Secret Love · Orange Raw Huainan

Chapter 105 Extra Story No. 1: Dreaming in the Garden ([-])
Chen Xiaosen often thinks that judging whether many things are right or wrong and whether they are worthwhile often depends on what kind of person he will become in the future.The past of human beings is the same as history, which is determined by those who come later.

If one day she, like her own sister, changes from a good girl to an older leftover girl, a 32-year-old city museum guide with a narrow social circle, rushes around one blind date after another every day, looking for a well-matched, flat-headed and straight-faced girl. The man she loves serves as a destination—maybe she will have deep resentment and regret for the eleventh holiday of her sophomore year.

During that flustered long vacation, she let go of a man with a straight face.

Many past events are just a scene that I can't forget in my mind, and slowly endowed myself with some inexplicable meanings.In other words, it has been sublimated into a certain feeling, which is stored in the corner of the memory, and it spreads in the heart with a slight touch.

What is pervasive—this is something that can never be adequately described.

Therefore, whenever someone asked her why she broke up with Xu Zhian, what she thought of was not the boy with his hands in his pockets squinting in the sun, although from any angle, he was the reason for their breakup.

The foggy images in my mind are actually the train, the dark blue night sky, the flashing orange street lights, the "clack-clack" sound of the railroad tracks, and even the terribly sleeping lady next door.

In fact, at a certain moment during the night run, everything was finished.

On the night of September 9th, Chen Xiaosen was sitting on the night train heading to Beijing. Although it was a soft seat car, his butt would hurt if he sat for too long.The strange woman beside her was already asleep, her face was slightly tilted to her side, her mouth was open naturally, her cheekbones were protruding, her cheeks were sunken, she was terrifyingly ugly.The breath was accompanied by faint, sometimes strong and sometimes weak snoring, and the breath sprayed lightly on Chen Xiaosen's neck.Although the woman had her eyes closed, she still gave Chen Xiaosen a sense of insecurity surrounded by sight.

She looked away helplessly. In the quiet carriage, apart from the faint snoring, there was only the regular noise of the train passing the joints of the rails.Chen Xiaosen was always in a chaotic and sober state.Hypnotized by the sound of the railroad tracks and the ill-lit carriages, but reluctant to sleep.

Yes, I just can't bear it.

There were people everywhere, but there was no one there.They are all strange, they are all silent, only her eyes are wide open, only she exists.

Usually, even in spare time, I tend to find something to do—the time is spent going back and forth between the cafeteria, dormitory, and teaching building, and refreshing the Internet over and over again in front of the computer.

She looked back, unable to see her own trajectory.

What did you do last Sunday, and why did you copy your roommate's homework improvised?Since I didn't study, why haven't I watched the full set of "Gintama" DVD that I finally borrowed?

did i really live

Chen Xiaosen wasn't sure.

Only now.She could clearly hear her heartbeat and touch her soul.

It turns out that the soul is still in the body.

It turns out she still exists.

At that moment, she suddenly wanted to cry. She wanted to pray to God, Jesus, Buddha, and ask them to let this train never stop. In the dark blue night, accompanied by scattered street lights and sleeping rice fields, it drove to an indifferent distance. .

No dawn, no end.

As if her soul were dew, dying at the sight of light.

Chen Xiaosen is an ordinary girl.

Ordinary facial features, flat body, calm expression, mediocre intelligence, and a smooth life trajectory.Back then, classmates mentioned that Zhou Xun had a new movie released called "Mingming". Chen Xiaosen, who was sitting outside reading a magazine, overheard it. He raised his head and asked, "What's it called? "Pingping"?"

"Pingping", is this movie about her and her sister?
Chen Xiaosen's mother is a middle school teacher, and his father is a university teacher, neither a key middle school nor a key university.The house in the family is neither big nor small, and the savings are not too much, and basically there are not too many expectations and requirements for the two daughters, and they just want to live a healthy and peaceful life.

They didn't know that Chen Xiaosen hated redundancies.

So during the New Year, she held Xu Zhian's greeting card and looked at the words "booming, safe, healthy, smooth, happy" on the title page for a long time, and then returned it to him, saying: "you write Do you stutter when?"

The train finally arrived.Although it was early autumn, the morning air in Beijing was still a bit cold, and she didn't wear too thick clothes, because Xu Zhian said that it would be very hot at noon.Many passengers prepared their luggage early, and the aisle was full. They rushed to get out of the car as soon as the car stopped, and pushed forward.Chen Xiaosen didn't understand what these people were anxious about, as if it was a disadvantage to be preempted by others.

She sat where she was, waiting quietly for everyone to leave.

Through the window, I saw Xu Zhian.He was wearing a yellow long-sleeved T-shirt and dark blue jeans, and he ran from a distance. His thighs were chubby, and he seemed to be getting fatter, and his sneakers were still dirty.

It was only after seeing him that Chen Xiaosen remembered exactly what he looked like, but as soon as he turned around after parting, he seemed to forget it.

