Who let this Dementor into Hogwarts!

Chapter 256 # Alchemists can refine anything except gold
(This chapter depicts daily life and includes a talking toilet. The manufacturing method is somewhat...unconventional. Please subscribe with caution.)
After chatting for a few minutes, Cohen planned to go back to his dorm and crawl into his suitcase—to take a nap, and then go find Nicolas Flamel to do some serious business.

……

"Have you become interested in alchemy?" Nicole was somewhat surprised that Cohen had suddenly asked her to learn alchemy.

“I’ve always been interested, okay? There’s just been too much going on.” Cohen led Nico back to the workshop. Interestingly, even inside the box Cohen made with the Unseen Stretching Charm, the key Nico gave Cohen could still open the door to the workshop.

Cohen had always thought that the complex magic in these two spaces would clash, like two frames stuck together.

"So what is your goal?" Nico asked. "The transformation and sublimation of matter requires a clear goal: wealth, immortality, knowledge, power..."

“I want a talking toilet,” Cohen said with absolute certainty.

“?” Nico was stunned. “Sorry, I don’t think I heard you clearly.”

“I want a talking toilet,” Cohen repeated. “Speaking-Toilet!”

"..."

"Incredible." The Earl, forced to evacuate the House of Requirement and forced to follow Cohen as a spectator, commented, "Alchemy should at least produce some gold, right..."

The colorful owl that Cohen had bought was given to Edward and Rose, and the Earl finally enjoyed a period of peace and quiet—he no longer had to choose between animality and reason.

"Isn't setting this as a goal a bit..." Nicole asked, "I mean, a bit too narrow-minded?"

“A talking toilet is really cool…” Cohen said. “And alchemists can make anything except gold, right? I want to learn that!”

After some internal struggle, Nico agreed.

"It seems like you've researched this before!"

The Earl had assumed that Nicole would reject Cohen’s seemingly joking decision.

Nicolas Flamel! The only master alchemist to create the Philosopher's Stone!

He left behind all his knowledge, but his successor is now researching how to make a toilet talk!
It's one thing for the heir to be mentally unstable—but why does it seem like Nicolas Flamel is also quite interested in this?

So none of them are going to act anymore?
"I've done similar research before on how to give toilets their own thoughts," Nicole said. "Making it speak isn't difficult; the challenge lies in giving it an independent consciousness..."

“'Similar studies'…” the count clicked his tongue.

“A talking chamber pot,” Nico said without any pretense. “I’m counting on it to guide me to the right place when I’m half asleep—excuse me, but older people can’t see things clearly at night.”

“The time spent urinating is too short.” Cohen was not optimistic about this topic. “After a few words, he would shudder and kick it under the bed… I feel that the toilet is more practical.”

“Indeed, then let’s continue from where we left off. Making it speak only requires a simple transfiguration spell, but this transfiguration spell cannot make its dialogue deviate from the caster’s thoughts,” Nico said.

“But I saw that Professor McGonagall’s Transfiguration spell could even create a soul for an inanimate object,” Cohen recalled. “Later, I also found some books, and they divided souls and magic into the same category…” “The soul created by the Transfiguration spell is relatively illusory,” Nico said. “It is fundamentally different from a real soul—a real, complete soul does not need to rely on external forces to exist, while the soul created by the Transfiguration spell disappears the moment the spell expires, merging into the magical magnetic fields in the air.”

“I need a separate toilet.” Cohen nodded.

"Do you have to discuss how to create a talking toilet in such an academic manner?" The count felt he didn't quite belong there—because he now also thought that creating a talking toilet seemed like an interesting suggestion.

This person and this painting are spiritually polluting it.
-
Within two days, Cohen and Nicole had devised a solution to give the toilet a soul.

"You mean, you want to use a Transfiguration Charm to turn two field mice into toilets, then artificially intervene when they're at the critical point between mouse and toilet forms to breed a small toilet, then turn that small toilet back into a field mouse, and then breed it with a field mouse that's a regular toilet to create a third-generation toilet. Through all sorts of things and methods I don't understand, you want the third-generation toilet to inherit the characteristics of the first two generations, and finally add the last remaining elixir of immortality..."

The Earl finished recounting Cohen's ongoing experiment in one breath.

“That’s right,” Cohen said. “Not a single field mouse was harmed by this experiment because you ate them last night.”

"What the hell did I eat? Three toilets!" the Earl shrieked.

“They are still rats at their core,” Cohen corrected. “The ordinary toilet that was once deformed and the three generations of toilets I made are the ones that are ‘essentially toilets’.”

"And you used the elixir of immortality!" the Count said angrily. "Nicole said there's only a little left of those pills!"

“I don’t need it, and neither does Nicole,” Cohen said. “That little bit of elixir of life might give people a few more decades of life at most, but it’s meaningless.”

"A talking toilet could be made using an elixir of immortality—"

“That would be much more meaningful,” Cohen said seriously. “This toilet will be with me for a very long time, effectively preventing me from suddenly deciding to go out and fight because I’m too bored. Moreover, this toilet will be the first talking toilet in history with its own soul, unique thinking, and ability to live permanently without being limited by a physical body—unless it sprays water on my butt, in which case I would have to kill it.”

“This chapter is insane,” the count said dryly.

“Almost done,” Cohen said. “I think it will take another fifteen minutes for it to absorb the tube of elixir of immortality.”

In front of Cohen was a white, seemingly ordinary toilet—it wasn't connected to any pipes—and Cohen certainly didn't want it to be connected, as he might need to move it to any place he might live for an extended period.

With built-in vanishing spell runes and an automatically replenishing "Spring of Water" spell, flushing issues can be completely resolved.

The key point now is whether the language translation magic rune can work on this toilet—this translation magic rune was invented by Nico himself, originally to make it easier to travel to unfamiliar regions with different languages, saving him the time of learning.

Cohen placed Nicole's book in a spot where he could more easily see the toilet in the center of the studio; a man, a painting, and a bird were waiting for the toilet's first words.

Is anyone taking a dump?

A muffled sound came from the toilet's flush pipe.

(End of this chapter)