The first tumor in football

Chapter 232 Premier League Avengers

Under the starry sky of Camp Nou, Messi's left foot is playing a violin concerto.

In the 17th minute, the Argentine used a free kick that defied physics to break through Alisson's defense. The ball even wiped off De Rossi's newly transplanted hair roots when it passed over the wall.

The broadcast camera captured the tactical board of Roma coach Di Francesco, on which were scribbled a dozen question marks and an Italian national curse.

"The way Messi danced in front of the penalty area was like he was dancing tango on his opponent's tombstone!" The Catalan commentator was so excited that he broke the microphone cord.

Roma's resistance bore fruit in the 79th minute, when Dzeko's header brought Camp Nou into a brief silence.

But Messi then paid tribute to Maradona by dribbling past five players and scoring. This time he deliberately stopped the ball on the goal line when the goalkeeper fell to the ground, and gently pushed the ball into the net with the toe of his shoe - just like an artist rubbing salt into a bullfighter's wound.

In the end, Barcelona successfully advanced to the semi-finals.

The scoreboard at the Allianz Arena flashed a bloody red light, and Lewandowski's socks were still stained with Stones' tears.

The Polish striker's violent header 11 minutes into the game directly knocked Ederson into the goal net.

Broadcast replays showed that the header was so powerful that the snow on the goal frame melted three hours earlier than usual.

Guardiola's suit was disheveled in the cold wind of Munich, and his carefully designed "strikerless formation" looked like a graduation thesis thrown into a shredder.

When Gnabry sent the ball into the dead corner with the outside of his foot in the 38th minute, the broadcast camera captured the Spanish coach making a "Tiki-Taka" gesture to the air, like a conductor possessed by an evil spirit.

The most heartbreaking thing was that in the 87th minute, Muller scored a goal just 11 seconds after coming on as a substitute.

This Bayern Munich star, nicknamed "Second Baby" by Chinese fans, ran to Guardiola to perform a robot celebration after scoring a goal - a perfect replica of the famous scene of the massacre of Barcelona in the 2013 Champions League final.

Bayern defeated Manchester City with a total score of 5-2, leading the Bundesliga to continue fighting in the Champions League.

the other side.

The Anfield floor vibrated quantum tremors the moment Salah kicked the ball, and the Egyptian pharaoh's reverse-foot shot drew an ancient Egyptian hieroglyphic trajectory in the air.

Lopetegui's tactical board was photographed with the words "guard Salah on the right", but the Reds' No. 11 used his left foot to score two world-class goals that defied the laws of physics.

When Mane performed a rainbow pass to trick Navas, the Imperial March from Star Wars suddenly sounded in the KOP stands - the Sevilla goalkeeper seemed to see himself transformed into the Death Star, being blown to pieces by a red X-wing fighter. Klopp's metal braces flew out during the celebration and accurately hit the mineral water tank on the visiting team's bench. The splashing water reflected the "tragedy" in seven languages ​​in the sun.

Liverpool defeated Sevilla 4-0 and became one of the top four teams.

When the referee blew the final whistle, the Champions League dragon spat out four fangs: Atletico Madrid's concrete walls glowed coldly in the rainstorm, Barcelona's passing and controlling blood boiled in Messi's veins, Bayern's steel chariot rolled over the wreckage of tactical philosophy, and Liverpool's heavy metal rock shattered the pride of Iberia.

As the four semi-final teams were all announced, the matchups for the semi-finals were also released.

Atletico Madrid VS Liverpool.

Barcelona VS Bayern.

On the night when the Champions League semi-final matchups were announced, social media servers in European football collectively crashed.

While a Twitter programmer begged netizens to stop posting #Song Wen vs. the Earth#, the spoof video "Four Strongest Combat Power Comparison: Humans vs. Alien Civilization" on YouTube had exceeded 10 million views.

Outside the Wanda Metropolitano Stadium, a giant projection projected the image of Song Wen's overhead kick onto the facade of a skyscraper, with the caption "God is off work, now it's my turn."

Simeone chewed gum and sneered at the press conference: "Some people say we play anti-football? Wrong, we are the undertakers of football."

When asked about his Champions League goal, Song Wenzheng was playing Pro Evolution Soccer on his phone, and the electronic sound of "Goal" came out from the game sound effects: "Did you hear it? This is the answer."

The big screen behind him suddenly cut to a training scene - Godin and Savic were practicing the "double-folding defense", like two hydraulic excavators dancing a waltz.

The front-page headline of AS is full of philosophical meaning: "When concrete learns samba, the invitation to Ragnarok has been postmarked by Madrid."

Former Real Madrid goalkeeper Casillas wrote in his column: "Song Wen's existence proves that football can be quantum physics - he appears in every offensive route at the same time."

