Beijing-Hong Kong Rosemary

Chapter 177 Suicide note
November 2001, 6

My father is pressuring me to remarry. He says that other men don't mind that I've had children, so what else can I complain about? He also said that if I don't obey, he'll send Ningning away and never let me see her again. I cried and knelt down to beg him, but it was all in vain.

November 2001, 7

I think I'm sick. I'm having sleepless nights, and when I close my eyes, I feel suffocated; my chest feels tight and I can't breathe.

November 2001, 8

I saw a psychologist and was diagnosed with moderate depression. The doctor provided counseling and prescribed a lot of medication, but whenever I return to my home in Shen, I start experiencing physical symptoms.

November 2001, 9

Today is Ningning's second birthday. She asked me why her dad hadn't come home yet. I lied and told her he'd gone to a very far place and would come back when she grew up. Looking at her innocent, childlike face, my heart felt like it was being pierced by countless needles.

November 2001, 10

My dad has found me a marriage partner, and I have no right to refuse, otherwise he'll send Ningning away.

November 2001, 11

My symptoms seem to be getting worse, and the medication isn't helping. There have been countless moments when I wanted to drop everything and go find you, Ayi. But I still have my daughter; I can't leave her alone. She'll be scared without her mother.

November 2001, 12

I can't control my emotions. When I cry, my daughter cries too. I'm not a good mother; I can't take good care of her.

November 2002, 1

I'm about to give up.

The diary will remain permanently on this page.

Shen Guining's eyes reddened, and tears welled up, falling onto the yellowed paper, blurring and blurring the writing. She could feel her mother's despair in every single word.

There were two suicide notes, one written by Ning Hengyi to Shen Anyi, and the other written by Shen Anyi to her daughter.

Shen Guining opened the envelope and unfolded the letter inside.

The handwriting is a bit crooked and not neat, probably because my hand was trembling when I wrote it.

Ningning, my darling daughter, by the time you read this letter, your mother will no longer be here. I'm sorry, please forgive my selfishness and cowardice. Living is so painful. I miss your father so much. After thinking for a long time, I've decided to go find him.

The Shen family is a huge cage, suffocating me. If you grow up to be trapped in this cage, I hope you can break free, live the life you want, find someone you love, and live happily ever after.

Before taking my medicine, I secretly took one last look at you. You were lying peacefully in bed, sleeping. How lucky I am to have such a lovely daughter like you. I will try my best to etch your little face into my mind. You are my only attachment in this world. But I'm sorry, Mom still has to leave you.

Your dad and I will watch over you from heaven. You must grow up healthy and strong. We will always love you.

Shen Guining gripped the corner of the letter tightly, tears streaming down her face as she sobbed softly, unable to suppress her sobs.

It turns out that my mother didn't die from illness, but rather from suicide due to depression.

She sat on the ground, hugging her knees, her long eyelashes wet, her eyes red and swollen, and her shoulders trembling slightly.

I could faintly hear footsteps approaching.

The door was suddenly pushed open from the outside.

Shen Guining looked up, and through her misty vision, a familiar figure appeared before her.

Qu Yanci strode in and picked her up from the ground. "Why are you sitting on the ground crying?"

As soon as he arrived, Shen Guining's tears fell even more fiercely, flowing down like a burst dam.