Am I being simulated by their love affair.

Chapter 638 The Sun Will Never Return

"Is Mochizuki Haruka really that special to you?"

Looking at the girl's weak expression, Jun Matsueda didn't know how to answer the question.

Of course, Mochizuki Haruka was special to him. The girl had already been intimate with him, and she was the one he had chosen to spend his life with.

Even setting aside their romantic relationship, the girl's family had already deeply penetrated his life while he was still in the orphanage, making their relationship destined to be inseparable.

So the boy in the room opened his mouth, but in the end could only remain silent.

These words cannot be spoken to Yosuke Kurusu in his current state.

Jun Matsueda could only press the button on the wall to turn off the colorful lights that were rotating and changing above their heads, trying to calm the atmosphere in the room in this way.

But the sadness in the eyes of Yosei Kurusu, who was sitting next to him, grew ever deeper.

"Songzhi, didn't you tell me you were two-timing me?"

"Tomoka Tomatsu is your real girlfriend, right? Why haven't you slept with her?"

"...It's only a matter of time." Jun Matsue listened to the guests passing by outside the door, their footsteps echoing with laughter and chatter.

"Then how long will she have to wait?"

The girl's tone didn't sound like she was asking Tomatsu Yuka a question, but rather like she was asking a question on behalf of herself.

Jun Matsue took a breath. "It might be this summer, or it might be after graduation."

“...It might take longer,” he added, “because they might not actually be able to accept this kind of relationship.”

"Although I told you before that I was two-timing, that was actually all I intended to do."

"However, this plan will not change."

"Oh." The boy subtly deceived himself, but Kurusu Yosei didn't react at all.

She silently shifted her gaze from Matsueda Jun to the two glasses of orange juice on the coffee table behind him, which were not placed side by side.

"I don't like the pine branches now."

“…Hmm.” The boy lowered his eyes, hiding the bitterness that welled up in his heart.

“There’s nothing I can do about it,” he smiled. “After all, I have a responsibility to them.”

"Don't misunderstand me." The girl looked up. "I wasn't talking about you two-timing."

"What I hate is Mochizuki Haruka, who is so important to you."

"Because she took my place."

Jun Matsue blinked in surprise, “...She is her, and you are you. Mochizuki shouldn’t have taken anything from you.”

Even if Kurusu was referring to his girlfriend's position, it belongs to Tomatsu and has nothing to do with Mochizuki.

"Yes, it is!" Yosei Kurusu suddenly raised his head and shouted.

Her voice was somewhat loud, but it didn't sound fierce or angry at all, reminding the boy of the grievances and frustrations of young children in the orphanage who were bullied and had nowhere to vent their anger.

"I want to be the most charming, the most special, and the most important person in your heart!"

"I said I wanted to be the sun!!"

The small room fell silent, with only the remaining light from the screen on the wall barely illuminating the narrow, dim space around them.

This is the entire space where Laiqi Yangshifang sang and danced.

Jun Matsue suddenly understood the girl's occasional unusual behavior in front of him these past few days—it wasn't because of external opinions or company situations; he himself was the culprit.

"I should have just stayed put..." Lai Xiyang said softly.

She bent her legs and placed her feet on the sofa. The girl lowered her head, hugged her knees, and stared at her toes.

"I was quite happy to see you when I first came back..."

"Back then, I even said I'd snatch you back from the other women..." Her tone was unusually dejected, making Jun Matsueda's heart sink little by little.

She looked up, her gaze on the boy losing its strength.

"But seeing the pine branches now, the fighting spirit I had to take you back seems to be slowly disappearing."

"Do you know why?"

Matsueda Jun didn't speak. Kurusu had just given the answer—perhaps because she was upset, she even got the order of her words wrong.

"I thought my confidence would be very strong..."

"It's all because of the pine branches..." She stretched out her right leg and gently kicked the boy's thigh repeatedly.

"Why are you keeping your distance from me...?"

"Why are you avoiding the topic of liking me? You won't even say you want to hear me sing..."

"Why do you still have to worry about other girls when I'm the only one around..."

"Why are you telling me this way that you can't be my number one fan anymore?!"

Jun Matsue kept his eyes down, watching as the girl's feet kicked him again and again, while he remained motionless.

