I am a temporary worker in Jinyiwei, how did I become a powerful official?

Chapter 149: Three brothers swore brotherhood in Taoyuan, drank chicken blood, ghosts cried and wolves howled ( words, very funny)
In early summer in June, the peach blossom forest in front of the Guandi Temple in Xiangshan is like a dream, like a fairyland.

Lin Shisan rested at home for three days and the charcoal poisoning had healed. Now he could not only move freely, but also jump.

When Yan Shifan saw that Lin Shisan had recovered, he hurriedly invited him to the peach blossom forest in front of Guandi Temple to become sworn brothers.

The servants of the Yan family had already set up an incense table in the peach blossom forest, placed a brazier for burning yellow paper, and prepared a fat, big rooster with slightly squinting eyes.

Yan Shifan, Lin Shisan and Luo Longwen each wrote down their names and dates of birth on yellow paper.

The three men knelt before the statue of Guandi, and more than twenty Yan Party officials who came to bear witness stood behind them.

"I am Yan Shifan."

"I'm Lin Thirteen."

"I'm Luo Longwen."

"The three of us are of the same mind and have the same thoughts. Although we have different surnames, we are willing to become brothers. Guandi is a warning. If there are those who are ungrateful and betray their brothers, they will be killed by both heaven and earth and struck by five thunders!"

Yan Nian, the old butler of the Yan family, was dressed in the costume of Guandi on the stage. He walked behind the three people with a large unsharpened Guandao in his hand.

He first used his Guandao to hit Yan Shifan on the back: "Do you love your brothers or gold?"

Yan Shifan said sternly: "Love my brothers!"

Yan Nian hit Luo Longwen on the back with his knife again: "Do you love your brothers or gold?"

Luo Longwen replied: "I love Huang. I love my brothers!"

This guy almost told the truth.

Yan Nian hit Lin Shisan on the back with his knife again: "Do you love your brothers or gold?"

Lin Shisan said firmly: "Love brothers!"

Yan Nian said: "Burning incense to Emperor Guan."

The three held incense in both hands, bowed three times to the statue of Guandi, and then inserted the incense into the incense burner. The three looked extremely pious.

Yan Nian said: "Burn your name and date of birth and tell Guandi."

The three of them placed yellow paper with their names and birthdays written on it into a copper basin and lit it.

Yan Nian picked up the fat, big, and slightly squinting rooster, took the axe handed to him by the servant, and chopped off the rooster's head.

He carried the beheaded chicken, walked to three wine bowls, and poured the chicken blood into the bowls.

Yan Nian is old and has lost his way. He just mixes chicken blood wine for his own good intentions, usually a few drops of chicken blood to a bowl of wine.

He carried the decapitated chicken and poured out blood. These three bowls of chicken blood wine were almost 50% blood and 50% wine.

Yan Nian knew that he had drunk too much chicken blood, and he muttered to himself to make up for it: "The more chicken blood you drink, the more sincere your heart will be in sworn brotherhood."

Yan Shifan raised the bowl of chicken blood wine and said solemnly: "If the feelings are deep, drink it in one gulp. If the feelings are shallow, lick it. My two brothers, I will drink first to show my respect!"

Yan Shifan gulped down a large bowl of chicken blood wine.

The bunch of sycophants behind him all cheered: "Young cabinet minister, what a character!"

"Little cabinet elder spirit!"

"Among all the generous people in history, the young elder is the best!"

Luo Longwen and Lin Shisan were puzzled: Damn, is this drinking wine or drinking chicken blood? Yan Nian is so confused, why didn't he count when he sprinkled the chicken blood?

But the eldest brother was speechless. How could a brother be a coward?

If you don’t even dare to drink raw chicken blood, how can you talk about working together, sharing prosperity and adversity?
The two of them gritted their teeth, picked up the wine bowl, and drank it all in one gulp with their teeth bared.

After the three of them finished drinking the chicken blood wine, they wiped their mouths and bowed to each other.

"Big brother!"

"Big brother!"

"Second brother, third brother!"

"Third brother!"

"Second brother!"

