Ning Dao Covered with Snow

Chapter 38 Future and Hope

Yan Ciwan felt from her what it meant to have no greater sorrow than a dead heart.

She was forced to become an accomplice to murder, her heart filled with remorse and fear. She turned to her closest relatives for help, but instead of helping her, they stabbed her wounds again, so that she felt that her crime was unforgivable and that only death could bring her relief.

Yan Ciwan returned the embroidered handkerchief to her, held her hand, and persuaded her in a gentle voice.

"Don't cry, you still have your mother, she really loves you."

Thinking of her gentle and loving mother, Chaolu felt a little better. She stopped crying and spoke with a sob.

"Well, my mother was very good to me. She was very worried when she saw that I was depressed. She felt that it was because she had not fulfilled her responsibilities as a mother that I ended up in this situation. She blamed herself very much. She hugged me and cried for a long time. She didn't dare to leave Tingfeng Courtyard at night. She stayed by my side all the time, fearing that I would be depressed again."

Yan Ciwan said softly: "Madam Chao mentioned you to me. She has always been concerned about you."

Chaolu's expression became gentle: "I miss my mother too. I really want to go back to see her, but I can't go back..."

Having said this, her mood dropped again.

Even though Chaolu had said so much just now, Yan Ciwan still didn't understand one thing——

"Why did you fake your death and leave the Chao family?"

Chaolu lowered her head and answered in a low voice.

"Because I can't live at home anymore. My father doesn't understand me, my brother often bullies me, and my mother wants to protect me, but she can't even protect herself. I feel depressed every day, like a bird trapped in a cage. If this continues, I will go crazy sooner or later."

Yan Ciwan added, "But aren't you going to marry Xiao Wang soon? Once you get married, can't you leave the palace openly? Why bother faking your own death and escaping?"

Chaolu pursed her lips, and her fingers clenched the embroidered handkerchief tighter and tighter, looking quite uneasy.

"I heard that Xiao Wang is seriously ill and won't live past the age of 20, and he's already 19. Even if I marry him, he won't be able to protect me for long..."

This was beyond Yan Ciwan's expectations.

In her impression, Xiao Wang was a man of elegant demeanor and tall and straight stature. Although his complexion was a little paler than that of ordinary people, he did not look sickly overall.

Yan Ciwan couldn't help but ask: "Are you sure he is really seriously ill?"

Chaolu was afraid that she wouldn't believe her, so she told her everything she knew.

"I heard that Xiao Liulang had suffered from a strange disease since he was young. The Xiao family searched for famous doctors for him, but none of them could cure him. Because of this, the noble families in Chang'an were unwilling to marry their daughters to him, and finally chose me. My mother didn't want me to marry a short-lived man, but Aye didn't care about that. He often said that if Xiao Liulang hadn't been seriously ill and had no cure, he wouldn't have chosen me, and I should feel honored by this."

Having said that, she pursed her lips, as if she was dissatisfied with her father's words, but because the other party was her father, she could not resist and could only endure it.

Yan Ciwan's fists clenched when he heard this.

She was carefully brought up by her father since she was a child. No matter what she did, her father would only praise her sincerely. In his heart, his daughter was perfect and no one in the world was worthy of her.

Even if the emperor granted her marriage and asked her to marry the prince, her father still felt that she was being wronged.

Therefore, Yan Ciwan couldn't imagine that there could be a father in the world who would belittle his own daughter like this.

She looked at Chaolu and spoke seriously, enunciating each word.

"Don't listen to Chao Yuanzhi's lies. You are good and you deserve the best in the world."

Chaolu had never been praised so directly before, so she couldn't help feeling a little embarrassed.

She lowered her head, mustered up her courage and whispered, "Actually, I don't want to get married, and there are my own reasons. Ever since I escaped death that time, I've been afraid of men getting close to me. As long as they get close to me, I'll remember what happened that day, and I won't be able to control my emotions and want to escape madly. I may never get married in this life..."

