The FBI teaches you lie detection, people reading and intelligence skills

Chapter 3 Why are you lying? (2)
For another example, I usually drool over the beautiful female staff at the front desk, but when I was rejected after confessing my love, I lied and said: "Don't look at the beauty, in fact, there is nothing worth admiring. She is cold all day long and doesn't understand gentle people. "

Some people failed to be selected by the big company they liked the most and could only work in a humble company. They lied: "Working in this company, I am very valued, and there are many big companies that I liked before. A good opportunity that doesn't exist in the enterprise."

All of these are rationalized self-esteem defense mechanisms at work.If you admit that you are not capable enough, you will lose your self-esteem and lose confidence.Because it is difficult for some people to calmly admit the cruel reality of failure, they simply belittle the role of the other party instead of punishing themselves to maintain their self-esteem.

Robert Feldman, a psychologist at the University of Massachusetts, said, "We found that once people feel that their self-esteem is threatened, they immediately start lying." Indeed, lying is closely related to people's self-esteem.

Of course, not all lies hurt others, and some lies do a good job of protecting oneself without hurting others.People who lie to colleagues in the workplace think this way: in the same workplace, especially in front of those who care, we want to look good and maintain our self-esteem.

Some researchers have analyzed that sometimes lying is the best way to protect one's privacy and keep people from resentment.When we lie to co-workers rather than strangers, we are primarily motivated by intrinsic self-esteem and a sense of threat.

§§§Section [-] chooses to lie in order to protect self-interest
People may lie to justify themselves, or to protect themselves or others, etc. Most liars lie to protect their own interests.Using lies to compete for interests with the other party is different from passive lying. They regard lying as an ability to consciously exercise and study.Lying for self-interest is relatively "high-level", often invisibly making the other party fooled, and the deceived are often grateful and happy to count the money for others.There is also the kind of lying for fear of taking responsibility, or being extremely flattering to others, for their own benefit.

1. Afraid of taking responsibility, thus telling lies
When the scale of an enterprise organization becomes larger, the complexity of the entire management system will also increase accordingly.It is difficult for people to clearly distinguish the responsibilities and right from wrong in the system.Some people take advantage of such loopholes and often use lies to protect their own interests.

In some large companies, the crisis control mechanism often takes effect slowly, resulting in low efficiency.One of the reasons for the inefficiency is the avoidance psychology that everyone is afraid of taking responsibility as mentioned above.Even on very critical matters, most people just "sweep their own way", seldom report bad things to the boss immediately, and don't talk to other departments in order to solve the problem well. Employees work together.Many people's mentality is that the matter has nothing to do with themselves, and they hang on high, and the matter must concern themselves, so they quickly find a way to lie and protect their own interests from loss.

For example, when a product quality accident occurs, resulting in serious consequences such as casualties, the responsible person tries to hide the truth about the product quality, and will create corresponding lies; Relevant authorities usually say at the press conference: "The person involved was not careful and didn't pay attention. This is a mistake caused by carelessness at work." Try to shirk responsibility and get rid of the relationship.

It is no wonder that some politicians use ignorance as an excuse in order to pursue improper interests, and it is very common to use this as an excuse to protect themselves.In fact, not only individuals, but also collective organizations often use this method of lying to protect their own interests, and try to escape the corresponding punishment of crimes and punishments.

When the secret work of an enterprise group is exposed, if the relevant person in charge is asked about the secret incident, we can often hear them say "forgot, don't remember." absolve.Even when the lies of these lying bureaucrats, politicians, and leaders of big business are exposed, they often end up saying, "The job was careless, I didn't pay much attention. I didn't handle it. It was my secretary who took care of it." These words are prevaricated, as if they were not too much at fault.

Although it is said that memory failure, misunderstanding and slip of the tongue will happen to people sometimes, but some people know the truth like the back of their hands, but they still have to say something like "I don't remember" in front of a crowd or a microphone. word.These are outright lies.These people try to distort the facts and hide their ulterior "unspeakable secrets".

2. Cater to others and gain your own self-interest
At work, some subordinates will try their best to show respect and loyalty to their superiors, and will flatter their superiors from the front or side whenever they have the opportunity.

In fact, their real purpose is to hope that this will benefit their own promotion, and then become the boss's confidant.This phenomenon will become popular when opportunities such as company personnel changes occur.

