Second-hand time travel: Liu Bei, the big-eared bandit

Chapter 104 The thief shouts to catch the thief
I am Zhang Fei.

I have two important things to do tonight.

First, we need to go to Wangdu County to get some wine to drink.

Secondly, they set fire to the county town.

Following my elder brother's principle of "starting with the easy tasks and moving on to the difficult ones," I decided to set the house on fire first.

It's so hard to have a drink these days. Brother Yun Chang wants to beat me up, and Sister Zuo wants to beat me up too.

One I can't beat, and the other I shouldn't fight...

Only my eldest brother was kind, saying that as long as I could drink without anyone noticing, it wouldn't be a problem to have a couple of sips.

My elder brother understands me; at least he gave me a way out.

This is indeed a bit difficult...

How can I drink alcohol without letting people know?

I asked Mr. Ji.

Mr. Ji looked at me with a troubled expression for a long time and said, "You get drunk as soon as you drink. If you want people not to notice, you either have to get everyone drunk before you, or you have to be all alone."

I think this is worth a try.

Getting everyone drunk is unlikely, but killing them all is an option... I'll just go drink with the enemy!
It just so happens that Mr. Ji is currently teaching me the art of risking one's life.

Mr. Ji said that to fight alone in the enemy's ranks, one should first disrupt their mind, then seize their spirit, and wait until the enemy is confused and fearful before committing suicide. By eliminating their confusion, driving away their fear, and forcing them to exhaustion, one can intimidate the weak and suppress the strong, thus allowing one to roam freely among thousands of troops.

Mr. Ji's military strategy is quite complex, and I haven't fully understood it yet.

But my elder brother's explanation was much simpler.

My elder brother said that fire can be used to disrupt the enemy's mind, to scare them away, and to exhaust and weaken them.

See, it's still the eldest brother who's smart.

Set it on fire!
I can do that...

When it comes to starting a fire, I'm the most skilled. I'm in the kitchen cooking every day!

It's early August now, the weather is dry and the vegetation is turning yellow, making it the perfect time to start a fire.

……

Wangdu County looks rather dilapidated.

When I entered the county town, the gatekeeper charged me ten coins, saying it was an entrance tax.

I don't quite understand why a place that charges an entrance fee seems less appealing than Xiheting, which has no city walls.

The streets in the county were dusty and sandy, and surprisingly, no stone slabs were used to pave the roads.

It's lunchtime, and there aren't many people on the streets, but smoke is rising from chimneys all over the county.

But I didn't smell much of a corn aroma; it smelled more like bran and fermented rice lees.

I wonder what the people here are cooking in their pots.

Perhaps the servants of wealthy families eat something special?
The Liu family's pavilion was located on the east side of the county town, near the Wangdu residence—the Liu family had already treated this county town as a fortress, and were indeed a truly wealthy family.

To make starting a fire easier, I carried a bundle of firewood into town.

Sister Zuo praised me for being smart, which I found strange. Lighting a fire definitely requires firewood, so how does that make me smart?
My elder brother even borrowed an old straw raincoat from that guy named Niujiao, and specially asked Sister Zuo to dress me up.

I don't really like straw raincoats; I prefer traditional Chinese clothing.

But the raincoat does have its advantages; during mealtimes, no one stops you from carrying firewood through the side gate into the building.

I've been guarding the inn in Zhuoxian for many days, so I'm quite familiar with this. The side gate was specifically reserved for carrying firewood and transporting vegetables.

In principle, government residences like those in the imperial court should be for the families of officials.

But this inn in Wangdu was like a den of thieves. The people inside looked even more like thieves than the people of Taihang Mountain. They all had menacing faces and were fierce-looking. They were even rude to me, saying that the cook was not allowed to look around and that they would gouge out my eyes.

This lousy place really should be burned down; you can get yelled at even just walking down the street.

There are warehouses behind the buildings, which is standard practice in every county. I'm quite familiar with warehouses; there's wine in the warehouses of Zhuoxian County... so there must be some in Wangdu as well.

