I was forced to cultivate immortality when I just wanted to lie down

Chapter 211 Second Hanging, Scorpion Tail Hairpin

"Xu Xianjia! Someone has hanged themselves in front of our house!"

In short, Xu Qing was kept under control for quite some time.

Hanging oneself in front of a funeral parlor means one is truly determined not to live anymore!
It was still dark when Xu Qingqi opened the door and the shop door. A cool breeze blew in, and when he looked up, he saw a person hanging under the eaves of his shop.

Right now, the man is kicking his legs haphazardly, but the kicking is getting slower and slower. If he waits a little longer, he might be able to carry out the funeral procession for this man according to the full funeral procedure!

"Since the Immortal Xuanyu saw this person seeking death, why didn't he intervene to save him?"

“I already tried to save him once, but after he fell to the ground, he reattached the rope and kept him hanging.” Xuan Yu stood on the doorstep, blinking, a strange light flashing in his eyes. “Besides, we’re a funeral parlor; where there are dead, there’s business. I think Mr. Xu will definitely like business that’s offered to him.”

Xu Qingshen agreed, saying, "Immortal Xuanyu is right. This person is wicked. If he hangs himself at someone else's doorstep and the officials see him at dawn, wouldn't it implicate good people as well?"

"Besides, it's hard to persuade a damned person with kind words, and compassion can't save someone who is willing to die. Since he wants to die, let's just let him be."

"Xu Xianjia's words make sense."

"You know what, this guy's pretty tough, he's still struggling."

"He's stopped struggling. Xu Xianjia, check if he's still breathing. If he's not, we can bury him when no one's around."

"He seems to still have a breath left, let's wait a little longer."

The person hanging at the shop entrance seemed to have heard the two talking. His legs, which were already almost exhausted, struggled more violently, as if he were having a final burst of energy before death.

However, at this crucial moment, the sound of the door opening suddenly came from the neighboring house.

Hearing the commotion next door, Wu Zhiyuan, carrying an oil lamp, stepped over the threshold and looked toward the coroner's shop.

Between two large red lanterns bearing the words "Welcome" and "Send Off," a long, thin figure hangs from a black lacquered plaque, swaying back and forth in the cool breeze!

Wu Zhiyuan's sleepy eyes immediately cleared up.

Oh!

Who is this swindler who's come to Brother Xu's doorstep to cause trouble? I can't ignore this!
Wu Zhiyuan took two quick steps, just about to make a move, when he noticed that the door of the shop next door had been opened at some point, and in front of the hanger, inside the threshold, stood a person with his sleeves tucked in, watching from the sidelines.

"Brother Xu."

Before Wu Zhiyuan could speak a second time, the unmoved figure suddenly moved. He deftly took down the person hanging in front of the door, while uttering comforting words of concern.

"Hey! Brother, are you alright? What's wrong with you that you're trying to kill yourself? This Great Yong Dynasty is still a wonderful place."

Wu Zhiyuan rushed over and saw Xu Qing put the man on the ground with a concerned look on his face.

Seeing Wu Zhiyuan approach, Xu Qing pinched his philtrum and said, "Look at this man, how pitiful. I wonder what troubles he's gone through that made him come to my door to hang himself so early in the morning."

As she said this, she unconsciously increased the pressure of her pinch on the philtrum.

A person who was about to die was pinched like that and miraculously came back to life. Isn't that amazing?

After a violent coughing and wheezing fit, the suspended man, whose philtrum was bleeding, finally regained consciousness.

He opened his bloodshot eyes, glanced at Wu Zhiyuan beside him, and then looked at Manager Xu, whose face was full of concern.

"You're awake?" Xu Qing asked gently with a smile.

"Don't come here!"

It would have been fine if Xu Qing hadn't spoken, but as soon as he heard Xu Qing speak, the man was so frightened that he backed away and burrowed into Wu Zhiyuan's arms.

"Brother, don't be afraid. It was Manager Xu who saved you. He is your savior."

"Nonsense! I clearly heard a man and a woman talking in front of me just now. They couldn't wait for me to die." The man looked at Xu Qing, who was smiling, as if he were seeing a vengeful ghost!

"Brother, you can eat whatever you want, but you can't say whatever you want. There's no one else in my shop but me, so where did the woman's voice come from? You must have been hallucinating before you passed out."

Xu Qing's smile faded, and her expression seemed slightly displeased.

Wu Zhiyuan quickly chimed in, "Brother Xu has always been known for his integrity and self-discipline. There's no one else in the shop besides him. You must have misheard! If it weren't for Brother Xu's rescue, you..."

Lu Jingtian sat up straight, his expression a mixture of confusion and bewilderment.

Could it be that he was hallucinating as he was dying?
"I haven't even asked your name yet, so why would you do something so foolish?"

Lu Jingtian shook his head with a wry smile, his voice hoarse, and said, "My surname is Lu, and my real name is Gao Qin. I was originally a lawyer, but outsiders call me Lu Jingtian."

