Half-baked

46
The spacious co-pilot seat seemed cramped and narrow because of the presence of two people.
The rain was falling outside, and the car quickly became stuffy in the hot summer. Tears and sweat mixed together, and I sobbed with nostalgia, with mottled tear marks on my face.

Duan Huai'an wiped it gently with his fingertips, saying as he wiped it: "I hate doing multiple-choice questions that require me to give up one option, so all along, the multiple-choice questions I gave you were without room for maneuver."
She lowered her eyes and shed tears, and of course she did not see the tears welling up in the corners of his scarlet eyes.

"If I have to choose between going abroad and you, I will definitely choose you." Duan Huaian lowered his head to find her gaze, but she was no longer willing to look at him and closed her eyes tightly.

"But I won't." Huai Nian suddenly opened his eyes, his wet eyes covered with a layer of mist, like the cold air that seeps into people's bones in the coldest days of winter. "If I have to choose between my future and you, I won't choose you."

The tone of nostalgia was very light, and every word fell on his heart, like a huge rock, smashing his heart into pieces.

Duan Huaian looked at her with a defiant and cold look in his eyes, but after hearing her words, all that disappeared.
Only injuries remained.

He stared at her, trying to find even the slightest sign of lying on her face.
But no.
What she said was true.
She would really give up on him.

Duan Huaian suddenly became deflated. He returned to his original position in silence, burying himself in the shadows.
He had a lot to say before she spoke.

I really like you, miss you.
I can't live without you.
I am real and can't live without you.
Can you choose me as firmly as I chose you?
No more.
He couldn't say it.

When she gave up on him, his love became meaningless.

"Why?" His voice was hoarse and trembling slightly. At this point, he could only ask why.

The tears in her eyes fell like the rain outside. She wiped them away with the back of her hand, her tone still gentle and calm, "Duan Huai'an, let's break up."

"Impossible." He said without any hesitation, "I don't agree."
"I will never break up with you."
"Miss——"

"I'm so tired." Huai Nian pushed open the car door, sniffed, and spoke in a low, tired voice, "I'm really tired. I have to pretend that I don't know you at home, and I have to hide from people and run to your room. I also have to worry about what I did wrong to make you unhappy, and I have to coax you. There are so many things at school, and if you say you miss me, I have to meet you."

Missing the rise and fall of her chest, she took a deep breath and exhaled, "You must be tired too, worrying every day about which man will appear next to me, whether that man likes me, and whether I will like him?"

"Really." Huai Nian got off the car, with her back to him, and her voice and the cool breeze invaded the car together, "I'm really tired."

She got out of the car and ran into the house without looking back.
The sound of a car door opening was heard behind him, and his footsteps were getting closer and closer.

Huai Nian pushed open the door of her home and fell into a broad embrace.
She stumbled back a few steps, lowering her head: "I'm sorry."
Duan Yixing's voice came from above his head: "It's okay, just walk carefully." His gaze passed through Huai Nian and fell on Duan Huaian, who was standing at the gate and breathing rapidly. The rain made him look disheveled. He no longer had the arrogance of the past. His eyes were red as bloodshot and he stared at Huai Nian intently.

Huai Nian walked around Duan Yixing and walked inside.
Duan Huaian wanted to chase forward, but was stopped by Duan Yixing.

Duan Huai'an said anxiously: "Dad, let go."
Duan Yixing said calmly: "The one who should let go is you."

After she finished speaking, Huai Nian's steps faltered. She heard Duan Huai'an behind her say in a hoarse voice, "Dad, I beg you. I really have something to say to Huai Nian."
"She doesn't want to listen." Duan Yixing said, "Huai'an, you have to learn to respect her."
"..."

The tears that had finally stopped in my eyes began to fall again.
She picked up her pace and ran quickly back to the house.

The door closes.
Both indoors and outdoors fell into endless darkness.
She squatted behind the door, keeping all her emotions in the darkness.

It seemed like there was a hole in the sky and the rain kept falling.
The next day, the sky cleared up again. There was an lingering heat in the air, the cicadas were chirping, and there was not a trace of morning dew on the leaves. Last night's rain seemed like a dream.

When I was about to go out, I caught a glimpse of a person standing on the balcony on the second floor.
She didn't turn around or look at him.
When I came back in the afternoon, he was still standing there, motionless.
He just stood on the balcony, looking at her from afar, and did not go downstairs to find her.

