rose ashes

The curtains were closed in the quiet ward, and various instruments were placed around the bed. The person on the bed had a handsome face, but the dark circles under his eyes were hard to fade.

Li Yan paced back and forth outside the door. She had been busy with company matters all day and had ignored it for too long, so she didn't notice that there was anything wrong with Ye Gu. If it weren't for the accident today, she might not have noticed it.

Ye Chengming pulled Li Yan down from the side, grabbed her hand meaningfully and held it tightly.
"It's okay. A Gu has recovered a long time ago. This is just a slight fever and a cold, plus it's because of staying up late. Don't blame yourself. A Gu doesn't want you to feel guilty."

Li Yan was frowning, but she didn't want to add to his psychological burden.

As dusk approached, the person on the bed finally woke up. He raised his hand and saw the bracelet on his hand. He paused for a few seconds, then untied it and threw it away.

"You can't leave now! You haven't recovered yet!"
"Do not touch me!"
Ye Gu pushed everyone away, with a long-dormant violence in his eyes, and stumbled towards the elevator among the crowd.

When Li Yan came out of the department, she saw Ye Gu looking at the doctors and nurses around him with a defensive look, panting and confronting them sharply.

"Agu! Calm down. I'm your mother. Can you come to me? Tell me what you want to do. I'll take you there, okay?"
Li Yan carefully put the list in her hand into her pocket, stretched out her hands and moved closer to Ye Gu.

Ye Gu stared at her, with a look of distance and vigilance in his eyes, but soon he took a half step back and shook his head, as if he had come to his senses for a moment.
"Mom, I'm calm. I won't go over there. I'm going to go out and look for her. I'll come back when I find her, okay? Please..."

Li Yan's heart suddenly sank, she pursed her lips tightly and clearly caught those two words.
Ye Gu was so proud that he had never asked anyone for help. Even when he was hit by his grandfather's cane and couldn't stand up, he never said such words.

Li Yan's voice trembled slightly as she looked at him: "What did you just say? Mom didn't hear clearly..."

Without any hesitation, "Please, please let me go."

Li Yan's heart was in a tangle of pain, clamoring for the sharpness of the blade.
She held back her tears and waved her hand, "Okay, go ahead, I won't stop you, but if you don't find it, you have to promise me that you won't dwell on this matter in the future. Can you do that?"

One second, two seconds, three seconds——
"I promise you."

A few minutes after leaving, Li Yan made a phone call and asked a few people to follow Ye Gu silently.
He is still ill, so even if Li Yan agrees to let him leave the hospital, she has to avoid any accidents.

But it seems that sometimes the facts just like to go against one's will, always like to play all kinds of jokes on the world that they think are harmless.

Those two hours were the most desperate two hours Ye Gu had ever experienced.
No light, no her, no hope.

In a hotel closest to the airport, it is the hotel that Luo Yang goes to most often. Whenever she has a conflict with Luo Jiancheng, she will run away from home and stay there temporarily.
Ye Gu could even recite the room number that she often chose.

The elevator malfunction destroyed all the progress, and the sudden extinguishing of the lights personally knocked over the last leaping flame in Ye Gu's candlestick.
Before the elevator started falling, he thought he had arrived at the gate of hell.

But God did not go as he wished. The elevator got stuck in the middle. He did not know whether to say it was lucky or unfortunate. His breathing gradually became weaker. Ye Gu tried to dispel the fear in his heart little by little in the corner, but he fell deeper into the quagmire every time he comforted himself.

"You'll find me eventually, won't you?"
"If someone is bound to come looking for me, then that person must be Ye Gu."
"You always notice I'm missing, don't you?"
"Will you look for me?"
Will it...

Like a kaleidoscope of scenes, the scenes of finding Luo Yang in front of the shabby house during the camping trip that day flashed before his eyes frame by frame. The words he said floated down like subtitles, landing in front of his eyes and constantly enlarging until they blocked his entire vision.

In the past, Ye Gu always liked to make various bets with Luo Yang, and every bet ended with Luo Yang losing. Everyone said that Luo Yang probably had bad luck in gambling.

So this time is also a gamble on whether he can find her?
Ye Gu was so exhausted that he couldn't lower his eyes. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead and soaked his hair.

"Ah He, you're betting big this time..."
What if I lose...

Ye Gu did not break his promise. He promised Li Yan that he would never mention anything about Luo Yang again.
But since then, he never took an elevator again, rarely went to the hospital, and even hated it.

