my life, so he cleared those tragic memories and freed me from the oppression of memory.

Because people cannot watch everything they want to protect being destroyed in front of them again and again.

The fear, panic and despair of my beloved are all vivid in Xunhuangying's eyes, and will never be erased from my memory.

Xun Huangying erased my memory so that I would not be burdened by memories. He told me that if I accepted this power, I would no longer be an ordinary person restricted by my bloodline. He said that if I accepted this power, I would have the blade to fight against the enemy and would no longer be at the mercy of others.

I also wanted to accept it. After all, if I had the power, I would not be slaughtered by others. But I really couldn't make myself accept what Xun Huangying gave me.

Because for me, I am also working hard to gain my own strength and practice my own strength, from one-handed sword to two-handed sword, from small magic to big magic, I am practicing and working hard for it.

I really cannot accept the gift of this power. After all, there are many people in this world who are working hard like me. They may be in the same predicament as me, and are suffering from not meeting their expectations. So when this power comes faster, or even seems more unreal, I will not accept this gift.

If I accepted, their efforts, like my previous efforts, would seem to be in vain.

Just because I know Xun Huangying, or because my parents entrusted me with something, I gained power that ordinary people would never be able to obtain in their lifetime. This is something I, who have always worked hard, cannot accept.

I don't allow myself to be such a person, and I can't let myself become such a person. Even if I acquiesce to others... because this is in line with the expectations of everyone in the world, you can give your things to whoever you want, under such freedom, this kind of gift of power will definitely make most people agree, and it is normal.

After all, it was Xun Huangying's own decision, but for others, it was an extreme insult, or a denial of "effort".

If everyone in this world obtains most of their wealth and power through their interpersonal relationships, then what is the meaning of everything that those who are still working hard and struggling are experiencing?

I think I am also the kind of person who works hard for a long time but gets no reward... So, I should not be the kind of person who gets something for nothing... Give justice and hope to all those who are working hard.

(End of this chapter)