Wu Zhiyuan felt the name was familiar, and after taking a closer look by the light of the oil lamp, he realized that the person who was trying to commit suicide was the lawyer who had been soliciting business at the yamen gate a few days ago, wanting to take on his family's case.

Lu Jingtian rubbed his neck and sighed, "My talent has attracted jealousy. When I was in the capital, I was framed and my reputation was ruined. I had no choice but to return to my hometown of Tianjin to see if I could make a comeback."

"I originally thought that Magistrate Chen, having just left the capital to take up his post, must be a young and inexperienced man, which would have been a good way for me to make a living with my pen. But who would have thought that the new magistrate would be so shrewd in judging cases, and that he seemed to know the laws better than I did? Everyone respects his judgments, so who would still invite a litigious like me to court?"

Xu Qing retorted irritably, "Just because of this, you're going to hang yourself in front of my house? Why don't you go to the magistrate's house?"

Hearing Xu Qing's familiar tone, Lü Jingtian once again showed a puzzled expression. He always felt that the person who had been eager for him to hang himself was the shopkeeper Xu in front of him.

But unfortunately, he had no evidence.

"It was a moment of confusion on my part. The other night I had some drinks at Tongyue Restaurant, and there happened to be a drunk man pointing at people. He could name everyone he pointed at, but when he pointed at me, he said he didn't recognize me."

"How pathetic and lamentable! I used to be so glorious, but now that I've returned to Tianjin, I've become the most insignificant person."

"Look at your potential!"

Seeing that there was no business to be had, Xu Qing's service attitude visibly deteriorated.

"People thrive when they move, trees die when they're moved. There are plenty of other places in the world besides Tianjin, why would you want to hang yourself at my doorstep? Haven't you thought about how I'll explain this to the officials when they come to visit?"

Lu Jingtian remained silent for a long while before saying, his face flushed, "I heard that the Xu family shop on Jingxia Street is good at doing good deeds, and they make proper arrangements for the funerals of anyone who dies."

Is this something a human would say? Even a zombie wouldn't utter such selfish and cold words.

Wu Zhiyuan was kind-hearted. After helping the man up, he brought him hot tea and took good care of him, afraid that the man might do something rash again.

Xu Qing followed them, while he sat in the armchair, fiddling with the walnuts in his hand.

As dawn broke, Wu Zhiyuan, who had been talking with Lü Jingtian for a long time, suddenly spoke up: "Brother Lü, I see that you are well-versed in the law and speak with propriety. If you are interested, I happen to need a clerk to help me when I go to Pingqiu County to take up my post."

"To take up a post in Pingqiu County?" Lü Jingtian was taken aback.

"What are you standing there for? Magistrate Wu has taken a liking to your talent and is going to give you a chance to show it off. Why don't you hurry up and kowtow to thank him?" Xu Qing chimed in at the right moment. Lu Jingtian had seen Wu Zhiyuan in his official robes at the yamen gate that day, and upon hearing this, he was overjoyed.

A disillusioned lawyer in his forties bowed deeply to a young man in his twenties.

Wu Zhiyuan quickly helped them up, and the two held each other's wrists and arms. Their affectionate gazes made Xu Qing, who was standing to the side, click her tongue.

He had the corpse in his hands, and then he just started holding hands with someone else. It turns out he'd been working for nothing.

Before leaving, Bo Le and the horse that had attempted suicide thanked Xu Qing together, saying that they wouldn't have had this connection if it weren't for his shop.

As he left the coroner's shop, Lü Jingtian recalled Xu Qing's lingering gaze and felt a chill run down his spine.

The look in his eyes was like he was looking at a corpse.

"Is Manager Xu really as good a person as the rumors say?"

Lu Jingtian couldn't help but ask.

Wu Zhiyuan chuckled and shook his head, saying, "Brother Xu's virtues cannot be fully demonstrated by mere rumors."

"All I can say is, if Brother Xu isn't a good person, then there are no good people in this world."

The next morning, at the coroner's shop.

In the same place, with the same people, Wu Zhiyuan entered and immediately said, "I would like to invite Brother Xu to perform a funeral service. I wonder if Brother Xu is available?"

Seeing that Wu Zhiyuan showed no sign of grief, Xu Qing joked, "What's wrong? Did someone else hang themselves?"

"."

Seeing Wu Zhiyuan's strange expression, Xu Qing's eyes lit up and he said, "Could it be that Lü Jingtian hanged himself at your house again?"

"No, not at all," Wu Zhiyuan said with a helpless smile. "It was my wife's older sister, my sister-in-law, who hanged herself at home."

It turned out that ever since Yang Hong was stripped of his robes and imprisoned, his wife, Zhang Yong's eldest daughter Zhang Yao, had started crying and making a scene, trying to get Zhang Yong to go around and exonerate Yang Hong.