The three of them said in unison: "We don't ask to be born on the same day of the same month of the same year, but we ask to die on the same day of the same month of the same year!"

Then the three of them burst into hearty laughter: "Ahahaha!"

This is exactly, burning yellow paper and drinking chicken blood in front of the Guandi Temple, and swearing an oath to become a godparent in the peach blossom forest.

There is a song in later generations praising it: With this bow, I feel happy and happy to meet my soulmate, and the peach blossoms are smiling and reflecting on the altar.

This bow shows Bao Guoan's ambition to safeguard the country and his talent in building the country.

This bow shows our loyalty and courage, and our vow to stay together through thick and thin.

This bow will never change, whether I live or die, and the heaven, earth, sun and moon will strengthen my feelings.

Spear in hand, Yo-ho. Sword shining, Yo-ho
After the brotherhood was completed, Lin Shisan officially became the sworn brother of Yan Shifan and Luo Longwen.

Yan Shifan said to the Yan Party's flatterers: "Everyone, you are witnessing our three brothers' oath of brotherhood today. Donglou is grateful."

"You guys go back to my house first to have the sworn brotherhood banquet. I have something important to discuss with them."

All the flatterers of the Yan Party disappeared.

Yan Shifan asked his servants to set up a table and three chairs under the peach tree.

The three brothers sat down.

Yan Shifan said to Lin Shisan, "Third brother, today we are sworn brothers, and I don't have much to give you. How about giving you a great merit?"

Lin Shisan asked: "Brother, what is the merit?"

Yan Shifan stroked his beard and said, "Wu Shilai, Zhang Chong, and Dong Chuance, those three bastards not only reported you, Yang, and Lu, but also reported the Fujian governor, Ruan E."

"There's no need to hide anything between us brothers. Let me tell you straight out. The emperor wants to punish our Yan family. Ruan E can't be saved."

"Since Ruan E can't keep his head, why not give his head to you as a credit to me, my third brother?"

Lin Shisan bowed and said, "Brother, please teach me how to use Ruan E's head as my credit."

Yan Shifan clapped his hands: "Yan Nian, bring it up."

Yan Nian placed a wooden box on the table.

Yan Shifan patted the wooden box and said, "These are more than a dozen pieces of evidence of Ruan E's rampant crimes, corruption and bribery. I will give this box of evidence to you, my third brother."

"My father has already informed Eunuch Lu of the Imperial Household Department. Eunuch Lu will suggest to the Emperor to send you south to Fujian."

"If nothing unexpected happens, the emperor will send you to Fujian. Your nominal mission is to select a cat husband for Mei Shuang. Mei Shuang is the royal cat that was sent as tribute from Fujian."

"The secret mission is to thoroughly investigate Ruan E's illegal affairs."

"You just need to wander around Fujian, pretend to be a good person, collect the gifts, sleep with the Fujian girl, and then you can return to the capital and hand over the evidence in this box to the emperor."

"In this way, Ruan E will surely die. But I can ensure that you, my third brother, will perform great deeds in front of the emperor."

After hearing this, Lin Shisan burst into tears: "Ah! Brother, you are forcing such a great achievement into my hands out of thin air!"

Luo Longwen laughed and said, "Hey, I'm jealous of my third brother. Big brother, you are biased!"

Yan Shifan said: "Second brother, as the elder brother, how can we not take care of the third brother? Brother... Eh? This is not right!"

Yan Shifan suddenly covered his stomach with his hands and said, "Why is there a rumbling sound in my stomach? It feels like someone is singing the entire Romance of the West Chamber in my stomach."

When it comes to diarrhea, it always makes both your buttocks itchy.

After Yan Shifan said this, Luo Longwen's stomach felt like it was being cut by a knife: "Oh no! I, I want to escape!"

Lin Shisan looked miserable: "That doesn't make sense. I don't have diarrhea even when I chew ice cubes in the middle of winter, so why are you blanching me?"

Yan Shifan jumped up from his chair. Yan Nian said, "Young Lord, there is a reception room next to the Guandi Temple." Yan Shifan said, "I can't wait!"

