1986: My Happy Life in Provence

Chapter 155: Provence Hell Joke

Beneath the green skin of Provence lies a heart made of limestone.

White, khaki, honey-colored, off-white. No matter where you go in this land, you can see traces of limestone.

As time goes by, the limestone exposed to the sun will age, but the material becomes more attractive as it ages.

Every time Ronan came to the quarry, he felt like he had entered a huge and magnificent "theater", where "actors" of various shapes and sizes told vivid stories one after another in the form of pantomime.

"What are you standing there looking at every day?" Doku came out of the workshop and saw Ronan staring at the stone again, and asked in confusion.

"Look at these stones." Ronan said with a smile.

"You've been watching for three days." Every step Doku took would drop a large cloud of white dust.

“But after three days, I still think they are beautiful.” Ronan said, looking at the raw stones that looked like sugar cubes, “especially these that have not been carved.”

Most of the stone furniture Ronan wanted was custom-made, and the styles were not very common in Provence.

Doku would call him several times every day, asking him if he was sure he wanted to do it according to the "drawing".

Ronan had to come to the quarry to supervise for a few days in order to get Doku to do the work 'obediently'.

The loud noise of saws and grinders echoed around without stopping, and white dust came from all directions. Even with layers of protection, Ronan still couldn't stay with Doku for too long and could only come out for some fresh air from time to time.

As a result, he discovered some interesting things, these raw stones.

Doku is a person who likes to chat very much. Usually no one talks to him in the quarry. Seeing that Ronan is interested in stone, he took the initiative to ask him:
"Shall I take you around here?"

Ronan said doubtfully:

“I walk around here every day.”

Is there any place here that I haven't been to?

Doku said excitedly:

"What you 'see' when you turn around by yourself or when I take you around is different."

As he spoke, he stood up and pointed to a round stone not far away and said:

"You tell me, what is that?"

Ronan looked at it for a long time, but couldn't see anything special. He could only tell the name of the stone type:

"Flint?"

Dokudeser tilted his head:

"That's 'cat's head'!"

"What cat head?" Ronan frowned slightly.

Duoku opened his hands slightly and said passionately:
"Sir, welcome to the world's most popular limestone producing area. In this ancient land, there are too many 'stories' about stones to tell you."

Ronan crossed his arms and asked in a perfunctory tone:

“Is Provence the most popular place to produce limestone?”

If this is true, the "Mifaal Guide" would not ignore such an important publicity point.

Doku said confidently:

"Isn't it? The Statue of Liberty was built in a quarry in Provence."

In the afternoon, Zoe brought Leah's specialty, beef stewed in red wine, to Ronan's house.

This was the second time this week that Zoe had come to Ronan's house to deliver food.

The reason for this is that Luo Tianhai has been constantly tasting dishes recently, resulting in too much food on Ronan's table.

Luo Tianhai would ask Ronan to take some money and share it with his friends every day. Ronan was too lazy to think about which friend to give it to, so he just gave it to Louis's house every time.

Just like that, the intimate "reciprocity" began.

After delivering the food, Zoe will stay at Ronan's house for a while, and then Ronan will deliver it back to her.

It’s a small village, so there’s not much to do, and it’s quite fun to deliver things back and forth.

"Doku told me a lot of interesting things yesterday. 'Crocodile' refers to a saw with jagged teeth, like sharp teeth, used to cut softer stones; 'toad' is a large delivery truck used to transport ten-ton stones; 'gendarme' is a pile of cut stone pieces; 'buttering' means drilling holes in stones; 'boca' is a double-sided hammer; 'cat's head' refers to stones cut into spherical shapes -" On the way, Ronan excitedly said to Zoe, "Does your industry also have so many 'professional terms'?"

After chatting with Doku, I found out that this guy is a professional student of the sculpture department of a famous art school. He is half a "colleague" with Zoe. He is just as good at telling "stories" as Zoe. He can even extend the story of a stone to the ancient mythological period.

So when he met Zoe today, Ronan immediately shared these interesting stories with her.

Zoe's focus is not on those 'proper nouns', but on what Ronan has been doing recently:

"Have you been to the quarry every day recently?"

Ronan nodded:

"Yes, I'm going to keep an eye on Doku making furniture."

Zoe's expression suddenly became serious:
"The environment in the quarry is very harsh. Have you taken precautions?"

"Yes," Ronan explained. "I wore headphones and a dust mask."

"Are we going to continue tomorrow?" Zoe asked.

Ronan thought for a moment:
“I won’t go tomorrow, but I will go a few more times in the future.”

The communication with Duoku is almost complete. He only needs to check it a few times occasionally during the construction period of more than half a month. There is no need to watch it every day.

Zoe nodded:
"Come home with me later, and I'll get you some better protective gear. The dust is very harmful if you breathe it in."

"Okay." Ronan agreed. Zoe has always attached great importance to protective work during construction, and only with those props can she feel at ease.

