Who let this Dementor into Hogwarts!

Chapter 442 Pure-Hearted Cohen (Online Dating Version)

After ending this secret "toilet conversation," Cohen ran into Harry and the others on his way back to the common room.

"Your dad loves you so much—"

"Shut up, Harry."

"Professor Norton is so kind to you—"

“Shut up, Ron.”

“Sigh…you two…” Hermione said helplessly, “But Professor Norton’s teaching is indeed very good. These are all things that might be on our OWL exam—and the practical methods are very safe.”

“It’s not safe. I saw Parvati get bitten by a white mouse,” Cohen said, disagreeing.

“No normal person would touch a cursed white mouse,” Hermione defended Professor Norton. “Cohen, you don’t have such low expectations for his teaching just because he’s your father…”

“You’ll change your opinion of him after the next class,” Cohen shook his head.

But Hermione didn't seem to believe Cohen's words.

The Gryffindor Quidditch team's goalie selection was at 5 p.m. Cohen didn't want to go, but Ron was one of the candidates, and Cohen, as a member of the support group, needed to come and cheer him on—because the closer it got to 5 p.m., the worse Ron's mental state became.

When he learned that Harry, Hermione, and Cohen were all coming to watch, he was so nervous he felt like he was about to break.

At 4:40, they arrived at the outer row of seats in the Quidditch stadium with their food.

“We won’t say anything bad about you, Ron,” Hermione said. “Eat something and relax.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t participate—I don’t have Harry’s talent, I definitely won’t make the team…” Ron didn’t take the food, but started to back out. “Actually, being a spectator is fine too, right—that’s okay…”

“Don’t back down. I’ve even given up my online dating time to watch you participate in the selection competition,” Cohen said. “If you don’t win, I’ll feed you to the little snake monster.”

“Don’t put pressure on him, Cohen!” Hermione said. “He’s already very nervous!”

"Online dating?" Harry didn't quite understand this new term.

“I’m not under pressure, I’m intimidating,” Cohen said seriously. “Unlike pressure, intimidation can become a reality.”

"Huh?" Ron's eyes widened in horror.

"Have some water." Cohen handed him the milk bottle Edward had given him earlier that day, but the milk was all gone, and the bottle had been cleaned and filled with water.

“I’m not thirsty,” Ron said, somewhat uneasy.

“My super intelligence reminds me that if you don’t drink it, I’ll need to use my superpowers to make you drink it,” Cohen said, rubbing his hands together.

"I'll drink! I'll drink—" Seeing Cohen's eager look, Ron, who hadn't figured out what was going on, quickly took the bottle, opened the cap, and drank it all in one gulp.

Then, strangely, he reached into his mouth and pulled out a golden curly hair.

“Ah, this might be some hair my dad left inside,” Cohen said suspiciously.

“But this looks like wool…” Harry said, then looked at Cohen in surprise after a moment’s thought. “The Golden Fleece?” Ron said, puzzled, then suddenly realized something, looked at Cohen, and then looked at Hermione with a questioning look.

"Maybe...yes..." Hermione said hesitantly.

“But Hermione, you said it’s illegal to use it in competitions…” Ron looked at Hermione as if she were a complete stranger.

"Never mind that, let's get off the stage quickly, Angelina and the others are here." Harry pulled Ron down from the stage.

"You're actually being so cooperative?" Cohen asked Hermione, somewhat surprised.

“Because I know it wasn’t Felix Felicis.” Hermione raised her eyebrows, her previous hesitant, secretive expression vanishing. “Water laced with Felix Felicis can’t be clear. You just put the Golden Fleece in, didn’t you?”

The selection of goalkeepers is not complicated. Each player's goal will be hit with ten Quake balls, and whoever saves the most balls will be selected.

Before Ron entered the game, the player with the most saves was Demirza Robbins, who saved a total of eight balls.

“Ron can only afford one mistake,” Hermione said nervously. “Cohen, do you think he can succeed?”

"He's pretty good at golf, isn't he? He practiced with Harry quite well over the summer," Cohen said. "And saving the ball isn't that difficult either..."

Putting aside the issue of needing to ride a broom, Cohen felt he could save all ten balls—the only problem was that the Dementor form couldn't be used.

Soon, Ron took to the court. Once he was on his broomstick, he didn't seem as nervous as he had been waiting. It was unclear whether this was because he was in the zone of playing or because he knew he had "drunk" Felix Felicis.

"Ron has a point!" Hermione exclaimed excitedly as Ron blocked the first ball.

"When did you become so concerned about Ron?" Cohen said with amusement, but his eyes were not on Ron, but on the letter on his lap.

“Because… I’m not…” Hermione blushed instantly, “I’m just like that with my friends… If you and Harry participate in the competition, I will too—”

“Oh, oh, oh,” Cohen said, then wrote a few more words in the letter—Hermione would be a perfect reference template for “how to be a tsundere little girl.”

"What are you writing?" Hermione looked at Cohen after Ron saved the second ball and saw him busily writing something. She asked curiously, "Is it homework?"

She politely refrained from peeking at what Cohen had written, because Cohen had mentioned "online dating" earlier. Although she didn't quite understand what "online relationship" meant, Hermione knew about the internet, which was generally a way of making friends...

No one wants their friend to read the letters they've written to other people.

“It’s not homework,” Cohen said nonchalantly, knowing that Hermione would likely have to offer suggestions to make it seem more like a girl’s writing anyway. “It’s a letter I wrote to a possibly existing, filthy, lewd, perverted old wizard who likes little girls—”

"Why would you write to someone like that?" Hermione frowned. "It sounds disgusting..."

"To disgust him?" Cohen finished writing the last few sentences, then drew a little heart at the end. "You can help me check if there's anything I wrote incorrectly, and then give me some suggestions."

"What?" Hermione didn't understand Cohen's meaning at first. What did he mean by "not like"—what should it be like?
But when Hermione first saw the name "Butter Unicorn," she instantly understood.

"If you wanted it to sound more like a letter written by a girl, you shouldn't have used..."

(End of this chapter)