What do you want in life

Chapter 11 Young Love Is Like Fireworks Are Cold (5)
After the beans were stewed, Xiaoying put some in a bowl to cool, and kept the rest in the pot. Grandma Wu has bad teeth and likes to eat rotten things, and those in the bowl were reserved for Shen Juncheng.

After tidying up all these, she went to the yard to look for Shen Juncheng, but there was no sign of him under the old locust tree.

Although there was no sunlight, the summer light was still dazzling. She built a shade in front of her forehead with her hands, and swept around, thinking that Shen Juncheng had slipped upstairs when she didn't notice. Just as she was about to quickly retreat into the courtyard, she suddenly came from There was a violent coughing sound from the slanting stab, accompanied by intermittent calls, "Han...Han Xiaoying, cough cough, I, I am here!"

Xiaoying turned around, and in the shadow of the flower bed and the corner of the wall, she saw Shen Juncheng who was squatting and smoking.

His face was flushed red, a half-burned cigarette was between his fingers, and his free hand was raised in mid-air to greet her, the smoke was swirling around his handsome face, the cough just now must have just been smoked A puff of smoke caused by choking.

"What are you doing in a daze, come here!" He lowered his voice and yelled at Xiaoying softly like a thief.

Xiaoying laughed for no reason, Shen Juncheng's red face, tense expression and the pretended deepness between his brows made him look several years younger than his actual age - he is really not suitable to be a bad boy.

The gardenias in Grandma Wu's flower bed were in full bloom. On a summer afternoon without a breath of wind, the air seemed to have frozen long ago. Only the rich fragrance of flowers calmly overflowed from the petals, quietly exuding an intoxicating fragrance.

Xiaoying walked to Shen Juncheng's side, squatted down like him, then tilted her head and stared at him intently.

"What are you laughing at?" Shen Juncheng made her look a little uncomfortable.

"Is it your first time smoking?" She pursed her lips and asked.

Shen Juncheng was told the truth by her, a trace of frustration flashed across his face, but he calmed down immediately, "So what?"

"Aren't you a good student? Good students also smoke?" Xiaoying remembered that only those students in her school who skipped classes every day and liked to hang out with bad youths in society would regard smoking as a fashion.

Shen Juncheng looked at her, grinned, and suddenly showed an innocent smile, "You can't be considered really young if you haven't smoked."

This is the first time Xiaoying has heard of this argument, but she finds that she is not disgusted, but has a kind of presumptuous pleasure.

Shen Juncheng raised his cigarette at her, "How about it, is it cool?"

Xiaoying especially noticed that he was holding the body of the cigarette with his thumb and forefinger. There was an indescribable charm in this simple gesture, between maturity and rascality, both good and evil.

"Learned from TV?" Her gaze was still on his slender, white fingertips. Only those who were born pampered could have these hands.

"Well, young and Dangerous." He chuckled, and took another puff. This time he didn't choke. The blue smoke slowly came out of his nose and mouth, and there was a faint mist in his eyes. Ying could tell that he didn't enjoy it.

"How does it taste?" She asked him in a mischievous tone with a smile in her eyes.

"Hmm..." Shen Juncheng thought for a moment, and replied truthfully, "It's not very good, it's very choking."

Xiaoying pursed her lips and smiled, and stretched out her hand to him, "I'll have one too."

Shen Juncheng was somewhat surprised, and immediately shook his head and said, "No, girls are not allowed to smoke."

"I also want to be young again." She looked at him persistently.

"No!" His eyes flickered, but he still refused her.

"I didn't expect you to be so old-fashioned." Xiaoying withdrew her hand and rested her chin on her raised arms, a little discouraged.

After a while, Xiaoying heard rustling sounds around her, and soon, a white cigarette was reluctantly handed to her, and Shen Juncheng muttered, "Just this once!"

Xiaoying smiled sweetly, took it over, looked it up in her palm for a while, then sniffed the smell of shredded tobacco lightly, and then slowly put it in her mouth, "Where's the lighter?"

Shen Juncheng looked at Xiaoying with a cigarette in his mouth in amazement. At that time, he didn't know how fatally attractive a charming girl would be to a man if she acted like this.

He just simply felt that Han Xiaoying at this moment was so different from the gentle and quiet girl in ordinary times, almost like a pair of twin sisters, but with completely different personalities.

Under Xiaoying's urging again, Shen Juncheng finally took out a lighter from his pocket. It was a zippo he secretly bought with his pocket money for collection. The frosted silver body was very textured in his hand.

