Out of Depression: A Depressed Patient's Successful Self-Help

Chapter 39 Specific problems related to depression (1)
Pseudo-depressed patients

Some clients are not really depressed, but simply a fear of depression.Because he has learned about the horrors of depression in past experiences or in the media, and sometimes even equates depression with mental illness, and then falls into worry about depression or mental illness, fearing that once he falls into it, his whole life will be ruined , and then became anxious all day long.What's more, he will continue to diagnose and treat. Even though he has been guaranteed "no disease", he still can't feel at ease. He still has to work hard to insulate from depression and continue to look for new guarantees.

A male patient suffered from dizziness and insomnia when he was visiting relatives in the countryside.Because he believed in Catholicism, he thought he was possessed by the devil at first, but his sister said that he was attacked by the devil instead of being possessed, and then his worries eased.It happened that there was a mental patient in the country who was crazy all day long. He called the mother of this person and asked what disease her son had. The mother said it was depression.After leaving the country and returning home, he saw the advertisement mentioned "treatment of insomnia and depression", because he had insomnia problems, and then he equated insomnia with depression, and began to worry about whether he had depression.It just so happened that he knew a friend who studied Chinese medicine, because he was "in a hurry to go to the doctor", so he asked the Chinese medicine doctor what kind of problem he was, and the Chinese medicine friend said casually:
"You're the depression." From then on he thought of himself as a depression patient.It happened that the younger brother of a girl in the unit also suffered from depression, so he asked the colleague if depression was terrible and what it would look like when it was severe.As a result, the female colleague said: "When depression is severe, it is mental illness." Since then, he has been caught in the worry of suffering from depression and mental illness.He thinks he is depressed one moment and mentally ill the next.After that, he no longer had the slightest enthusiasm for life and work, and fell into anxiety about illness.Sometimes he would tell himself "I'm not a patient", but it didn't work. In the end, he simply regarded himself as a patient.Although, after a formal diagnosis, it was determined that he was not depressed or mentally ill, he still indulged in this worry all day long.

In our lives, there are often news and treatment information about depression.With the popularity of the Internet, it is becoming more and more convenient for us to obtain such information.Of course, this is good for improving our mental health awareness to a certain extent, but it has also become the beginning of some people's nightmares.On the one hand, due to the lack of knowledge about the diagnosis of depression, it is easy to judge yourself as a depressed patient due to changes in mood and sleep; on the other hand, this information can easily become a sharp weapon to break through the defense line of some people .Just like the patient mentioned above, just because of insomnia, he then associated himself with depression and psychosis.Then I regarded myself as a "patient", and ended up falling into the struggle between "I am a patient" and "I am not a patient", and fell into obsessive thinking about whether I am sick or not.Only the reassurance of others can make him feel a little safe, and can make him feel better temporarily.

Therefore, such people are not depressed patients, but unable to accept the reality that they may be connected with depression, unable to face the possibility that they will also go crazy.This situation actually reflects the inability to accept reality, the fact that we are already living in an unsafe world.Desperately seeking a guarantee of freedom from disease is an escape—an escape from such a "dangerous" world.But reality is always inescapable.The only way to get over the fear of depression is to accept the fact that everyone can suffer from depression or other psychological problems, but there is no need to ruin your life because of this possibility.So invest in the current life instead of worrying or debating whether you are depressed, because real depression does not need to be debated, and debating all the time falls into the category of compulsion and anxiety.

In fact, the fear of depression or psychosis reflects a desire to control everything, and it also reflects that a person has become so "perfect" that he does not allow a little "dirty" things to touch himself.So, it's not that he is prone to illness or has already been ill, but that he cannot face things beyond his control, and cannot accept the possibility that he will die or go crazy just like ordinary people.Therefore, what we need to reflect on is our "pursuit", rather than blindly seeking disease-free guarantees.

what can a loved one do

"My relatives (or friends) suffer from depression, what should I do?" This is a question often asked by family members and friends who accompany patients in treatment.A person will fall into the fantasy of an idealized self, which has a lot to do with his childhood experience and the way his parents educated him.It is precisely because the reality is difficult to face that he indulges in an idealized self to escape the cruel reality.What should the family do?If there is a problem with your own education method, then you need to give up this wrong education method.If you inadvertently use your child as a tool to show off or fulfill your unfulfilled wishes, then please let him be himself and pursue the life he wants.If you have used harshness to show your love for him in the past, then please let go of this harshness and love him unconditionally.If you dote too much and focus on him, then let him take on what he should have to bear, and face what he should have to face... Of course, everything in the past cannot be changed, and what he is doing now is just making up for it.Don't expect that if you change, the other party must change. This is not a condition of exchange, but the duty of a parent.Be patient, but not conniving.During the treatment, some parents will find that because they have not learned how to love their children in the past, they desperately try to make up for their children when they fall into depression. As a result, their dependence becomes stronger and they lack the courage to face the challenges of life.In the end, it became a "parasite" that could not live without its parents.Don't go from one extreme to another.

There is a saying in psychotherapy: "The child's problems are the parents' problems."Although this sentence is a bit extreme, it is not unreasonable.In therapy, I often find that some patients with depression and other neuroses have more problems with their parents.It is precisely because of the parents' problems that the parents unconsciously pass on their own pathological demands to the child, making him unable to bear it, and finally unable to face reality.

One of my patients, whose father is the 10th child in the family, can be regarded as an old man, so he has been taken care of by his parents since he was a child.Of course, this father also naturally uses this doting education method to educate his son. He will meet any expectations of the son, no matter how unreasonable the request is, even if the son wants to drive his mother out of the house, the father will obey.Until he was in college, he couldn't take a bath alone, and he needed his father to accompany him.He had a conflict with his classmates, and asked his father to invite the classmates to dinner to ease the atmosphere.He can't do anything without his father. He can't even go to school without his father coaxing him to go.Even though he's in college, he still seems like a five-year-old.He gave up life because he didn't have the courage to face unknown challenges, and he didn't have the strength to take on the responsibilities he should have taken.He can only rely on his father to meet his own needs, and he cannot live without the object of his pathological dependence.

In clinical practice, it will be found that the inheritance of "being a human being" is more terrible than the inheritance of physiology.A mother who is very narcissistic herself.It is precisely because of her narcissism that there are not many people of the opposite sex who can catch her eyes. As a result, she reluctantly got married when she was 40 years old. After marriage, the two places separated because she could not live with this "mortal".It is conceivable what she will do to the child. As long as the child makes a mistake, she will be severely criticized by her. As long as the child does not do what she wants, she will have a way to make the child feel guilty. As long as the child does not achieve the excellence she expected , she will desperately belittle.Just imagine, how can children who grow up in this environment develop confidence in themselves?Tragically, even in the treatment room, his mother defended his actions.Of course, this example is a bit extreme, but just imagine, aren't such parents common in life?Moreover, Chinese culture also supports this kind of education method, and advocates that "a filial son is born with a stick", so parents with sick personalities will more brazenly impose their own sick demands on their children, and plausibly say: "Because of love, so I That's why."

(End of this chapter)