Looking at Zoe's beautiful profile, Ronan couldn't help but think:

Zoe always thought of him and did so many things for him.

What could he do for Zoe?

Ronan came to Zoe's house and saw Louis washing his old Citroen hatchback in the yard.

"You didn't go out today?" Ronan asked curiously.

Louis turned off the high-pressure water gun and said angrily:
"My client went to the Cote d'Azur 'on the way' before looking at houses, and now he is stuck in Monte Carlo. I was stood up."

Zoe signaled Ronan that he could stay here while she went in to get protective gear.

Ronan nodded to Zoe, and then asked Louis in confusion:

"Didn't you tell your clients not to go to the Cote d'Azur in the summer?"

Geographically, the Cote d'Azur refers to a large region, represented by the cities of Nice, Cannes and Monaco, which borders France.

But usually, when people mention the 'Cote d'Azur', they are referring to the several hundred kilometers of coastal road from Marseille to Monte Carlo.

The coastal road has beautiful scenery on both sides and the beach is full of white flesh. It is the best choice for long-distance travel. Many people will go to the Cote d'Azur to see the scenery there even if they have to take a detour. However, in the summer when tourism is at its peak, it is synonymous with "congestion".

You can enjoy the beach, sea and beauties to your heart's content, but the price is that it takes 10 hours to drive 2 kilometers.

If someone can travel 1 kilometers in one hour, he will be considered a child favored by the goddess of luck.

Customers like these who come to view houses should not be so foolish as to drive to that road. Even if they wanted to go, the experienced Louis should have stopped them.

Louis was in a very bad mood and told a Provencal 'cheesy' joke:
"Maybe those two smug gray mice want to become dead lobsters?"

Ronan uttered a puzzled "hmm", not understanding what Louis said.

Leah came out of the house holding clothes and glanced at Louis unhappily:
"That's not funny."

Afterwards, she explained to Ronan embarrassedly:
"He said his client was British."

Louis pouted and muttered:
"As long as the British are exposed to the sun for a while, their skin will immediately turn red. No, let alone the sun, even the moon can make them red! Those two stupid guys actually dared to go to the 'Cote d'Azur' to sunbathe?"

Ronan lowered his head and laughed twice.

The people of Provence are really hostile to tourists.

"He's been stood up three times this week. You know, the traveling army is coming." Leah said to Ronan with a smile, "I made iced lemon tea. Come in and I'll pour you a cup."

"Okay." Ronan agreed happily.

As soon as he finished speaking, a "boom" sound came from far above his head.

Ronan looked up and saw a yellow and red plane flying low over the sky and disappearing into the heart of Luberon.

In the past, when a strange ant passed through Lourmarin, the villagers would stop it and ask where it came from and where it was going.

When they saw this uniquely shaped plane, Leia and Louis were not curious at all.

One of them went into the house silently, while the other turned on the high-pressure water gun and continued washing the car.

"What plane is that?" Ronan asked, looking in the direction where the plane disappeared.

Louis said without even looking up:

"Fire-fighting aircraft, tourists not only bring congestion, but also forest fires. There must be a fire in that direction."

Ronan exclaimed:
"A fire-fighting plane?"

Louis explained to him slowly:

"This aircraft first drags a huge water tank to the Mediterranean, then returns with a full tank of water to pour on the raging fire, saving both time and energy. I heard that it was inspired by the pelican."

Ronan nodded. So that's how it is.

Louis also looked in the direction where the plane disappeared:

"Last year, a plane accidentally put a tourist who was swimming in the sea into a water tank, and then threw it into a forest fire, and he was 'cremated' alive."

"Is this true?" Ronan's eyes widened.

Louis shrugged and said in an unquestionable tone:

"Of course it is true, and all Provence knows it."

Ronan soon discovered that Louis once again used the usual Provençal "exaggeration" rhetoric, because Zoe, who was born and raised in Provence, had never heard of this story.

While adjusting the tightness of Ronan's mask, she said helplessly:
"This is an old joke in Provence. Every time there is a fire, someone tells this kind of 'hell' joke, catching tourists swimming, catching tourists surfing, catching tourists driving. If you hear the rumor and check whether it is true or not, every local will add fuel to the fire and tell you that it is true. Dad is so boring."

Ronan laughed so hard that his shoulders shook:

"The people of Provence hate tourists too much. Louis is still the best. You haven't seen the look in Henry, Theo and Pierre's eyes when they talk about tourists."

Suddenly, Ronan's shoulders stopped shaking.

He noticed an uninvited guest at the door of Zoe's studio.

There was a little guy with his head lowered, staring at Ronan with his eyes fixed.

If Ronan was not mistaken, the look in its eyes was the same as the ones the farmers gave when they talked about tourists.

"Do you think sheep have emotions?" Ronan asked Zoe behind him with a helpless smile.

(End of this chapter)