The so-called "visiting" was nothing more than wanting Zhang Yong and his mother to plead with Zhang Wan and Wu Zhiyuan, but Zhang Yong was already in a precarious situation, so how could he have the mood to care about the life or death of his eldest son-in-law?

The law is impartial, and Yang Hong's case is almost a done deal. If he dares to plead for leniency, it's a small matter if he is resented by the Wu brothers, but a big matter if he is blamed by his superiors.

At that time, Zhang Yao still held onto a glimmer of hope, believing that since the imperial decree had not yet been issued, it was still uncertain whether Yang Hong, an official appointed by the court, would live or die.

However, just yesterday, the cabinet drafted an edict and issued a decree stating that Zhang Yong had failed to discipline his subordinates properly, listened to slanderous words, and disregarded the law. He was dismissed from his position as a seventh-rank county magistrate in Baisha County and demoted to a commoner.

Yang Hong was entrusted with a heavy responsibility, but instead of serving the court, he was jealous of the virtuous and capable, disregarded moral principles, and repeatedly fabricated false charges to frame loyal officials.
He shall be executed according to the law!

The executioners were the brothers Wu Zhiyuan, who was about to take up his post in Pingqiu County, and Wu Wencai, who was about to return to the capital to report on his duties.

With the cabinet's decree already issued, Yang Hong's case was a done deal and could not be changed. Upon hearing the 'misfortune,' Zhang Yao knew she would be ashamed to face anyone in the future, so she hanged herself at home.

Upon hearing this, Xu Qing was secretly delighted: "This is great news! Zhiyuan, why are you keeping such a long face?"

"Brother Xu, please don't joke with me. In the eyes of outsiders, Zhang Yao is, after all, my sister-in-law and my wife's sister."

Xu Qing looked Wu Zhiyuan up and down, then suddenly laughed and said, "You can keep a straight face, as long as you can cry out loud when you're mourning your sister-in-law!"

"."

Wu Zhiyuan finally couldn't hold back: "She almost ruined my family. I'm already being lenient by not cursing her, so how could I possibly help carry her coffin at her funeral? At most, my wife and my father-in-law will go."

Xu Qing had long admired Zhang Yao. Back in the brothels, this young lady from the county magistrate's family never dressed up as a man to mingle with those prostitutes. However, he never quite understood how they mingled.

These mundane affairs of ordinary people were still too much for this simple zombie to comprehend.

Riding a horse to Baisha County, the chaotic graveyard outside the city where Zhang Wan was buried has now become Zhang Yao's place of rest!
After all, someone as morally flawed as her would need the consent of the clan to be buried in the Zhang family ancestral cemetery.

There's a separate cemetery in the mass grave area, and the old man guarding it is the same one who gave Xu Qing and Zhang's foster mother the green card back then.

The old man sighed deeply upon hearing about the Zhang family's situation.

The kind-hearted younger sister faked her death to escape, while the ruthless and vicious older sister lay down in the tomb.

"Young Master Xu saved Miss Zhang's second daughter back then, and now he's personally buried Miss Zhang's eldest daughter. Could it all be preordained?"

Hearing the old man's sighs, Xu Qing shook his head.

There are no such coincidences in this world. If it were any other family, the grass on the grave of the second young lady of the Zhang family would probably be three feet tall by now!
"Old man, the reason they invited me over both times was not a coincidence."

"Why is that?"

"That's because my Xu family shop is famous far and wide. No other funeral director can compare to the Xu family's reputation, which is why they have invited me over time."

Xu Qing said with feigned seriousness, "If the old man ever needs anything in the future, he can come to Linjiang County to find me. This is my calling card."

"If anyone comes to the old man's place in the future to choose a burial plot or inquire about the coffin room, please say a few kind words to him."

"."

The eldest daughter of the Zhang family was successfully prepared for burial without any other complications. Xu Qing, on the other hand, obtained a scorpion-tail hairpin that was entirely pink and smooth except for its dark purple tail through the Scripture of Salvation.

The hairpin is extremely easy to use. Simply insert the end of the hairpin into a wine cup, soup bowl, or various soup vessels to add poison to food and drinks.

Although the hairpin looks vicious, it won't kill anyone; it will only cause unbearable abdominal pain, which will gradually subside after an hour.

On the way back to the coroner's shop, Xu Qing picked up the hairpin and looked at it. It had two twin hibiscus flowers on it, and it looked like an ordinary woman's cosmetic item.

Considering the function of the hairpin, Xu Qing couldn't help but chuckle.

A wicked woman's heart is something that can't be brought to the table.

As for Zhang Yao's life story...
These are some even more sordid and shameful things that are not worth mentioning in public.

Watching those things was no different from watching eunuchs having sex; Xu Qing found it unsightly and utterly devoid of any entertainment value.

In the end, all he did was spend an extra half hour or so on the ritual.

In short, it's just average.

(End of this chapter)