the time you love

Chapter 35 Despair is colder than winter (3)
We are relatively speechless, some words never need to be said, and some words are useless even if said.The matter between my father and Jiang Enjie stuck in my heart like a long thorn. The man next to me was tied to the chaotic past. When I saw him, I would think of my father and Jiang Enjie's death.The seven years in my memory, and the secrets he hid from me for seven years, are all exposed to the sun now. I don’t have the slightest anger, but only deep powerlessness. I think it’s impossible to pretend that all these things don’t exist. There is no better way than amnesia.

"Zhou Nuoyan, I thank you. If you hadn't moved on, I really don't know what to do now. Let's go through the divorce procedures tomorrow. We will part ways from now on, and don't see each other again."

"I don't want to divorce you now." He put his face in my palm and said in a pleading tone: "Tourma, can you give birth to the child?"

I looked at him and slowly withdrew my hand, "No, I'm going to knock it off."

That night, he watched over me all night, never leaving me.

Because the fever hadn't subsided, I woke up twice in the middle of the night thirsty, and every time I opened my eyes, he promptly passed the water glass and straw to my mouth.I advised him to rest, but he refused.

He went to the morning meeting the next day, and I consciously ate the breakfast delivered by the nurse. After she cleared away the dishes, I changed into my own clothes and left the hospital.

In the taxi, I sent a text message to Zhou Nuoyan.

Ji Xiaoju called my cell phone and asked me to go to the company for a meeting at ten o'clock in the morning to discuss the shooting of the second series of Two Life Flowers.When I arrived in a hurry, He Amber was already there, and it could be seen that she attached great importance to this cooperation.I sat down beside He Amber and said in a low voice, "Let's go together later, I have something to tell you."

She raised her eyebrows silently as a response.

Because I have cooperated before, this time I am very familiar with it. The main thing is to discuss working hours with He Amber. She is not from the company, so the salary is high, and everything has to be accommodated.

I talked to RAY in private and told him what I thought.

"You don't want to take this job?" He was surprised and asked me why.

I thought about it and said frankly, "I'm pregnant."

He was startled for a moment, then reacted and congratulated me, and then said: "Tourma, if it's your physical problem, I can make appropriate adjustments, such as advancing or shortening the shooting schedule, putting you first in everything, and putting your few The group of shots is gathered together, and the shooting is divided into several days, and I will arrange the rest, so you can see it?"

"It seems that I have caused you trouble again, thank you!" I have a contract with the company, and it is impossible to completely cancel it, and in my current situation, I have to hold on to this contract first whether I do abortion or not. Work, it is no longer a icing on the cake for me, but a necessity for survival.Later, I heard from Ji Xiaoju that the company usually stipulates that its models are not allowed to become pregnant during the validity period of the contract, but because I was temporarily photographed by the company at that time, I was hired to shoot two life flowers, and I was already married at that time. Therefore, many harsh regulations were not explained in advance, and it is hard to say now.

Sitting in He Amber's car, I leaned on the seat and felt my stomach start to churn again.

"What's the matter? Tell me." At the end, she added reluctantly, "It's definitely not good for you to find me."

I pondered for a moment, then cut directly to the topic, "Have you heard of Jiang Enjie?"

Her face changed drastically, but she pretended to be calm and asked, "Who? I don't know."

I knew she was lying, so I simply said: "Her family members came to her."

"What?" She straightened up abruptly, furious, "They're looking for you? Why? I haven't settled with them yet!"

I grabbed her arm and asked nervously: "You know what's going on, don't you? What happened between Dad and Jiang Enjie? Did Jiang Enjie really commit suicide for Dad?"

The corner of her mouth twitched twice, and she threw my hand away, "I don't know what happened, it's useless if you ask me, that female student is going to die or live, so what does it matter to Dad?"

"You clearly know something, otherwise why are you panicking!" I could see that her expression was different. He Hupo's ability to lie is very good, but she has a bad problem, that is, she can easily reveal it naturally when she is angry.

