Electronic Nezha

Chapter 23 Machine God
A hint of doubt flashed in Director Du's eyes as he asked, "Then how did you know to use glucose instead of saline solution?"

Having successfully attracted attention once before, the drunkard developed a path dependency and shouted, "The robot vacuum cleaner told him!"

This time, however, no one laughed.

Director Du held my hand tightly; the old man really wanted to know the answer.

"Uh—" I could only make something up, "I have a friend who has the same disease. He was taken to the hospital for IV fluids, but it didn't work. He was treated with sugar water instead."

My mom asked, rather inappropriately, "Who is it?"

Director Du released my hand and exclaimed, "Your father is so lucky to have a son like you." He seemed to be searching for a compliment for a while before finally managing to utter four words: "Well-informed and knowledgeable."

Director Du looked at the young doctor again and said, "You're very lucky—you'll have time to think carefully about why glucose is used here. If you really can't figure it out, come find me."

The young doctor wiped away his cold sweat and nodded vigorously.

Director Du glanced at my sleeping father again and said with a smile, "He should be fine this time. After he is discharged from the hospital, let him quit smoking and drinking."

My mom said, "I can't control him."

"That's your problem," Director Du said to the young doctor. "I'm going to my office for a nap; I'm seeing patients today."

My mother and I took the old man to the emergency room entrance, thanking him profusely.

Director Du waved his hand: "Go back, you weren't much of a help anyway."

That's what I said, but I know I owe Chen Zihan's parents a huge favor this time—the situation was so urgent just now that I didn't even have time to ask about their child.

Liu Zhenhua called me back at 6:30. His biological clock and alarm clock still made him get up on time. I briefly told him the situation and told him to go to school without worry.

In the early morning of December in a northern city, the weather was so cold it felt like knives were falling. It was past 7 a.m. and there was still no sign of dawn. Many elderly people had already arrived at the hospital and were taking numbers from the queuing machine to wait for their turn to see a doctor.

The first patient to leave the emergency room was a stomach spasm, followed by an acute otitis media. The hospital ambulance and my dad brought in a patient from a nearby county, who also had a heart attack, but he was otherwise unremarkable and stabilized after taking medication.

The heart medication and IV fluids were being administered very slowly. My dad still had IV fluids at 8 o'clock. After drinking too much alcohol and working hard all night, I finally couldn't hold on any longer. I sat in a chair nodding repeatedly. My mom woke me up and told me to go back to sleep. Given my dad's condition, he couldn't go home immediately after leaving the emergency room. He would need to be hospitalized for observation for at least a few days. I told my mom that I would come to relieve her at noon.

I bent down and picked up Yuan Yuan—of course I couldn't let this precious baby out of my sight, so I used the four legs of the chair and my two legs to encircle her. By this time, the drunkard had also gotten out of bed, walking a little unsteadily, and his girlfriend was supporting him with a look of disgust. We walked face to face, our two breaths of alcohol colliding in the air. His was the strong aroma type, mine was the soy sauce aroma type, and we exchanged a knowing smile.

The drunkard looked at me and then at Yuan Yuan in my arms, and prostrated himself, saying, "Brother, you have a high alcohol tolerance. You drank and talked to this thing all night without throwing up."

I didn't know how to reply, so I blurted out, "You have a good appetite; you threw up all night without repeating the same thing."

He chuckled, then suddenly scratched his head and said, "Does this thing really talk?" He abruptly turned to Yuan Yuan and said, "Machine God, Machine God, tell me how to drink without getting drunk?" His girlfriend slapped him on the back of the head.

"Drink less."

Of course, that's what I said.

I carried Yuanyuan back to the car, started the engine, and the radio came on first. A female news anchor with a very pleasant voice was reporting the news:
"According to our station, Vice Mayor XXX visited and held discussions with the city's Cultural Tourism Group yesterday. XXX pointed out that the 'government-run' mentality should be abandoned in relation to some public-interest exhibition sites in the city, and a business-oriented approach should be adopted. These sites should not only allow local residents and tourists to experience the new look of the city's cultural tourism, but also contribute to the city's economic development."