He ran directly to the peach tree, lifted up the hem of his robe, took off his trousers and began to run around "puff puff". The yellow and red thing hit the tree trunk like a scatter shot from a Portuguese cannon.

Lin Shisan also ran under the tree: "Brother, I am sorry for being rude."

After saying that, he also stuck his butt out and sprayed towards the peach tree.

Luo Longwen was more reserved. He didn't have diarrhea, but held onto the tree trunk and vomited.

Yan Nian was horrified: "What happened to you three?"

Yan Shifan was vomiting and stammering, as if there were ten thousand knives twisting his stomach.

Lin Shisan was not much better. He started vomiting violently right after he finished running.

After Luo Longwen finished vomiting, he just wanted to take off his pants, but it was too late! The yellow liquid flowed down his trouser legs and all over the floor.

Diarrhea can kill people.

The three of them struggled under the peach tree for a whole hour, their faces turned pale and there was nothing they could do.

Yan Shifan stuck out his butt and turned to look at Lin Shisan: "Third brother, something is wrong. How come you have two, oh no, four heads?"

After saying this, Yan Shifan fainted.

Lin Shisan also saw stars, and after a moment, everything went dark and he fell under the peach tree.

Luo Longwen shouted, "Something terrible has happened! Someone has poisoned us!" and then fainted.

Yan Nian was at a loss: "Oh no! Someone is trying to assassinate the young minister! Hurry up and call for help, hurry up and call for help!"

In a trance, Lin Shisan had a dream. He dreamed that he turned into a green cat and married Mei Shuang.

Mei Shuang transformed into a beautiful woman and said to Lin Shisan, "Husband, you don't have to drink raw chicken blood anymore."

After an unknown amount of time, Lin Shisan felt a bitter taste in his mouth. He opened his eyes and found an old man feeding him medicine.

My goodness, I was just woken up by taking medicine three days ago, and now it happens again.

After drinking the medicine, Lin Shisan looked around and found himself lying on Yan Shifan's big bed that could accommodate eight concubines.

Yan Shifan and Luo Longwen lay dying beside him.

The old man who poured medicine into the mouth seemed to be Li Baotian, a famous doctor in the north of the city.

Li Baotian said to Yan Song: "Sir, all three of them have regained consciousness."

Yan Song asked: "Was it poisoned?"

Li Baotian replied: "It was not poisoning. It was self-mutilation!"

"Raw chicken blood is a very dry substance, and so is wine. In the dry weather of June, if you drink raw chicken blood with wine and don't have diarrhea and vomiting, it would be strange!"

"Fortunately, they had someone to take care of them and they were treated early. Otherwise, all the water in their bodies would have leaked out, and the three of them would have died of dryness."

Old Yan Song was a man who remained calm even when faced with a catastrophe. No matter how stupid the officials of the Yan Party did, he never got angry or lost his temper in public.

But this time, Yan Shifan, Lin Shisan and Luo Longwen really made Yan Song angry!

Yan Song took his cane and hit his beloved son Yan Shifan on the thigh with it: "Three stupid dogs! Big stupid donkeys! Big stupid pigs!"

"A stupid dog, a stupid donkey, and a stupid pig are sworn brothers. You two are both so stupid!"

"How many scoundrels of Xu's party didn't kill you, but you went to drink wine mixed with raw chicken blood? This is not the way to seek death!"

Yan Nian said from the side: "Master, calm down."

Yan Song cursed: "I'll fuck your grandmother!"

After saying this, the nearly 80-year-old man Yan Song swung his cane and hit Yan Nian on the shoulder: "Chicken blood wine, just sprinkle a few drops of chicken blood into the wine as a token of appreciation!"

"But that chicken isn't yours? Don't you feel bad about pouring out the blood?"

"Fortunately, Donglou is safe. If he had died this time, I would have killed your entire family! I would have shaken all your eggs to pieces, poured boiling water into the ant nests, and chopped the earthworms in half, vertically!"

Yan Nian knelt down and kowtowed hurriedly: "Master, I was wrong."

