What do you want in life

Chapter 78
She would rather she and Xiaozhi depend on each other for life, and live a life of peace with the situation, instead of going up and down in those entanglements of right and wrong.

Xiaoyu was sitting on the bedside reading a magazine, when Guo Jia opened the door and came in, heaved a sigh of relief and got on the bed.

"You're chatting with my sister?" Xiaoyu had already heard rustling voices coming from outside the door when he was in the room, and because of this, he never went out to disturb her.

"Well, hurry up, I'm freezing to death." Guo Jia urged, and squeezed to Xiaoyu's side, his warm body quickly covered him, feeling extremely comfortable.

"What did she say?"

"Oh, it's hard to describe in one word." Guo Jia nestled in his arms and recounted to him the most important conversations just now.

"I think she is determined to die alone forever." Guo Jia shook his head and sighed.

Xiaoyu was silent for a while, then patted her on the arm and said, "I have to find out the reason for her divorce first, I always think her divorce is too strange."

Li Chen walked out of the factory area and looked around at the door. On the opposite side of the street, under the shade of a tree, stood Xiaoyu with his hands in his pockets. The two looked at each other across the road. Xiaoyu nodded to him first, He took the initiative to run over.

This was the first time that Li Zhen and Xiaoying saw Xiaoyu half a month after their divorce. He was really surprised when he received a call from Xiaoyu asking to see him in the office just now.

"Brother Li." Xiaoyu called him in a calm tone.

Li Zhen smiled warily, "Why, do you still want to fight with me?"

"No, there's something I want to ask you, and I'll leave after I'm done." After getting married, Xiaoyu has become much more mature, "It won't take much of your time."

"Do you want to ask—why did we get a divorce?" Li Zhen said bluntly.

Xiaoyu nodded calmly, "Yes."

After a pause, Li Zhen asked back, "What did your sister say?"

"She won't say anything."

Hearing this answer, Li Zhenxin had mixed feelings in his head, both bitterness and warmth. After all, Xiaoying still saved some face for him.

That incident was a heavy blow to him. He was always conceited and smart, and he didn't expect to fall into this kind of thing—unknowingly raising a child for others for three years.

"In that case, I have nothing to say."

Xiaoyu said in a deep voice: "If your divorce is reasonable, I won't talk too much, but now I feel that my sister owes you something, and now I'm out of the house. Not only do I have no house and money, but I also have a child. If you were me, wouldn't you find it strange at all? I didn't want to pry into your privacy, and I didn't want to fight for you for her. I know my sister's temper. If you are determined, ten oxen will not be able to bring you back."

Speaking of this, Xiaoyu let out a sigh of relief, "Brother Li, I just want to find out what my sister owes you?"

Li Zhen smiled lightly, but there was no smile in his eyes, "Xiaoyu, I don't understand, what standpoint do you come here to ask me? If even your sister is unwilling to tell you, why do you think you can get along with me?" Can I inquire here? Xiaoying and I have no relationship now, and I don't feel obligated to answer your question."

He gestured to glance at his watch, wanting to end the conversation between them.

"Brother Li—" Xiaoyu called him meaningfully.

"I know that you have been unhappy about my sister and Shen Juncheng these years. I have known Brother Shen since we were young. I thought he would marry my sister, but I didn't expect... I won't mention these things. My sister said back then To marry you, I called your brother-in-law without saying a word, because I think you are a reliable person, and you can take care of her for the rest of your life. I don't think it's what you really want to do now. "

Li Zhen didn't want to hear him count these old things, and there was a hint of impatience on his face.

"I'm saying this for nothing else. If you still have a little affection for my sister, if you want her to live a good life in the future, can you tell me what happened between you?"

Xiaoyu's eyes were fixed on Li Chen's face, forcing him not to look directly, "I beg you, okay?"

Han Xiaoyu had never begged so lowly before, this was the only time, and Li Zhen saw it.

He was silent for a long time, and suddenly smiled softly, "Xiaoyu, you treat your sister better than your wife."

Xiaoyu's gaze didn't turn away amid his teasing laughter, he met Li Zhen's gaze, and replied word by word: "Because she has been the best to me since I was a child, and she always thinks of me sincerely in everything, and also cares for me. I will take the blame and be scolded for me. I have always thought that a person like her should live a happy life, but unfortunately, her journey is more difficult than mine. "

The smile on Li Chen's face faded.