I miss returning to my room and seeing the unread messages lying on my phone.

Duan Huai'an: [Baby, I was wrong. I shouldn't have let you go abroad with me.]
Duan Huai'an: [I never thought of tying you to my side. ]
Duan Huai'an: [I will never be jealous again, really, I promise.]
Duan Huai'an: [I won't force you. You can do whatever you want in the future. If you don't want to meet me, I won't force you to meet me.]
Duan Huai'an: [Don't ignore me, baby.]
Duan Huai'an: [Can you look back at me, please? ]

I missed not replying his message.

For several days in a row, she went out early and came back late.
But no matter what time, she could always catch a familiar figure on the second-floor balcony.

Until the day after the second subject exam.

I miss leaving the examination room.
There was a black extended sedan parked outside the examination room, looking magnificent.
The back door of the car opened, the sunlight was dazzling, and the person who got out was Duan Yixing.

Nostalgia was apprehensive, "Uncle Duan."

Duan Huaian's eyebrows and eyes are more like Cheng Songyue.
Duan Yixing's facial features give people the feeling of being gentle and calm, exuding an approachable aura. I miss the Duan Yixing who was always with Cheng Songyue in private, and I just think Uncle Duan is very gentle and considerate. Duan Huai'an is not like him at all.

Duan Yixing asked her in a low voice, "Would it be convenient for us to talk? About you and Huai'an."

"..."
Huai Nian was silent for a moment, then glanced at the car behind him, "Is he in there?"

"No." Duan Yixing said, "Your boyfriend is not in a good condition, so I came to talk to you."

Hearing this address, Huai Nian's cheeks became slightly hot, and she turned her face away uncomfortably, "Yeah."

I miss sitting in Duan Yixing's car.

She didn't know where the car was going, nor did she know what Duan Yixing wanted to talk to her about. Was he going to ask her why she was in love with Duan Huai'an? Or was he going to ask her what her purpose was in approaching Duan Huai'an, as in traditional TV dramas? If the plot was more clichéd, would he give her a check?
I was always in a state of panic. Even though many chaotic thoughts popped up in my mind, in the end, I was overwhelmed by the nervousness.

After getting in the car, Duan Yixing only said one sentence.
"Let's go somewhere, and we'll talk when we get there."

Thinking of this, Huai Nian turned his head to look out the car window.
The street scenes along the way were unfamiliar, and before I knew it, the car stopped near a bus stop.
Duan Yixing asked her: "Do you have any impression of this place?"
Miss shaking his head.

Duan Yixing said: "It's okay, it doesn't matter if you don't have any impression."
The nostalgia is even more inexplicable.
Before she could think deeply, Duan Yixing changed the subject and got to the point: "You and Huai'an have been together for three years?"
"..." Huai Nian pursed her lips, "Yeah."

"I never thought he'd been in a relationship for so long right under my nose." Duan Yixing's tone was unclear, with a faint smile on his lips. "Actually, what I want to talk to you about today is, do you know that he plans to study abroad?"
"know."
"I know his career plan, so I suggested that he study abroad, and I also found him a job at the best company in the industry, where he can learn technology when the time comes," Duan Yixing said. "I can sense that he wants to go abroad."

Huai Nian said: "I also hope he can go abroad."
Duan Yixing: "What about you?"
Huai Nian was stunned for a moment: "What?"
Duan Yixing said: "Huai'an told me that he has learned about the joint training program of your major. I originally wanted to say that you don't have to worry about the money, but he said that your school will provide full funding, and we don't need to worry about the money."

Huai Nian probably knew why Duan Yixing came.
In order to persuade her to go abroad with Duan Huaian.

But then Duan Yixing said: "Huai'an has not given me an accurate answer. I think it's because you don't want to go abroad. But I'm not here to question you why you don't want to go abroad."

Pause for two or three seconds.
Duan Yixing asked her: "Did Huai'an do something wrong to make you break up with him?"

"He's still young, and his temper isn't very good. He does have a lot of bad habits. I'm not asking you to give him a chance to reform. After all, you've been together for three years, and I don't think he's changed in those three years."
"I just feel that I can't die with my eyes open. Can you tell me why you broke up with him?"

Duan Yixing spoke slowly and patiently, talking to Huai Nian one sentence at a time.
It was like the memory, before Huai Yanjun and Xu Jinpeng divorced, she looked at her father with nostalgic eyes.

