A heartbeat, a lifetime

Chapter 26 Who am I (2)
I was ashamed to say that his singing was bad, so I could only say dully: "The water is ready, do you want a drink?"

He probably had no clothes to change, so he just wore the shirt and trousers he had before, but two or three buttons were unbuttoned, exposing the wheat-colored skin on his chest and his sunken collarbone.

Compared with the big photos of male sex in magazines, the person in front of him is more vivid, and the shadow of the outline seems to be more attractive.Conditioned reflex, I "stripped off" the man's clothes in my mind, and then made up various poses, imagining the effect of a black and white silent film... until he woke me up with a half-smile, and lazily asked: "What are you thinking about?" ?”

"It's nothing, it's my turn to use the bathroom." I squeezed into the bathroom from beside him in some embarrassment, and slammed the door.His warning came from outside, "Don't touch the wound with water."

In fact, I didn't have any clothes to change, and I didn't intend to take a shower, so I hurriedly wiped my face and rinsed my mouth, and then I opened the door and came out.Shen Qinjun sat on the sofa and only turned on a floor lamp.The warm orange light came down, but my eyes fell on the two glasses of boiled water on the table.

In the clean and transparent glass, the two glasses of warm water have the same height, the water surface is calm, and they stand side by side, as if they were born to be close together.

At this moment, I seemed to have a slight illusion - this is my home, home with... very important people.

And that person, also looking at me quietly, seemed to have been waiting for me for a long time.

I stood there for a long time, until my reason suppressed the sudden inexplicable emotion, I bent down to grab a glass of water in a hurry, and never looked at him again, "I'm going to sleep in the attic."

The attic is designed as the bedroom of the apartment. The mattress is soft. I nest in it. Through a row of hollow railings, I can see the panoramic view of the living room on the first floor.I looked down through those gaps, Shen Qinjun also lay down, and turned off the light, the dark space seemed to be magnified, like an endless deep sea, only each other's breathing ups and downs.

This day was frightening and frightening. I was so tired that I soon fell asleep in a daze.

"Grandpa, why can't the dumplings be sweet?" I heard my own voice, "I want to eat sweet dumplings..."

"There are no sweet dumplings anymore." The little boy who was playing with flour like me said to me impatiently, "How stupid..."

"Ah Jun, you can't say my sister is stupid!"

I still haven't eaten the sweet dumplings, the screen has changed...

The little boy was sitting beside me angrily, and the beautiful aunt who was holding me stroked my hair for me. I was about to turn around and smile at her when something soft and heavy hit me. There were big patches of blood in front of my eyes, I don't know what happened, I only know that I can't breathe, and I can't move my body...

"Bai Xi, Bai Xi. I'm here." The man's melodious and clear voice rang in my ears, pulling me out of the terrible nightmare bit by bit, "It's a dream, it's fake. Wake up."

I managed to open my eyes and found that the wall lamp in the attic was on. Shen Qinjun was sitting by my bed, half-bent down to hug me, and kept patting my cheek with his hand until he was sure I had woken up. My hair, relieved, "Idiot, it's a dream."

I didn't know that my face was covered with tears in the dream, but I just stared at him for a long time. His straight nose was divided into two halves by the light, and those deep eyes just looked at me intently. With full, unabashed concern.

It is no longer the Shen Qinjun who dealt with me half-truths and half-falsely.

I cried out with a "wow", struggled to sit up and hugged his neck, "tell me, please tell me now, I dreamed of a little brother and a beautiful aunt. Then there was a big movie blood... tell me, what happened to me?"

Sobbing, I spoke incoherently and incoherently, hugging him like the last driftwood.

He slowly stretched out his hand, hugged me back, lowered his head slightly, put his cheek against mine, and said in a low voice: "Did you dream of a car with a little boy on your left and a young aunt holding you? "

I stopped crying and subconsciously wanted to let go of him to see his expression.

But he held me tightly and wouldn't let me leave, "Then, did you see a lot of blood?"

I held my breath, looked at the blank wallpaper in front of me, and nodded with an empty heart.

"That little boy is me, Auntie...she is your mother. We were all together when the car accident happened..."

When he said this, he stopped, let go of me, and carefully observed my expression.

"...you keep talking." I said in a sleepwalking voice.

"Have a headache?" He stared at me nervously, as if I were a ticking time bomb, "How about we talk tomorrow?"

"I'm fine." I repeated, "I want to listen."

He sat on the bed side by side with me, took a deep breath, "Your surname is Su, so it was Su Yan. The name Bai Xi was changed for you by your grandfather when he sent you to the orphanage.

"Your father used to be the younger brother of my parents when they were studying abroad. After two years of junior high school, he returned to China after graduation and worked as a senior engineer in Roewe. At that time, something happened to my parents, and grandpa was hit hard. It was stagnant and almost insolvent. It was Uncle Su who led the team to persevere and surpassed the competitors at that time, laying the foundation for the current Roewe.

