To communicate is to speak well

Chapter 27 Saying No Cleverly: Rejecting Others Is an Art (2)
Pay attention to the strategy of saying "no"
You need to be tactful when you speak, and you need to be even more tactful when you say "no", otherwise the word "no" will add a lot of trouble to your life.

There was a musician who was invited by an acquaintance to work in a nightclub band.The musician thought the salary was low and planned to refuse immediately, but remembering that he had been taken care of by the other party in the past, it was inconvenient to refuse categorically. No hesitation."

At this time, the owner of the nightclub was naturally smiling, and the musician seized the opportunity to straighten his face and say:
"What do you think is funny? I know you laugh at me. You look down on me and don't respect me. There is no need to mention this agreement again. Goodbye." In this way, the musician pretended to be angry, turned around and left, but the boss didn't know how to treat him , Although regret, but it is too late.

In life, when facing someone you don't like, you should knock him unexpectedly so as to repel him.If you lack opportunities, you might as well refer to the above example, create opportunities yourself, first make the other party happy, and then find an excuse to quit in time when the other party is unprepared and still smiling, so as to achieve the purpose of rejection.

The Japanese master of success, Toho Hui, once said such a thing. During the student movement in the late 20s in Japan, a group of student movement activists broke into the classroom of a certain university during the class, making the professor at a loss what to do. .In front of the students in the class, the professor wanted to show a little tolerance and understanding demeanor, so he decided to listen to what the students had to say before trying to persuade them.As a result, contrary to his good intentions, the students took advantage of the momentum to ask him many questions, messed up the class, and never attended a class again.Moreover, after that, as long as he was in class, radical students appeared in class, and this situation lasted for a year.

From this lesson, the professor realized a rule, that is, if he has no intention of accepting the other party, it is best not to try to persuade the other party, and he should stop the other party as soon as he speaks: "You are hindering the teaching, get out of the classroom quickly! It has nothing to do with the classroom Let’s talk about it after class!” If the same thing happened again, would the professor be able to handle it?Even if he shows a refusal attitude, the students will attack him without hesitation; if you don't listen to the students' questions at all, and stop talking at the beginning, at least you won't give the other party an opportunity, and you won't It will make it difficult to take classes for a year.

A young man named Kim Rokuro visited Soichiro Honda and wanted to sell him a piece of real estate.Soichiro Honda listened to Jin Rokuro's speech very seriously, and did not speak for the time being.After listening to Jinrokuro's statement, Soichiro Honda did not give a direct answer of "buy" or "don't buy". Instead, he picked up some fiber-like things on the table and showed it to Jinrokuro, and said, "You know this What is it?"

"I don't know." Kim Rokuro replied.

"This is a newly discovered material, and I want to use it to make the shell of Honda Soichiro's car." Honda Soichiro told Jin Rokuro in detail for 15 minutes.He talks about the origins and benefits of this new car-making material, and candidly talks about what new designs his cars will have next year.These contents made Jin Rokuro puzzled, but he felt very happy.

When Soichiro Honda sent Kinrokuro away, he just said by the way that he didn't want to buy his piece of land.

If Soichiro Honda had told Jinrokuro his thoughts from the beginning, Jinrokuro would have asked about it and tried his best to persuade Soichiro Honda to buy the land.This is the reason why Soichiro Honda didn't say it directly, and he didn't want to argue with Jin Rokuro about it.When rejecting a proposal, it is best to use an abstract statement that does not touch on the specific content of the topic.

Taboos to be aware of when rejecting others

1. Avoid speaking weakly

When rejecting others, if you speak weakly or even whine for a long time, it will easily make people feel disgusted, thinking that you are not unable to help him, but that you don't want to help him at all.Because, generally speaking, only people with a guilty conscience would be so hesitant.

2. Avoid being too enthusiastic

If you refuse others, you should seriously state your reasons, and then no matter whether you express regret or helplessness, no matter how unhappy others are, they cannot make false accusations against you for your rejection.But if you keep saying "it's a pity", "next time" and "definitely" in order to make up for the other party, it is a bit hypocritical.