After graduating from high school, someone knew that Xu Zhian and Chen Xiaosen were together, and they joked in good faith that the two of you really look like a couple——Chen Xiaosen laughed, thinking, if someone like me has a couple look, all of China can find it About one hundred million.

Xu Zhian stared at the car number all the way, and stopped at the exit of her car, and looked through the door through the people who got off the car.And Chen Xiaosen was watching him through the window not far away.

Morning still came.Her sense of existence weakened little by little, so weak that she forgot to find the sense of existence.

He took her by the hand, turning his face to the side and smiling silly from time to time.It's not that Chen Xiaosen is unhappy, it's just that when she frequently responds to the joy of the long-lost reunion with a smile, the corners of her mouth always drop, so every time she smiles, she is extra forceful.

They all said that it was Chen Xiaosen's blessing to be with Xu Zhian.

Not many people used to pay attention to them.Chen Xiaosen is a drop of water that can no longer be distinguished after falling into the sea. He is neither lively nor dull, and his grades are neither good nor bad; ball nerd.

They are at the same table.

Only Xu Zhian knew Chen Xiaosen's sharp-tongued and lazy side.Chen Xiaosen didn't purposely pretend to be other people or only be sincere to Xu Zhian.As ordinary as she is, there are actually several sides. Which side is shown basically depends on mood and habits.In front of everyone, she never strives to be strong and competitive. It's not that she hides her strengths or is indifferent to fame and fortune, but because she really doesn't have that ability, and she doesn't have any desire to shine; as for being tricky, irritable, harsh and ruthless in front of her deskmate Xu Zhian, maybe it's just because of her occasional venting. Desire, and human nature to bully the weak and fear the hard.

However, it was this contrast that overwhelmed Xu Zhian.

Xu Zhian started chasing her since the second year of high school, but she didn't realize it at all.The other party is recognized as a good person by the whole class. Whoever asks for advice on exercises, he will seriously explain to the other party step by step.So even though he took the initiative to tutor her for two years, and gave her a review of vertical knowledge points at the end of every mid-term, she didn't feel anything special except to say "thank you" like everyone else.

He's a nice guy, she thought.

When he asked her before the college entrance examination, what do you think of me, she still replied: "You are a good person."

The other party's expression changed, he lowered his head and said nothing.

The start of the university was about to start, and he was going to Beijing. Before leaving, he called her out again.

"I'm going to Beijing, the heart of the motherland!"

The last five words, the voice is very loud, the meaning is unclear.Although she knew that he wasn't showing off, maybe he was just a little too excited, or nervous?
However, she lazily replied to him:
"It's still a blood clot if it goes away, it can only add blockage to the heart."

He scratched the back of his head honestly and smiled.

It will always be like this.

Xu Zhian is a very boring good boy, smart, hardworking, simple and honest.But it was still boring, and I would never be able to reply to her, even if it was only once.

Maybe all good students are like this, Chen Xiaosen thought in despair.

Of course, perhaps in the eyes of others, I am no more interesting than Xu Zhian.

"Go, go, let the heart of the motherland shine." She wished him sincerely.

Then he said, "That...Actually, I have always...like you."

Chen Xiaosen's heartbeat was steady.

"Can you...be my girlfriend?"

Chen Xiaosen looked calm.Now she can't recall how she felt at that time, maybe this forgetfulness itself has explained everything.

She said, "Okay."

He was stunned and said incoherently: "I, I thought... I just... I'm going to Beijing anyway, so I mustered up my courage... I didn't expect... It's great, it's great..."

It turned out to be the last fight before leaving.

This confession immediately has the suspicion of being emboldened by alcohol.

However, it is a confession after all.

He sent her home, and she held him like she was her brother.

Xiaosen's elder sister was the first to know about her sister's long-distance relationship.Knowing that the other party is a high school classmate of a prestigious university, I am very happy for her.Her sister is very different from her, her sister's ordinaryness reveals innocence and kindness, while Chen Xiaosen's ordinaryness hides lazy indifference, undercurrents that she doesn't understand very well, and meanness.

Anyway, she has no one she likes, and no one likes her, anyway, the other party is a potential stock, anyway, the other party is a good person, anyway, she is not a bad person, anyway, no one can say for sure in the future, anyway...

Anyway, she didn't realize that the one who has been moaning at her sister who has been forced to go on blind dates is actually the coldest and most realistic one.

There will always be some people who are not qualified to enjoy the dynamism of the wind, flowers, snow and moon, so they will be philistines to the end.

I took the subway from the train station and went to P University, which happened to be nine o'clock.The room in the guest house was tight, and the previous guest of the standard room that Xu Zhian booked for her hadn't checked out yet, so he led her to his dormitory first, and put down the heavy backpack.

The corridors had a bit of a musty, poorly ventilated smell, but were reasonably well cleaned.Xu Zhian took out the key to open the door, looked inside, and said to her softly: "They are all sleeping, let's keep quiet."

