A heartbeat, a lifetime

Chapter 34 Just because of you (6)
I don't want to lie to her, but it's really hard to describe my mood at the moment. I really don't know what to say other than a perfunctory "it's okay".

"Obviously everything around you is normal, but you always feel that something is wrong." She supported her head with one hand, and asked casually, "Do you have this feeling?"

"Yes." I said with some difficulty, "I am in this state now."

"Then the truth of this world is that when you think something is wrong, it must be true. Something is wrong." She said flatly, "It's just that you haven't noticed it yet."

"Is there something wrong with my spirit?" I asked cautiously.

"No, Bai Xi, your mental state is very normal." She picked up my painting, put it between us, and said with a smile, "I thought that after experiencing childhood hysteria, even if you have fully recovered, your mental state will Split into a small piece, different from the grown-up you at this moment. But there is no split line in this drawing-this proves that after the hysteria, your personality growth is very healthy."

I was a little curious, so I took the piece of paper and looked at it carefully.Dr. Xia patted me on the shoulder lightly, "Wait a minute, I have something to go out for a while, we'll talk later."

Today's time is relatively calm, and I'm not in a hurry. There is still ghostly soft music playing in the consulting room, the light is gentle, and there are light footsteps passing by outside the door, but no one comes in.The fragrance of flowers and trees outside the window gradually diffused into the tip of the nose, and it began to rain again, perhaps mixed with the damp smell of soil, clear and real.

I just half leaned on the soft sofa, thinking that I should really have a good sleep in this weather and not go out anywhere.Suddenly someone pushed open the door and called me at the door: "Yanyan, shall we go out and play?"

"Mom, I don't want to go out..." Because of the backlight, I couldn't see that person's face clearly, but I felt inexplicably dependent in my heart, and I could be willful and lose my temper with that person at any time.

"Mom, can I change your favorite dress for you?" Those hands hugged me and gently stroked my forehead, "My brother just came to our house, shall we go out to play together?"

"But Dad said he would accompany me to draw at home today..." I was still very reluctant, and turned over, "Mom, I don't like the bumper cars in the park."

I really don't want to go out. Dad rarely has a day off. The painting he drew with me last time made the whole class very envious.And the last time I went to ride a bumper car with my brother, I hit my head on the steering wheel and made a big bag.

"Auntie, is Yanyan awake?" A little boy poked his head in from the door, his face full of joy.

"It'll be here soon." Mom hugged me halfway and urged me in a low voice, "Be good, Yanyan."

Xu Shi saw me with a straight face, the little boy was a little unhappy, curled his lips and said, "Uncle promised to go."

The mother turned her head in her busy schedule, and smiled at the little boy, "Ah Jun, don't worry, Yanyan just woke up, we'll leave right away."

My mother put me on the bed and began to change my clothes. I held my mother's shoulders and was about to cry: "Mommy, why do you take my brother if he wants to go? Yanyan wants to draw at home!"

My mother gave me a stern look, "My brother doesn't have parents, don't you know?"

I sniffed, and was a bit afraid to speak, so I could only whisper: "Then after riding brother's favorite bumper car, can Yanyan go home earlier?"

"Okay, it's rare for my brother to come to our house, can Yanyan be more obedient?" Mom leaned over and kissed me, with the scent of white orchids that I was familiar with, and said in a low voice, "Go home and mom will make a cake for you to eat. "

I was finally comforted a little, and let my mother take my hand downstairs.

Shen Qinjun sat on the sofa downstairs, still looking sullen, until his father yelled at the door: "Ah Jun, let's go."

Shen Qinjuan finally seemed a little happier, looked back at me, trotted out with his father.

Dad started the car, and Mom hugged me and sat in the back seat with my brother.

The whole family seemed happy except me.

Most of the time, Shen Qinjun and I get along pretty well, except...sometimes, as narrow-minded as I am, I feel that my parents treat him better than me. As long as he wants to go to the amusement park, they will agree no matter how busy or tired they are.

Like today, I was really looking forward to painting at home with my dad.

But if it wasn't for him to go...

Dad probably also knew that I was upset, so he slightly raised his head and looked at the rearview mirror to tease me and said, "Yanyan, Dad will take you to eat ice cream later."

I leaned comfortably in my mother's arms, looked at the faint mist in front of the car, and heard my mother care for my father: "Drive slowly."

Dad agreed, but suddenly the car made a sharp turn, and a strong force slammed into it from the side. Amidst the screams, my mother seemed to fit me and threw herself on Shen Qinjun...

The faint scent of magnolia was also mixed with the smell of blood. I woke up suddenly, only to find that Dr. Xia had been gently holding my hand, with a gentle and earnest expression.

I collected myself and my emotions gradually stabilized, "Did I just get hypnotized?"

Dr. Xia smiled slyly, and said speciously: "Generally speaking, after finishing the self-analysis painting, a person's defense is the most relaxed."