In the Anfield dressing room, Klopp's metal braces beat out the rhythm of "Symphony of Fate" on the tactical board. "Last time we were only 0.01 millimeters away from victory!"

He called up the thousand-fold slow motion of Song Wen's goal line clearance six months ago, "Now the muscle fiber density of this bastard has increased by 23%!"

Salah practiced his with-foot shot at the training ground, and the trajectory of the ball in the air was made into a constellation chart by Sky Sports.

"Song Wen said my shot looked like ancient Egyptian writing?" The Egyptian pharaoh grinned. "Once he sees the upgraded version of hieroglyphics, he will miss the fear of being dominated by the pyramids."

But only Klopp knows that these words are just their pretended strength to comfort their fans.

Although when Song Wen was in the Premier League, Liverpool was the only team that almost beat Ipswich at the time.

Klopp's tactics played a huge role at the time.

But at that time it was Ipswich, and now the team Song Wen is in is Atletico Madrid.

The gap in overall strength between the two clubs is not even on the same level.

Looking at the current Premier League, after Song Wen left, Ipswich has fallen from the top position to the middle position.

And what makes Uncle Zha most desperate is——

Even if Song Wen leaves the Premier League, Klopp will naturally watch his performance in La Liga and the Champions League carefully in every game.

Later he discovered that every time he felt that he had a certain understanding of Song Wen's strength, this kid would show something even more terrifying.

Just like the flawless samba football against Paris.

Before this, no one knew that Song Wen had this ability.

If we look back at Song Wen when he was in the Premier League, the current Song Wen is much stronger than he was then. And the most terrifying thing is that this kid seems to be getting stronger.

Meeting Song Wen in the semi-finals is undoubtedly a nightmare for Klopp, because their Champions League journey is likely to end here.

If there is a glimmer of hope for Liverpool now, it is Van Dijk, whom they bought in the winter window. They can only hope that he can contain Song Wen's sharp attack on the defensive end.
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In the basement of Camp Nou, Messi's left foot is breaking down Song Wen's defensive data in the holographic projection.

After Valverde slowed down the video of the defeat 147 times, he suddenly smashed a coffee cup and said: "I found the flaw! When he turns, his right shoulder is 0.7 degrees lower than his left shoulder!"

Pique boasted in a podcast: "I can stop the ball with my back to break the Atletico bus!"

As a result, he was hit on the back of the head by Dembele's cross during training, and the team doctor's diagnosis showed "mild concussion and tactical amnesia".

"Mundo Deportivo" launched a petition to "Protect Beautiful Football" with a title as tragic as an obituary: "When the ghost of Xhaka is wandering around Wanda Metropolitano, please offer the last rose to Tiki-taka."

A mysterious note circulated in the Barcelona locker room - it showed Song Wen tied to an Iberian ham rack and was signed by Suarez's dentist's clinic.
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In the beer hall on Sebena Street, Flick used Bavarian white sausages to form Atletico Madrid's formation.

"Song Wen's running heat map?" He pointed at the cracks in the casing and laughed, "This thing is more difficult to understand than Schopenhauer's works!"

Lewandowski practiced heading in the training ground and hit the dynamometer to produce the gibberish code "999kg". "I heard that the kid left Messi with a psychological trauma? What a coincidence. I just dreamt last night that I smashed the Three Gorges Dam with my head."

When Muller was interviewed by Bild, he suddenly jumped on the table and said: "Do you know the difference between Bayern and Song Wen? We use Leica cameras to analyze tactics, and that guy uses a time machine!"

The club launched a limited edition shin guard overnight, with the slogan: "Protect against Song Wen's collision, more professional than protecting against nuclear bombs."

Apart from the unexpected top four teams, this Champions League has undoubtedly become a hot topic of discussion among the whole nation because of Song Wen's huge public opinion.

Wenger was fiddling with six holographic projections in the Sky Sports studio: "Atletico's winning rate is like a quantum superposition state - it is both 100% and 0%." The data screen behind him suddenly froze and a "404 Not Found" prompt popped up.

博彩公司开出离谱赔率：1.宋文决赛上演帽子戏法（1赔2）；2.西蒙尼在场边生孩子（1赔1000）；3.诺伊尔冲入对方禁区时被宋文扛回球门（1赔3）。

Atletico Madrid's fitness coach shared Song Wen's recipe: "Breakfast: Tears of Real Madrid fans; Lunch: Dentures of Barcelona legends; Dinner: Brain cells of German philosophers."

Klopp was photographed listening to heavy metal at Melwood base, with "The Most Dazzling National Style" appearing at the end of the playlist - netizens interpreted this as "using the mysterious power of the East to fight against the god-killer."

The "Song Wen Weakness Analysis Chart" suddenly appeared in the Barcelona locker room. Messi wrote in pencil next to "absolute territory": "This place should cooperate with Xavi's 360-degree turn."