"You must know my sister's life experience. She has no parents to take care of her since she was a child, she has always been insecure, and she has suffered a lot. You may not understand this feeling, but I can see it... I have nothing else I just hope that she can live a better life from now on. As long as I can do my best, I won't care about her affairs. "

Li Zhen was deeply moved by his heartfelt words.

In fact, he can understand what Xiaoyu said. The reason why Xiaoying can attract him is also because of her peaceful and comfortable temperament. Calculate who, don't bother anyone.He has always hoped to change her, at least to make her live a little happier.It's a pity that he was wrong, the one who can change her and bring her joy is not Li Zhen.

In the days after the divorce, he asked himself several times: Does he hate Han Xiaoying?Still in love with her?Although he couldn't sort out this annoying proposition, he was still clear about one thing. He never wanted Xiaoying to be hurt. The out-of-control behavior has never been regretted afterwards.

They have already parted ways. After breaking up, he will regroup to pursue his own happiness, so what about Xiaoying?

"She..." Li Zhen asked hesitantly, "Did she not go to find Shen Juncheng?"

"No." Xiaoyu shook his head firmly.

"Why?" he couldn't help asking.

"I also want to know why."

Li Zhen didn't know whether to be happy or sad. It turned out that he knew Xiaoying well. She felt sorry for herself, so she would never take the initiative to find Shen Juncheng after the divorce.

After a long silence, Li Zhen finally spoke slowly and with difficulty, "Xiaozhi...he...is not my biological son."

Xiaoyu's eyes changed from bewilderment to clarity in an instant. Finally, he put his hands back into his pockets and nodded to Li Zhen who was sideways facing him, "I understand."

Li Zhen only felt that the weight of the stone that had been pressing on his heart was quietly subtracted from Xiaoyu's four calm words.

It turned out that all the pressure was caused by himself, because he had always taken that secret too seriously.

Xiaoyu had already said goodbye, turned around and walked a few steps, then turned back suddenly, and said to Li Zhen, "Thank you, Brother Li."

Li Zhen read the long-lost sincerity and gratitude from his eyes.

Looking at Xiaoyu's back that was drifting away, Li Zhen breathed a sigh of relief. After all, he had resentment towards Xiaoying, but after calming down, he admitted that he didn't want to see her die alone forever.

Sometimes letting go of others means letting go of yourself.

On a sunny Sunday, there is wind, but the temperature has warmed up. Standing in the sun, the whole person will feel warm and cozy.

Xiaoying and Guo Jia took Xiaozhi to the park to fly a kite.

The three adults took turns to let go, and they were all sweating. In the end, only Guo Jia was left with Xiaozhi standing in the middle of the lawn to watch over the eagle that had been safely lowered into the sky.

Sitting on a bench by the lawn, Xiaoying and her brother were drinking and resting.

"Guo Jia said that you have been a little anxious to get angry recently." Xiaoyu smiled while sipping cold Coke.

"Yeah!" Xiaoying and her younger brother never hide anything, a little helpless, "She finds something good to do so quickly, and it always seems like good things take a long time here."

"It's a good thing, of course you have to work hard!" Xiaoyu said happily, "It's okay, I didn't know how many meals you cooked when I was young! Now it's only natural for my wife to cook a few meals for you, you don't have to So anxious, you have to find a job slowly, lest you regret it if you don’t find it well.”

"I'm different from you." Xiaoying sighed, and turned her gaze to Xiaozhi who was in the distance. After the divorce, she always felt ashamed of her son, "I still have children to raise!"

Xiaoyu also stared at Xiaozhi's figure in the distance with a brand new look, and said to Xiaoying with a smile: "I didn't expect Xiaozhi to grow up so big. I remember when I saw him for the first time outside the delivery room of the hospital, I was still It's a little pink meatball!"

Xiaoying grinned, "Since you and Guo Jia like children so much, why don't you give birth to one earlier."

Xiaoyu shook his head, "Raising a child is very troublesome. Guo Jia and I are still like children. Let's talk about it in two years."

As he spoke, he glanced at Xiaoying deeply, "Didn't you call Li Zhen recently?"