"After Uncle Su got married, you were born soon. Your mother knew that I lost my parents at such a young age, and my grandfather was busy. She always helped take care of me and treated me as her own child. When you were four years old, uncle My aunt and I took us to the amusement park, and there was a car accident on the way, and they died before they could be sent to the hospital.

"At that time... when the big truck hit us, my aunt fit us well and protected us under her body. Her back was pierced by a steel plate, but she still hugged us tightly."

His voice gradually lowered, as if recalling that tragic scene, his usually calm voice trembled slightly.

But at this moment, I didn't dare to think about anything, just stared blankly at the beige wall, and only hoped that he would finish the story quickly.

"Later police cars and ambulances came, and they dug us out from under the truck. Your face was covered in blood, and you lay in your aunt's arms, refusing to come out. Later, the nurse forcibly carried us away and sent them away. Went to the hospital.

"You weren't actually hurt, but you kept crying, no matter who came to coax you, it was useless. No one dared to tell you that your uncle and aunt were gone, but you knew everything in your heart, and finally stopped crying, but you changed It's very weird, as long as you see things related to uncles and aunts, as soon as you get home, you will tremble all over, open your eyes and refuse to sleep. The doctor said that you were severely stimulated, and the mental sequelae after the car accident do not know how long it will last— —At that time, as long as it was something you were familiar with, you were too afraid to accept it. The doctor suggested taking you to a strange place to relax. Grandpa invited someone to take you to a neighboring city, maybe because there were no people and things you were familiar with there, You were normal along the way, you didn’t get sick, and you didn’t cry. The doctor occasionally asked about your parents, but you just shook your head and couldn’t say anything, but the symptoms eased a lot.

"After the doctor's consultation, he gave a conservative method, which is to send you to an unfamiliar environment completely, and maybe you can heal yourself.

"After choosing a lot of places, grandpa finally felt that the small city of Shenghai was close to the sea and had a good environment, so he decided to send you there. When you got there, your condition got better every day. The doctor said it was because you were young when you were stimulated, although The sequelae are very serious, but you immediately changed your identity and started to live again, which gave you good conditions for self-recovery. So... you gradually forget about those things.

"The memories you have recovered now are roughly those pictures." He shook my hand firmly, "So, that's all, I'm keeping it from you."

I turned over and sat up, stretched out my hand without saying a word, and grabbed my cheek hard without mercy—the physical feeling was direct and exhilarating, I grinned and let go of my hand, and murmured: "Isn't it really a dream? "

And he just leaned against the head of the bed, watching my silly movements with deep eyes.

It's true... it's true.

I stumbled up from the bed and said in a low voice, "Take me to see them."

He looked at me seriously, without the slightest hesitation, "Okay."

He took a coat casually and draped it over my shoulders, and went out with me.In the middle of the night, the footsteps of the two people were clear and distinct, step by step, as if they were walking towards the distant past.

In the middle of the night, the city was a little empty, and only our car was still running on the road.It was the first time for him to drive the car so fast. I slightly opened the car window and squinted to look out the window. Those street lights were continuous and connected together, like a wave of curved light.Excited by the cool breath, my nose twitched involuntarily, and the air seemed to have the smell of tobacco that I missed.

The cemetery is in the south of the city, and the land is still sleeping in the middle of the night. Occasionally, there is the sound of a gentle breeze sweeping away, just sweeping away a faint dust.I got out of the car, inside the low white wall... My parents, are they all there?
Xu Shi saw my timidity at this moment. He walked around the car and stood in front of me with a gentle and low voice: "Let's go together."

I tried my best to smile at him, put my left hand behind my back and clenched it tightly into a fist, only feeling that my fingertips were terribly cold.

He couldn't help saying, grabbed my hand and held it in his palm, and strode towards the cemetery in the dark.

I followed his footsteps, his palm was dry and warm, baking my courage from the depths little by little.He stopped at a certain place, and I collected myself and saw the tombstone standing side by side.

The moonlight was so bright and clear, it was the first time I saw my relatives.

They were exactly as I imagined.Dad looks very thin, with disheveled hair, but he also has a different kind of heroism; Mom... Just like my remaining memories, she is a big beauty, with thick long hair, curved eyes, and a warm smile.

"Father, mother..." The first time I called out these titles from my own mouth, I only felt a little choked up, "I'm sorry, I forgot you...for so many years."

The sobbing gradually turned into crying. I squatted down irresistibly and covered my mouth hard, as if I was afraid that I would cry out.He stood beside me, still didn't say anything, just bent down and handed me a handkerchief, and then walked slowly to the side.

I took it, and there was a deep and heavy herbal and earthy aroma on the veil.With the sound of sobbing, I slowly pulled out every trace of oxygen in my brain, leaving a large blank space.

However, every word Shen Qinjun said to me found the exact coordinates on this blank paper.

"Dad, I want to ride a bumper car."

Mother's embrace was very warm, she turned her head and said to Shen Qinjun: "Ah Jun, you and Yanyan will play together later?"

