I made a dime from selling tangerines and you call me heartless?

And I can only stand aside silently, like an outsider.

I spent my summer vacation on the ridges of the fields in the village.

Help grandpa farm, feed pigs and cut grass.

Those "historical sites" and "amusement parks" they talk about are just pictures on TV to me.

Their clothes are more expensive, their shoes are more expensive, and their phones are better.

It was a type of mobile phone called an Apple phone, and it was said that each one cost around five or six thousand yuan.

It was almost the savings of my parents from working for one or two months.

I looked at the iPhones in their hands and a strong desire surged in my heart.

I want too.

But I know I can't afford it.

The feeling of powerlessness of wanting something but not being able to get it was like an invisible hand, tightly strangling my throat.

I hate.

I hate my parents' incompetence.

Why can't they give me a good life?

Why can't I be like other kids, wear brand-name clothes, hold an iPhone, go to amusement parks and Disneyland?

Since they couldn't give me a good life, why did they give birth to me?

These questions are like poisonous snakes, entwining and biting my heart.

The more I thought about it, the angrier and more desperate I became.

I started to escape.

Avoiding their gazes, avoiding their conversations, even avoiding myself.

I get up early every day, hide in the library, and don't return to the dormitory until late at night.

I don't want to see them or hear their laughter.

That laughter was like a needle, piercing my whole body.

Whenever I walk on campus and see those beautiful and bright classmates, a strong sense of inferiority surges in my heart.

I looked down at my clothes and suddenly felt that they were so cheap and ugly.

I even began to doubt whether I was really unworthy of standing here.

Not worthy of studying with them, not worthy of living with them.

I hate this world.

Hate its unfairness, hate its cruelty.

Why is there such a big gap between people?
Why are some people born with everything, while I can’t even afford a piece of clothing that costs thousands of dollars?
Even to buy a suitcase that costs more than a hundred yuan, one has to save money.

……

Finally, I couldn't bear it anymore.

I called my grandfather.

On the other end of the phone, my grandfather's voice was hoarse and tired, as if he had just come back from the fields.

"Grandpa, the school requires us to buy a better mobile phone for study."

"Also, the school will organize a trip during the winter vacation, and you have to pay for it."

I lied, a hint of impatience in my tone.

But I really can't stand this torment anymore.

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a few seconds, and then my grandfather lowered his voice: "Abin, the sales of tangerines are not good this year, only more than 2,000 yuan..."

"More than two thousand yuan?"

I interrupted him, my voice suddenly raised.

"What can I do with more than 2,000 yuan? I can't even afford an iPhone! How can I travel?"

Grandpa's voice became even lower, with a hint of pleading.
"Abin, my family really can't afford any more money..."

"Can't get the money?"

"All you know is farming! Farming! How much money can you make from farming?"

I almost yelled.

"Since you can't give me a good life, why did you give birth to me?"

"I hate you!"

"I hate this family!"

On the other end of the phone, grandpa didn't say anything, only the sound of heavy breathing.

I heard him sigh softly, as if he was overwhelmed by something.

But I didn't soften my heart, instead I became even angrier.
"You are useless! Useless!"

I hung up the phone angrily, my chest heaving violently and tears flowing uncontrollably.

That night, I lay in bed, tossing and turning, unable to sleep.

All I could think about was the laughter of my classmates and my grandfather's humble tone.

I turned on my phone and accidentally saw a message about selling organs on the black market.
“A kidney doesn’t have much impact on the body, but it can be exchanged for tens of thousands of dollars…” My heart skipped a beat.

A few tens of thousands of dollars is enough for me to buy an iPhone and go traveling.

I gritted my teeth and clicked on the message.

The other party replied to me quickly, with a cold and direct tone.

"One kidney, 50,000 yuan, paid on the day of surgery."

I hesitated for a few seconds, but finally agreed.

As soon as the winter vacation arrived, I went to a remote clinic according to the address given by the other party.

The place was dark and damp, and the air was filled with the smell of disinfectant and decay.

The doctor was a middle-aged man wearing a mask and with a cold look in his eyes.

He pointed at the operating table and motioned for me to lie down on it.

I lay down, feeling a little nervous, but when I thought of the 50,000 yuan, I forced myself to calm down.

The operation began quickly.

No anesthesia, just a needle stuck in my spine.

I was shaking with pain, but I clenched my teeth and dared not make a sound.

After the operation, I received 50,000 yuan in cash.

I dragged my weak body back to school.

I bought the Apple phone as I wished.

I went on a winter vacation trip as I wished.

But after a few days, my wound started to become inflamed and the pain was so severe that I broke out in cold sweats.

I gritted my teeth and endured it, not wanting others to notice anything unusual.

Until one day, I fainted in the hotel.

When I woke up, I was lying on a hospital bed.

The doctor frowned and said in a serious tone, "Your wound is seriously infected and has affected the other kidney."

"Another kidney?"

I was stunned.

"Yes, your other kidney has failed and you will have to rely on dialysis from now on."

I felt like I was struck by lightning and my mind went blank.

At this time, the parents rushed into the ward.

Their faces were filled with anger and despair.

"Are you crazy? Why are you selling your kidney?"

My father's voice was trembling and his eyes were bloodshot.

"We worked so hard to send you to school, and this is how you repay us?"

My mother cried and pounded her fists on my bed.

I gritted my teeth, anger welling up in my heart.

"Why do you blame me? If you weren't useless, would I sell my kidney?"

"You can't give me a good life, why did you give birth to me?"

"Did you give birth to me with my permission?"

My father slapped me in the face, it hurt like hell.
"You beast! How could we raise such an ungrateful person like you!"

I covered my face, tears streaming down my face.
"I hate you!"

"I hate this family!"

Finally, after a brief treatment, I followed them back to Jiangjia Village.

The home that I once tried so hard to escape from.

Every week, I have to go to the city for dialysis.

My Father……

On the third day after returning home, I packed up and went out to work.

My mother was left to take care of me.

The days passed one by one.

My life seemed to have been terminated when that kidney was sold.

But I don't regret it.

At least, I got what I wanted for now.

Until one day later, an old man from the village found me.

He said he wanted me to be the village chief of Jiangjia Village.

Be the village chief?
Seems pretty good too.

...(End of chapter)