I was still holding her hand, and I suddenly felt the shock of discovering the secret many years ago, which made me feel hard to breathe for a while.Suddenly, a hand touched my forehead, warm and steady, "Bai Xi, did you see something?"

"I saw Mom and Dad..." I shook my head, and my voice became lower and lower, "There wouldn't be a car accident..."

She listened intently, but I couldn't speak, but my body began to tremble slowly uncontrollably.

If he doesn't come to my house that day, if he doesn't go to the amusement park, if my father accompany me to draw at home...

I bit my lower lip hard, forcing myself to wake up from the illusion of "what if".

"The truth of this world is that when you feel that something is wrong, it must be true. There is something wrong." Dr. Xia's words just now appeared in my mind, almost instantly, and answered all my questions. doubt.

Why did he treat me so well, helping me renovate my hometown, afraid that I would be afraid of being alone...

It turned out to be the case.

Because of guilt, I insisted on going to the amusement park, and for more than 20 years since then, I have been trying my best to make up for it.

As for another question that has been bothering me, why is he still unwilling to ask me to help when he is clearly in trouble... I always thought it was just his pride, but now that I think about it, it's more about guilt. Only then did I not want to ask me to help again and again...

"Bai Xi?" Dr. Xia gently pulled me back from my thoughts, with a soft voice, "You think about those things, do you regret it now?"

I was at a loss for a moment, but the answer was very clear to me.

"No, I just hope... to see the world more clearly. It will make me feel sad, but I don't regret it." I took a deep breath and said firmly.

She smiled slightly, like a spring flower blooming, "Many patients hide in the illusion of separation in order to escape the painful reality. I don't think you will."

After leaving the clinic, Lawyer Takasaki's phone rang again persistently.I recognized the number, and I didn't have the heart to answer it at the moment, so I simply hung up, and soon, the text message came back.I took a look, and it generally means that QL is willing to raise the price to buy.

Although I have been dealing with Takasaki politely before this, deep down, I never thought that I would sell the shares in my hand to him.Because of course, even if the shares in my hand were to be transferred, they would all be transferred to Shen Qinjun.

But now, I read that text message word by word, and my mood has subtly changed.

I turned off my cell phone, reached out to flag down a taxi, and drove for about half an hour in traffic jams. When I arrived at the gate of the cemetery, the driver kindly asked: "Miss, do you need me to wait for you here? It's very difficult here." Take a taxi."

"No, I may stay a long time, thank you."

That flustered night, when Shen Qinjun brought me here, I still clearly remember the winding path in the cemetery in the dark.It hadn't rained for several days and the air was dry and quiet.

I was the only one in the huge cemetery, and the ground was covered with heat waves after a day of exposure.I stood for a long time, until the heat gradually faded, and the twilight was about to sweep in.

Mom and Dad seemed to be by my side, and the chaotic thoughts finally calmed down gradually until the arrangement was completed.

"Mom and Dad, I'm doing this... isn't it?" I looked at their faded photos and imagined if they were by my side at the moment, would they support me in doing this?
But after a gap of nearly 20 years, I really can't imagine that they...would they be happy to see that I have become the "me" I am now?

"No matter what, it would be fine if Shen Qinjun didn't come to my house that day and didn't want to go to the amusement park." I reached out and touched the cold marble with my fingertips. It's good to be by my side."

I turned on the phone and replied to the text message: Lawyer Zhang, we can discuss the equity transfer in detail tomorrow.

Coming out of the cemetery, it was exactly as the driver said, not to mention taxis, even private cars were rarely driven.

I'm not in a hurry, and naturally I'm not in a hurry. It's just that this place is far away from the urban area. When I get to the intersection, I can't find my way, so I can only locate it slowly from the APP.As we walked, the sky became darker, and at a certain moment, the street lights flickered on, like an infinitely extending light, but we didn't know where the end point was.

There was a car approaching in the distance, and the bright lights flashed into my eyes. I subconsciously avoided it. The rubber tires rubbed against the asphalt, making screeching brake sounds.

I stopped, the car hit a double jump.Shen Qinjun ran across the road and stood in front of me with a gloomy expression, "Why didn't you answer the phone?"

I quietly took half a step back, deliberately not looking into his eyes, "How do you know I'm here?"

He pursed his lips, unable to distinguish between emotions and anger, "I located it earlier, are you...in the cemetery?"

"Yeah." I said in a low voice, "I miss Mom and Dad."

He came here in a suit and leather shoes. Maybe it was because of the heat, or maybe he was in a hurry. There was still sweat on the forehead, but after hearing me say this, he suddenly fell silent. He didn't say anything, just held my hand. hand, "Go back."

Every time before, his palm was a warm and calm existence to me, but this time, I felt a little too hot, and there was a faint hint of sweat. I don't know how to break it away to be natural. Can take out his hand and point to a random direction, and said in a relaxed tone: "The map on my phone almost navigated me to that direction just now."

Shen Qinjun's hand was hanging by his side, he glanced at me, as if he didn't know anything, he just said gently: "If you come next time, ask the driver to take you."