If you don't sleep late in the morning of the holiday, heaven and earth will die.

It's a bit hot in the room, but it doesn't smell like stinky socks as expected.There are six combined desks on the left, three bunk beds on the right, and a wardrobe and shoe cabinet at the door. Although the desks are a bit messy, and the data cables and network cables of the laptop are tangled together, it is generally considered a clean dormitory.Xu Zhian walked lightly to the desk at the end, put her schoolbag on the ground, and began to search for her student card on her messy desk.Chen Xiaosen stood near the door, the faint morning light shone in through the cracks in the curtains, and he could see the dust flying.

This is her first time entering the boys dormitory.Chen Xiaosen patrolled around curiously, peeping at the sleeping faces of the two boys on the lower bunk cautiously and with a slight sense of guilt.A boy covered his head completely under the quilt, and there was only a big bulging bag on the bed.Another boy's snow-white quilt was in stark contrast to his dark face. He was lying on his back with one hand by his ear and the other on his belly.Chen Xiaosen remembered that he had done a psychological test on Sina before. It is said that people with this sleeping pattern are bright and sincere.

She accidentally coughed, heard the sound of the bed next to her, and turned her head to the right to see a boy on the upper bunk at about the same height as her eyesight.She stood too close to the bed, and the boy's breath just hit her ear, and Chen Xiaosen suddenly trembled all over.

The breath brought by the boy turning over has a faint fragrance.

Chen Xiaosen focused.

What an excellent outline of eyebrows and eyes, clean and handsome, like an excellent black and white charcoal sketch, but indescribably vivid.

The owner of that face frowned slightly and rubbed against the pillow, sank into the soft light blue duvet, then suddenly coughed softly, and opened his eyes in a daze.

The moment he saw Chen Xiaosen, he was dumbfounded for a moment, then sat up suddenly, and the bed squeaked.One side of the collar of his plaid pajamas was still standing up, his eyes were half-closed, with a bewildered expression on his face.

This makes people want to pinch his face.

This thought stunned her for a few seconds, and she couldn't help but burst out laughing.

This time, the corners of the mouth no longer felt drooping.

The quality of the beds in their dormitory was not very good, and they would squeak when they moved a little, and the boy woke up several other people when he sat up.Originally, everyone could fall asleep in a daze for an instant, but when they saw Chen Xiaosen when they opened their eyes slightly, they all rubbed their eyes in disbelief and sat up one after another.

Seeing this, Xu Zhian could only smile and said, "This is my girlfriend, Xiaosen."

Several people were giggling, yawning and laughing, and said, "No wonder you got up so early, so you went to pick up your wife! Second sister-in-law is early!"

Only the boy on the upper bunk in the corner was not wearing a shirt. He shrank back in embarrassment, stretched out his arms and exposed half of his shoulders, and said, "I'm kidding, brothers and sisters can sit wherever they want, whatever they want!"

Chen Xiaosen didn't know what to say.She remembered that the sisters in her dormitory often said that she liked to hang out with her boyfriend's buddies. As a family member, she felt like a warm family. Harmful.

As soon as she met, she had a good impression of these boys, although she didn't like being called "sister-in-law" or "sister-in-law".She blushed, smiled a little forcedly, and nodded as a greeting.

Unexpectedly, his eyes met with the boy who woke up the first time just now, unlike those boys who called "Second Sister-in-law and Second Sister-in-law" just now but were actually a little shy, he naturally smiled at her generously and said :"Hello."

"Hello."

Even if the eyes still seem to be a little hard to open.

"What are you looking for, brother?" The boy's voice sounded like Uesugi Tatsuya's (the male protagonist in the Japanese anime "Baseball Hero")'s Chinese dubbing, and Chen Xiaosen was a little distracted.

"Student card. I'm going to take her to another school, and I might check it when I go into the library. I borrowed one from a girl in our class yesterday for her to use, but I couldn't find my own."

"Take mine, it's in your wallet, you can find it when you open the drawer."

"Okay then, thanks."

Xu Zhian walked towards the only combination desk that was neatly tidied up in the entire dormitory, squatted on the ground, and opened the drawer.

When Chen Xiaosen turned his head, several other boys had already collapsed, buried their heads in the pillows and continued to fall asleep.Only "Uesugi Tatsuya" was sitting against the wall, with a slightly dazed look, his eyes half-closed, looking at the square piece of sunlight that leaked into the room and sprinkled on the floor.

He was engrossed.She was also fascinated.Hearing the sound of the drawer closing, Chen Xiaosen hurriedly lowered his head, and Xu Zhian said "thank you" to the boy on the bed.The boy laughed, his eyes rolled, and he said, "You're welcome, call me if you need anything."

Her eyes were so bent that she couldn't see where the gaze was pointing, so for a moment Chen Xiaosen felt that the gaze was directed at herself, like a chasing light above the stage, surrounded by dark nothingness, and only she existed alone.

presence.

(End of this chapter)