So Yosei Kurusu climbed over the sofa and straddled Jun Matsueda. She lifted the boy's chin and glared at him fiercely with teary eyes.

"That's why I hate Mochizuki Haruka! She stole my place!" the girl cried out sadly.

"I used to be the only sun in your heart, so why have I become just an ordinary star now?!"

So, despite saying she would win Matsueda Jun back, she hasn't even expressed her feelings for him directly these past few days.

The boy's expression finally changed. He looked away from the girl and sighed deeply at the dark ceiling.

Jun Matsue looked again at the vulnerable eyes in front of him and held her shoulder.

"There's nothing we can do about it."

"Because I like more than one person..."

"So I've said it before, Kurusu, we're not a good match right now."

Matsueda Jun remembers what kind of person Yosei Kuraki was.

When she left Kurusu's office and watched the sunset with her on the shore of Tokyo Bay, the girl said that her goal was to become the sun.

She is arrogant and sensitive, and hates it when someone takes away the spotlight that should belong to her.

However, with Jun Matsueda around now, such things are unavoidable, just like the unspoken hesitations in the karaoke room today.

Therefore, they are not a good match.

The boy suppressed his helplessness and bitterness, hiding them deep within his heart, and calmed his expression.

He gently pushed the girl away, and Kurusu Yosei sat back on the soft sofa, her eyes still fixed on the boy, as if her gaze was nailed to him.

"Kurasu, you have this concept of 'single-fandom support' in your fandom, right?"

His tone was like casual conversation after lunch, and the girl did not reply.

"The so-called 'single-fan' means that you only like one person in the entire fandom and are only a fan of that person. Am I right?"

“…Hmm.” Yosei Kurusu nodded.

"That way, when you're on stage, I can still be your number one fan—as an idol, you are the sun, and I can't see anyone else in my eyes."

"But when it comes to love, I can't be your only supporter anymore."

"I didn't say you can't like anyone else!" the girl's voice suddenly became louder again. "All I want is for you to like me the most, is that not okay!"

"..." Jun Matsue spoke slowly, "No..."

"Because I'm too greedy?" Kurusu Yosei continued, "You're doing idol work, so why can't you devote yourself to me like Mochizuki?" "It has nothing to do with that." The boy shook his head.

"Since I like more than one person, I can't have a favorite, otherwise the others will be sad."

The girl seemed unconvinced. "What about Mochizuki Haruka?"

“I like it as much as I like Tomatsu,” Jun Matsueda said without hesitation.

"You're lying." Kurusu Yosei pursed his lips. "I haven't seen Tomatsu Yuka in the apartment since I came back. Is this the same level of liking you have?"

“…I was talking about my feelings.” The boy said somewhat helplessly, “As for the actual life, as I said, I’m still working on it.”

After all, he owed Mochizuki the most.

The girl's complexion improved slightly, but the disappointment in her eyes was still evident.

"If I had known you would turn out like this, I would have debuted later and just tricked you into my life first."

Her regret and remorse were masked in her feignedly lighthearted tone, leaving the boy feeling uneasy.

“There’s no point in talking about these ‘what ifs’ now.” Jun Matsueda looked at the screen in front of the two of them.

"Kurasu, take advantage of this time you're resting to think things through carefully."

"You're an idol who can't fall in love, and I'm a scumbag who can't be faithful. It's best for us to just be friends."

"The love you desire, I cannot give you."

Perhaps soon, he would say those words to Tomatsu and Mochizuki again... The boy suddenly had this premonition.

Kurusu Yosei stared at him for a while, then turned around and looked at the empty wall on the other side, as if he didn't intend to accept this reality.

Jun Matsue waited for several minutes, but the girl's posture of sitting with her knees drawn up remained unchanged, so he had no choice but to speak softly.

Are you still going to sing?

"No." Kurusu Yosei's shoulders trembled slightly. "Go back."

The white light in the room came on, and even the boy who turned on the light himself was momentarily stunned.

He picked up the baseball cap hanging on the coat rack by the door and squatted down next to the girl on the sofa.

Yosei Kurusu didn't cry, but her dim eyes made her even more pitiful.

"Leave now?"

The girl, who was saying she wanted to go back, did not respond, so Jun Matsue sat down behind her and placed her white baseball cap on his lap.