It's currently the hour of Xu (7-9 PM), a time for meals, and there aren't many people around.

There was a corn aroma inside the building, and the smell made me want to drink again.

Inside the kitchen, meat was being cooked, but the cooking didn't look very good; I smelled a strong fishy odor. My father always said that if the meat smelled fishy, ​​the guests deserved to scold us.

Outside the kitchen, a skinny raccoon was peeking in from the doorway, hesitant to go in but reluctant to leave, squatting under the threshold and meowing.

This raccoon is so young; it must be lonely...

If we're talking about setting a fire, now's the perfect time.

The elder brother also said that one should start a fire when the fire is being used, so that the smoke from the kitchen can conceal the fire. No one will notice the fire while cooking, and by the time it is discovered, it will be too late to put it out.

I don't understand. My brother never cooks, he doesn't even know how to use a pot, and he's hardly ever been to the kitchen. So how is he so experienced in setting fires?

Perhaps some people are born with innate wisdom.

Sister Zuo is also very insightful; she can even tell what her eldest brother is going to do when he's not speaking...

I'm a clumsy and simple-minded person, and I'm often tricked.

I asked Sister Zuo before how I could become as smart as my eldest brother?
My older sister told me to study...

I borrowed Brother Yun's copy of the Spring and Autumn Annals, gritted my teeth and read two lines, and then... fell asleep.

I then asked my elder brother, "How can I become as clever as Sister Zuo?"

My elder brother said I must abstain from alcohol, saying that strong liquor will block my spiritual senses... No wonder my sister Zuo never drinks alcohol.

You should quit drinking...

Then I'll just be a little dumber.

Oh, we've arrived.

Behind the kitchen is the woodshed, and the place where firewood is piled up feels very familiar to me.

When it comes to starting a fire, even clever people like my brother and Zuo Yuan are definitely not as good as me.

I've been cooking in my family's kitchen since I was a child... I've cooked in it several times.

It's not that I like playing with fire, it's just that I like cooking meat... cough, I like eating meat.

My father said I was a jinx who would come to collect debts, and he would hang me up and beat me every time.

Fortunately, my mother loved me and taught me how to light a fire, how to cook meat, how to light the stove, and how to light the woodshed...

My father said that my mother was a spoiled mother who spoiled her son, but I think that my mother and Sister Zuo were both people with innate wisdom. After she had me do all the rituals, the kitchen in our house never had any more disasters.

The firewood we brought was for lining the fire path, something my mother taught me. She said we could burn wherever we wanted, and it would be best to burn all of your father's cronies down with us to prevent them from squandering the family fortune...

I miss my mother very much, but she passed away when I was nine years old.

It was during those three years that I seriously learned to read and write.

After my mother passed away, my father never beat me again, nor did he go out drinking and having fun with his friends. He just stayed at home in a daze every day and didn't even care much about the business anymore.

Seeing the fire made me miss my mother even more.

On a dry day with a light breeze, the fire ignited quickly and spread from the woodshed all the way to the storeroom.

The granaries look like they have a lot of grain; they must be able to sow discord among the enemy.

It's estimated that this will force the enemy to exhaustion and desperation.

As for striking fear into the enemy's heart... well, that's up to me to risk my life in battle!
Before entering the battle, I had planned to take advantage of the fire to find some good wine in the warehouse.

but……

The tabby cat by the kitchen door was still meowing.

My mother also raised a tabby cat like that.

Forget it, I'd better not go get any more wine. I need to take Tanuki out; I don't have time to look for wine now.

Those powerful and corrupt officials were burned to death, but this fox was innocent.

"Oh dear! Disaster has struck! Help!"

Once a fire is started, the first thing to do is call for help to put it out. That's what my elder brother said. He also said that it's a military tactic to have the thief cry "stop thief!" and that I'm now a thief with ring eyes.

I understand. My brother is a big-eared thief now, and he's called on a lot of thieves to catch the thieves here.

(End of this chapter)