Everything seemed to be back on track. Ye Gu once again became a prominent figure in the university. He topped the class every year, was adept at various activities, and enjoyed the spotlight.

Xi Jinzhou would occasionally visit him and would just sigh. No matter how he tried to persuade him to give himself a chance to take a vacation and rest, he would always use the student union work as an excuse to evade the issue.

Bian Yao saw Xi Jinzhou at the door. Before he could say anything, Xi Jinzhou just shook his head gently with a calm tone, as if he had already gotten used to it.
"The person who tied the bell must be the one who can untie it. He is very persistent and I am afraid he will not turn back until he hits a wall."

"Did he find her?"
Xi Jinzhou looked up at the sky and pondered, feeling uncertain.

If Ye Gu really wants to accomplish something, he won't make it known to everyone, so he has no way of being sure whether Ye Gu has already started looking for people to ask about Luo Yang's news.

Bian Yao didn't care. "I think he must have found her a long time ago, but Luo Yang never mentioned her in front of us. He was afraid that she would run away again."

Xi Jinzhou said nothing and fell into deep thought.

/ / /
"No specific location?"
"No one knows? Then look for it again."
In the study, Ye Gu spoke calmly. After hanging up the phone, he stared at the teddy bear on the table for a long time without saying anything. He reached out to pick it up, dusted it off, smoothed its fur, and put it back.

This is the third year since Luo Yang left. Graduation is no longer a long way off. For a long time, he has developed the habit of using busyness to numb himself. However, whenever he has some free time, he will uncontrollably find himself occupied by one person, and it is so crowded that he doesn't even have a chance to think.

The storm was brewing, and he could only attribute the situation to the result of counterproductive actions.

When Li Yan knocked on the door and came in, Ye Gu was in a daze.

"Eat some fruit. Why aren't you going to bed so late?"

Ye Gu said lightly, "Thank you, Mom. I'm not sleepy yet. I still have some student union matters to deal with."
Li Yan nodded vaguely, "Go to bed early after dinner, you can still get up and do it tomorrow."

When she pushed the door open and went out, Li Yan stopped for a moment, thought about it, and turned to Ye Gu and said, "If you want to go find her, go ahead. Mom won't stop you."

Ye Gu was slightly startled, as if he was trying to confirm the truthfulness of Li Yan's words, but Li Yan's unblinking eyes made it impossible for him to find any flaws.
He stopped and sighed. It seemed that he could never avoid her affairs, and it was common for him to be seen through by others.

"What if I can't find it? What if I lose—"

"You won't lose. She might be waiting for someone to find her. Who do you hope that person is?"
Ye Gu was silent for a while, stood up from the desk, walked over and gently hugged Li Yan, his voice slightly muffled.
"Will you blame me?" Li Yan patted his back, slowly, like when she told him stories when he was a child.
"What's your fault?"

"Blame me for being willful."

Li Yan left his embrace and looked at Ye Gu seriously.
"Agu, you should know that Luo Yang is more than just a friend's daughter to me. After Yang Yue left, I treated her as my own daughter. Back then, it wasn't just you who went crazy looking for her, but also me."

"Agu, you must always remember that before we had this family, Yang Yue was the most important person to me. After you were born, you became more important to me, but this does not mean that she is no longer important. Luo Yang is her life. I have already lost her once, and I cannot let her lose an important person again. Do you understand?"

Ye Gu's eyes were deep. He had always known that Li Yan and Yang Yue had a good relationship, but Li Yan had never talked to him directly about Yang Yue. Today was the first time.

Feeling Li Yan's strong sadness, Ye Gu ended the conversation there.
He had never seen Li Yan cry. Even at Yang Yue's funeral, Li Yan did not shed tears. However, Ye Gu had seen Li Yan more than once at night opening the voice messages Yang Yue had sent her before his death and playing them over and over again.

It was as if she was still there, still the girl who loved to share her daily life with her.

/ / /
On the eve of the New Year, Ye Gu didn't tell anyone, dressed simply and boarded a plane to the UK.

By the time Xi Jinzhou found out, Ye Gu had already arrived in the UK for two days.

"So you still want to go find her?" Xi Jinzhou was not surprised at all.

Ye Gu also tacitly agreed that even if they didn't inform each other of everything before, they could still know each other's thoughts.

Xi Jinzhou's hand that was tapping on the table slowly stopped.
"Do you know where she is?"

"I don't know, but someone saw her in Cambridgeshire, England, but lost her. She's very alert, which is good." At least this way she is better able to protect herself than before.