As she spoke, her voice gradually became lower and her eyes remained on the ground, not daring to look at Yan Ci Wan in front of her.

She was ashamed to admit her fear and felt that it was abnormal for her to behave like this. She was afraid that Yan Ciwan would treat her like a monster.

Everyone believes that women should get married and have children when they reach a certain age, and people like her are outliers.

Yan Ciwan thought for a moment and suggested, "If you don't want to marry into the Xiao family, you can directly express your attitude to Xiao Liulang. Although I'm not very familiar with Xiao Liulang, I can see that he is quite calm and steady in his dealings with others, and he is not the kind of person who would force others to do things against their will."

Chaolu raised her head and found that there was neither pity nor rejection in Yan Ciwan's eyes. He didn't think that what she had just said was so unorthodox.

She couldn't help asking, "Don't you think I'm weird?"

Yan Ci Wan smiled brightly: "What's so strange about that? If you don't want to get married, then don't get married. If you don't want to get close to men, then don't get close to them. As long as you don't break the law or hurt others, you can do whatever you want."

Although she is a girl, she was raised by her father as an heir. Her father gave her full autonomy and never interfered with her decisions, which also cultivated her spontaneous character.

In her opinion, getting married and having children is not the only way out for women. Chaolu is able to take care of herself and has medical skills, so she can live independently.

Chaolu looked at her bright smile and suddenly felt very envious.

"Your family must love you very much."

If he had not been spoiled since childhood, he would not have developed such a free and easy personality.

Yan Ciwan admitted generously: "Yes, my father, mother, and grandmother all love me very much. Of course, I love them too. We are a happy family!"

When she talked about her family, there seemed to be stars shining in her eyes, and the feeling of happiness was almost overflowing.

Chaolu was infected by her emotions and couldn't help but laugh along.

"very nice."

Yan Ciwan said: "Madam Chao loves you very much, and you have a very good family too."

Chaolu nodded vigorously: "Yes, my mother is also very good!"

Although she has experienced many bad things, including a father who does not love her very much and a brother who always bullies and oppresses her, she still has a gentle and loving mother, and now she has also met Ning Ci, a brave and smart partner.

There was a layer of gray haze in her heart, but some sunlight shone through the cracks.

The future is not completely hopeless for her.

……

After drinking the medicine, Yan Ciwan felt a little sleepy. She covered her lips and yawned, and her eyelids began to droop little by little.

Chaolu is still thinking about breaking off the engagement.

She thought about it over and over again but still couldn't make up her mind, so she had to ask Yan Ciwan for help.

Yan Ciwan perked up and suggested, "Write a letter to Madam Chao and ask her to help you test Xiao Liulang's attitude and see if he is willing to cancel the engagement. If he is willing, that would be the best. If not, we can think of another way."

Chaolu hesitated: "But if I do this, my mother will know that I am still in Xiangzhou City..."

Previously, Liu arranged for her to fake her death and leave the court in the hope that she could leave Xiangzhou as soon as possible and go to Chang'an to join her grandfather and uncle.

But Chaolu took the initiative to stay in Xiangzhou City. She deceived Liu, who would definitely be angry and worried when she found out.

Yan Ciwan sighed: "The truth cannot be hidden. You can't hide it from Madam Chao forever, unless you never see her again in your life."

Chaolu pursed her lips. It was not that she didn't understand this logic, but she was not mentally prepared to face her mother.

She clenched her fists and made up her mind: "I will write a letter to my mother and explain everything to her. If she is angry, I will let her hit me a few times to vent her anger."

Yan Ciwan waved his hand: "Go quickly."

As soon as the morning dew disappeared, Yan Ciwan could no longer hold on and fell asleep.

　The temperature has dropped suddenly in the past two days, and it's very cold. Please remember to add more clothes to keep warm, and don't forget to vote~
　　
　
(End of this chapter)