I sat in the passenger seat, fastened my seat belt, and pressed half of the window.

"Is the work going well?" I casually asked, "When is the shareholders' meeting?"

"If everything goes well, it will probably be Friday." He turned around and smiled, "Now it looks like a big shareholder."

"I think most of the shareholders will still support your business resolution." I looked at his side face focused on driving, knowing that he would not talk to me in detail, but I still wanted to talk to him, "I seem to see Roewe on the Internet. Employee proposal."

"This is also a means of public relations." He said lightly, "However, it is the controlling stake that plays a decisive role in the shareholders' meeting."

"Then your recent scandal... is it also a means of public relations?" I held back for a while, and finally asked.

Just when he stopped to wait for the red light, he raised his eyebrows and smiled at me, as if a little shy, "Have you seen the news?"

"That kind of photo was taken by the reporter generously." I turned my eyes away, and the photo that was hotly discussed on Weibo was a scene of him entering a certain high-end club with an actress.The paparazzi is exceptionally strong, even the way he stretched out his hand to hold his girlfriend and smiled slightly was very clearly photographed.

"Huh? Probably the security work in that clubhouse is not in place." He rubbed the space between his brows.

I twitched the corner of my mouth, knowing that he was pretending to be confused with me. He and Qin Mou have been cautious and careful in the past few years, and have never been photographed by the media. Even when they announced their engagement, they only took out a picture The company's promotional photos are so low-key that the media can't help it.

"Is it early that morning?" I hesitated for a while and asked, "Did you go drinking with her after talking with me that day?"

Embarrassment flashed across his face.

"You will definitely be scolded to death by Qin Mou's fans." I looked at him fixedly, "The difference in vision between the front and back is too great."

He still didn't explain, just stepped on the gas pedal slowly, his eyes were cold, "You know, it's just a joke."

I was stunned, he took it for granted, and he didn't know who told me that he liked me in the middle of the night with a gentle face - although I'm not sure whether those were likes or guilt.

I tried my best to ignore the strange feeling in my heart, "Have you eaten yet?"

"No, what do you want to eat?"

"Let's go home and eat? I'll cook. Have you ever eaten my dishes?"

There was some doubt in his eyes, "Can you do it?"

Although he had doubts, he still obeyed my instructions and parked the car on the side of the road, "Why don't you go to the supermarket to buy?"

"It's very troublesome to park in the supermarket." I carefully walked around the rotten vegetable leaves and small puddles on the narrow road. "The vegetables here are all picked by the nearby vegetable farmers. They are very fresh."

Although Shen Qinjun came to such a road vegetable market for the first time, he was not like a son with his hands in his pockets. He squatted down and carefully selected a bunch of lettuce, and even chatted with the old vegetable seller to bargain.

"...All right, all right, young man, you can buy them all. I'm going home after selling them."

Shen Qinjun fumbled in his pocket, then turned to me and asked, "Do you have any change?"

"Now there are not many young couples like you who go home and cook by themselves." The old man said while looking for coins for me.

Shen Qinjun and I were silent for a while, I cleared my throat, "No—"

But he picked up the lettuce and stood up, interrupting me, "Let's go, let's go buy some meat."

There is a very fresh homely taste in the air, amidst the sound of bargaining one after another, his beautiful face is not far away, I looked up at him, but felt that his smile was separated by a thin layer of plastic paper , distant and vague.

"Hello." Shen Qinjuan suddenly held my hand firmly to let me avoid a tricycle that suddenly stepped on, "I asked you where the beef seller is?"

"Oh... there." I came back to my senses and pointed in the direction.

He chose two catties of beef, and asked me back, "Is it about one meat and one vegetarian?"

"Is there any rice at home?"

"Yes." He thought for a while, and said with certainty, "I bought everything that should be prepared when I sorted it out last time."

I don't know why, but I kind of want to laugh, because this kind of life...is really not suitable for me and Shen Qinjun.He was about the same as I thought, and at that moment, a smile slipped in the depths of his eyes.

Suits and leather shoes carried meat and vegetables through the vegetable market, and handmade high-end leather shoes stepped on the sewage and vegetable leaves. I don't think Shen Qinjun has ever done such a thing in his life.

I followed behind him, holding back a smile and said: "After get off work, people will come to the market in suits, either for sales or pyramid schemes."

He ignored me, just pressed down the car key, half a street away, suddenly stopped in his tracks.

Uh, in just 10 minutes, I was ticketed.

He put his things on the back seat, then got into the driver's seat, pulled down the seat belt, and scolded me: "Put on the seat belt."

I put away the smile on my face, looked at him like this in the half-bright light, leaned over actively, and hugged him gently.

His body froze suddenly, he turned his head in a panic, his cheek collided with my forehead, "What's wrong?"

"I just..." I put my hands on his shoulders and said incoherently, "I know you want me to live a... normal life."

He slowly stretched out his hand, hugged my body, and said in a low voice: "Xiaoxi, I can't drive now."

(End of this chapter)