The Song Dynasty on the Sand Table

Chapter 400 What is the meaning of that couplet?

In December 1132 AD, Li Heng, the garrison commander of Xiangyang, and Zhai Cong, the garrison commander of Tangzhou, launched a joint northern expedition.

This was the first Northern Expedition in the history of the Southern Song Dynasty!
Li Heng and Zhai Cong were not from the regular army of the Song Dynasty. They were a self-organized righteous army formed when the north fell to the enemy, or more accurately, a bandit army, because they even robbed their own people. It is hard to call them "righteous".

For example, before the Northern Expedition, Li Heng sent troops to seize De'an Prefecture and fought a fierce battle with Chen Gui, but was repelled by Chen Gui with a long bamboo pole musket.

The two men came from illegitimate backgrounds, and their northern expedition was launched without the approval of Zhao Gou's court. They were simply acting on a "I'll just plunder" attitude, so no one in the Southern Song Dynasty had any faith in them, and no general sent troops to cooperate with them.

At this time, Yue Fei had just resolved the Cao Cheng Rebellion in Guangxi and was reorganizing his army, intending to go to Huting Lake to deal with Yang Yao, the Great Sage King of the pseudo-Chu Kingdom. Meanwhile, Han Shizhong had just finished suppressing the rebellion of salt smugglers in Jianzhou and was moving to Fuzhou to rest and reorganize.

Zhang Jun and Liu Guangshi maintained their usual lazy style.

No one expected that Li Heng and Zhai Cong's "casual Northern Expedition" would be so successful, as if they had a cheat code.

After crossing the Yangtze River, Li Heng's army swept across the Huai River region and marched straight into Henan, capturing Ruzhou, Yingchang, Xinyang, and other places. Zhai Cong's army attacked a vast area stretching from Zhengzhou in the east to Jingzhao in the west, forming a pincer movement with Li Heng's army to encircle Kaifeng from the west and south.

In just one month, the two had captured several cities and advanced hundreds of miles toward Kaifeng.

While the two of them were sweeping across hundreds of miles, the Northern Song Dynasty seized the opportunity, sending Yue Wenxuan and Gong Erniangzi to lead an army from Shouchun to attack Haozhou; Ma Sheng and Zhang Wei to lead an army from Sizhou to attack Suzhou; Zhang Yong and Zhang Dashu to lead an army from Yizhou to attack Yanzhou; and Guan Sheng and Yu Fanwen to lead an army from Weizhou to attack Qingzhou...

When the Northern Song Dynasty did not act, it was a full-scale war, showing a posture of wanting to destroy the puppet Qi!
Of the four armies, the first to engage in combat was the force led by Ma Sheng and Zhang Wei.

Kong Yanzhou was entrenched in Suzhou and had attacked Sizhou many times before. The two sides were actually at war all along, but Zhang Wei was always on the defensive and Kong Yanzhou was always on the offensive!
Now that Ma Sheng's reinforcements have arrived, the Northern Song Dynasty has three thousand regular soldiers, several thousand auxiliary soldiers, and tens of thousands of laborers organized by Fu Songqing. The Northern Song army now possesses the capability to counterattack. How could Zhang Wei possibly tolerate this? He must settle accounts with Kong Yanzhou properly.

"General, ahead is Tonghai Town in Hong County," the guide reported.

“Tonghai? Isn’t that a meaningful name?” Ma Sheng took out a map and looked at it carefully. No wonder, Tonghai Town is located at the easternmost part of Suzhou. There is an old Sui River on the edge of the town, which connects to the Huai River and flows straight into the sea. So the town is called “Tonghai”.

"Report! Kong Yanzhou's army is arrayed outside Tonghai Town, seemingly preparing for a field battle."

Ma Sheng and Zhang Wei were secretly delighted: "He wants to fight recklessly? Good!"

Although the Northern Song army was not afraid of attacking cities, open field battles were the best, because they best utilized the advantage of firing in formation with smoothbore muskets.

"Report! Kong Yanzhou has prepared a large number of shielded wagons. He has almost completely dismantled the doors of the houses in Tonghai Town, nailed them all together, and stolen almost all the carriage wheels in the town, attaching them to the bottom of the doors..."

Ma Sheng chuckled: "Such a mess?"

Zhang Wei laughed too: "Couldn't he find any trees to cut down? So he had to resort to robbing people's houses?"

He is right!

Kong Yanzhou really couldn't find any trees to cut down.

This is the Central Plains region. Due to its relatively developed agriculture and dense population, indiscriminate logging was very common. Firewood, oil, and salt were all essential commodities, and trees were considered money back then. They had long been looted by the people.

Replacing the general might not solve the problem, but for the morally bankrupt Kong Yanzhou, it's no big deal. If there are no trees, just demolish the people's houses—it's that simple. Ma Sheng: "Since he's so short of timber, he probably doesn't have many catapults either, right?"

The scout reported: "Yes! Kong Yanzhou only has two catapults, and they are old-fashioned ones that are pulled open by manpower. He does not have any counterweight catapults."

“Then there’s nothing to be afraid of.” Ma Sheng: “Let’s go, let’s face Kong Yanzhou head-on.”

The Northern Song army slowly arrived outside Tonghai Town.

Kong Yanzhou had already turned his back to the town and formed a military formation.

What a magnificent military formation! As far as the eye can see, it's all doors.

These door panels also vary in style. Some are just plain boards, some have patches on them, some are painted, and some even have copper nails on them, indicating that the houses of local gentry have also been demolished. Some door panels even have a "福" (good fortune) character pasted on them, and it's pasted upside down.

Zhang Wei, a sniper with excellent eyesight, spotted a red-painted door panel in the distance. Surprisingly, a couplet was pasted on it: the first line read, "Business is booming, bed boards creak," and the second line read, "Wealth abounds, belts are loose."

He's been studying hard lately, and he actually recognizes both lines of text now.

However, while he could recognize the characters, he didn't quite understand the meaning. He couldn't help but ask Ma Sheng beside him, "General Ma, what exactly does that couplet mean? I don't understand it at all."

Ma Sheng looked in the direction he was pointing and immediately felt both amused and exasperated: "Good children shouldn't look at this kind of couplet."

Zhang Wei: "Huh? Why?"

Ma Sheng: "You're only a teenager, and you're not married yet, are you? Don't bother with couplets like this."

"Hey, hey, hey!" Zhang Wei: "The more you say that, the more I want to know."

Ma Sheng offered no explanation and remained silent.

Zhang Wei protested: "This couplet is pasted on a conspicuous red lacquered door panel, right in front of us. How can I not look at it? If you don't explain it to me, I won't be able to stop looking at it and I'll get distracted."

After thinking about it carefully, Ma Sheng realized that it made sense. So he explained, "That's something that's pasted on the door of a brothel, you know, a brothel."

"Pfft!" Zhang Wei is really a big kid; he couldn't handle this kind of dirty joke and his face turned red instantly.

Ma Sheng: "See? I told you not to get involved, but you insisted on asking, and then you couldn't handle it."

Young people care about their reputation, and they couldn't stand being poked like that. Their faces turned red and they cursed, "Kong Yanzhou, that shameless bastard, he took down the door of a brothel to make a shield cart. How could he even think of that? Just wait and see how I deal with him later."

Ma Sheng was overjoyed, thinking to himself: "Illiterate people wouldn't be affected by these kinds of couplets. And learned people are usually tired of brothels, so they wouldn't be influenced by them either. It's just that you, with a little knowledge but not much, blush at the sight of brothel couplets. Hahaha, so funny, so very funny."

(End of this chapter)