3. Avoid touching emotions

According to the research of psychologists, "touching" is easy to produce common feelings, so when you want to say "no", you should avoid it.It is easier to say "no" with a "respectful" attitude, and the effect is better.Or, when the other party tries to get close to you, you should keep a clear head, so as not to be an emotional prisoner and give the other party an opportunity.Generally speaking, people who can remember other people's names once they meet are easy to get close to others. Therefore, calling other people's names continuously in conversation, and dubbing them "brother" and "sir" can often create a sense of intimacy.Then, conversely, when you want to say "no", you should put an end to this kind of intimate expression, that is, you don't mention the other party's name at all, which can increase the psychological distance with the other party and make it easier to say "no".Also, try to stay away from the other party when talking, so that it is not easy to make touchy intimate actions such as clapping and pulling.In addition, it is best not to touch the things the other party handed over.Things are like people, once "touched" they will produce "intimacy", and it is not easy to refuse.

4. Avoid inappropriate excuses
Some people don't want to say "no" directly, so they just find some reasons that are not worth refuting to temporarily prevaricate the other party in order to get a temporary relief.This method is not good, because the other party can still find reasons to pester you until you agree.For example, if you don’t want to promise to do something for someone, but you say: “I don’t have time today.” He will say: “It’s okay, you can help me do it tomorrow, and I will leave the matter to you.” Another example, you want to refuse the other person If you want to transfer a piece of clothing to you, you push: "The money is not enough." Then the other party will say: "We can talk about it when the money is enough." Or, if you don't want to dance with the other party, you push: "I can't dance well. "Then he will definitely say: "It's okay, I'll dance with you slowly." Because these are small lies, once you refute them, you will definitely be a little flustered, and it will be difficult to carry out the will of "no".Therefore, to deal with this situation, you might as well tell the other party directly and clearly with simpler reasons: "This matter you entrusted cannot be done, please forgive me." "I don't like the color of this dress, I'm sorry." "I've already made an appointment with another dance partner, I can't dance with you, I'm sorry." Although it seems a bit blunt to say this, but the reason is simple and clear, it won't give the other party an opportunity, and it can avoid future troubles.

Five Tips to Teach You to Say No to Others

1. Rejection for non-personal reasons
The hardest thing about saying "no" to people is finding credible and reasonable excuses when it is inconvenient to say the real reason.Then, might as well use your brains on others, for example, use your family as an excuse.

A contented housewife professes that the reason her life is so peaceful is because she deftly says no to certain troubles.

When a salesman knocked on her door, she was polite but firm: "Thank you for your kindness, but my husband won't let me buy anything in front of the house, not because I don't want to pay."

In this way, the salesman will neither resent her for not buying his things, but at the same time feel that it is useless to talk about it, because the problem is not her, but the husband he has not met, so he has to give up.

2. Rejection as a last resort

When someone sincerely asks for your help, you should give it as much help as you can.But when you encounter something that is really powerless and you cannot help the other party, don't rush to say "no", and don't make the other party feel that you have no sincerity in helping him solve the difficulty, otherwise, you will become a person in the eyes of others. A man who is selfish and lacks compassion.

Xiao Li of the insurance company is in charge of coordinating clients' claims for compensation. The nature of Xiao Li's work determines that he often rejects clients' requests.However, he was always sympathetic to the client's request, explaining that while he morally agreed to the request, he simply had more than he could do.Because of his refusal to obtain the Fa, Xiao Li did a great job.

Therefore, when someone asks you and you can do nothing, don't refuse him first, but listen to his statement patiently, express sympathy for his plight, and even give him some suggestions, and finally tell him that you are really good. Can't help him.In this way, the other party will never be angry because of this, but will be moved by your sincerity.

3. Decline by inducing the other party

Inducing the other party means that when someone makes an unreasonable request to you, don't simply refuse, but let him understand how inappropriate his request is, so that he can voluntarily give it up.