Xiaoying understood the meaning of his words, she lowered her head and smiled embarrassingly, "I haven't called again, thinking about it, it's not good for Xiaozhi to procrastinate like this. It's better...it's better to let him fade away from Xiaozhi's life slowly." ..."

She said it a little sadly, completely unaware of the abnormality that she unknowingly revealed.

In the distance, Guo Jia's smiling face turned around, blinked strangely at Xiaoyu a few times, and was called back by Xiaozhi with a serious expression, "Auntie, you have to be careful, otherwise what if the eagle falls down?" ?”

"If it doesn't fall, I'll pay for it!" Guo Jia patted Xiaozhi's head.

Xiaoyu took another sip of Coke, and said slowly, "I went to find Li Zhen."

Xiaoying was startled for a moment, then turned her head to look at him, "When? What are you looking for?"

"Middle of last month." Xiaoyu still stared at Guo Jia's direction, paused for a moment, and then said slowly: "I know everything."

Xiaoying's heart was beating violently, and her body was also hot and cold, like the window paper that barely covered the cold wind in winter was suddenly pierced by the strong wind.

"Xiaozhi...is Brother Shen's child, right?" Xiaoyu then turned his head to glance at her, and then turned his head back quickly.

"Don't tell him." Xiaoying said with difficulty, the secret she was going to bury in her heart forever was revealed so casually, making her feel like she was in a dream.

"No." Xiaoyu shrugged, "This is your own business."

Xiaoying breathed a sigh of relief.

"You should... tell Brother Shen yourself."

Xiaoying froze, resisting instinctively, "No, I don't want to..."

"You should let him know." Xiaoyu pinched the body of the Coke can hard, the soft iron skin made a crackling sound, his eyes pierced Xiaoying's timidity forcefully, "He has the right to know—he has a son. "

"No, no, I can't..." Xiaoying still shook her head vigorously.

"What are you afraid of?"

Xiaoying closed her eyes, and said in a muffled voice for a long time: "I can't do it, I've already felt sorry for Li Zhen..."

"Do you understand why Brother Li wants to divorce?" Xiaoyu stared at his sister seriously, "He didn't divorce to get angry with anyone, but to let himself and you go, if he really thinks you owe If you leave him, he won't divorce you, let alone tell me Xiaozhi's life experience!"

"No matter what you say, I've already decided not to mention this matter again." Xiaoying had no intention of listening, and wanted to finish with a sullen face.

Xiaoyu let out a little breathless breath, leaned back on the bench as before, and the two looked at Guo Jia and Xiaozhi who were still in high spirits.

"Sister, over the years, no matter what decision you make, every time I will stand by your side and support you unconditionally, because I always feel that everyone knows what they want best and what they should do to make their lives better. Good. But until now, I didn't realize that I might be wrong."

Xiaoying was shocked all over and listened to him in silence.

"You chose to leave Brother Shen, you decided to marry Li Zhen...every step of your decision made you farther away from happiness, have you ever thought about why this happened? You and Brother Shen, including Li Zhen, the three of you Have you lived so hard for several years, don't you really never think about the real reason?"

Xiaoying's breath was blocked, she lowered her head and said nothing.

"Because you want to avoid trouble whenever you encounter trouble, and never think about fighting for what you want."

Xiaoyu looked at her again, "Sister, avoiding is definitely not a good way, you can hide once or twice, but it is impossible to hide forever!"

He pointed to Xiaozhi in the distance, "In the future, if Xiaozhi asks you who his father is, how will you answer? If he blames you for losing the chance to reunite with his biological father because you didn't fight hard, what will you do?" manage?"

Xiaoying's heart shook violently, and Xiaoyu's heartfelt words were like a blow to the head, pulling her out of the long-term embarrassment, but she still couldn't make up her mind.

"Sister, you can't be so passive forever, waiting for others to discover you and save you. If you continue like this, it will only become more and more difficult. Some things can only be achieved by fighting for them. You and Brother Shen have already wasted too much money." It's been a long time..."

"What if..." Xiaoying finally opened her mouth with difficulty, "What if he is already married?"

Xiaoyu stared at her deeply, and finally understood what she was really afraid of deep in her heart.

"No matter what his current situation is, whether he is married or not, you should tell him the truth. As for how to make up his mind, that's his business."

Xiaoying's breathing was completely disordered. A decision she had persuaded with various reasons was easily broken by Xiaoyu, and she was in a panic for a while.

