I loved you so deeply

Chapter 38 A Dilemma (5)
At night, many guests who came from other places to attend the funeral did not leave, and the next house was brightly lit all night.Pang Lei personally entertained many important guests upstairs, while those close relatives and friends downstairs were taken care of by Pang Zheng.

At this time, it is not just a simple matter of the death of an elder, it contains the status, achievements, contributions of the old man during his lifetime, as well as all the ups and downs of a family.

Gu Jin silently watched him return the gift to the other party in a proper manner, watched him accept the comfort from others calmly, and saw that there was no sad expression on his brows and eyes, his heart felt like a knife was twisted.

Gu Jin knew that before he showed his adult indifference to others, there was always a child living in Pang Zheng's heart.

She knew the full meaning of the word "grandpa" to him, not only as a loving elder in his life, but also as a pillar of his soul.

She wanted to comfort him, but she didn't know what position to take, how to speak.

A few cars drove in from outside the gate. It was Song Fanghuai and Zhang Pingjin who had played with him all the time. When Pang Zheng saw them, he showed his emotions a little.

The brothers embraced silently, and there was a kind of silent understanding.

Gu Jin didn't want to disturb them, stopped the footsteps that wanted to go, and went to sit in the backyard quietly by herself.The evening breeze in March is very cool. There is a small stone table and two stone benches in the backyard.

She remembered that one summer, she played chess with Grandpa Pang here.

The old man acted badly, but she refused to obey. In the end, the old man smacked his lips helplessly, and reluctantly gave her all the chess pieces that he secretly hid.

The window on the small second floor facing the backyard is the bedroom of the next government. Gu Jin raised her head, stared at it and became dazed.

She remembered that when he came here last time, Pang Zheng was sitting cross-legged on the ground playing games. He said that the game console must have been used for too long, and the handle was dusty, so it couldn't be repaired.When he said this, there was always a little helpless sigh in his tone. I am afraid that at that time, he had already expected this day in his heart.

Game consoles are updated, and sooner or later they will be eliminated, and the same is true for people, who will slowly leave us with age and various powerless realities.

Thinking about it, Gu Jin cried.

It wasn't the kind of depressive and painful emotions that really burst out in my heart, but silently, and before I knew it, tears rolled down the corners of my eyes.

She reached out to wipe it off, only to realize that Pang Zheng was watching her from behind her.

Holding his coat in his hand, he gently draped it over her shoulders, and then sat down on the stone bench facing her.

He straightened his legs, looked into the distance, and said faintly: "Why haven't I seen you for a few days, it seems that I have lost weight."

When the wind blows, it can be blown away.

Gu Jin asked him, "All the guests left?"

"No, Fang Huai and the others are taking care of them. I'll come out to smoke." Pang Zheng put the cigarette case and lighter on the table, took out a long and thin cigarette and held it between his lips.

The wind was strong, and the lighter failed to turn on several times. Gu Jin couldn't bear it, so she stretched out her hand to help him block it, and covered the back of his hand with two small hands, the palms of which were warm.

Snapped--

Light blue flames burst out.

Gu Jin withdrew his hand.

Pang Zheng moved his fingers subconsciously. The temperature just now, like the flame in a lighter, was fleeting.

Thick smoke came out of his nose, carrying his breath, relaxing the nerves that had been tense all day, Pang Zheng turned his head to look at Gu Jin's side face, and spoke in a mellow voice, as if recalling the past: " When I was young, I always brought Song Fanghuai and Zhang Pingjin together to make the old man angry. At that time, he was working in the research institute, leaving early and returning late every day. My grandma left early and no one cared about me, so I skipped classes every day and talked with Fang Huai in the afternoon They go to the pool hall at the back of the school, or watch a movie in that little studio. Wait until 04:30 in the afternoon, then come back up the wall and pretend they just got out of school."

He was chatting to himself, very immersed in it: "The teacher at the school found out, and the old man was called to the school to be scolded. He has been bossing around in the army for half his life. How could he have suffered from this? When he returns home, he will blow his anger away." I was beaten with a broom at first, but when I couldn't beat it, I took his wooden bench. When I lifted it up, I looked at me, looked at the bench, and put it down again, probably because I couldn't bear it.