One high-performing interior designer claimed that he never said outright "no" to his users' unrealistic assumptions, but instead tried to get them to agree to what he wanted them to do.

A woman wanted to use an unsuitable floral fabric for curtains, and the designer suggested: "You have really given us a new way of thinking about design, but let's see what your desired curtain arrangement will achieve." What effect." Then he talked about what kind of fabric to make curtains to achieve harmony with modern decoration, and soon the woman forgot her floral fabric.

4. Point out the direction after declining

This is especially important for those in certain leadership positions.For example, after your subordinate's request to you is rejected by you, you might as well tell your subordinate the direction of his efforts so that he can always see hope. Compared with this, your rejection is insignificant.Doing so will not only not hurt his self-esteem, but also will not hurt the relationship between you and your subordinates.

The author of the book "Successful Interpersonal Relationships" and Dr. William Raleigh from the United States, when talking about how to deal with the situation that his subordinates want to be promoted but his own conditions are not enough, he once suggested to the corporate executives:

"Yes, George, I understand your desire to be promoted. However, to get promoted, you must first make yourself more important to the company. Now, let's see what more you can do about it... "

5. Say no without thinking

An enthusiastic older woman decides to befriend her young female neighbor, so she sends out an invitation:
"Cindy, will you come over to my house tomorrow morning to play?"

With a gentle and generous smile on Cindy's face, she said, "Thank you, but I can't, because I have something to do tomorrow." Her refusal was friendly and warm, but her attitude was so firm that the old woman had to give up.

Therefore, when you cannot satisfy someone's request, you should respond quickly, decline him kindly and sincerely, and leave no room for maneuver.

deflect cleverly

There is a short story of "The Prudent Wise Man" in Afghan folk tales.

One day the pasha summoned the wise man and said to him:
"Wise man, your wisdom is known to all, so I appoint you as the judge of this city."

Not interested in the errand, the wise man replied:
"Great Pasha, I am not qualified for this position."

Pasha asked, "Why?"

The wise man replied: "If I am telling the truth, I should not be appointed as a judge; if I am lying, can a liar be appointed as a judge?"

This prudent and wise man actually does not want to be the judge of this city. Whether he is modest or not, his logic shows that he cannot be the judge of this city. If he is lying, then a liar cannot Become a judge.So, coerced from both sides, came to the conclusion of "I can't be", and easily declined the Pasha's invitation.

In daily communication activities, especially in the workplace, you must often encounter such a problem: a colleague suddenly asks you to help him with a very difficult job.Agree, it may take several consecutive nights of overtime to complete, and this does not comply with the company's regulations; refuse, it is really embarrassing, after all, we have been colleagues for many years.So, how do you find a reason that will not offend your colleagues and can push this work out smoothly?

You may directly say to your colleagues: "No, just not!" This is definitely not the best choice, and it may make you and your colleagues not even have to be friends in the future.You may also evade and say: "I am not capable enough, but Xiao A is actually more suitable." If you say this, have you ever thought about how a colleague will react when your colleagues tell you what you said to Xiao A?You may also be embarrassed to say: "I'm really too busy." The reason is good, but you can only use it once. When you use it for the second time, you must face suspicious eyes from your colleagues.These do not seem to be the best reasons for refusal, so how to tactfully reject unreasonable requests in the office?Here are some methods.

When you've listened carefully to a co-worker's request and believe you should say no, saying "no" has to be gentle but firm.It's like a pill, but it's easier for people to swallow it if it's coated with sugar.Likewise, a tactful refusal is more acceptable than a straight "no."For example, when the request of the other party is not in line with the company or department regulations, you have to express your work authority tactfully, and imply that if he does this favor himself, it will exceed the scope of his work and violate the company's relevant regulations.On the premise that his work is already full and he can't help, let him know the order of his work, and imply that if he helps him, it will delay his ongoing work and have a greater adverse impact on the company and himself .Generally speaking, when colleagues hear you say this, they will definitely not force you anymore, and will turn to other methods.

(End of this chapter)