Some people are good at distinguishing the verbal expression from the real intention of the heart.In order to get the appreciation of your boss and establish a good evaluation of yourself, you must have a good relationship with your boss.When they are listening to their boss's speech, although they feel unhappy in their hearts, they may complain that "it's a cliché again." But they still have to verbally echo the speech of their boss: "You are so right!"

"President Wang's understanding is really strong!" What you said is really valuable. "Praise and approval like this, although a bit old-fashioned, is still very pleasing, and at least it will not be annoying. People usually increase their self-esteem after being praised, and they will also develop goodwill and trust in the person who praises them psychology.

Say something flattering and flattering to win the favor of others, so as to get the results you want, although some results may come slowly.

§§§[-] chooses to lie in order to cover up something
Someone said, "An explanation is a cover-up, and a cover-up is the truth."Just because some people are afraid that the truth will be revealed, they try their best to cover up and use one lie to cover another lie.

what is lifeSome people feel that acting is like a series of dramas.Both men and women are actors in it.After you sing, I will appear on stage.Therefore, people who don't adapt to the times will live a useless and subdued life; people who adapt to the times will always live a nourishing and comfortable life.

Among the many reasons for lying, lying for cover-up is not rare.This is the same purpose as a hunter hiding behind a bunker and waiting for an opportunity to kill the prey.It is all to make the other party unable to see clearly or not see their true colors.

In response to the situation that people lie because of concealment, American psychologists conducted the following experiments:
They asked the women to eat hamburgers and told them: "Please eat until you are too full to swallow." They pre-set two eating conditions: one, only women were present; present.The results showed that under different eating conditions, the number of hamburgers eaten by the subjects was different.When only women were present, compared to when men were present,
The women tested ate significantly more hamburgers.Also, the women who were tested ate fewer hamburgers when the men were more attractive than when the men were less attractive.

Why is there such a result?The reason is that the psychological tendency of the tested women to try their best to conceal their unlady image in front of men is at work.

The French thinker La Rochefoucauld said: "Anyone on any occasion wants to give others an impression that they think is more appropriate, so everyone disguises their face and appearance, so society is a disguised thing. .”

In private spaces, with family, with friends, and neighbors; speaking in public vs. talking to just three or two people; chatting with same-sex vs. opposite-sex presence ; When talking to the opposite sex, there are people who you have a crush on and people who don't have any special feelings.The language people use to talk and the actions they take vary.

The same is true in the company. The working professionals have completely different ways of speaking and attitudes to their superiors than to their subordinates; their behaviors are also very different when they are inside the company and when they are outside the company.

In a certain social situation, people are acting as performers, thinking of others or those around them as spectators, and eager to get praise from the spectators.For example, when applying for a job in a company, if the applicant has neat hair, wears a suit and tie, it is easy to make a good impression on the interviewer.So people tend to perform in front of others, so as to win others' good impression of themselves.

Acting refers to the ability to conceal oneself, and there are many people who claim to have a good impression of others but have a bad impression of them in their hearts.Everyone can choose from his own behavior patterns to suit the taste of others.In other words, it's not that there is no pretense, but that all the performances come from themselves, just to cater to the tastes of the audience to make choices.

§§§Section [-] choose to lie in order to satisfy vanity
Everyone is more or less vain, and in order to satisfy their own vanity, they slip out without paying attention to lies.

People with too much vanity will make even more incredible moves.

At about 11 o'clock one night, a middle-aged woman in her 30s reported to the police that about 20 minutes ago, her huge sum of 10 yuan was robbed.She kept crying while describing the suspect's simple appearance. According to what she said, the police launched an investigation overnight, but there was no progress.A month later, the police questioned the woman again and found that the characteristics of the suspect she described were different from the last time, and found many suspicious points.

With the in-depth investigation of the case, the police found that this was a false "big robbery". A side investigation found that the woman had always been vain and claimed that she was engaged in "real estate business" and that her husband "opened a big restaurant" and that her family was quite wealthy. "rich".Under clever interrogation by the police, the middle-aged woman was forced to confess the details, "Some time ago a friend wanted to borrow money because someone at home was sick, but I didn't have any, so that's why I created the false robbery."In the end, the police detained the middle-aged woman for disturbing public order.