Yan Song cursed: "Yan Shifan, are you confused because of sleeping with a woman? Lin Shisan, did you let someone use the soul-chasing needle to stab you and turn you into a pig? And Luo Longwen, I'm going to kill you."

After all, he was 77 years old, and he was too old to handle the anger. Yan Song staggered and almost fell.

That bowl of high-proportion chicken blood wine almost fulfilled Xu Jie's wish that he had been planning for twenty years but could not achieve: to kill Yan Song and his son in one fell swoop.

Li Baotian had a lot of work to do today. After curing the diarrhea and vomiting of the three idiots, he used silver needles to cure Yan Song's anger attack.

It was not until the second half of the night that the old man and the three idiots finally came to their senses and were out of danger.

Yan Song called the three people to his study.

The three of them had diarrhea all day long, with ghosts howling and screaming, and now they were all listless.

Lin Shisan thought to himself: People's luck can't always be good. I was poisoned by carbon monoxide first, but after three or four days I drank chicken blood and had diarrhea and vomiting. It seems that God thinks I am too lucky and sent me two small disasters.
Yan Song calmed himself down and said, "It's a good thing that you two are sworn brothers. But you are all big shots in the capital. Can you stop being childish?"

"Can you drink chicken blood? Why don't you cut your wrists and suck each other's blood? That would be much more sincere than drinking chicken blood!"

Yan Shifan knelt down and said, "Dad, please don't be angry. I know I was wrong."

Yan Song pointed to the wooden box on the desk and said, "Fortunately, Yan Nian is not that stupid. He knows to bring this box of evidence to bring down the provincial governor back to the government."

"If this box is lost and falls into the hands of Xu's party, do you know what the consequences will be?"

"Thirteen, did your elder brother tell you about investigating Ruan E?"

Lin Shisan bowed and said, "My elder brother told me."

Yan Song said, "Remember this. Don't make a big case when investigating Ruan E, and don't bring up mud with you."

"Let Ruan E die. Don't let him bring trouble to others."

Lin Shisan said: "Don't worry, Lord, I understand everything."

Yan Song said, "Please keep this box with me for now. Go to Fujian and have a good time. When you return to Beijing, come back and get the box from me."

Lin Shisan suddenly let out a cry and burst into tears.

Yan Song frowned: "Why are you crying?"

Lin Shisan burst into tears and snot: "Wow! The elder doesn't mind that I'm stupid and has given me such a great achievement. Even if I die, I can't repay you for your kindness."

Yan Song was so angry at Lin Shisan that he laughed: "Okay, if you ever feel sorry for the Yan family, find a big rooster, chop off its head and stuff it with chicken blood."

"If one doesn't kill you, then take two. If two don't kill you, then take three."

"I, Old Man Yan, beg you three. You are all people who can accomplish great things. Can you please stop doing stupid, childish things in the future?"

Just as Yan Song and his son said, three days later, Lu Fang conveyed the imperial edict to Lin Shisan on behalf of Emperor Jiajing.

The imperial edict ordered Lin Shisan to go to Fujian to find a husband for Mei Shuang.

The secret order was to order Lin Shisan to investigate Ruan E's illegal affairs.

Lin Shisan first ate mutton hotpot with Lu Yi and Liu Shouyou in the imperial prison, which caused carbon poisoning in his brain. He also drank chicken blood with Yan Shifan and Luo Longwen in Taolin, which caused him to have diarrhea and vomiting.

These two things were reported to Emperor Jiajing by Lu Fang.

The Jiajing Emperor was walking on thin ice as an emperor. He was extremely depressed and gloomy for many years. Not many things could make him smile.

But after hearing about Lin Shisan's two stupid things, Emperor Jiajing laughed so hard that he rolled over in the green gauze curtain. The literary phrase is "beating the couch and having fun".

Going south to Fujian is a great job.

The outcome of the matter had already been arranged by the Yan family. Lin Shisan could achieve a great feat by not offending anyone. He could just go to Fujian to enjoy the mountains and rivers and indulge himself.

(End of this chapter)