Am I being simulated by their love affair.

Chapter 444 The Preordained Choice
"I have a girlfriend."

The boy's reply echoed in the quiet room, and Yosuke Kurusu blinked.

"So when did you dump her?"

“Hey.” Matsueda Jun, who had been avoiding the girl’s gaze, couldn’t help but look at her.

"What's wrong?" Kurusu Yosei didn't think there was anything wrong with what he said. "Are you going to date her for the rest of your life?"

"is it not OK?"

"You want to marry her?"

"Only by having this premise in mind can we show respect when dating, right?"

Jun Matsue suddenly had a bad feeling that his conversation with the girl might really shake the beliefs he had always held.

"You're putting a lot of pressure on people like that." The girl shook her index finger. "Isn't it a heavy burden for someone to be thinking about what will happen more than ten years from now when they're dating you?"

Is it heavy?

"It's already a rare thing to have moments of unparalleled joy when you're with someone. To expect that state to reappear after more than a decade is asking too much."

"Songzhi, how many years have you lived so far?" she asked earnestly.

"I don't want to approach dating with a 'live for the moment' attitude." Jun Matsueda took another sip of barley tea; the cup was almost empty.

"Does not talking about marriage mean living for the moment?" Yosei Kurusu frowned, as if he were a teacher seeing a student giving the wrong answer.

"Isn't it good to enjoy the happiness of the present moment and hope that it will continue?"

"Then what's the difference between dating with marriage in mind?" The boy's curiosity made him want to keep listening.

"Of course there's a difference!" The girl patted her thigh, as if lamenting his stupidity.

"This is a mindset of lower expectations, or even a more humble mindset—once expectations are set, even though neither party has changed and the people are still the same, the things in one's heart become heavy."

"How should I put it?" she thought hard. "For example, there's a dish in front of me."

"It's delicious. If I were alone, even though it's a large portion, I might still be able to happily finish it."

"But then suddenly someone jumped out and said to me, 'It's so delicious, you have to finish it! No waste, no leftovers!'"

"But all I wanted was to be full!"

"What was originally something I wanted to do has now become a task assigned to me by someone I don't know. Of course, it won't be as enjoyable as before, right?"

Jun Matsue nodded unconsciously.

"And it gets cold over time! Your stomach will gradually fill up! Of course, it can't always feel as amazing as the first bite!"

"In this situation, if you force yourself to finish it with a mission-like mentality, aren't you just asking for trouble?"

"Did your mother teach you this?" he asked, looking at the girl who spoke so eloquently.

“No, that’s not it.” Yosei Kurusu waved his hand. “She’s the kind of person who only cares about passion when she’s in a relationship—she feels like she’s fallen in love at first sight when she first meets someone, but the next day that feeling disappears, and she dumps him.”

"I don't think my mother's approach is right, but I also don't think Songzhi's approach of dating with marriage as the goal is right."

"One doesn't consider anything, and the other considers too much. Can't we find a compromise?"

“I heard the song Songzhi sang that night, and it didn’t seem like you and her had a very happy conversation.”

“...But we can’t just break up every time things don’t go well.” Jun Matsue waved his hand, mimicking her gesture.

"That's up to you." Yosei Kurusu winked mischievously. "But if you're not happy with the conversation, there's no need to force yourself to continue."

"After all, even without her, don't you have other worthy people around you?"

The girl was referring to herself, of course, not someone else.

Jun Matsue finished the last bit of barley tea, and the bottom of the glass collided with the coffee table with a soft, hard sound.

"Even if I break up with her, what difference does it make if I date you?"

Can we go public with our relationship?

Yosei Kurusu's originally lively expression became stiff.

"Being with a senior student definitely comes with a lot of constraints—I can't play in a band, I can't share an apartment with you, and I have to abide by all sorts of rules."

"But now when I go shopping with her, I don't have to care about what other people think. At least we are free in our relationship."