Liars often use lies to brag about the facts or express their desires, unable to self-check their own false words, or have a psychological tendency not to admit defeat and love to compare.Can't distinguish between reality and fantasy, needs can't be met, and like to win the attention and envy of others are also one of the reasons that lead to lying.

Although vanity is part of human nature, it is a big mistake to do disgraceful things for one's own vanity, or even things that harm others and benefit oneself.Excessive vanity is a kind of hypocrisy.

Admiring vanity can only bring a pair of colorful but extremely heavy shackles to life, making the pace of life more difficult and slow, just as Cao Cao said: "Admiration of vanity leads to real disaster."

Just imagine, if a person is often tormented by these ambivalences from several aspects, can his heart not suffer?Will he still be happy?A fake is a fake after all.The famous Russian physiologist Pavlov once said this about vanity in "A Letter to Youth": "No matter how dazzling the color of this soap bubble is, it is bound to burst. You will get nothing but regret.”

Chasing vanity will never bring real honor to people. Those who covet the momentary glory and glory will not only put the cart before the horse and put the cart before the horse, the loss outweighs the gain, and even end up ruined and ruined.People with strong vanity can only live in misfortune, because in order to surpass others in all aspects, this kind of people must show false appearances to others in order to improve their own value and gain the approval of others. It is to deceive and lie.

§§§Section [-] Hypocrisy: Lying has become a sick habit

How many people live in their imaginations, satisfy themselves in their imaginations, and make up stories in their imaginations.I thought too much, made up too much, and in the end even I mistakenly thought it was true.

Some people pretend to have certain things when they don't have them.

For example, someone who brazenly boasts that he is perplexed by his popularity with women, but what is really going on is that the person shows no signs of being popular with women, neither in his body nor in his appearance.If this tendency develops towards extremes, it is the so-called "hypocrisy".

"Venuity disease" is called "empty talk disease" in Freud's "The Interpretation of Dreams".When people with this disease describe their wishes in the fantasy world, they will unknowingly confuse the fantasy world with the things in the real world, confuse the past words with the present words, and write and direct themselves on the stage of the real society. , staged scenes of farce.

A good example to describe this phenomenon is: Some people without girlfriends often fantasize about themselves that there are many women who actively pursue and show love to themselves, and then they tell others about it self-righteously. The result is often extremely confusing, and many The place contradicts itself.No wonder the listener comes to the conclusion: "That person is really neurotic."

There is a man who suffers from "hypocrisy" who lies every day in his circle of colleagues.One of the lies was this, "I bought a Mercedes-Benz." But none of these colleagues had seen him drive a Mercedes-Benz, so someone asked him, "Let me ride in your Mercedes-Benz if you have a chance!" But he But he said: "The car, I lent it to a friend a few days ago, but it was damaged on the road. It is being repaired now." So the questioner looked at him coldly: "Do you really have a Mercedes-Benz?" He suddenly replied angrily : "Isn't my words worth believing?" Then he walked away.

Although everyone can lie, most people know what they are doing in their hearts.And people with "hypocrisy" lie even when there is no profit to be made. Although they can clearly realize that they are lying, they have difficulty restraining this impulse.

A 19-year-old woman living in Conseth, USA, posted a diary of her battle with leukemia on the Internet.Although many readers responded out of sympathy, the woman died in the end.As a result, it was later discovered that there was no such person at all, and all this was completely fabricated by a 40-year-old housewife who lived in the same area.And the so-called things are fictitious.

There are still people who pretend to be sick like this, or exaggerate their illnesses, or simply pretend to be sick and walk in the hospital to cultivate their morality.

Some people pretended to be sick when they were not sick, and then underwent several operations and were hospitalized repeatedly.During this period, he also had to inject glucose water into his body, and deliberately put other people's tuberculosis bacteria into his sputum in an attempt to confuse the doctor.The motivation is nothing more than wanting to attract the attention of others.Although these people may also be considered malicious to a certain doctor and hospital, it also shows that the psychology of the parties involved is not yet mature.

Even if hypocrites have no malicious intentions and do not intend to deceive others, the result of lying often is to make others deeply hurt, depressed, and anxious all day long.

The more a lie is repeated, the less the liar cares about whether the lie is right or wrong. As the liar repeats it again and again, the liar is immersed in it, but turns a blind eye to the original fact, and the lie becomes the truth.However, if someone exposes or reminds them in due time, the liar may be able to return to reality.

(End of this chapter)