Under the cover of the bright sunlight, the flickering flames looked so plain and insignificant, but Shen Juncheng, who was holding the lighter, felt that the slight heat ignited some kind of heat that he was not familiar with, and he suddenly regretted that he had been careless just now. He hurriedly greeted Xiaoying to come over. He originally wanted to show off in front of her, but now he felt as if he was shooting himself in the foot.

The flame on the lighter was successfully transferred to the cigarette between Xiaoying's lips. She watched it light up quickly, roll up a layer of ashes, and then dimmed, hiding the fire in the ashes.

She took a deep breath slowly but gracefully, and the flames, like ghostly snakes and scorpions, emerged from the ashes again, spitting out a bewitching letter, nibbling away at the body of the smoke inch by inch.

The rough and acrid smoke deeply infiltrated her immature lungs, and she could almost feel the uncontrollable trembling in her body. After the tight convulsion, her body suddenly let go of the restraint, and she accepted the violence without hindrance. The uninvited guest - she didn't cough, and she didn't get choked to tears.

A few seconds later, the filthy air circulating freely in her body was slowly pushed out, just as her consciousness required.

What a long puff.

Xiaoying suddenly discovered that her body didn't reject this evil being denounced by the world as the "number one killer" at all. She seemed to have tasted all the tastes of her life in that puff of smoke.

There is no sweetness, only bitterness lasts forever.

Shen Juncheng stared dumbfounded at Han Xiaoying who was slowly exhaling the smoke from her mouth. He was a little startled by her skillful posture, "You, it's definitely not the first time you have smoked, right?"

Xiaoying took the cigarette from her mouth, held the cigarette butt in the posture of holding a chalk, and wrote in mid-air. Fragments of wispy smoke wandered in the air, and it was difficult to see what she was writing.

"No, it's my first time too." She answered him with a smile while writing seriously.

Her bright smile made Shen Juncheng's throat suddenly feel thirsty, he couldn't help swallowing, and muttered, "It doesn't look like that at all."

"I've seen me before...other people smoke." The smile on Xiaoying's face faded, "He also told me how to smoke without choking."

There was a trace of emptiness on her melancholy face, and Shen Juncheng suddenly felt jealousy welling up in his heart. He intuitively felt that the "he" Xiaoying was talking about was a very important person to her.

"'He' taught you to smoke? Who is 'he'?" he asked jealously.

Xiaoying didn't look back, and didn't answer him immediately. After a while, she whispered, "My father."

Shen Juncheng only felt his whole body relax, and the tense feeling disappeared. He felt a little funny, "Your father taught you to smoke? It's impossible, right?"

"Of course not!" Xiaoying almost instinctively raised her voice to deny his guess, but then she paused and slowly regained her composure, "I pestered him to ask, he said... that good girls are not allowed. smokes."

For some reason, Shen Juncheng felt that when she said this, there was no hint of coquettishness in the smile on her lips, but a slight mockery.

Shen Juncheng has always been very curious about her family, but Xiaoying always kept it secret, and it was the first time he felt afraid. He didn't dare to ask more, lest he would offend her again like the previous two times. Changing face, he likes the peaceful and quiet Han Xiaoying, just like now.

After squatting for a long time, his feet were a little sore, but the smoke hadn't burned out yet, Shen Juncheng glanced down at the bricks under his feet, they were still clean, so he ignored the white sports shorts and sat down on the floor.

Xiaoying knew that there was a small stool in the kitchen, but she was too lazy to get it, so she sat down like Shen Juncheng.

In the sweltering afternoon, after waiting for a long time, there was still no sign of the wind passing by, and even the cicadas were weak, and it took a long time to call out a few times. Fortunately, the sun did not show its face all the time, and dense clouds often passed by. It's good to cover up for a moment, even if it's only for a few seconds, to allow the life on the ground to breathe a little.

Shen Juncheng leaned the back of his head against the gray-white wall, his gaze had already withdrawn from Xiaoying's face, and turned to the lush forest ahead.

"Sometimes, I feel very annoying, and I don't know why I am alive." He whispered without thinking, with a rare quiet tone.

Xiaoying lowered her head, not knowing what to say. She never expected that even a child from a wealthy family like Shen Juncheng would have such thoughts.

Seeing that she had nothing to say, Shen Juncheng twitched the corners of his lips mockingly, "Do you think I deserve a beating? The family conditions are so good, and you still say such frustrating words. But you don't know, because of this, my classmates and I made peace with each other." Friends can’t even complain a few words, and everyone will scold me for being born in a blessing and not being blessed.”

"Isn't that so?" Xiaoying turned her face to look at him with a smile.

