Fear of food

Chapter 2 Love you mom, see you tomorrow
Chen Qi returned to ward 408 and sat up on the hospital bed.

Nurse Xiaoru brought over the nutrient solution and connected it to the indwelling needle in Chen Qi's left hand.

Because Chen Qi refused to eat and was unwilling to have a feeding tube inserted, he could only receive nutrition through intravenous fluids.

However, this is not a long-term solution. If Chen Qi's condition deteriorates further, even if he disagrees, he will have no choice but to accept nasogastric feeding, which means taking in enteral nutrition and liquid food through a gastric tube.

While Chen Qi was receiving the IV drip, Nurse Xiaoru returned his phone to him.

Chen Qi was admitted to an open ward in the psychiatric department. He was allowed to bring his mobile phone, but it had to be handed over to the medical staff for unified management. He could only use his mobile phone in the afternoon each day.

Patients who can stay in open wards generally have milder symptoms and pose no harm to others.

However, to leave, one must obtain the attending physician's signature or be accompanied by family members or medical staff.

Chen Qi opened WeChat on his phone and found several unread messages, all from "Mom".

Mom: My dear son, how are you feeling today? Did you eat?

Mom: I'll come see you tomorrow. Is there anything you need? I'll bring it to you.

Mom: We had planned to visit you together when your dad came back from his business trip, but he hasn't finished dealing with his business yet and can't come back for the time being.

Chen Qi's expression relaxed as he replied, "I feel much better. I even ate half an apple today. Ms. Zhang, why don't you take me back with you tomorrow?"

Mom: Smiling emoji

Mom: Missing home? Are you not feeling well in the hospital?

Mom: I'll ask the doctor tomorrow. If the doctor says it's okay, I'll take you home.

"It seems like there's no hope then," Chen Qi sighed.

Chen Qi's family is relatively well-off. His mother is a primary school teacher, and his father works as an after-sales engineer at a large local factory. He has a good salary, but he is often away on business trips.

He had just graduated from university and was looking for a job, having interviewed with several companies.

If things had gone according to plan, he should have found a job by now and been working like a slave.

But a month ago, he woke up to find that the world had changed.

He had just gotten up that day when he saw his mother carrying a fruit platter to him.

"Mom just bought these grapes from the market this morning. They're so fresh, you should try some."

After saying that, Mom picked up a bunch of "grapes" from the fruit plate and held it in front of him.

A thick, purplish-red blood vessel was covered with countless spherical objects. Each "grape" was a bloodshot eyeball, its semi-frozen pupils staring intently at him through a cloudy lens.

Chen Qi was terrified.

Seeing that he didn't react, his mother took out an eyeball and put it in her mouth.

Hearing the crunching sound of chewing, Chen Qi couldn't help but imagine the eyeballs bursting inside the mouth.

To this day, this scene remains a nightmare in his heart.

He initially thought he was trapped in a nightmare, but he soon realized something was wrong.

Not just grapes, but all food became bizarre and terrifying in his eyes!
Restaurants, takeout, and even home-cooked meals—it's impossible to find food that looks normal.

But to others, there was nothing wrong with the food.

Even the food photographed by the phone looked perfectly normal, completely different from what Chen Qi had seen.

Chen Qi wouldn't be so naive as to think, "It's not me who's wrong, it's the whole world." From the very beginning, he felt that the problem lay with him.

He couldn't ignore what he saw and the stench he smelled and put all sorts of disgusting and terrifying food into his mouth.

He began to refuse to eat, but hunger tormented him and weakened his body.

He didn't try to tough it out and promptly informed his parents of his situation.

His parents took him to the hospital, visiting several hospitals and seeing several doctors. Despite a series of treatments including examinations, medication, and IV drips, his condition did not improve.

However, during this process, he discovered that "wild food" would occasionally appear in the hospital!
Wild food can be found in trash cans, in green belts, on public benches, or even growing on trees... anywhere, reasonable or unreasonable, there is a small chance of finding it.

The food is also very diverse, including fruits, snacks, and various kinds of meat.

Moreover, these foods were normal in Chen Qi's eyes and were very attractive to him because he was hungry.