A strange order leaked from Bayern's medical room: three tons of frozen pig's trotters - said to be a special training prop used to simulate Song Wen's collision feeling.

And that was just one week before the semi-finals.

The Emirates Stadium once again welcomed the reunion of old friends.

In the tactical analysis room of the Emirates Stadium, six cups of cold Earl Grey tea were steaming on the long table.

When the blue light from the projector swept across Guardiola's shiny forehead, it happened to reflect the blood-red word "SONG" on the tactical board.

"Gentlemen," Wenger tapped the Ipswich 4-3-3 formation with his pen, "when we fell like dominoes six months ago, no one talked about forming the Avengers."

Mourinho sneered as he played with the Atletico bus model: "Some people said at the time that 'losing to the Championship team is the inevitable pain of a tactical revolution'."

He glanced at Guardiola deliberately - the Spaniard was drawing tiki-taka lines on the glass window with an erasable marker, but Conte wiped out most of it with Italian swear words.

"Enough!" Klopp's metal braces slammed against Tottenham's trophy display cabinet, startling the seagulls outside the window and flying into the "Klopp's Heavy Metal Football" poster.

"That kid now runs 3 kilometers less per game than me, but his number of steals is equal to the sum of your five midfielders!"

He pulled up Song Wen's Champions League data chart, and the red curve looked like the last struggle before the electrocardiogram suddenly stopped.

Guardiola suddenly slapped the tactical board on the coffee stain: "Do you know why Bayern can tear apart my strikerless formation? Because Lewandowski hid Polish sausage in the locker room!"

He nervously scratched Song Wen's defensive hot zone map, "But this guy——" the tip of his pen pierced the Atletico Madrid logo, "His sense of smell is sharper than that of a drug-sniffing dog. My graduation thesis is gone, and my tactics are treated like origami by him!"

The projector suddenly played the highlights of Song Wen's rainbow dribbles, and Pochettino spilled the South American mate tea in his hand on Arsenal's unbeaten season commemorative jersey.

"Damn it!" The Argentine overturned Mourinho's "Art of Defense" trophy while jumping up and down. "Half a year ago, he passed Dale like passing a wooden stake, and now he passes Van Dijk like crossing the road in the early morning!"

"Van Dijk is different!" Klopp slammed his fist on the table, shaking Chelsea's Champions League trophy model to the ground. "Yesterday at Melwood, he practiced 200 interceptions using Song Wen's training video as a target!"

Conte suddenly threw out a tablet, and on the screen Song Wen was using his knees to bounce a durian at the Atletico Madrid training ground. "I let Lukaku try it, and now his legs go weak when he sees a fruit stand."

"But you know what's the scariest thing? When this guy was at Ipswich, he could only blast in a straight line. Now when he plays football..." He pulled up the passing map of Atletico Madrid VS Paris, with the lines interweaving into Van Gogh's "Starry Night", "it's like a fucking quantum computer is controlling the ball!"

Mourinho raised his mobile phone with a sinister smile, and the trending search on Twitter #Song Wen learns from Neymar# was flooding the screen like crazy.

"I have 300 bots in the Madrid media and now all of Spain believes he made a devil's deal with the Brazilian."

He clicked on the fake WhatsApp chat record - the message Song Wen sent to Neymar read "Tomorrow I will use your moves to send you home."

Wenger adjusted his glasses: "Psychological warfare doesn't work on him. Last month, L'Equipe said he ate photos of Cristiano Ronaldo for breakfast, but he ate CR7 chocolate in front of the camera after scoring a hat trick at Camp Nou!"

Pochettino suddenly projected the physical data of Tottenham players on the screen: "Here is his weakness!"

The red arrow points to the line graph of Song Wen's sprint frequency after 70 minutes. "When playing against Paris, his running dropped by 19% in the last minutes, but the whole Atletico team helped him fill the gaps."

Five pairs of eyes suddenly lit up.

Klopp said helplessly: "He was just being lazy. You forgot that he was the god of war in the second half. Didn't he learn from his mistakes?"

"Let Arnold play as the defensive midfielder!" The madman threw out his phone, and on the screen was a photoshopped GIF of Arnold wearing a bulletproof vest and knocking Song Wen away. "This kid runs like a bulldozer that's drunk vodka. He's good at dealing with fancy things!"

Guardiola's tactical pen drew three overlapping false nine formations on the glass window: "No! Let Salah retreat as a free man, Van Dijk advance as a fulcrum, and use the three-second rule to destroy Song Wen's defensive prediction!" The Spaniard suddenly twitched like an epileptic, "Yes! Let Matip play as a winger! Song Wen will never be able to calculate this variable!"

(End of this chapter)