Perhaps because of this, Huai Nian said something to Duan Yixing that she had never said to anyone else.

"My father used to be so good to me and very patient. He would ask me why Nian Nian was unhappy today." Huai Nian's voice trembled. "I thought I was the happiest child in the world. But later, when I was five years old, my parents divorced. It was then that I found out that my father had cheated on me and had a child with his lover who was only three years younger than me."

"When my parents divorced, my mother asked me if I wanted to go with her. But I still lived with my father."

The gap between Huai Yanjun and Xu Jinpeng is too big. Huai Yanjun only has a junior high school diploma, while Xu Jinpeng graduated from a key university.
One is a full-time housewife and the other is a senior executive of a foreign company.
The growth environment that Xu Jinpeng could provide to Huai Nian was far better than what Huai Yanjun could provide to Huai Nian. Xu Jinpeng had originally hired a lawyer and was ready to sue, but Huai Yanjun gave up simply and said, "Let Nian Nian go with you."

I miss that time and ever since then I no longer like doing multiple-choice questions.
Because what she chose was not the same as what she got.

"Later, my stepmother and younger brother came home. At first, they were very nice to me, and my father was also very nice to me. But then, my stepmother got pregnant, and I had a younger brother."
"Mom said that as long as I'm obedient and good, she'll come pick me up."

Huainian is really well behaved. He listens to his mother and doesn't cause trouble in this family.
She knew her stepmother didn't like her and didn't like her, so she tried to reduce her presence as much as possible. She would either stay in her room or go out to play. When Xu Jinpeng was about to get off work, she would step on her own shadow and walk home leisurely.

The street lights in her memory were exceptionally bright, and she could play with her own shadow for a long time.

"Every time my mother came to visit me, the snacks she brought me were always taken away by my younger brother. My mother told me that I should learn to share, and my father also told me that an older sister should take care of her younger brother."
"I think I have tried really hard to be an obedient and sensible child."

"But Dad later asked me if I wanted to go to my grandparents' house?"

"My two younger brothers are grown up now, and they want their own rooms."

"That was the first time I said, 'No.' And then I didn't get a share of the dinner that day."

That day, her stepmother pointed at Huai Nian and scolded her: "Even your mother doesn't want you anymore, and you still expect me to take care of you? I can't even take care of my own two children. Either you go back to your grandparents, or call your mother to pick you up."
Huai Nian asked her, "Auntie, can you lend me your phone? I want to call my mother."

"There's a phone booth outside. Go call from outside."

Huai Nian sniffed, walked out of the room, and the door behind him closed with a bang.
Then she heard the sound of the door lock turning.

Huai Nian panicked for a moment: "Auntie, I will be back soon, please don't lock the door."

"Is this your home? Why don't you come back?" The room was filled with all kinds of laughter. The stepmother said disdainfully, "Get out of here. You eat and drink for free every day. I am so unlucky that I have to raise someone else's child."
"The unwanted child!"
"Little trash!"
"..."

She stood in the corridor, listening in a daze to the various accusations and insults coming from the people in the room.
Her whole body was shaking, but she tried her best to control herself and not let herself cry.

An obedient child will not cry.

She turned around, her legs felt like they were filled with cement and every step was tiring.
The tears in her eyes blurred her vision. On the way to find a telephone booth, she accidentally stepped on a stone and stumbled to the ground.

On a snowy day at the end of December, the thick snow was pressed into a dent by her.
She stood up, firmly brushed off the snow on her clothes, sprained her ankle, and gritted her teeth, walked to the gate of the community, and found the security guard on duty.
"Uncle, can you lend me your cell phone so I can call my mother?"

The security guard saw her from a distance. She was small and limped over. He asked, "Did you fall?"
"Yeah," she said. "I fell."
The security guard handed her the phone and asked: "Why don't you go home after you fell?"
"Mom hasn't come to pick me up yet." She lowered her head and pressed the keyboard again and again. Soon, she dialed the phone. "Mom, can you come to pick me up? I miss you so much, I really miss you."

Huai Yanjun said in an awkward tone: "Niannian, Mom is having a dinner party tonight. Why did you suddenly ask me to pick you up?"

"Dad said he would send me to my grandparents' house. Auntie said you don't want me anymore." Huai Nian choked up, tears evident in her voice, "Mom, do you really not want me?"
It was at this moment that she could no longer hold back and burst into tears.
"Mom, I will really be very good. I will be obedient, study hard, eat well, and get along well with everyone."
"Will you come pick me up?"
"Mom? Please don't leave me."
"..."
"..."

