The Spirit World

Chapter 971 Shadow Pendant (VII)
[My mother was not born to live for me. When I realized this, I couldn't let go of everything I could do nothing about... everything...]

She has her own life, her own thoughts, her own pursuits, her own dreams, and her own likes and dislikes.

I am not her only one, and I certainly don't want her to regard me as everything in her life.

I don't want her to rely on me and revolve around me for the rest of her life after she has me.

Whatever I want, she will do her best to give it to me.

I was ignorant and she educated me.

I was young and frivolous, and she criticized me.

I am kind and intelligent, and she praises me.

I was foolish and entangled, and she advised me.

I sincerely want to be her child, because only now have I quietly realized that I cannot be the child she wanted me to be.

The me in her heart... the child in her heart... will I be the role model that others say I am. Will I be the hero that others say I am? Will I be the outburst of her long-silent heart?

I am like another life that she gave birth to and entrusted to her.

"I never met my mother."

Chang Yufeng shook a glass of lemon juice filled with ice. The glass kept shaking and shaking, shaking out the loneliest sorrow he felt as a human being.

He doesn't drink...how strange...

It’s a pity that there is no strong liquor to burn my throat.

"Sometimes I wonder if I would not be so depressed and cowardly if I had my own mother by my side."

His eyes looked at the tree which was shining brightly.

The highlights were like cold rain beating on him, like drumbeats.

"After all, from the moment I lost her, I lost too much..."

"Unlike some people who lie to themselves, I never denied my mother's death. I knew she was gone."

The world is silent, with no hurried pedestrians, in a trance, a sense of compassion isolated from the rest of the world.

"But from the beginning to the end, I could not accept my open-mindedness towards death."

"I am even optimistic that...death is proof that life has meaning."

"Because you must do something you think is meaningful in your limited life. Otherwise... life will have no value to the rest of your life."

His eyes turned to the glass in his hand.

The black robe and white shirt blended together, and he looked like two different people, but his appearance was changing all the time.

"If a person cannot die, it would be an unimaginable tragedy, because no one can always do meaningful things."

“I have been searching for my meaning as a human being, but I have always been lost and in great pain.”

"I know, but this is not the reason for me to stop..."

"Looking for the shadow of the wilderness... with the dragon... I..."

"In the end, everyone is living in pain..."

"I can even imagine the pain that my mother has gone through for me and that I can't do..."

The wind blows the willow catkins, bringing with them three thousand sorrows; the rain covers the empty mountains, revealing nothing.

It’s not that the years have made me sad, but I have hatred that I can’t express to myself.

Wash away all the broken hearts and cleanse all the tears and sorrows in your life.

Three bowls of yellow flowers falling in the autumn wind, is the silence of the west window too much?
After seeing the hatred, the joy is in vain, and the white jade and golden tiles will eventually fall.

Where will I see the new moon someday? I will pay for a lamp and a song.

"Today is such a special day..."

"Mr. Chang Yufeng..."

"You mentioned your mother..."

"Other times, it's mostly what you see and hear... rather than memories..."

Flowers bloom and fall, but there is no moon here.

"After all, I have never seen my mother... Those are not my memories... I can't remember my mother anymore... because I have never seen her..."

Chang Yufeng scratched the top of his head, just like when he was a teenager, when he felt a little embarrassed, or irritated, or when he was not so lonely, he would talk to himself and feel that something was empty in his head and he needed to scratch his head...

What do you care about?

"Now I have nothing..."

"I no longer have Xun Huangying... I no longer have Yilongzhi... I no longer have Lin'er... I no longer have my parents... I no longer have... Death..." He shook his head, and then felt that what he said was ridiculous, or perhaps embarrassed. He leaned against the soft flowers, like a little lamb - the same way he used to be, lying comfortably on his side...

Curled up...

I don’t want to think about anything…

If only I could think of nothing...

"But at least you still have yourself, Master Chang Yufeng."

"I once heard Lord Xun Huangying say the same thing..."

"He is not as sad as you are. Instead, he is very happy... He said that now, he can finally live freely by himself..."

"You can do whatever you want. You are the same as him, aren't you? Lord Chang Yufeng..."

"You are the same as Master Xun Huangying..."

Chang Yufeng found it funny and sat up again instantly.

"Do you know what I'm thinking?"

He glanced at the trees behind him.

The jade trees are towering!

His smile was forced.

"If he becomes like him... then the whole world will probably explode..."

"I just feel that if this continues, I really won't feel the meaning of living..."

"Or maybe, I don't have the instinct to destroy the world like Xun Huangying. In essence, I am still afraid of [losing]."

“When I really [lose] something, I realize how important it is to have something. It always makes people ignore this and squander it recklessly…”

"Until the moment when you have nothing left... you will cherish it doubly... to the point where you will regret it for the rest of your life..."

He lowered his head silently again...

"Is that so... Lin'er's appearance is to remind me... to cherish everything... to cherish the unique meaning that death brings to everyone..."

"Without death, without loss, everything would become boring..."

"Or maybe, no longer interested..."

Or maybe he just lay down and opened his heart to the lush branches and leaves.

"The education I received, everything I encountered, and everything I thought about no longer allowed me to become reckless..."

"And I'm not stupid enough to blackmail myself into saving everyone..."

"I am totally different from the me before..."

"or……"

"I also forgot... which step I should take next..."

“No one can define me… and no one can give me advice…”

"No one can even come to this space..."

I am... no longer myself...

right?

He sighed...

"I've accepted too much... and I'm bored..."

"I am neither alive nor dead..."

“No one can prove my past…”

“No one cares about me now…”

“No one will think about my future…”

"Perhaps there was..."

"But the time is now..."

"How can I ..."

"In the face of so many dreams, I thought, one day, I will accomplish them..."

"Find a time..."

"Who knows..."

(End of this chapter)