She stared at me for a while, and said: "I only know that the female student pursued my father crazily back then, and later committed suicide by jumping off a building. After the incident, the school almost expelled my father because of public opinion. It was annoying at that time, and my mother didn't let me. After going out, I really don’t know what will happen afterwards, no one dares to mention it, people are forgetful.”

"What about mom? Did she say anything? You always know when you go home every day, right?" It is a militarized management model, and often cannot go home once a week.He Amber was in high school at that time and was a day student.

She gave me a blank look: "Do you think my parents will discuss it in front of me?"

I was speechless.My mother is soft on the outside and strong on the inside. She is calm and calm at any time and anywhere. Even if something big happens, she will not show it on her face.Thinking of this, another basin of cold water was poured down on his head, thinking that he could get the secret from He Amber's mouth.

"Your phone is ringing." Seeing that I was out of my mind, she raised her elbow and poked me.

I slowly took out my phone from my bag, it was Zhou Nuoyan, as expected.I was hesitant to answer it, He Amber leaned her head over to look at it, and asked strangely, "Your husband, why didn't you answer it?"

I ended up cutting the cord.He Amber looked at me inexplicably, opened the door and went out to ask her assistant to get into the car with the driver.My cell phone rang twice again, I didn't have the courage to answer it, and finally turned it off.He Amber took me to her home. She has sold the original house, and the apartment she lives in now may be a newly bought apartment. The area is not very big, but it is by the sea, on the top floor.

Her assistant left after seeing us back.He Amber pointed in the direction of the kitchen and said, "If you want water or food, take it yourself." Then she ran to the room to change clothes.

I was listlessly sitting on the sofa in the living room, and couldn't help thinking that Zhou Nuoyan might be going crazy, but he was nervous about the child in my stomach.He doesn't love me anymore, and he doesn't plan to live with me anymore, why should he be obsessed with this child?According to his conditions, most women are willing to bear children for him.

He Amber ran out of the room, shook her phone and said, "Zhou Nuoyan called, what do you mean?"

"Don't say I'm with you."

She smiled disapprovingly, pressed the answer button, and went to the kitchen to boil water.

I couldn't help pricking up my ears, and when I heard that she really didn't betray me, I slowly let go of my heart.

In the middle of the night, I tossed and turned and couldn't fall asleep. After hesitating for a long time, I turned on my phone.The text messages kept ringing, except for one from Fang Wenlin, all the others were from Zhou Nuoyan.Before I read the text message, Zhou Nuoyan called.I was stunned for a moment, and couldn't bear to cut the thread again, so I had to pick it up.

"Tourmaline, where are you?" His voice was so anxious that it almost seemed to be on fire, before I could answer, he said, "I'm going to find you now and tell me the location."

"Don't come, I don't want to see you." I said in a low voice.

"What problem can you solve by hiding?"

"I have no idea……"

He was silent, only the sound of his rapid breathing was heard.After a while, he said, "It's okay if you don't want to face me, but don't hide from me. You are pregnant, and the fetus is very unstable."

"I told you, I won't keep this child." My tears suddenly fell. When I said this, I was a little bit reluctant, and my heart ached to the extreme. This child came at a really bad time. He had a child's, preferably a boy, with beautiful eyes like his.

but now……

"Tourma, if you really don't want this child, I'll help you find the best gynecologist and let me accompany you."

"No, I'm useless, but I still have courage."

He was silent for a long time, and said, "I'm sorry, I just want to do something for you."

"It's not necessary, I appreciate your kindness."

After hanging up the line, I covered my head with the quilt and cried happily.He Amber came to knock on the door unbearably, I didn't care about her, she was still sad.She took the key and drove in by herself, tore off the quilt, and said, "You worthless guy! When Mom and Dad left, I didn't see you crying like this. The sky is going to fall?"