"No, she cries when she loses."

"I don't want to play with my brother either..."

The father who was driving looked back at us, but at this moment, I heard the screeching sound of brakes, and the rubber made terrifying marks on the asphalt, and my mother threw herself on Shen Qinjun and me...

On my neck, my face was hot and clammy...

That's all mother's blood!

He didn't lie to me, my parents loved me so much, but I forgot them for so many years.

I cried until I was exhausted, the handkerchief was completely wet, and I finally slowly stood up on my knees.

My legs were already a little numb. When I turned around, I saw Shen Qinjun not far away, facing me sideways, with a bit of scarlet between his fingers.I didn't call him, just took out a tissue from my pocket, trying to wipe the tombstone clean.

When I bent down, I found that there was no dust on the tombstone, and the pines and cypresses planted on both sides were also trimmed neatly. I was stunned, and my hands stood there without taking them back.

"I often visit my uncle and aunt." He patted my shoulder lightly, "I saw them tonight, shall I go back first?"

I nodded with tears in my eyes, and walked out with him holding hands.

As I walked, I looked back and saw that the tombstone was getting smaller and smaller, but I couldn't tell what it was like in my heart.

It was obviously as cool as the night breeze, but there was still a trace of warmth.

Yes, I still can't eat the food my mother cooks, and I hear my father call me... But it turns out, those loves... I used to have them all.Today, it's just another form of lost and found.

I grabbed his hand with a little force, my breath was a little unsteady, "Thank you."

He stopped, looked down at me, and suddenly grinned.

He smiled so nicely and without defense, vaguely he was a strange yet familiar Shen Qinjun.

My eyes were red again, but he smiled faintly, pulled me into his arms gently, and said softly: "I have so many opportunities to tell you before, but I am worried that you will become like everyone else when you were a child." do not know……"

"I understand."

"So, it doesn't matter if my uncle and aunt are gone." He rubbed my hair lightly, "I'm still here, I've always been here."

This big brother hug finally completely calmed me down.On the way back by car, I felt a sense of fatigue after life and death.Leaning on the back of the chair, I remembered the scarlet in the cemetery, and turned my head abruptly, "Can you give me a cigarette?"

He glanced sideways at me and said decisively, "No."

"I clearly saw that you were smoking." I rubbed the space between my brows, trying to keep myself awake and speaking, "The car also smells of tobacco, you have been smoking, haven't you?"

"Take a nap if you're sleepy." He was a little embarrassed, "Don't keep smoking to refresh yourself."

He is not qualified to say that about me now, right?I frowned, "Are you still the Shen Qinjun I know?"

The car stopped slightly, as if it slowed down, I closed my eyes heavily, but didn't hear his response.

Because I was tossing all night, it was my biological clock that woke me up the next day.I lay on the bed, covered my eyes and looked outside, and found that the curtains in the room were closed tightly, and the light barely leaked in, which made it difficult for me to judge what time it was.

I fumbled to pick up the alarm clock next to the bed, glanced at it, and jumped up immediately.

I brush my teeth in the bathroom, thinking about what to do.I remember that there was a topic selection meeting today, and I had to buy a mobile phone and reapply for a mobile phone card... All kinds of things happened one after another these days, whether I am Bai Xi or Su Yan... Anyway, I stand There, wave after wave of acceptance, dizzying.Splashing cold water on my face, I looked at the blurry figure in the mirror, and couldn’t help but think, I’m like a gigantic wooden horse that keeps spinning, no matter how the world changes, as long as I’m still working, I’m still firmly on the ground. Holding onto that cold long pillar, I am still that Bai Xi.

Wiped his face and walked to the living room, there was a note under a small box on the coffee table.

There is porridge in the refrigerator, warm it up before eating; remember to get a new SIM card to avoid losing contact.

The inscription is "A Jun".

A warm current slowly rushed to the apex of my heart.

It's ten o'clock in the morning, and he probably left early. Before he left, he prepared food for me, got a new mobile phone, and went to work again—this person, like me, stayed up almost all night, and he can still do this Self-discipline is indeed the Shen Qinjun I have always known.

Of course, what changes have taken place in the outside world, I didn't realize it when I went out.

I reapplied a mobile phone card at the business office near the magazine office. After I put it in the mobile phone, the ringtones poured in like a tide.I looked around in a hurry, almost all of them were text messages reminding me of calls.Shen Qinjun had about twenty or thirty entries. Looking at the time, it was after the car accident yesterday.Probably my mobile phone was broken and he called me when he couldn't reach me.

Sliding down, there are Mai Zhendong, Qin Mou, and an unfamiliar number.

The signature is Li Xin, and many exclamation points are used in just a few lines, which shocked me.

Where did you go?It's nothing if you don't respond like this! ! !
I didn't understand what she meant, and was hesitating whether to reply, when the phone rang, it was Mai Zhendong.

(End of this chapter)