"Don't always worry about others, sister! You have already thought too much about others. But do those people accept your affection? Are they really living well because of your sacrifice?"

"I, I don't need others to accept my love." Xiaoying finally found a chance to fight back, "I just want to live in peace of mind."

Xiaoyu smiled and spread his hands, "Okay! Then, ask yourself, have you lived peacefully in the past few years? Also, if you hide a secret in your heart, you will live peacefully in the future ?"

Xiaoying was dumbfounded.

Finally, Xiaoyu looked up to the sky and let out a long breath, which seemed to be persuasive, but it sounded more like a sigh, "In this life, no matter what, you must be brave once."

In the quiet afternoon, the house was empty, and Xiaoying sat alone on the balcony with no wind, with her mobile phone on the small square table beside her.

She smoked many cigarettes, and her mouth was so dry that she was on the verge of burning.When she stifled the last cigarette butt under her feet, she suddenly felt a little annoyed with her cowardice—she couldn't bear to continue sitting aimlessly like this after sitting for more than an hour.

She grabbed the phone resolutely, and without giving herself any chance to hesitate, she dialed the number she knew by heart verbatim.

However, soon, her arm holding the phone dropped down in frustration. Shen Juncheng's number had long been empty. It seemed that before he left, he was indeed determined to cut off all contact with her.

"Just give up like that?" she asked herself.

Xiaoyu's words that shook her heart two days ago lingered in her ears again, like a ball of fire wrapped around a thin piece of paper, and the instant burning condensed into a fiery heat, she was not reconciled.

Five minutes later, she finally dialed Xia Bin's number.

Hearing Xiaoying's voice after so long, Xia Bin seemed surprised and happy, "Ah, it's you, Xiaoying! It's been a long time since we saw each other. Are you and Li Zhen okay? I called him a while ago. Phone, he seems to have changed the number..."

Li Zhen changed his mobile phone number shortly after divorcing her. Xiaoying guessed that he didn't want to be harassed and questioned by the former people. It seems that everyone who wants to start over will do the same thing, but he also left the new number with Xiaoying is gone.

Xiaoying chatted with Xia Bin vaguely, and finally turned the topic to Shen Juncheng, "I heard that Mr. Shen...he, he has returned to City J?" After speaking, she found that her palms were sticky Yes, it's all sweat.

"Oh, I went back early!" Xia Bin confessed heartily, "Our affairs here are almost done, so he has to go back, no, he's been away for almost two months!"

"He...he," Xiaoying felt her whole body start to sweat, but something was eager to try in her throat, and she finally managed to get out, "Is he married?"

"Ah?" Xia Bin was taken aback when he heard the words, "You mean Mr. Shen? I don't seem to have heard of it!"

"I, I also heard someone mention it casually." Xiaoying's face flushed, but fortunately Xia Bin couldn't see, she had to lie again, "I used to be in Kelan, and you were very helpful, so I I think, I think... if he gets married..."

Xia Bin understood after hearing this, thought Xiaoying wanted to give a gift, so he smiled and said: "Yes, at that time, indeed, if Mr. I heard about his marriage, after he went back, he seldom contacted us directly, and he turned to Yu Xin for everything, oh, Yu Xin is now our number one, the general manager." Liang, "Why don't I ask Yu Xin for you, if President Shen gets married, she will be the first to know, yo, I saw her, just wait!"

Xiaoying was startled, and quickly yelled to stop him, "No need, Xia Bin! Really no need!"

Xia Bin was already walking in the direction of Xiao Yuxin, but stopped when he heard this.

Xiaoying smiled as hard as she could, "I just asked casually, thank you, I have something else to do, so hang up first!"

She threw the phone back on the square table in a panic, and then covered her face tightly with her palms, feeling reckless and stupid.

As long as she worked a little harder, she could get more definite news about Shen Juncheng, but at the moment when she was about to touch the reality, she felt stage fright again, and she gave up—she lost the courage to disturb others.

A month later, Xiaoying finally found a job as an accountant in a private company. This seemed to be a wish she had been trying to achieve for many years, but when it came true, she felt no joy.

Perhaps, this is the case with many things. It is not the result that motivates me to move forward, but the process and a heart that never grows old.

(End of this chapter)