Sobbing, I pushed back: "You treat your feelings like a game, you win and you are proud of yourself, and if you lose, you find someone to replace you. Who did you really love? You and Zhou Shouxin have been husband and wife for so many years, and you can leave as soon as you say it. Have the slightest affection? You have never given any affection at all!"

She didn't expect that I was still in the mood to quarrel with her, she froze for a moment, and said disdainfully: "Your love is the greatest, okay?"

I stopped talking to her, and when I had finished crying, I looked up and saw that she was still in my room, and asked, "Why don't you go to sleep?"

"You're so noisy, how can I sleep?" She sat next to me with a dignified expression, "Is it related to that female student who jumped off the building back then when you quarreled with Zhou Nuoyan?"

I didn't hide it from her, and told her everything about Jiang En'ai.When it came to the critical moment, her two thin eyebrows raised higher and higher, and finally she jumped up, her reaction was more intense than mine.

"I never expected that Zhou Nuoyan approached us with other motives!" She seemed to be terrified, her eyes widened.After a while, I gradually calmed down and asked me again: "What are you going to do? Are you going to hide like this for the rest of your life? I'll take you in for a few days at most. Zhou Nuoyan is so smart that he may come to you at any time."

"We're getting a divorce," I said after a moment of hesitation. "He's got other women."

"What? How is this possible?" He Amber was shocked and was speechless for a while, as if the news was more explosive than the one just now.

I stayed up all night, and I went to Fang Wenlin's early in the morning. I only told her that I was married and homeless. Like He Amber, she found it incredible, but generously expressed that I was welcome to come over at any time.She also helped me go back to get my luggage, and it happened that Zhou Nuoyan was at home. She scolded him severely, and told me when she came back, and comforted me by saying that it is hard to find three-legged toads in this world. less?But when I told her about my pregnancy, she looked at me with such pity that I could hardly bear it.

The work schedule came down quickly, the tasks were not heavy, and RAY took good care of me. I finished the shoot in a week. After that, I lived in a simple place and reduced contact with the outside world. I didn’t dare to let others know about my relationship with Zhou Nuoyan. , for fear of being asked why, if there is another headline, I am afraid that we will not survive.

Once I went to the company to get a sample booklet, and I met Shen Su at the elevator entrance. I took the initiative to say hello to him. Since Christmas Eve, I have never talked to him alone. So far, there is nothing to say.

He looked at me and said softly, "You've lost weight."

I smiled: "Well, I've been losing weight recently."

Of course he didn't believe it, but he didn't say anything.

My floor arrived and I said goodbye to him.He stopped me suddenly and said, "I'm going back to Paris at the end of the month, the meaning of the headquarters."

"Oh, very good, have a good trip!" I said sincerely.

He hesitated for a while, and finally said: "Tourma, I will wait for you in Paris, if one day, you figure it out, tell me anytime, you have my private email, it is reserved for you."

Looking at his still obsessed gaze, I twitched the corners of my lips: "How many years are you going to wait for me? Shen Su, don't say a lifetime, a lifetime is too long, no one can predict it, maybe you are now swearing that you will wait for me next time." After a month or a year, you don’t want to wait anymore, love is always elusive, who dares to promise to love only one person in their life? Let’s do it and cherish it, take care.”

I haven't done the abortion all the time, I made an appointment, and I made excuses to turn it down again and again.

I'm thinking about a question, why don't I want this child?Is it because of Zhou Nuoyan's betrayal, or because he adopted me with bad intentions? If it's the former, I didn't give birth to this child specially for him, it also belongs to me.If the latter, what does that have to do with children?Why should I stifle its right to live?

Fang Wenlin hated iron and steel to me, and said, you want to delay until the day you can't fight, right?She used to think that Zhou Nuoyan was good at everything, but when she found out that he was unfaithful, her attitude towards him immediately turned 180 degrees. She is much calmer and more rational than me.

However, her words reminded me that when I consulted a doctor, she worried that I might not be able to keep the child due to physical reasons.

They come, the security.

I am determined to keep this kid and be a single mom.

(End of this chapter)