The first tumor in football

Chapter 234 They are all traitors!

On the KOP stand of Anfield Stadium, a giant TIFO roared like a raging flame in the night - Van Dijk was wearing a red Liverpool jersey, with a torn Komodo dragon graffiti under his feet, and the "Mersey River Gravitational Law" was spelled out in scarlet lights at the cracks, and the No. 17 jersey with the dragon's tail wrapped around it had Song Wen's pinyin printed on it.

The drums in the opposing visiting team's stands were beating like thunder, and Atletico Madrid fans used the rhythm of "Funeral March" to crush Song Wen's name into a war cry.

As the camera swept through the player tunnel, Song Wen raised three fingers to the broadcast camera, and his fingertips broke through the barrier of the data stream.

Zhan Jun pushed his glasses, and the blue light of the tactical board danced on his lenses: "Dear audience! This is the first round of the 2017/2018 Champions League semi-finals - the Red Army Liverpool vs. the Iron-blooded Atletico Madrid! I am Zhan Jun!"

Fan Zhiyi slapped the commentary desk, and a few drops of wolfberry tea splashed out: "I am Fan Zhiyi! This Liverpool TIFO is hardcore enough. Van Dijk stepped on a Komodo dragon. If you don't know, you would think he was filming an Animal Planet special!"

The barrage of comments hit the screen like a meteor shower:

[Song Wen: I have lifted the lid of Newton's coffin, and even Einstein can't stop me! ]

[Van Dyke: I heard someone wants to fly? (pulling out the formula for gravity acceleration)]

[Salah: Wrong foot? My right foot is an exhibit in the Louvre! (dog head)]

[Liverpool's first start: precision killing with scientific instruments]

Zhan Jun called up the holographic projection, and the 3D model of Karius rotated in the data stream: "Let's look at the Red Army Liverpool first! Goalkeeper Karius has a save success rate of 79% in the Premier League, but what's even more outrageous is that he was late for training last week - the reason was that his Corgi took the goalkeeper's gloves and used them as a teething stick!"

Fan Zhiyi was so stifling that he got internal injuries: "This guy was so calm when trying to save a single shot that he looked like he was catching goldfish at a night market! Last season, when we played against Roma, Dzeko's shot hit the post, and he still had time to give a "V" sign to the camera - only to find out that his gloves were stained with dog saliva!"

Zhan Jun switched to the hot zone map, and Van Dijk's defensive trajectory was like a constellation connection: "Central defender Van Dijk, joined the team at a sky-high price of 7500 million pounds in the winter window, with a 95% success rate in headers - physicists say there is an invisible gravity well on his head! Partnering with Lovren, he averages 3.2 interceptions per game, but his messy hairstyle index ranks first in Europe, and fans call him 'Anfield Dandelion'!"

Fan Zhiyi pointed to the running data on the screen: "Left-back Robertson, sprinting speed 33.8km/h, the arc of the cross is trickier than a compass! Arnold on the right is even more outrageous. Last month, he made a 57-meter long pass to penetrate Everton's defense, and the landing error was only 2.1 centimeters. After watching the video, Guardiola trained Manchester City in analytic geometry overnight!"

Zhan Jun's sliding pass network diagram, Henderson's running hot zone covers the whole court: "Midfielder Henderson, running covers 12.3km, nicknamed 'human GPS'! Wijnaldum is good at invisibility - the opponent just turned around, he was already in the penalty area for a golden hook! Emre Can played "FIFA" with Atletico Madrid last week, and smashed the screen after Song Wen scored an own goal. Klopp punished him to brush the shoes of the whole team!"

Fan Zhiyi made a face and imitated Lallana: "This guy is the coolest! After scoring a goal in the last round of the league, he danced to "Little Apple" in front of the camera. The fans shouted: "Brother, if we score in the Champions League, we will dance to "The Most Dazzling National Style" to put pressure on Song Wen!"