His phone rang again, which seemed to come out of nowhere, and he caught a glimpse of the girl's back as she moved.

"You can answer it."

The boy answered the phone, and the same cool yet sweet voice of Mochizuki Haruka rang in his ears.

"Didn't Songzhi say she would reply soon? It's been half an hour." She was somewhat dissatisfied.

"...Sorry, I forgot."

"Forgot?" The girl could hardly believe that Jun Matsueda would say such a thing.

She immediately suppressed her initial emotions—Songzhi's current state was not quite right.

Are you in a bad mood? Did you have a fight with Yosuke Kurusu?

"It's nothing," the boy said, trying to calm himself down. "I'm just tired from singing."

"...Can I come over now?"

"Let's call it a day," Jun Matsue said softly. "We're almost done here."

"Then when will you come back?"

"I'll wander around a bit more and then come back."

"..." Mochizuki Haruka couldn't help but ask, "You'll be back before dinner, right?"

"Yes, I can." The boy glanced at the time on his phone; it wasn't even 3 p.m. yet.

"Then I'll wait for you at home."

The girl hung up the phone on her own initiative. When Jun Matsueda put down his phone, Yosei Kurusu's face appeared in front of him.

"Why aren't you going along with her anymore?" The idol girl's tone was almost defiant. "Is it that your likes can be changed so easily, or am I just too important to you?"

“I told you long ago I wouldn’t let her come.” The boy looked directly into her eyes.

"Stop trying to sow discord between me, Kurusu should think things through first—"

"Don't forget that you'll still be an idol after the holiday."

"..." Kurusu Yosei took the hat from the boy's lap, stood up, and put on a mask.

"Let's go back."

When checking out at the front desk, the girl didn't say a word, but just stood silently next to Matsueda Jun.

After the two left the karaoke bar, the clerk once again put away her standard smile and peeked out to look at the backs of the young man and woman.

"...Can you even break up while singing a song?"

It was still Jun Matsue holding the umbrella. The two stood at the sun-drenched intersection. The shadow under the umbrella hadn't grown any bigger, but the distance between them had increased slightly.

The boy took out his phone and the first thing he saw was a message from Mochizuki Haruka that he hadn't noticed while he was in the private room.

"I'll call a taxi."

"Take me to Aya-chan's apartment first." Yosuke Kurusu took out his phone and sent a message. "I don't want to go back and see Haruka Mochizuki right now."

"……it is good."

As he waited for a taxi under the shade of a tree by the roadside, Jun Matsuoka listened to the incessant chirping of cicadas overhead and felt a sense of relief.

Fortunately, the sound of cicadas made their silence less suffocating.

As a black sedan reflecting sunlight, bearing a taxi sign, appeared forlornly at the end of the winding, undulating road, a girl who was staring down at the ants at her feet suddenly spoke.

"Hey, Songzhi, when was the time you liked me the most?"

The boy's posture remained unchanged; he was still looking up at the sky, and he thought for a moment.

"...It was probably the first time I seriously watched your performance at the Shibuya Idol Theater."

"What if you hide in front of me?" Yosei Kurusu's intuition remained sharp.

"That time after school during a typhoon, when it was pouring rain, you came to pick me up with an umbrella."

"That was a long time ago..." the girl said, somewhat dazed. "Back then, I wasn't even an idol who had officially debuted yet."

"Yeah." The boy nodded.

But back then, as he stumbled along pushing his cart in the rain, he encountered a soaking wet girl holding an umbrella who came to find him, and he really thought she was incredibly cool.

Whether Kurusu became an idol or not, or whether his career was successful, really doesn't matter much to his fans.

The black sedan stopped in front of the two. Jun Matsue opened the car door and stood aside, while the girl with the parasol got in first.

After getting on the bus, they each sat on one side, leaning against the door, looking out at the air that had been washed white by the sunlight.

The driver glanced at the two people in the rearview mirror before stepping on the gas and starting the car.

The young boy and girl, though separated by distance, still displayed a similar tacit understanding in their postures as they gazed out the window.

But it seems that the time when he was the only one with Kurusu Yosei, and the time when she was the only one with Matsueda Jun, can never be brought back.

(End of this chapter)