"Later, when I grew up, I learned how to fight with foxes and tigers. At that time, the No. [-] courtyard was divided into two camps. One was me and Fang Huai and the others, and the other was the children from the chief of staff's family. I made an appointment in the poplar forest behind the yard. Once, the other party had a bad hand and opened a ladle for me with a wine bottle. At that time, the wound on the back of my head was very deep. After that, he took me to the barber shop at the door to shave my head very short. He said that in the future, he would see the scar when he looked in the mirror, and told me to be ashamed of it, and not to blindly make appointments with people, or to just The opponent should fight to the ground, or stop trying to put on a show, the habit of having a flat head was left at that time."

He spoke seriously, and Gu Jin was fascinated by it, and asked him softly: "Then what happened after that?"

"Later?" Pang Zheng raised one corner of his mouth and smiled, as if remembering something he was particularly proud of, "Later, those grandchildren never dared to trouble us again, and moved out of the yard within a year.

"Later on, my dad transferred back from the island to pick me up. On the day before I left, I followed the old man behind the car and cried for so long. He ignored me and pretended not to see me. He sent me to Guangzhou and flew back. , without even looking back."

He flicked the cigarette ash, and his expression slowly became depressed: "In fact, the old man has devoted more to me than to my father these years. I said that I don't want to be a soldier and want to do business. In fact, he was very unhappy at the time, but he was also cold. Face agreed, and later the business started, but it turned out to be a trap for Tan Yu. He was so poor that he had no face to borrow money from my father. Seeing that Sheng Heng was about to collapse, the old man took out a passbook for me, which contained All the wealth he has saved over the years, in order to raise money for me, he even sold a pair of bracelets that my grandma used to marry as a dowry. At that time, I thought, I will spend my whole life trying to make the old man feel comfortable. Don't let him worry about me."

When the cigarette was burned out, Pang Zheng crushed the cigarette butt on the stone table: "Actually, I should have thought of it since he went to Sanya to recuperate. He didn't want to go, but he went anyway to make me feel at ease. Unfamiliar, no relatives, no friends, the nurse called to say that he was not in the right condition, forgot things from time to time, did not recognize people, I thought he was losing his temper with me."

"I should have thought of it..." He spoke more and more choked up, his eyes full of regret, "I should have thought that there might be a problem with the last operation. If it was discovered earlier, he might have..."

"Pang Zheng." Gu Jin called his name in a hoarse voice, "It's not your fault. Birth, old age, sickness and death, no one is immune. Grandpa is gone, it is a relief for him."

Gu Jin walked up to him, lowered her head, and said very gently, "He treats you well, and he never thought of asking you to repay him. The only thing he hopes for is that you can live a better life. He couldn't let go of this from beginning to end. The one who feels that you owe him is you."

Pang Zheng sat on the stone bench, looked up at her, his eyes were blank, like a lost child: "Will he? Will he forgive me?"

"Yes." Gu Jin nodded affirmatively, "Every mistake you make in this world will have a chance to be forgiven, even if you can't be forgiven, you will eventually let it go."

She was covered with his overcoat, making her look even thinner, but such a person gave him endless warmth and comfort at night.

He hugged Gu Jin, buried his head in her arms, and felt her warm body: "What about you? Have you forgiven me?"

Gu Jin was silent for a while, but she couldn't bear to say the word "divorce". She reached out to touch his short black hair, and said in a faint voice, "Pang Zheng, I'm leaving."

He begged her in a low voice: "Don't go, I promised grandpa to take good care of you."

Gu Jin's heart seemed to be torn apart by thousands of hands. She wanted to hug him, but she knew that this was not possible.

"Let go of me." Her voice was slow, as if she was stating an unchangeable fact.

Gu Jin felt hot tears seep into the sweater on her chest, and the temperature was scorching.

Pang Zheng tightened his arms around her even more, and she heard his determined voice, like a naive child: "No. You can't go anywhere, you belong to me."

It's mine alone.

(End of this chapter)