Xi Jinzhou sneered helplessly, "You're still so proud even though I lost you. I really can't figure you out. What should I do now? Christmas is coming soon. It might be even harder to find you then."

Ye Gu looked at the street view outside the window in silence, muttering to himself, "I must win this round, you don't have to worry about me. By the way, don't let anyone in the Luo family know about this."

Xi Jinzhou paused and agreed.

/ / /
It was Christmas, and Ye Gu was bored. He was looking for clues about Luo Yang, but had no idea where to go. He wandered the streets alone and saw a small pub with a small storefront. The wooden decoration was unexpectedly warm.
Ye Gu didn't like alcohol, but he was in a bad mood at that time. He had a psychological struggle, but finally walked in. Judging from his appearance, the man was about the same age as him, but with a different skin color.

Everyone was chatting happily. Ye Gu sat by the door, feeling their joy from a distance, his heart calm.

He was not a sociable person. He was a well-connected person and the focus of everyone's admiration in the student union. Therefore, as long as he wanted, he could immediately integrate into that strange small group and at least survive the loneliness of this night.

But he ended up doing nothing. He just ordered a glass of mulled wine, sat by the window, and watched couples walking on the street outside. Occasionally, there was a family of three, with children jumping happily and holding lollies in their hands, which had also been his childhood obsession.

Steam rose from the glass of red wine, but he didn't drink a single sip from beginning to end.

"Lea, why are you here just now!" A British girl at that table of students jumped off her high chair with a loud exclamation, "You look so beautiful today!"

The boys around were also attracted to her. The Chinese girl in front of them had completely changed from her previous image of being devoted to study to being like a rose that was independent from the world. They were afraid of hurting her delicate petals even with the slightest touch.

Ye Gu snorted silently in her heart. Although that guy left without saying a word, there were still few people who were more unique than her.

"Thank you, Ada, but I'm not used to this dress yet. I should probably change back."

Ye Gu's eardrums suddenly began to hallucinate. He couldn't believe it. With a conflicting thought in his mind, he turned his head away.
Is it her? Such a similar voice, even if it is a replica, it may not be so familiar.
No, it won't be hers, no.

Ye Gu kept denying himself. He had imagined many possibilities of finding her, but he never thought it would be so ordinary.

Just a second ago, Ye Gu was still trying to deceive himself, thinking that it couldn't be such a coincidence that he met her.

But the scene before him was clear: he met Luo Yang.

The velvet skirt decorated with pure white plush edges made the girl look like an exquisite little rabbit, and her shoulders and neck as white as milk were perfectly displayed. She smiled and sat down next to her classmate, her every smile and frown was soft and gentle.

The person in front of him was Luo Yang, whom he hadn't seen for almost three years. She had grown into a beautiful young lady and was no longer the naive girl restrained by her school uniform.

She has a nice English name, Lea, and she has many friends and, apparently, many admirers.

Ye Gu just looked at her from a distance, looking at Luo Yang whom he had missed for two years. She was shining here. He hid in the corner and stared at her for a long time, wanting to engrave that look into his eyes, like a clown who was not presentable, greedy and jealous, even jealous of the wine glass in her hand.

That day, Ye Gu stayed in the tavern for as long as Luo Yang and her friends played. He knew her joy every time she won, and also witnessed her frustration every time she lost.
A vivid expression. In the past few years, they had never been so close. If he just called her name, he might be able to talk to her, but until the end, he didn't.

He didn't dare, he couldn't even open his mouth.

I watched Luo Yang leave but didn't dare to approach her. I just hid in a dark place. I saw her stop at the door of a bridal shop, looking at a wedding dress embroidered with roses and sighing with her friends: "I really hope I can have a rose that never fades."

Ye Gu stopped for a long time, turned around and went back to the tavern he had just been to, left a blue note on the wall and left.

He didn't know why he believed in something as elusive as fate, but at the instigation of the tavern owner, he decided to give it a try.
This is a tavern tradition.
The pub owner is an interesting and romantic person. He will let everyone who comes to the bar leave some messages they want on the wall.
At Christmas, he would ask the person who left the note to choose another note leaver who he liked to leave a gift for, and then he would pass it on to the person.

That day, the boss saw Ye Gu was alone and even waived the money for the glass of mulled wine. Ye Gu couldn't resist the boss's enthusiastic invitation, so he left a note on the message wall.

The note was not long, just one sentence -
If I disappeared, would you look for me?

(End of this chapter)