Zhan Jun pulled up a speed comparison chart, with Salah's left foot drawing an arc that goes against physics: "The forward trident! Mane on the left, 10.5 meters in seconds, the grass can create sparks when he changes direction! Firmino, the center forward, always has the secret recipe of 'happy football' between his teeth! Salah on the right - a professional in scoring world-class goals with an opposite foot. In the last round of the league, he shot with his left foot, and the ball twisted into a Klein bottle structure in the air. Newton's coffin had three layers of steel plates welded to it overnight!"

Fan Zhiyi slapped his thigh and added: "Solomon Solanke is also sitting on the bench! This guy has a 38% substitute goal rate in the Champions League. Atletico Madrid fans sent a threatening letter to Simeone: "If you dare to let him play, we will tear up the grass!"

Barrage Carnival:

[Van Dyke: Song Wen passed me? Ask the curvature bubble on my head first! ]

[When Arnold passed the ball, Robertson was calculating non-Euclidean geometry! (Laughing and crying)]

[Salah's left foot is a loophole in the theory of relativity! (Worship)]

[Atletico Madrid's first start: the ultimate form of the iron-blooded meat grinder]

Zhan Jun cut to the Atletico Madrid tactical board, and the animated picture of Oblak's save flashed like a ghost: "Atletico Madrid, goalkeeper Oblak! La Liga save rate is 91%, known as the 'three-dimensional space wall of sighs'! After saving Ronaldo's penalty last month, he made a 'throat-cutting' gesture to the camera - Juventus fans jointly asked UEFA to check his brain waves!"

Fan Zhiyi nodded his head in a rush: "Central defender Godin, the Champions League interception king, smoked the e-cigarette Song Wen gave him before the game. The mint-flavored data stream can activate the 'meat grinder buff'! Partnering with Savage, he averages 2.6 fouls per game, but Song Wen gave him a hardcover edition of The Art of War. Now he will silently recite 'the best strategy is to attack the enemy' before committing a foul!"

Zhan Jun enlarged the highlights of Koke's trash talk: "Double defensive midfielders Koke and Saul! Koke's nickname is 'Trash Talk Shakespeare'. In the last round, he criticized Neymar so much that he asked for psychological counseling! Saul is even more amazing. When he steals, his studs can accurately avoid the referee's sight. The sponsor begged him to open an online course: "How to break a leg scientifically without getting a card"!"

Fan Zhiyi tried to hold back his laughter and squealed like a pig: "Left-back Lucas Hernandez changes direction as fast as a rusty revolving door, but Song Wen trained him in 'visual deception' - in last week's league game, he pretended to adjust his shin guards, and suddenly stood up and volleyed. The opponent's goalkeeper has been going crazy on Instagram ever since: 'I saw a parallel universe!'"

Zhan Jun pulled up Song Wen's heat map, and his running tracks intertwined into the Big Dipper: "Song Wen, the core of the midfield! His presence breaks through the three-dimensional physical limitations - in the last round against Paris, he dribbled past the opponent and gave Neymar a psychological age test! Today he tweeted before the game: 'Van Dijk's gravitational field? I brought a warp engine!'"

Fan Zhiyi slammed the table: "Griezmann + Costa on the front line! Griezmann unlocked the 'quantum entangled pass', and the route is harder to capture than his girlfriend's withdrawal message! Costa pulled out a bunch of Van Dijk's hair gel when he was trying to score, and the fans yelled: 'If you want to hit me, come at me! The Dutchman's hairline can't be hurt!'"

The barrage of comments also started to appear.

[Song Wen: I used Riemannian geometry to solve Van Dyck's problem! (Nominated for the Nobel Prize in Mathematics)]

[Costa: Van Dijk's head feels like sandpaper! (tears)]

[When Oblak saves, the football will automatically solve partial differential equations! (dog head)]

[Tactical Game: War of High-Dimensional Civilization]

Zhan Jun pushed his glasses and said, "According to the tabloids, Klopp held a meeting with other coaches from the Premier League BIG6 for three days and three nights this week to discuss tactics."

Hearing Zhan Jun's words, Fan Zhiyi laughed.

"Song Wen also united the entire Premier League."
-
There was a strange sense of tension in the Anfield player tunnel.