Huai Nian looked at Duan Yixing with a faint smile on her face, "That night, my mother really came to pick me up."
She didn't say that she waited in the security room for five hours and finally met Huai Yanjun in the second half of the night.
At that time, her sprained foot was swollen like a steamed bun, and every step she took caused pain all over her body.

But after that day, Huai Nian did not live with Huai Yanjun.
Huai Yanjun was a live-in nanny, and the host family didn't like the nanny to bring her daughter to live in the house. So Huai Nian started her long boarding life in the third grade of elementary school.

Gradually, Huai Nian lowered her eyes and said, "Mom asked me several times to go with my grandparents. Because she felt that at least someone would take care of me with my grandparents."
"I know. My grandparents dislike my mom for not having an education and a decent job, so they dislike me too."
"I also know that my mother actually thinks that I am a burden and she doesn't want to take care of me."

"Uncle Duan," Huai Nian tilted his head and exhaled, "I really hate doing multiple-choice questions, because I am not the one who sets the questions, nor am I the one who answers them. I am the incorrect, abandoned option."

But Duan Huaian often forced her to do multiple-choice questions, questions that were only beneficial to him.

"My father chose me very firmly, but when he had other options, he chose to give up on me. Even my biological father gave up on me..." Huai Nian did not say the rest.
She curled her lips, "But I can't say this to Duan Huai'an, because his answer will definitely be: I am different from him."

Duan Huai'an would also say: "Believe me, baby, why don't you want to believe me? I will really love you forever."

forever.
What a long and romantic promise.
I miss it so much that I can’t believe it.

What she didn't dare to believe was never Duan Huaian, but herself.

Duan Huaian is too proud, to the point of being arrogant.
His love is passionate and firm, and he is willing to give up the whole world for her.

But there is no part of nostalgia that can be discarded. She has nothing behind her. The only one who can choose to give up is perhaps Duan Huai'an.

Duan Yixing seemed to understand why she was unwilling to go abroad with Duan Huaian.
Because of fear.
She was afraid that one day, Duan Huaian would be like her father, who would firmly choose her but then give up.
If she were in China, she still had her mother to rely on, but abroad, she had nothing but herself.

"But I don't think it's necessary to break up." Duan Yixing advised, "I have never interfered with Huai'an's life. Even if I think it's better for him to go abroad, if he wants to stay in China, I will still support him."

Miss: "He wanted me to go abroad, not to study abroad, but to stay with him."

This is the biggest difference between Duan Huaian and Duan Yixing.
Duan Yixing never interferes with Duan Huaian's life, because he believes that life needs to be experienced by himself. It doesn't matter even if he is wrong, because he has the capital to try and fail.

But Duan Huaian tried to bring nostalgia into the orbit of his life.

But Nostalgia knows that her life does not allow her to make mistakes.
She has no way out and no one to rely on. Once abandoned by Duan Huaian, she will become the lonely and helpless little girl on the snowy night.

I miss the thought of walking alone in a foreign country, without anyone to call for help.

Duan Yixing looked at the little girl in front of him. In fact, before today, he felt that she and Duan Huaian were not a good match.
But after this conversation, he seemed to know why Duan Huai'an liked her. She was sober, calm, smart, and had a strong inner core. She was a very likable girl.

Duan Yixing looked at her with respect and appreciation.

"Duan Huai'an has no idea how much effort I put into getting to this point." Huai Nian said this with a smile, "He tried very hard to love me, but all he could do was love me. But my life experience tells me that I can't live on the love given to me by others."

She lives as a memory.
Not living as Duan Huaian’s girlfriend.

When doing anything, I always put myself first, not just accompanying my boyfriend.

The fundamental reason for her breakup with Duan Huaian was not going abroad, but that Duan Huaian's love for Nostalgia had reached a paranoid level.

Maybe from the beginning.
His love was too strong and he forced it all on her.
I miss the right to not refuse.

……

After a long silence, Duan Yixing sighed and said, "Look to the right."
Nostalgia subconsciously turned his head to the right.

Duan Huaian stood under the bus stop on the side of the road, holding a cell phone to his ear.
His lips moved, and at the same time, his voice rang out in the carriage.

His voice was low and decadent, and he said solemnly: "I'm sorry, baby, I seem to have been forcing you in the name of love."

(End of this chapter)