The establishment of the Time Travelers Alliance began in the first year of Conan

Chapter 76 This is me! Dr. Agasa’s struggle!

For Dr. Agasa, he has never been happy since joining the alliance.

The happiness after learning the truth lasted only a moment.

Then he was surrounded by endless negative thoughts and emotions——

The horrible truth frightened him, the gazes of the other members of the alliance made him lonely, the concealment from Conan made him painful, and the guidance given to Xiaolan made him sad...

Even his own talents and knowledge betrayed him.

This kind, honest, enthusiastic and knowledgeable old man always said to himself:
"This shouldn't be the case. Shinichi must be a good kid. He just doesn't know all this..."

This was the only reason he could use to protect himself.

Dr. Agasa cannot understand what the [Story Timeline] has done.

Whether it is towards him, towards Xiaolan, towards everyone around Kudo Shinichi, or even towards Shinichi himself.

If the world really loves Shinichi.

Why should it fool him and everything around him?

Why does it turn Shinichi's concerns and hobbies into some kind of forced drama?

In the eyes of this old man who watched Kudo Shinichi grow up, if Shinichi knew that his love had caused such great harm and terrible consequences——

Will he break down?
Or does He actually enjoy it?
Even Dr. Agasa had to admit that after truly breaking through his "personality", some dark doubts and uneasy thoughts suddenly emerged in his heart.

"I must have been influenced by the negative voices in the league," he used this reason to deceive himself, "Shinichi must not know, right! He doesn't know..."

But those speculations, those models, and those data still appear in Dr. Agasa's mind again and again.

Sometimes those thoughts even made him start to doubt himself.

"Am I really myself? Or are those dark thoughts the real me?"

What if my love for science, the kindness and enthusiasm in my heart, everything I have experienced, and my protection and care for Shinichi are all due to the needs of a certain "story"?

With such doubts and pain, Agasa didn't know how many times he walked into the disguise department led by the professor——

He didn't believe the empty reassurances of the psychological support department; the best help and advice they could offer was minimal memory blurring.

Dr. Agasa didn't want to do this.

More importantly, the results of those who still chose to escape have told him that it is a useless move.

The league's suicide rate has remained stable.

Dr. Agasa didn't want to ask Lin Sheng for his opinion and advice, as he was a truly "terrible" person.

Sometimes he even felt that Lin Sheng was in deeper trouble than himself. That grand mission made everyone who came into contact with him feel terrified except Shigenobu Hitomi.

Is He really still a human being?

So, in the end, he chose to ask the old man, whom he thought was the wisest and who had taught him how to disguise himself, the question he had asked himself countless times.

"So, who do you think I am?"

The white-haired old man laughed and asked, "So, who are you?"

"That's a good question, Agasa. You're about to touch upon the most serious and ultimate question in a person's life..."

There is only one truly serious philosophical question.

So the old man's question also made Dr. Agasa laugh, but the difference was that it was a bleak smile.

"I never thought I was that weak, Professor."

Dr. Agasa's voice was a little low. "After all, I am a 'failed scientist' designated by the [story timeline], right?"

"I should be optimistic. I should have the courage and perseverance to not give up after facing so many failures."

"But now I feel," Dr. Agasa's voice was filled with confusion and pain, "that they all disappeared with this absurd truth."

He murmured, "Every morning, even every evening..."

Just like those who were willing to stay in the alliance base as cleaners rather than return to reality were asked to return to their posts.

Dr. Agasa also has to stay in his villa.

He had to constantly and forever wait, prepare, and anticipate a shrunken child running into his home.

Then, respond as planned, methodically, like some kind of procedure.

"I can't describe it, I just feel like I'm dreaming," Dr. Agasa lowered his head and murmured helplessly, "It's as if all the connections between me and other people are broken." "It's as if... all this is not real..."

To Dr. Agasa, everything that happened to him was so absurd—

Those same explosions...

A patent application that never fails...

The same scene every evening and morning...

Whether it's the emptiness caused by the endlessness of this ridiculous "story", the numbness to the truth, or the boredom with the [story timeline].

"I really can't hold on any longer, Professor."

He even couldn't help but reveal to the old man some of the thoughts he had been hiding.

"No matter how I guide her, she always gives me hope at first, and then changes back to her original state the next moment."

Dr. Agasa said painfully, "I am Sisyphus, facing such a hopeless and ineffective labor."

"I still prefer The Count of Monte Cristo," the old man said with a playful smile, "I like to read some light-hearted novels."

Dr. Agasa saw a rare sharpness in the eyes of this kind old man.

"Agasa, you must remember this painful and lucid feeling. It is this feeling that makes you the master of yourself."

He pointed to his head and said, "The pain in your mind is also the source of your happiness. They are both the product of the truth."

"Why don't you choose to forget all this?"

So, just over ten minutes ago, I witnessed the moment when all my efforts over the past month were about to be wiped out by the [story timeline] again.

For the first time, Dr. Agasa chose to truly fight for a goal he thought was impossible.

……

When Conan set out on his journey home, an idea emerged in Dr. Agasa's heart -

He had to make up for Conan's phone call that was suddenly interrupted by the soldiers who airdropped in from the [story timeline].

The sudden hanging up of the phone and the soldier's final shout undoubtedly proved to Xiaolan that Kudo Shinichi was really busy, and took advantage of Xiaolan's concerns about "disturbing" and possibly "hurting" Shinichi to strengthen Xiaolan's psychological isolation.

This is undoubtedly the most labor-saving and smartest approach to the [Story Timeline].

Dr. Agasa only needs to "relay" the reality that Kudo Shinichi is now safe, and once again emphasize the urgency of the cases Shinichi is handling.

Mao Lilan would convince herself, and the courage that had just emerged in her heart would disappear completely.

She will turn back into the "Ran Mouri" who can never muster up the courage and meets the needs of the story.

But what if I choose not to make that call?
If I chose not to help Conan explain the ending of the phone call, then Xiaolan would definitely be immersed in panic that she had made a mistake.

Would she still choose to attend the Valentine's Day party tomorrow?

Dr. Agasa knows very well that Xiaolan has never lacked the courage to protect Shinichi.

He believed that Xiaolan hung up the phone after hearing the words "Be careful of the suspect! He has a gun!"

It was like he broke through his overall "personality" because of his "curiosity" that was fixed on himself, and finally accepted the invitation from the alliance under the influence of various aspects.

Dr. Agasa was convinced after experiencing his own guidance many times.

Those accumulated emotions, and Xiaolan's concern for Kudo Shinichi——

It was enough to make her drill a hole in her own "personality".

This was not allowed by the [story timeline], and it responded immediately.

Dr. Agasa is now completely isolated and helpless.

The Alliance had just evacuated and could not provide any help. The [Loop] was the main venue of the [Story Timeline], except for the few instruments centered around APTX-4869.

Everything in the [Loop], even Dr. Agasa himself, is guided by the [Story Timeline].

Dr. Agasa has to do all this by himself.

So, just as described in the myth -

Sisyphus, punished by Zeus, began to push the boulder alone.

Start the arduous walk to the top of the mountain.

(End of this chapter)