"When we're together, we have to be careful when we go out. To prevent our relationship from being exposed, we even have to book a private room for meals and make sure the waiters won't barge in before you can take off your mask." "When we want to kiss, we subconsciously think about whether we'll be discovered. We can't follow each other on social media. When I post updates about my life and feelings about our relationship on my own account, I have to be careful not to let some fans who don't miss any details notice."

"We are not free when we are in love."

"Of course I don't want the person I like to have to make this kind of choice, but my senior has already made me realize that being without goals and having no desires is not the same as losing the freedom to decide your own goals."

"It's either you give in to your feelings, or I give in to your dreams. What should I do?"

Jun Matsue hopes the girl can give him an answer; he desperately needs it right now.

Yosei Kurusu braced himself on the sofa with both hands and looked up at the ceiling.

"So that's why I didn't want to tell you all this now."

She has no way to guarantee anything right now. The girl originally planned that this affection should be like a surprise, exploding in front of the boy.

“You don’t know either, do you?” Jun Matsue smiled. “Just like we said before, if we were really lovers, we might not be able to live together like this now.”

Living together and sharing an apartment are ultimately different. If they start to delve deeper into each other's lives, they will have more requirements and expectations as lovers. This current distance, neither too close nor too far, is actually the most suitable for creating beauty.

"And aren't I already affecting your dreams?" the boy continued, "You've delayed the company's plans, Miss Agent—"

"Then what should I do?" Kurusu Yosei interrupted him, the girl lowered her head, and her hands sank into the sofa.

"I haven't been able to start a relationship, and the project hasn't even begun. I'm so conflicted, I don't know what to do!"

"So you always have to make a choice." Jun Matsueda's tone was somewhat bitter.

"If you miss the deadline, you won't even have the chance to choose anymore."

“Then I’ll give you the choice.” The girl looked up at him. “That’s what I was originally going to say.”

"If you had to choose between dating me or accepting the project, Matsue, what would you choose?"

"But if you were to choose now, it would only be a multiple-choice question, right?" She looked into Jun Matsueda's eyes.

When I first saw him in Qiyang, the boy's eyes were incredibly handsome. Now, although there is still a certain determination in his eyes, that captivating power has weakened considerably.

"Hmm." Jun Matsue neither denied nor nodded.

When he called Yamami Maki from the Forest of Literature, he had already made a choice between the two options.

The atmosphere in the room turned cold, and the girl sat on the sofa without making any move.

"Then I'll be busy, okay? You might not even be able to see me once a week anymore?" she asked deliberately in her usual relaxed tone.

"Ah."

"Anyway, you'll be moving out during your senior year of high school, and we'll have to end our cohabitation sooner or later, right?"

Yosei Kurusu subconsciously picked up the glass on the table to drink water, only to find that it was an empty glass that Jun Matsueda had finished drinking from.

"That's right." The boy nodded slightly.

"You're the one who let me go?"

“I’d rather you achieve your dream first.” Jun Matsueda looked at her.

"Because I've experienced that lack of freedom of choice myself, and it's definitely not a pleasant experience."

"Instead of getting caught up in unseen and unknown happiness, why not take control of the certain part of the future? At least your career will be successful, right?"

But if that's the case, why did you give in to your senior and hand over your uncertain future to her family?

Jun Matsue didn't want to think about it anymore.

“Then I’ll start packing tonight.” Kurusu Yosei stood up from the sofa and stretched casually. “So I don’t wake up tomorrow and start hesitating again.”

"it is good."

Everything has a sequence. Humans believe in cause and effect, which is not superstition, but simply because they are animals bound by time.

If Maki Yami's school trip had started a few days earlier, she could have seen Jun Matsueda perform in person, and the message "We can't be in a relationship" might not have been sent.

If Jun Matsueda had met Maki Yami, who had returned, first, and then Yosei Kurusu, who had returned home, perhaps the outcome tonight would have been different.

But what's done is done, and nothing can be changed.

Yosei Kurusu is moving out of the apartment.

(End of this chapter)