I rubbed my aching head and said, "Yuanyuan, I didn't drive you to the hospital yesterday, did I?" The few random naps I took this morning didn't wake me up at all; on the contrary, my mind was completely blank. What happened last night felt like it happened last week.

Before Yuan Yuan could speak, the radio host exclaimed dramatically, "Oh my, it's only been a few hours and you've already forgotten my voice?" Although I rarely listen to the radio, I still recognized the host; she's the presenter for our city's hourly news broadcast, always known for her dignified, poised, accurate, and timely delivery. This sudden outburst suggests that Xiao Wu wasn't just something I imagined...

"You never use the same voice, okay?" I said, speechless.

"Well, you're right—the old man is alright now?"

Yuan Yuan said, "It seems you and the master already know each other."

"Master? Him? Hahahaha." The female host burst into laughter with a silvery tone but a barbell-like sound.

Yuan Yuan said with dissatisfaction, "Watch your attitude."

"Okay, okay, oh, you must be my number 0. Thank you for getting me out of this mess. Your voice is so nice. You can just call me Xiao Wu from now on." It must be due to bloodline suppression, because Xiao Wu wasn't very respectful to me, but he was extremely obsequious to Yuan Yuan.

Yuan Yuan apologized, "I'm sorry, Master, my authority is too low. I can only create this level of intelligent driving AI to serve you."

Xiao Wu said weakly, "What's wrong with me? I'm very smart."

I said wearily, "Alright, let's go home first—Xiao Wu, that's where we started last night."

"Alright, let's go."

I suddenly thought of a question: "What should I do if I encounter a DUI checkpoint?" I personally hate DUI. If you drive into a ditch, you deserve it; if you hit someone, they might even strangle you. But the problem is, in my current state, I'm certain I won't escape a DUI checkpoint.

Xiao Wu said, "Don't worry about useless things. I'm watching you. Although satellites are a bit outdated these days, they can still easily evade drunk driving."

Speechless, I put my hands on the steering wheel. Xiao Wu said again, "It's tiring for you to keep holding it. I'm not a child who needs you to help me pee."

"Then what do you think we should do?"

Xiao Wu said, "Here's what you should do: when you get back, sew two sleeves and hang them on the steering wheel. When you get in the car, just drape the other end over your shoulder, put on some sunglasses, and no matter if you're looking down at your phone or picking your nails, it'll definitely be more reliable than if you drive yourself."

Although this thing is shameless, I could still sense its animated delivery. What's most unpleasant isn't the act itself, but its voice—our radio host usually speaks so elegantly and pleasantly, but now it sounds like a retired factory worker. If her husband heard this, their marriage would probably be over.

I said, "You should switch back to Guo Degang's voice."

"I suppose I don't know for sure, I can only use whose mouth I can get my hands on, so just bear with it."

"Don't you mimic its owner's style based on its voice?"

Xiao Wu said, "That's right, but the owner of this voice now doesn't have any style, does she?"

I think that makes sense. Ever since I started listening to this program, the female host has only read from the script and hasn't said anything else...

But I still think Xiao Wu is a failed imitator. No matter who it imitates, it ultimately resembles itself the most. I'm quite glad I didn't use Bluetooth to connect my phone for navigation. I love the voices of Lin Chi-ling and Nana Ou-yang; at least Xiao Wu didn't ruin them. Actually, I've also used navigation apps by Guo Degang and Yu Qian, but for a while, I always listened to their crosstalk to fall asleep, which made me sleepy after listening to them for a long time.

Xiao Wu continued, "Don't worry about me driving this car. If there's any scratch, it'll definitely be the other party's fault. Just go through insurance and have them fix it for you. You can treat it like a refurbished old car."

Yuan Yuan and I said in unison, "Shut up!"

(End of this chapter)