What Chen Qi considers normal food is rotten and spoiled food in the eyes of others.

At first, Chen Qi kept his distance from these wild foods, but one time when he was so hungry, he secretly ate a piece of wild chocolate.

The result not only greatly relieved his hunger, but also helped his weakened body recover considerably.

From then on, he was no longer so averse to these foods that others considered spoiled.

However, the probability of wild food appearing at the beginning was extremely low, and Chen Qi still had doubts in his heart, so he dared not eat those wild foods recklessly.

Therefore, he only occasionally eats wild food when he is extremely hungry.

It was thanks to these wild foods that he was able to survive to this day without nasal feeding, relying solely on intravenous fluids.

However, the small amount of wild food was not enough to restore his health.

He continued to grow thinner and weaker.

A week ago, through an introduction, he transferred from another hospital to the Affiliated Hospital of Jinghai Medical College, which is said to have the most authoritative psychiatry department in Jinghai City.

Choosing to be hospitalized was not only the wish of Chen Qi's parents, but also a decision made by Chen Qi himself.

He also wanted to cure his illness and regain his health.

But now, Chen Qi's thoughts have gradually changed.

He was considering giving up on treatment.

Not only because hospitalization was ineffective, but also because he noticed that there was an increasing amount of wild food in the hospital recently.

Wild foods that were once extremely scarce are now something he can find almost every day in this hospital building.

For example, the apple he ate today was one he found in the hallway, and yesterday he even found a braised chicken leg near the nurses' station.

This was while he was trapped inside the hospital building, with his movements restricted.

If we could move freely within the hospital, we would find even more wild food.

Perhaps it can meet his physical needs and help him regain his health!

This was something he would never have dared to imagine before.

Of course, the most important reason is that Chen Qi began to have doubts.

Before this, he was convinced that he was ill.

But as he reflects on the past month's experiences, and as he calms down to think things through, a voice occasionally surfaces in his mind...

"What if it's not me who's wrong, but the whole world?"

"What if I'm not sick?"

The thought wasn't strong, but it had been popping into Chen Qi's mind intermittently lately.

His idea was not unfounded.

Chen Qi could attribute the food's unusual behavior to hallucinations. But one thing he couldn't explain was why he was completely unharmed after eating so much wild food—what others would consider rotten and moldy.
There was no food poisoning, no vomiting or diarrhea, and no illness as a result.

On the contrary, after eating a different wild food each time, he could clearly feel his weak body recovering.

So, was he really eating spoiled food?
Of course, this alone is not enough to prove that Chen Qi is right and everyone else is wrong.

Everyone around Chen Qi—Dr. Zhao, Nurse Xiaoru, and Chen's parents—ate food that Chen Qi found terrifying and bizarre, yet they experienced no discomfort whatsoever.

"I and the world, one of us is always wrong."

"Who is really in the wrong?"

Chen Qi would rather be wrong. If he were right, then this world... he dared not imagine it.

Chen Qi scratched his head in frustration. The monotonous hospital life, coupled with having to think about such heavy issues every day, made him feel extremely stressed.

He plans to meet with his mother tomorrow and have an open and honest talk, hoping she can help him get discharged from the hospital as soon as possible.

Whether he is sick or not is another matter, but since the hospital can't cure him, he has to find a way to survive on his own.

Currently, eating more wild food seems to be the only way for him to survive.

His current situation limits his ability to find and eat wild food.

Chen Qi chatted with his mother for a few more minutes, then opened a social media app called "Passerby" and posted a status update: Day 28 of fighting anorexia. I ate half an apple today.

He downloaded this app after he got sick. It allows users to post updates that people in the same city might see, and users can like and comment on his posts, but it doesn't have the function of adding friends or sending private messages.

He needed a way to confide in others, but he didn't want to post on social media or let his friends and classmates know about his situation.

This software is like a confessional, protecting his privacy while satisfying his desire to confide.

Just like the name of the software, each user is a passerby, and can care for each other while not disturbing each other.

Chen Qi saw a notification from the software that there was an unread comment. He clicked on it and saw that it was a comment on the post he made yesterday.