Van Dijk moved slowly along the wall like a moving sculpture, with his tactical socks pulled above his knees - it is said that this is the latest discovery of Liverpool's data analysis team: the exposed gastrocnemius muscle can reduce Song Wen's "weird contact surface" by 37%.

Salah stuffed his hands tightly into his trouser pockets, and used his fingertips to dig two holes in the lining fabric. The Egyptian pharaoh now looked like a tourist on the subway trying to guard against pickpockets.

Even the usually heartless Arnold wore double gloves, with a cross sewn on the left glove and a Bagua diagram embroidered on the right glove - he spent the whole night on TikTok last night and carefully selected these equipment from the "Anti-Songwen Metaphysics Collection".

"Three meters! Keep at least three meters!" Klopp waved the "Guide to Preventing Song" that he had made overnight on the sidelines. The German coach's voice came, "Robertson! Wrap your tattooed arms tightly! Mane! Put your dreadlocks in your helmet!"

At his feet were piled up peach wood swords and black dog blood amulets that he had urgently purchased from Chinatown, as if he was about to hold an exorcism ceremony.

In the live broadcast room, Zhan Jun pushed his glasses and said, "Dear viewers, Liverpool players are conducting the most rigorous anti-contact drill in the history of human football!" Fan Zhiyi slammed the table and laughed, "Those who know this is the Champions League semi-finals, and those who don't know think it's a zombie siege!"

The barrage exploded instantly:

[Van Dyke: Don’t get close to me! ]

[Salah sewed his crotch shut! ]

[It is recommended that Song Wen wear a chastity belt when entering the venue! ]

[The Birth of an Iron Wall] When Song Wen hummed a tune and wandered into the Liverpool camp, Van Dijk suddenly began to recite the formulas of the Theory of Relativity in Dutch, trying to build a spiritual barrier with Einstein's wisdom.

Salah took out a consecrated rosary, and the Egyptian Pharaoh looked like a pilgrim to Mecca.

The most amazing thing is Arnold - he suddenly opened his jersey to reveal his back, on which was tattooed a German spell written by Klopp himself: "Keine Berührung!" (No touching)

"Good morning, Virgil," Song Wen suddenly switched to Dutch, scaring Van Dijk so much that he retreated tactically and knocked over the drinks box. "I heard that you practiced the anti-gravity device for heading last night?" The Dutch central defender staggered and hid behind the corner flagpole, as if he was Mjolnir, the god of thunder.

When he turned to Salah, Song Wen smiled as if he had seen a brother: "Mohammed, can you teach me to draw the star and crescent spell with my left foot?"

The Egyptian retracted his half-extended right foot as if he had been electrocuted, hopping on one foot and crashing into Henderson's arms.

Fan Zhiyi laughed like a pig in the live broadcast room: "Song Wen is playing a real-life version of whack-a-mole here!"

Just when the entire Liverpool team was in a tense state, Song Wen suddenly drifted at a 90-degree angle and rushed straight to the sidelines.

Klopp was holding the tactical board and explaining the "Triangle of Death" to his assistant coach when he was suddenly shrouded in a shadow - Song Wen opened his arms and smiled so brightly that it could outshine the aurora.

“Jurgen!” The German coach’s hair stood on end at the sound of his voice. “I have studied all your works!”

Song Wen's right hand accurately grasped the other person's palm and pressed his thumb on the Hegu point - Chinese medicine says this is the main energy gate of the human body.

Klopp felt an electric current running through the back of his head, and the tactics board fell to the ground with a "snap". Song Wen's mind rang with heavenly music:
【Stolen Target: Jurgen Klopp】

[Ability Acquired: Heavy Metal Storm]

[Description: Your tactical layout is as violent as heavy metal rock, and can instantly see through the opponent's seven tactical loopholes, and the speed of on-the-spot adjustment is increased by 300%]

"Thank you for your tactical enlightenment!" When Song Wen let go, Klopp's hair exploded into the same style as Einstein's.