Shen Juncheng snorted, "To tell you the truth, my parents always quarrel, but outsiders see them as a loving couple."

"Husbands and wives never quarrel." Xiaoying bit her lower lip, thinking of her uncle and aunt.

"No, they are different." Shen Juncheng argued, "Other people quarrel for various reasons, but my parents only quarreled over one thing."

Xiaoying looked at him puzzled.

"it is me."

After a moment of silence, Xiaoying cleared her throat, "But you are not a thing, are you?" She wanted to use a little humor to ease the increasingly suffocating atmosphere.

But Shen Juncheng didn't mean to be joking at all, "In their eyes, I'm just one thing, an item."

Xiaoying couldn't understand, "Maybe they... love you too much."

The word "love" was so unfamiliar from her mouth that she hadn't received any "love" from her parents for seven whole years.

Now she even began to wonder whether her parents had loved her wholeheartedly during the nine years they were alive, otherwise, why would they both abandon her and leave her in this desolate and unwarmed world, letting her live on her own Self-destruction?
But at this moment, she is using this unfamiliar word to comfort a boy who is much luckier than her. Is there anything more absurd than this?

Shen Juncheng was unaware of the mixed feelings in her heart, and closed his eyes in distress, "Maybe, I don't know, but I really feel like a machine, always being driven in one direction by them, no, often Walking in two opposite directions. They drove me to run non-stop, no matter whether I was willing or not, or whether I was tired, what they really cared about was whether I could reach the destination they set one day. But I don’t know, Which opinion should I listen to. Or, is it possible for me to follow my own ideas."

There was no sound around me.

Shen Juncheng opened his eyes and saw Xiaoying staring blankly at the front, the cigarette in her hand had already been reduced to ashes, and a long piece was about to fall, tremblingly waiting for the moment of loss of balance.

"You must be luckier than me." He was relieved from the atmosphere of resentment, and he probably felt that it seemed unmanly to say this to a weak girl like her, so he looked at her with the former relaxed smile on his face again. Speculation, "At least, your parents shouldn't force you to do things you don't want to do, right?"

He even believes that her parents may be very enlightened and dote on this beautiful daughter, otherwise, her father would not even teach her the "bad thing" of smoking.

Xiaoying still sat blankly, without any reaction.

Shen Juncheng felt uneasy for no reason, he leaned out, approached her, and shook her arm lightly, the soot fell easily onto the bricks, and instantly smashed to pieces.

"Hey, Han Xiaoying, what's wrong with you?" His tone was cautious and cautious.

"It's nothing." Xiaoying turned her head and gave him a forced smile as if she had just woken up.

Shen Juncheng suddenly found that the distance between the two was so close that he could clearly see himself reflected in her eyes.

And her eyes were dark and deep, and there seemed to be an invisible force inside that wanted to suck Shen Juncheng's whole body in. He suddenly turned his face away to avoid the light in her eyes, and his heart suddenly pounded.

Xiaoying whispered like a sigh beside her ear.

"I was thinking, Shen Juncheng, in fact, you are much luckier than me. Although you may find it annoying, at least you still have parents, while I... have nothing."

Standing at the back door of his grandmother's house, Shen Juncheng found himself nervous the first time he stepped into this door.

Subconsciously, he reached into his pocket with his hands and fumbled for the pack of cigarettes that he had hidden so well, and a tender emotion suddenly surged in his heart.

Just yesterday, he had shared the taste of this pack of cigarettes with Han Xiaoying, and it had a different meaning to him.

He wanted to take out one to smoke, but as soon as his hand touched the cigarette box, a bitter taste immediately rolled up in his mouth like a conditioned reflex, and he immediately gave up, he is not a smoker.

Taking out the key, he opened the door as usual, and walked in with vigor. At this hour, grandma should be taking a nap - there is no holiday like this year, and he can understand grandma's schedule so well.

Han Xiaoying was neither in the house nor in the yard.

Shen Juncheng thought about it, and immediately understood where she was now.He tiptoed up to the second floor, stepped on the floor that sometimes creaked, and walked to the study room at the end. There, he saw Xiaoying who was reading a book with her head bowed by the window.

"Hi!" he whispered to her somewhat exaggeratedly.

Xiaoying raised her head, and when she saw it was him, a smile appeared on the corner of her mouth, "You're here!"

Seeing that his surprise did not frighten her, Shen Juncheng felt a little discouraged, and walked in with heavy steps, "You are reading again, you are almost becoming a bookworm!"

It was rare for Xiaoying to close the book quickly, "I don't want to read it, I've been here for a long time, I want to go down for a walk."