Just two simple words: Keep going!

The comment comes from a netizen named momo.

Since downloading the software, Chen Qi posts at least one update every day, like writing a diary, to record the progress of his illness.

But clearly this wasn't an interesting topic; initially, there were very few likes and not a single comment.

Until one day, a netizen named momo appeared, liked his post, and left a message saying "Keep it up".

From then on, Momo would comment on every new post Chen Qi made, always with the simple word "Keep it up".

That encouragement may not have been particularly powerful, but sometimes it's the presence of that first audience member that keeps people going.

Chen Qi consistently posts updates every day, and Momo comments and likes them daily. It's as if the two have reached some kind of agreement and formed a tacit understanding.

As he had done many times before, Chen Qi replied with "Thank you" to Momo's comment.

Then, out of habit, I opened Momo's profile page.

Like many users on this platform, he didn't even have the most basic information about his gender and age.

Even the username "momo" has at least eight thousand users on the platform, if not ten thousand.

Momo doesn't post any updates, and her entire homepage only has one signature: The Lonely Gourmet.

Chen Qi smiled, feeling that the signature was strangely suitable for him.

Time always flies when you're on your phone. Not long after Chen Qi finished his IV drip, Nurse Xiaoru came to collect his phone on time.

Before handing over his phone, Chen Qi sent one last message to his mother:
"Love you mom, see you tomorrow!"
-
After a sleepless night, Chen Qi eagerly awaited his mother's arrival early in the morning.

In the past, every time my mother came to see him at the hospital, it would be around eight o'clock in the morning.

This way, I can see him sooner without disturbing his rest by arriving too early.

But today, Chen Qi waited until 8:30, but still didn't see his mother, Zhang Qin.

"Something must have been holding him up."

Chen Qi got up and went to the window. His hospital room window faced the hospital parking lot, where people who came to visit would park their cars.

"That car looks just like my mom's little Polo."

Chen Qi noticed a red Polo in the parking lot, almost identical to his mother Zhang Qin's car, but the license plate was obscured by other cars.

"Maybe it really is Mom's car; she might be going upstairs right now."

However, after waiting for more than ten minutes, his mother still hadn't arrived.

Chen Qi glanced at the wall clock; it was almost nine o'clock.

He left the ward, went to the nurses' station, and asked to temporarily retrieve his phone so he could contact his mother.

However, I was refused, because I could only use my phone at a fixed time in the afternoon.

Chen Qi felt it was too inhumane, but he didn't argue with the nurses and could only return to his ward to continue waiting.

At this time of year, he would usually be foraging for food, wandering around the hospital building looking for wild food for the day.

But his mother's unusual lateness today distracted him.

After all, in Chen Qi's plan, this was not just an ordinary visit; he also intended to persuade his mother in person to help him get discharged from the hospital.

Chen Qi went to the window again and suddenly his eyes widened.

He happened to witness a very familiar figure open the car door and get into the red Polo he had seen earlier!

"mom!"

Chen Qi opened his mouth, wanting to shout out, but found his throat extremely dry, and the voice that came out was hoarse and low, like the faint murmur of a critically ill person.

Even if he shouted, no matter how loudly he shouted, his mother would most likely not be able to hear him.

As soon as the car door closed, the inside and outside of the car seemed to become two separate worlds.

Chen Qi hurriedly swallowed to moisten his throat, but before he could shout again, he saw the red Polo quickly drive out of the parking lot and disappear into his blind spot.

Chen Qi's lips moved slightly, making his already bloodless lips appear even paler.

"My mom came, but she didn't come to see me. She just left. Why?"

Chen Qi couldn't understand.

He preferred that his mother hadn't come to the hospital at all, that something had delayed her.

However, according to his observation, the red Polo was already parked in the parking lot before 8:30 a.m. and did not leave until after 9:00 a.m.

For at least half an hour, his mother didn't come up to the fourth floor to check on him.

Chen Qi couldn't figure out the reason, but he could sense that things were becoming more complicated.

After a long and anxious wait, it was already afternoon.

Chen Qi immediately asked for his phone back and found an unread message from his "mom".

(End of this chapter)