The German picked up the tactical board in confusion and found that the "Death Triangle" drawn on it had turned into a Tai Chi Bagua diagram.

Zhan Jun adjusted his smart glasses and said, "What a warm master-disciple inheritance! Song Wen crossed the half court to greet Klopp. This is the spirit of football."

"Bullshit!" Fan Zhiyi smashed three packs of wolfberry tea with a slap. "That kid must have been bewitched! Look at Klopp, he looks like he has lost his soul!"

The barrage is flooding the screen like crazy:

[Song Wen: Master, times have changed! ]

[Klopp's tactical board was hacked! ]

[It is recommended to check whether Song Wen has hidden a USB flash drive in his sleeves! ]

[Psychological Game: The Stolen Soul of Tactics]

When Klopp tremblingly reached for the throat lozenges in his pocket, Song Wen had already reported the "littering on the sidelines" to the fourth official in advance.

The German coach was frantic to find that as soon as he drew the arrow on the tactical board, Song Wen stepped out of the corresponding formation on the grass; as soon as he reached for the headset to adjust the tactics, the entire Atletico team had already changed its formation synchronously.

“What the hell!” Klopp pulled at his messy blond hair. “He even knows which underwear I want to change into?!”

The broadcast camera captured a magical scene - every time Klopp wrote or drew on the tactical board, Song Wen would set up a stone formation of the same formation at the top of the penalty area.

Fan Zhiyi laughed until tears came out of his eyes in the live broadcast room: "Klopp's 'heavy metal' has turned into 'pirated rock'!" Zhan Jun looked at the data panel and stuttered: "Song Wen's on-the-spot adjustment was 2.8 seconds faster than Klopp's. This... This is not in line with football science!"

When Song Wen completed the pre-match deployment using Klopp's most proficient "Lightning Trident" tactics, a muffled thunder exploded over Anfield.

The broadcast camera swept across the coaching seats of both teams - Klopp's tactical board and the stone array under Song Wen's feet actually showed the same quantum entanglement patterns.

“Thanks for your guidance,” Song Wen gave Klopp a heart, “You are such a generous teacher.”

The veins on the German coach's hands bulged as he gripped the tactical board.

In the live broadcast room, Fan Zhiyi slammed the table and yelled: "How can Song Wen play football? He is putting Klopp's brain into a USB drive!"

Zhan Jun stared at the data stream and muttered, "Atletico Madrid's expected possession rate was 38%, but it actually reached 61%. This error is enough to write five Nature papers."

[Song Wen: Your tactics are great, it will be mine in the next second! ]

[Klopp signed up for the "Anti-Telecom Fraud Training Course" overnight! ]

[It is recommended that UEFA install anti-static wristbands in the coaching seats! ]

Klopp's knuckles turned white as he gripped the tactical board.

"This is impossible..." The German stared at Song Wen on the field, and suddenly his pupils shrank - three days ago at the tactical meeting, Guardiola had used a laser pen to draw the exact same triangular attack arrow on the projector!
"Pep!" Klopp suddenly turned his head and looked at the Manchester City coaching bench. Guardiola was making the "Triangle of Death" gesture to the air, like he was dancing flamenco.

Klopp, who was becoming extremely suspicious, took out his encrypted mobile phone and analyzed the tactical meeting video frame by frame: when Pochettino mentioned that Salah retreated, Song Wen happened to be imitating the Egyptian's celebration on the sidelines; when Mourinho was explaining the "Arnold collision tactic", Song Wen patted his right shoulder at the broadcast camera - it was exactly the collision point marked by the madman!

“They’re all traitors!” Klopp kicked the bottle of mineral water at his feet away, picked up a marker and frantically listed the suspects on the back of the tactical board:

Guardiola: I frequently liked Song Wen’s Instagram posts during meetings.

Mourinho: Was photographed eating churros in Madrid.

Wenger: There is an I Ching bookmark in the data analysis report.

Conte: Secretly practicing Tai Chi during training sessions.

Pochettino: My phone screensaver is a picture of Song Wen hooking a ball.

(End of this chapter)