"Okay!" Shen Juncheng couldn't wait for it.

When passing by Grandma Wu's room, Xiaoying gently opened the door to check, just in time to see Grandma Wu turning over, she quickly signaled Shen Juncheng behind her to be silent, after a while, Grandma Wu stopped moving, obviously fell asleep again, Only then did Xiaoying carefully close the door, and followed Shen Juncheng downstairs.

The two of them didn't go to the yard. Xiaoying moved two small hard wooden stools that Aunt Wang used to choose vegetables, and sat one by one in the narrow and windy corridor. It is most comfortable to stay in such a dark corner in summer, except for the occasional mosquito. to harass.

With the cool breeze blowing, Shen Juncheng plucked up the courage to invite Xiaoying, "Are you free tomorrow morning? Come hang out with me." He had been planning this invitation all morning.

Xiaoying raised her head and looked at him, her eyes were innocent and innocent, "Where are you going to play?"

"It's just karaoke, eating, nothing special." Shen Juncheng avoided her probing gaze and replied as if nothing had happened.

Xiaoying noticed a trace of nervousness from his expression. She was always sensitive, and she had some premonition in her heart. She pursed her lips, and after a while, she asked in a low voice, "Is there anyone else?"

"Yes! Several of my classmates are going." Shen Juncheng said hastily.

"Oh." Xiaoying couldn't tell what it was like in her heart, and the original throbbing was quickly dissipating.

Shen Juncheng thought that she didn't want to meet his classmates, so he quickly explained: "But they are all very nice and enthusiastic, so you don't have to worry..."

"But I don't have time tomorrow morning." Xiaoying still refused.

"Why?" Shen Juncheng was disappointed for a while, but looking at Xiaoying's calm and honest eyebrows, it was obvious that he was not pretending.

"My brother is back, and my aunt asked me to supervise his summer homework!"

"You have a younger brother?"

"It's my uncle's son." Xiaoying explained patiently, "He just came back from his grandmother's house the day before yesterday and didn't do any homework. My aunt was very angry and asked me to watch him at home! I will send him to a nursing home after lunch, auntie Will continue to monitor him."

"How old is he?"

"Two years younger than me, she will be entering the third year of junior high soon."

"That's not too young!" Shen Juncheng was very dissatisfied, "You should be able to take care of yourself! You...how come you look like a servant in your uncle's house."

The latter sentence was unheard of, but Xiaoying still heard it, she smiled slightly, and didn't care, "I'm so sorry, I can't go tomorrow, you and your classmates have fun."

"Actually," Shen Juncheng stammered, but did not give up, "Tomorrow is my birthday."

He didn't want to say it at first, but he was unwilling to give up Xiaoying just like that.

Xiaoying was really surprised, "That's it! Then..."

If it was just an ordinary invitation, Xiaoying would not accept it no matter what, but if it was Shen Juncheng's birthday, it would be different.Xiaoying was grateful from the bottom of her heart that he thought of inviting her on his birthday, not because of his prominent family background, nor because of his attractive appearance, but because she felt the friendship she had always lacked from it.

Shen Juncheng was very happy to see her fall into serious thinking again.

After a while, Xiaoying made up her mind, "That's good. I'll talk to my aunt when I go back. I can ask her to take my brother to the nursing home early in the morning, so that I don't have to stare at him at home."

"That's great!" In addition to being overjoyed, Shen Juncheng sympathized with Xiaoying's younger brother, "However, your brother is really pitiful."

When Xiaoying's gaze met his, both of them smiled knowingly and helplessly.

In the evening, before explaining the situation to her aunt, Xiaoying vented to her younger brother Xiaoyu, but Xiaoyu begged her hard.

"Sister, don't let my mother take me away, can you let me go freely for a long time? Just for a long time, you don't have to tell my mother that you are going out to play, maybe she won't agree. Neither of us Don't mention it, do your own thing, and I will go to the nursing home in the afternoon, as if nothing happened, wouldn't it be better?"

"What do you want to do at home alone?" Xiaoying stared at him suspiciously.

"Me?" Xiaoyu rolled his eyes twice, shrugged his shoulders and said, "Sleep late, watch TV, and do some summer homework, half a day will pass in a flash!"

"But Auntie won't rest assured that you are alone..."

"Even if I die, she won't rest assured that I am alone." Xiaoyu's eyes actually reflected a trace of resentment, "Sister, don't you think I'm like a cocoon? If you can’t get through it, why do you guard me like you guard against thieves? I haven’t done anything bad!”

(End of this chapter)